“You can’t be serious.” Adrian gave me an incredulous look.

“What? It’s a good idea! You can’t tell me you’re *not* interested!” I told him.

The moment Bryce had given me the okay, I’d rushed to see if I couldn’t catch Adrian before he left. I invited him to come with me to visit the Art club. This felt like exactly what he might need. A place to express himself, explore further this skill and hobby he’s been developing!

Though he didn’t seem all that enthusiastic about it.

“Yes, I can.” He responded to me, before staring me blank in the face. “I’m not interested.”

I groaned internally. “It’s not a big deal or anything, I’m just saying I think you should give it a try!” 

“I just don’t do clubs.” He continues, walking past me. “I know the types that do, and I'm not one of them.”

“You don't know that! I don't know about other places, but the *Art* club has gotta have people like you!” I hit back. “People who like to draw and stuff! You might get along with them!”

Adrian lays a hand on his forehead, turning back around the face me. “Like I keep telling you, it’s just a thing I do, it’s not a hobby.”

“And don’t you want to get better at it?”

“Not particularly, no.”

“Then…” I wasn’t sure where to go with this. He’s insistent, but I also don’t want to give up on the idea. I really think he can pick himself back up, if he just tries… 

I breathe in. “...Look, I’m just asking for it this once. You have nothing to lose. If it doesn’t go well, then whatever, you’re right and you go back home. And if it does? Then that’s only a positive, right?”

“...”

“And… hey, *I*’ll be there too.” I continued, shrugging awkwardly. “It can’t be that bad if you already know somebody there.”

“...How long does this have to be?” Adrian finally asked.

I shrugged. Bryce was only dragging me there to show me something dumb he’d made, it’s dependent entirely on how conversations there would go. “Maybe 30 minutes? Tops?”

“...Fine.” He let out a sigh. “I’ll just leave if I don’t like it.”

“Great!” I exclaimed, clasping my hands together. “Pretty sure they’re still waiting for me, so let’s get going.”

I could swear I noticed Adrian roll his eyes, but off we went on our way.

 

---

 

The door to the Art club was open when we showed up. I don’t think I expected anything else. When I’d asked Bryce if I could bring a friend, I excused myself so I could have the talk with Adrian, while my ex opted to wait for me back at the club. Frankly, I totally could have ditched if I wanted to, but I guess leaving Bryce to wait for a long while would be a bit needlessly cruel. 

Besides, trying to see if I can’t get Adrian some friends was my current objective.

“Oh, Pen!” Naturally, Bryce was the first to notice my presence. He was sitting at a chair on the other side of the room, but he had the beeline eyesight that went straight to the doorway. He jogged on over.

There were other people in here too, of course. Various members of the Art club, I presume. I knew Bryce was a member here, of course, him being my boyfriend for a while. Though I’d never been too acquainted with any of the others here. Still, I wouldn't be surprised if he's mentioned me before...

“Heyyyy, Bryce.” I said back, though my smile was half hearted. I did promise him I’d at least follow along for a bit, so I figured it was better to be polite, even if I still planned to reject him later. He was the one inviting us to visit here, after all.

It looked like he was about to say something, when he eyed Adrian standing next to me. “Umm, is this your friend?” Bryce asked, sounding confused.

“Yeah, why?” I answered.

“And just your… friend, right?” He continued. 

I furrowed my brow, “I mean, I guess so.” I eyed Adrian for a second, “We’re mostly just lab partners, really.”

He nodded slowly, though still giving Adrian what appeared to be a suspicious look. “Alright, if you say so…” He said. “I dunno, just thought you meant one of your other friends.”

I’m guessing he was talking about Irene. I suppose she was kind of a guard dog the last time I talked with him. Still, he didn’t need to be so suspicious of him. 

I looked back at Adrian for a moment. He hadn’t said a word yet, and judging by the look in his eye… he was feeling uncomfortable. I nudged him a bit, “Hey, no worries. I’ll take care of introducing you.” 

He looked at me like I was crazy.

Without warning, Bryce grabbed my shoulder and grinned. Okay, I did not consent to that. “You haven’t met the others yet, have you? I’ll introduce you.”

I politely grabbed his hand and took it off, without dropping my polite smile. “Sure.”

