Chapter 95: Reflection

 

On a flying ship that was still heading northbound, were thousands and thousands of people eating a meal. This would have been a perfectly normal scene, if the people who were eating were not so out of place. They were not just eating in the cafeteria, but on the upper decks, lower decks, the stairs, the hallways, the storage, the magical engine rooms, etc. 

 

Above all however, their plates and diet consisted of only meat. Moreover, some did not even have plates. There was simply a drumstick of chicken in some people’s hands, and nothing else.  

 

Seven days ago, those left from the remaining fleets flocked to the commander’s vessel during the last few seconds of battle, and crammed themselves into all the decks available on the ship.

 

Luckily, the commander’s vessel was quite larger than the rest, but even then the space was limited, which led to overpopulation. Individual rooms were filled with three to four men and women, while non-warriors had to endure sleeping with seven other crew members. 

 

That explained why there were so many people eating their meals all over the ship, but why were they only eating meat? 

 

Seconds after Zan deactivated his abilities, he fell to the ground weakly. In the next moment, his stomach audibly rumbled like a miniature earthquake, and Lloyd shouted at his fleet to rush him to the cafeteria. 

 

Luckily they were just on time, and the red haired man gorged himself on fruits and vegetables. There was also cooked and dried meats, but he avoided them like the plague. It was weird, since they thought he would like meat…

 

Anyway, the portions at hand were not enough, so he raided the food storages, devouring all that he could in sight until he fell into a deep slumber. 

 

Of course he did not eat everything. The storages had foods to last them for weeks, and those portions were enough to cover thousands of individuals. The problem however, was that he ate enough to which they needed to properly ration them, and additionally, there were simply more people they needed to spread those rations with. 

 

Buried in a variety of fruits and vegetables, Zan fell into a deep slumber in the food storages.

 

Lloyd also collapsed from exhaustion shortly after. 

 

The veteran swordsman had a will of steel, that would not let him rest until he was sure that everything was truly safe. Needless to say, he had been holding back his body's desire to pass out.

 

He was carried to the commander’s chambers, and Lara and the remaining priests and priestesses took command temporarily, while the two slept blissfully. 

 

…

 

Lloyd awoke. It was night time as he looked out from his own personal balcony. The commander’s chambers, after all, were quite luxurious. And no one dared to sleep inside there, except for maybe his sister. 

But she was in her own room. 

 

The swordsman breathed out deeply and calmly, before inspecting his sword. There were cracks all over the blade, and why wouldn’t there be? Its current state was not akin to someone gluing all the thousand fragments back into one. 

 

He felt pity for his trusty best friend, but at the same time…perhaps it was time to forge a new blade. 

 

“Forward…” 

 

The long haired man looked at the yellow tassel, feeling as if there was less “life” in it now. To him it now seemed…inanimate. Well, it was an object so of course it would be. But… 

 

“Maybe I’m just imagining things?” 

 

“No…” 

 

The swordsman raised his thousand fragmented sword to a little above eye-level, in the same position that his lover placed it. In this view, it was easy for them to see the whole blade so that they could properly examine it, before it shattered into a thousand pieces. 

 

‘Was that on purpose? No. It had to be.’ He thought to himself resolutely. 

 

Back then it was a sword painted in misery, grief, sorrow and regret. Now that it had shattered with the help of both his lover and Zan, it was now broken but also free of its previous colors. It was a blank slate, waiting for him to begin anew. Waiting for him to exert his will, and choose what colors of the universe he wanted to paint the world with. 

 

“I promise…” The man’s voice filled the night skies while silencing the whistling winds. His sword trembling from his hands. 

 

“I will live differently.” Tears unconsciously fell from his eyes. Although there was a lump in his throat, the words were said with a powerful resolve. 

 

Time passed by as the swordsman stood in silence. 

 

He took some time to fully collect himself, before he moved to observe the overall situation surrounding the fleet.

 

Apart from the lack of space and dwindling food storages, the temporary shift to command was doing well. The lack of space was something they simply had to endure, while the lack of food could be easily solved by landing a few times on the ground to hunt and forage. 

 

Though, they did have to turn around and get out of the Northern Wastelands. The dangers here were enough to render it a forbidden zone, even though only the higher ups and elites were privy to that information. Lloyd did not know exactly what dangers lurked here, but as long as Lara and the others did not go in too deep it should be fine. 

 

For the most part however they were handling it well enough that Lloyd simply did not have to act. So…he did not. The mellow swordsman took this time to laze in his chambers, acting as if he was still sleeping whenever he heard the turning of his door knob… 

 

Like this, the valiant commander escaped three days of work, until he was finally caught by his sister and forced back into labor. 