He went through the motions, naming each of the club members here. There was Duke, this goth/emo kid off in the corner working on something (I can’t tell the difference). Lee was a tall and handsome fellow sketching something as he sat by the windowsill, offering a wave. Hazel and Piper were mixing some paint colors together at a counter, the former having some splatters on her clothes. There were also apparently two others that just weren't here today.

But lastly, there was a short and mousey girl standing politely and offering me a hand. “I’m Nora. It’s nice to meet you” She had pretty big glasses, and one of those cute berets on top of her head, along with a long braid coming down from her shoulder. “Bryce has mentioned you before.” 

My smile doesn’t flinch as I shake her hand. Those words didn’t faze me in the slightest. Frankly, why should I expect any different? “I’m sure he has.”

“Who’s your friend, by the way?” Nora asked.

Adrian gave me a look. He seemed unsure.

Alright fine. Social Penny, activate!

“This is Adrian! He’s my lab partner in biology!” I say, tugging him a bit closer. “Actually… I brought him because I thought he might be interested in checking this place out!” I added.

“H-Hey, hold on-” Adrian protested.

Nora smiled, putting her hands together. “Oh! Well that’s alright, we’re always interested if someone wants to join. Do you have any experience?”

My friend hesitated, “W-Well, um…”

“He does!” I decide to interrupt. “He’s been sketching in his notebook for… what, how long?” I look at him for a moment, considering it. He hasn’t mentioned that part yet. “But like, my point is he’s good at it! He did these flowers for our assignment.” I nudge at him, “Come on, show them!”

Adrian huffed out a light groan, leaning down to whisper, “We literally just turned it in, remember?” 

Oh. 

Okay, hold on, I can improvise. “Er- But you still have some other stuff I saw before, you can show that at least!” 

I meet his eyes. He still had an unsure look in them, but I wanted to try and get the message across. 'I have your back.'

Nora waved her hand dismissively, “Look, it’s fine if you don’t have a portfolio or anything, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just curious. What's important is having an interest or wanting to learn. We're just teenagers, after all.”

I turned back to look at her, “Right, but-”

“Here.” Adrian suddenly said. He reached into his bag, and pulled out the school notebook he'd been using for biology. “It’s… It’s nothing, really, just something I do during class…”

He handed it to Nora.

He turned his face to look at me, and our eyes met again. He was trying for a self-assured, though still kind of an awkward smile. 

Naturally, I made sure to smile back. I was kind of proud of him for that.

“Yeah, this isn’t too bad at all.” Nora mused, flipping through the pages. Finally, she stopped on one. “Hey, is that Nobara from Jujutsu Kaisen?”

The who from the what-now?

“Umm, yeah.” Adrian answered. “Been watching it recently. That’s kinda what I try to do usually, something from a game I've played or an anime I’ve seen.”

Nora laughed, “I like doing that too. Trust me, you’re far from alone with that.”

Ahh, that makes sense. I never got that far into anime. I mean, there was some stuff I watched a while back, but it was one of those nerdier interests that just never flourished for me.

“Hey, Lee.” The art girl called, “Wanna check out this guy’s sketches?”

The fellow jumped down to the ground, “Sure.”

Nora flipped to another page, “I get it being shy about these things. I was too, once upon a time. Especially if you’re still kinda new at it…” She looked up to face Adrian. “But that’s what places like these are for!”

Lee at this point got a look through the pages too. “Yeah, this is kinda good.” He noted.

“Um, wow, thanks.” Was all Adrian could say. I could tell he still felt a bit awkward, but at least he was being more talkative. 

Closing the book, Lee gestured with his hand. “Come on, I’ll show you some of my stuff. I do a lot of sketches too.”

Adrian seemed surprised by this offer. “Sure, I don’t mind.” The three went off to another corner of the room. 

I didn’t follow behind. It seemed like Adrian was doing well enough for now, and also…

I glanced to my side, at Bryce. He’d been silent as we introduced ourselves to Nora and talked to her about Adrian’s drawings, but he was still here, and I knew why. 

Bryce jutted his head in another direction. “So, shall we…?”

I nodded, though I had dropped my smile. Oh boy. I was dreading this, but let’s get it over with.