 

At the same time that Lloyd was found out to be avoiding his duties, Zan had awoken. 

 

“Mm.” 

 

“A good sleep.” 

 

The youth climbed out of a mountain of fruit and vegetables. There were many delicacies here that he had never seen before. All kinds of fruit and vegetables that had similar and new flavors compared to the ones he ate before. There was this one fruit that was shaped like a watermelon, but when he took a bite of the pulp, it tasted like banana. 

 

The first thing he did after waking, was to look for his handy friend. Zan did not know already how many times that Quin helped him. And this time, he took a possibly fatal blow for him, being seriously injured in the process. 

 

The youth searched, but luckily he was not too hard to find. The reanimated hand was in his eldritch form, where he laid out flat on his back. Well, the back of his hand-body. 

 

Next to him were the remains of the ship’s last provisions of potatoes. It seemed in the time that Zan rested, Quin also took this time to recover. 

 

The young man breathed out a sigh of relief, and in that breath he released a mix of both tension and guilt. 

 

He felt tense at what he would do if the hand was not healed. After all he was a fighter, not a healer. 

 

At the same time though, he also felt guilty that the gray hand had to help him so many times because of his own inadequacy. 

 

The youth sat down to ponder and reflect on his own experiences. Thinking about the choices he made in the past, and the choices he wanted to make in the future. There was a lot to digest. 

 

Zan for one, felt indebted. He did not know what consequences would have taken place if his heart was destroyed by that strike, but he did know that Quin still sacrificed himself to keep him safe. For this, the young man would help him in any way that he could. 

 

Above glory, strength and pride, was honor. All people lived by a code whether it was fair or lawless, and repaying kindness with kindness was something that Zan lived by. 

 

The only way Zan knew how to repay Quin however, was to fight and kill a higher existence than himself. That demonic spider, which the orb in his visions alluded to being immensely strong. Even so however, the two had already established a promise in the past, and Zan challenging something stronger than himself was something he would do without fear or hesitation. Only now he was extra motivated. 

 

However in the midst of all of that was another conflict. 

 

Zan stared at the gray skin of his hands, and then his body. Unconsciously those same firm, steady, and unwavering hands started to tremble, and he felt extremely nauseous in his stomach as if he wanted to puke. 

 

However he knew for sure it was too late to do so. He had eaten someone alive, devoured their flesh while they were still living, and absorbed it into himself in a fraction of less than a second. 

 

Each time the pounds of meat and flowing red blood went down his throat and entered his stomach, they were instantly absorbed and turned into his energy. Thinking about how this body regenerated from that man’s eaten flesh, made him sick. His disgusting acts were literally a part of him now. 

 

The young man started to realize the consequences of taking shortcuts in his hunger for power. 

 

Thoughts raced in his head as he thought about what to do. Should he get rid of it? This cursed but powerful body?  

 

He was conflicted, for a part of him did not want to. The strength and power that flowed through his veins, and the mighty force that trembled in his muscles, to him it was everything he ever wanted. 

 

He was not totally intent on discarding his body, and as far as he knew that would mean discarding all of his flesh from the neck down. 

 

Though even if he could do that with the help of Mila, neither he, nor that mad scientist, knew that his mind and spirit complexes had already started to merge with the eldritch flesh. Zan’s instinct to devour would only grow stronger, and soon enough, to reject that ravenous urge within would be similar to telling his body not to breathe. 

 

He had to resolve the hunger somehow. He had to make sure that even if he turned into a beast, he would not become a monster. But how would he do it? Every powerful move that he made expended energy. 

 

Thoughts constantly hammered into his mind and psyche, and subconsciously, he grew hesitant and afraid to even use the energy in his body. 

 

The youth pondered and pondered how he would go about it all. Did he really have to ask that crazy woman to help him again? Well, she did save his life and gave him this body. Though, it was exactly that reason why he was hesitant to look for her again. Without a doubt she would only become more unhinged if he were to look for her. Letting her have free reign to conduct unholy practices on him might fully turn him into an abomination. 

 

Though…the young man did not know he already was one. 

 

Zan sat on the ground while looking at the ceiling. Finally, he was putting use to the brain he was given by god. 

 

“Hmmm…” 

 

“Ohh!” 

 

An idea appeared in his head. It was a temporary measure but it could bring him comfort and calm should he do it. 

 

“...Wait! I fucking left it!” 

 

–sigh– 

 

“I can get another on—” 

 

Zan’s eyes went wide, as a terrible feeling welled up within his chest. Immediately the youth kicked the metal doors of the food storage open, sending them flying. He started to sprint to the upper decks of the ship…