He led me to where he’d been standing earlier, when Adrian and I initially entered. There was something draped over what I assumed was one of those stands for a canvas. There were several of those stands in the room, and the bottom of the stand was still pretty visible, so it didn’t take a detective to figure out.

Here we go.

“So anyway,” Bryce began. “Basically, I’ve been working on something for the past week. Because you know how I said I wanted to prove to you how much I care?”

I nodded, though with an unamused expression. 

“Well, here it is…” He pulled the draping over, and…

It was me. 

It was a drawn portrait of myself, on a 12x16 inch canvas. 

Well, about as close as a 17-year old could get, anyway. I knew Bryce was in the Art club, but I also knew he was here more to try and learn rather than to cultivate any specific skills he already had. Really, I suspect it was amateurish even by some low standards.

…Still, I could recognize the effort. I grimaced just having to admit that to myself. He had my eye shape weirdly well, the shape of my lips too, my nose. I liked the way the strokes of whatever pencil he used flowed through my hair. It was honestly framed pretty nice, too. It was… It…

…It’s my profile picture on facebook.

God, how didn’t I notice it…? It wasn’t a portrait, it was a specific angle. A specific expression he was copying. He even copied the few details of my outfit that were visible on the picture! No wonder I’d somehow recognized that this kinda looked like me, he’d taken straight from one of the image of myself I see the most every day!

The more I thought about it, the more it also just... rubbed me the wrong way. A part of me liked big gestures, and Bryce knew that, but this...? Especially after I'd already made it pretty clear that we were over, it just felt kinda creepy... This needed to stop.

I could only sigh, holding my hand to my forehead. “...You can’t keep doing this.”

“...What?” Bryce looked at me, confused.

“Th-This!” I gestured to the painting. “This whole… thing you’re doing!” God, how do I even put this all into words?

“This?” He nodded to the artwork. “I just told you, I’m trying to prove that-”

“Prove what?!” I exclaimed. “That you remember what my face looks like?!”

“...”

I groan, “...Irene was right. She was so right…"

“Look, I-”

“You always do this.” I continued. “Not just with the poem last week, but like our entire relationship! It’s like you barely know any other language. And now that it's over, you think you can just keep doing it to fix things!”

Bryce furrows his brows, “I’m putting effort into this, don’t you see I’m trying to-?”

“Effort?! That’s my profile picture!” I gesture to the portrait. “What you call effort was putting your phone next to the damn thing and copying the shapes of my face!”

“I needed a muse, is that a crime?!” He argued, offended at my remark.

“A picture of me is not a muse!”

“And what else would I do, huh?! You haven’t exactly been in the mood to talk to me lately!”

"Of course I haven't! I've been trying to tell you it was over between us for more than a week!" I vented. "You're being desperate! Just quit it already before you make yourself look like some creep!"

"You gave up and just left back then when I was trying to talk! I'm trying to fix things between us, without even knowing what the hell was actually broken enough to break up over!"

"And you do *this*?!"

"Again, what am I even supposed to do here? You told me yourself that you liked romantic gestures, I'm trying to appeal to *you*!"

“I don’t know- You could have just done *something* else, I guess!” I hold my hands in the air over my hand, as if to contain the insanity I was feeling. 

Bryce scoffed, and we were left with a momentary silence.

“...Do you even remember why we broke up?” I finally asked. "Why we started arguing that night?"

“What? Of course I do, why do you need to bring that up now?” He answered, glancing to the other side of the room. It probably wasn’t worth bringing up the specifics of what happened in private in a room with other people.

“Because this is exactly the problem.” I explained. “You just… It feels like you don't actually see me or listen to me.”

“...What?”

“You make these big gestures, trying to show how much you care. But you just don’t.” I flatly state.

“You can’t say that-”

“Oh, but I can. I mean, come on! I get it, I know I told you I liked these kinds of things, but…” I looked at the picture again. Above all else it just felt… fake. It was artificial. Crafted as if to copy something else.

“It’s sweet, in a way. But you know what would actually have been sweet?” I ask, meeting him directly in the eye. “If you’d painted how *you’d* saw me. If you were able to show how you truly felt and cared about me, as a person.”

I turned to look at the portrait again. “I don’t know… It’s just, stuff like my profile picture is how I want the *world* to see me. That smile isn’t a smile, it’s the way I curl my lips when I’m looking at a camera.” I stare back at Bryce. “I’d hope someone who said they loved me would be able to know the difference, at least.”

“...”

The room feels quiet. Glancing to the other side of the room, I spied Nora, Lee and Adrian looking in our direction. They averted their eyes, but I could tell. God, have we been drawing attention to ourselves this entire time? A part of me was trying to keep quiet, but there were definitely some louder remarks in there. “...I’m sorry.” I look down in embarrassment. “Point is, this isn’t gonna work. This…” I gesture between us, “was never gonna work.” 

And I felt like a fool for ever thinking it did. I thought it was just my identity that would have made it impossible to manage, when maybe it was just already faulty from the start.

…Bryce takes a step forward.

He takes my hand, and lifts it up. “Then why can’t you give it a chance?” He asked. “Maybe things weren’t right, sure. But why don’t we just try it again, then? Do it right this time. Take things more seriously.”

I paused.

“You want me to see you?” Bryce continued, a genuine pleading look in his eyes. “Then let me see you…”

...It’s funny, the same spiel actually had me hesitating just earlier today. But it all just felt even emptier now.

I refused to even meet his eyes. “...Goodbye.”

I pulled my hand away, then stormed off. 

 

---

 

I sat at a stairwell, arms around my knees. I spent a minute tearing up, letting out some of my emotions, but it had stopped for now.

…Was that cruel, what I did?

…No, it should’ve been fine. I did what Bryce asked of me and saw his dumb ugly picture of me. And then I left. I don't owe him anything.

Adrian should be fine, too. The thing with him went almost too well. Sure, he seemed a bit uncomfortable at the start, and my fight with Bryce might have made things awkward, but he appeared to be getting along surprisingly well. Nora and Lee seemed friendly, they had art and some anime stuff in common. Maybe they were already initiating him right now, or whatever club kids do.

…A smile encroached on my mouth. I hope he was happy.

I guess I just still felt like a complete idiot. I’d told myself I was moving on from Bryce, sure, but now it felt like the illusion had really shattered. The girls were right, we weren’t that good of a couple. I just liked hearing those sweet nothings from him, having that special attention. The truth is, that guy barely knows how to actually keep a girlfriend. I wonder if he even had the self-awareness to understand how weird he was being about this.

...But it's still a bit hard to think that. Even if I'm seeing more problems now, I only broke up with him at first because I was terrified of him eventually finding out about me. Some of the things he said still rung within me. 'Let me see you.' That idiot...

No, I'm the idiot, for ever falling for any of that. I'm probably one of the dumbest girls in the world…

God damn it, and now some of the tears are coming back. I wish I could just shut my feelings off and move on sometimes…

The sound of footsteps could be heard approaching.

Oh god damn it. I was hoping Bryce wouldn’t try chasing after me or some bullshit. I didn’t want to deal with him, especially if he saw me like this. I got ready to stand up and leave.

“...There you are.” 

I looked up, it was Adrian.

“Wh… What are you doing here?” I asked. Shit, I definitely sounded like I’d been sobbing earlier. I try to wipe some more of the tears away.

“Looking for you, obviously…” He looked to the side, probably feeling awkward saying that. I wouldn't blame him, especially if he noticed I'd been crying too.

“You’re not gonna… talk to the others?” I continued asking. “I thought you were getting along with them.”

Adrian sat down next to me and shrugged. “They’re fine, I guess. I just don’t like being around a lot of people for too long…”

I nod, sure, that makes sense.

“I dunno, keeping up with them felt exhausting pretty fast.” He finished. "Thought I needed a break..."

...Right, he’s still a natural introvert. Should’ve figured.

“But still,” Adrian continued. “They’re cool with me using the room and all the stuff there if I want, and to hit them up if I need anything. They even invited me to join, but I said no.”

I was surprised to hear that. “What, why?”

He looked at me. “I have a job, remember?”

Oh… right.

“I try to take a shift a couple times a week, and the days kinda fluctuate, so well… I figured fitting in a weekly meetup and stuff just doesn’t mesh with my schedule.” He sighed. "I'd rather have a bit more free time, I guess."

Right, I should’ve thought of that. I feel stupid. Of course Adrian might not just have the time for this with his job and his gaming hobby and stuff...

“Prolly would’ve taken them up on it otherwise, though…” He fixed his gaze upwards, leaning back. “I’ll give you this, you were right. Somehow. It actually… kinda worked out that way. Didn’t expect that.”

I smiled. It was good to know he still got something out of it. I was proven right in the end.

“But you know what I expected even less?” Adrian sat back up with a sigh, looking back at me. “To have to watch that whole mess earlier. You didn't mention that this 'friend' of yours was an ex-boyfriend.”

…I admit, that was always questionable, looking back. “Yeah… I’m sorry things went bad like that, I didn’t think they would.” It was embarrassing. Adrian and the others heard and saw probably half of that.

"Don't be, the others kinda filled me in." He responded. "Honestly? He sounds desperate. Kinda cringe, too."

I gave an unsure chuckle. From that perspective, I guess that was kinda true. “I actually didn’t even want to go initially, but…” I continued, “I dunno, I thought you needed something like this. Figured I could use the opportunity.” I shrugged.

“Mm…” Adrian looked down, thinking to himself.

We let the silence linger for a while… 

I’d finished drying my tears, so it was time I head out. “Well, I’m glad things worked out for you, at least. I’m gonna-”

“Why though?” Adrian suddenly asked.

I looked back at him, confused. I had almost stood up, but his question had frozen me in my tracks and I sat back down. His position hadn’t changed, he still had his gaze cast downward.

“Why… do all of that? Dragging me over there, I mean.” He continued. 

“...”

“You didn’t need to. Hell, you said you didn’t even want to go at first. You really didn’t have to put yourself out there like that and deal with an ex just because you thought you could get me to join some club.” He grunted, finally returning his gaze in my direction. “Seriously.”

It was my turn to look away, avoid his gaze. I should’ve known he’d ask something like this. He’s right, we barely even knew each other. Or he thought we did. We were just lab partners, who’d worked on a single assignment together. I had no reason to care about how he was doing.

…I had to choose my words carefully. I didn’t want to tell him the truth, about our past he didn't know we had and how I felt guilty. But… I didn’t want to tell a complete lie. I felt… like he deserved at least that much.

“...I used to know someone like you.” I finally muttered.

Adrian perked his eyebrows.

“Spent a lot of time alone, didn't talk to too many people in their day-to-day life. Just kinda hopeless like that… rarely even tried.”

“...” Adrian looked up at a wall.

"They didn't really fully understand why. Some part of them just accepted it, that that's just who they were."

"..."

I breathed in. “...But one day, they met someone. A someone who, despite everything, reached out. A friend.”

“...” Despite being silent, I could tell he was listening.

“The friendship didn’t exactly last, but… in that time, this person found comfort in it. Despite everything they thought could be wrong with their life, there was someone who had found some value in them. Someone... they thought was able to see what others couldn't.”

“...”

“So later, they had a bit more confidence. Even when the friend was gone, they started… reaching back out. They made themselves a fresh slate and then came out of their shell, started getting along better with the people around them."

"..."

"They… were finally becoming who they were always meant to be, reaching their true potential.”

“...And this person… is a friend of yours?”

I turn to look at him judgmentally. “I’m not making it up.” I sighed, “Well, I guess it wouldn’t matter if it’s real or not. But like, you get my point.”

I pause, “I just think… maybe you haven’t had the chance to do the same. Maybe you need someone reaching out, pushing you to think about your own potential..."

“...” Adrian stayed silent for a moment, evidently in thought. “I guess I get what you mean.”

“...”

“...Basically, you have a savior complex.”

I flash him another judgmental look.

Adrian smirks, “What?” After another second, he put it down and wore a more serious expression. “Look, I get what you’re going for, but I don't know if people just… change like that. Magically get better at 'personing' just cuz you believe in yourself. At least, that’s not what I’ve ever believed.” 

“Hm…” I think to myself.

“We’re… cursed to be the same. Wherever we go. However things go. From birth to adulthood. There's no such thing as a 'fresh slate,' you're still always going to be the same person, deep down.” He scratches the back of his neck. “I guess there are things you can do to make it better, go for some potential or whatever, but some of us are just stuck with a shittier lot than others."

I frown, “You don’t really mean that, do you?” I wasn't expecting that kind of pessimism...

Though I guess I get it. I had a transition, a very literal change in the way I lived and saw myself. Hell, looking back some part of my problems had always been dysphoria's fault. Meanwhile I never had any reason to assume Adrian was anything other than a cis guy. Our circumstances *were* kinda different, thinking more. I guess I just still wanted to return the favor somehow...

Adrian shrugged. “That’s just how I’ve always felt.” He pauses. “But I dunno, you're right maybe about trying out new things. I think it’s kinda stupid to think all that stuff, but you had some good points.”

“Wha-?! I’m not stupid!” I refuted.

“Stupid says what?” He cocked another smirk at me.

…I almost opened my mouth. Almost. “...Nice try, you’re not getting me with that!” I cross my arms.

Adrian shrugged, still smirking. “Worth a shot.”

“Hmph.” I huffed, pretending to not find this amusing. Yeah, I wasn't dumb...

“Anyway, let’s-”

Suddenly, another trail of footsteps approached.

Nora emerged from the corner. “There you guys are!”

What, again?

“Um, we’re fine, by the way.” I told her. “We’re just trying to have a chat, after that whole thing…”

“Huh?” Nora seemed confused, “Oh! Yeah, no I figured. I thought you’d be fine, I came since I just remembered…”

She reached into her bag, and pulled up a… small poster?

Nora looked at Adrian. “I was thinking of mentioning it to you earlier, but then you kinda left to go look for Penny, so…”

Wait, he actively ditched the conversation saying he was coming looking for me? I thought he just needed a breathing room...

“Anyway,” She handed the poster to Adrian, who rolled it out.

I recognized some of the art, the logos, the characters. I knew it all *too* well, actually...

“A… Smash Bros. tournament…?” Adrian questioned.

No way, I hadn’t noticed any of these around. An ad for a local meet?

“It’s just a small thing. My brother’s hosting, and he asked me to put these up today when I was done at the club.” Nora explained. “You seem like the type of guy who’d be into that stuff, and since you’re trying to get out there, well… I thought it seemed pretty perfect.”

She was right. It wasn’t like Adrian had mentioned it to Penny yet, but I knew he played the game. Hell, I played it too. We did it together a lot, back in the day. 

Adrian looked at me.

I wasn’t sure what he was looking for from me. “What? She’s right, go do it!” I encourage him. “Do you play the game on the poster?”

“I do, but…” He looks at the poster again. “This says it’s a tag team tournament. I’d need a partner if I wanted to sign up.”

Oh.

“Can’t you find someone there?” I ask. “Someone who might also be missing someone?”

Nora shook her head. “No can do, my brother wants to have the whole brackets set up beforehand. The QR code links to a google form doc, he wants to have all the names ready by Friday night.”

Adrian looked at me again. What? Oh no, please don’t tell me…

“I don’t suppose you happen to play this game too, do you?”

I shook my head. Okay, maybe it was a bit of a lie, but it was also true. I hadn't touched the game in months. Sure I knew all the controls and mechanics intricately, but was I playing it? Pshah! Nope!

He sighed, pointing his thumb at me. “I guess put me down with her.”

“Wha-?! I just told you I didn’t play the game!”

Adrian leaned his head on his knuckle. “Yeah, and that’s the best I can get, apparently. Not like we need to win or anything. Hell, I'd be down for the challenge.”

“Umm…” Shit, how did I find a way out of this?

“Or what,” He smirked. “Your little savior complex run out?” He asked, nudging at me. “Doing stuff like this is what you wanted me to do, isn’t it? Meet people like me?”

…Ugh, he was right. Fuck it. “Fine, put us down.” I turned to look at Adrian, “Actually, when is this? It’s not gonna mess with your job, is it?”

He shrugged, “It shouldn’t. It’s Saturday evening, I don’t usually get called out to work that late on the weekend. If I do, we just ditch.”

I nodded. Alright, makes sense…

“Okay! Again, just scan the QR code with your phone and it'll take you to the signup form...” Nora flattened the poster while Adrian took his phone out. "You just need to put your names down, no need for anything else."

Adrian nodded while scrolling through his phone screen, typing something in.

I groaned quietly. What was I getting myself into?