I groaned loudly as I sat up. My head was throbbing, my mouth felt dryer than the Sahara, and my body was sore all over. I reached to my bedside table to grab my glasses, but instead of the cool wood, my hand met something soft and warm. I turned to look at what I was touching and yelped, yanking my hand backwards. I had just managed to accidentally grope my best friend’s boob.

She was sleeping peacefully, a serene expression adorning her soft features. She was entirely nude, with the bedsheets bunched up around her waist. I, as well, was entirely naked, which was odd since I normally slept clothed.

I sighed, flopping back onto my pillow. I check the other side of the bed, finding my glasses there. I slipped them over my face, the world snapping back into focus.

My friend started to stir. Her eyes fluttered open. She saw me, and I cringed, but she just smiled sleepily.

“Morning, beautiful.”

And then I remembered what happened.

---

I’d always known my best friend was pretty. It was just an objective fact of the universe. The sky is blue, water is wet, Destiny Miller is pretty. It had always gotten her lots of attention from boys, but she never showed any actual interest in them back. Throughout high school, she tried hard to hide herself in baggy clothes - I just thought it made her look really cute. She had light brown hair and green eyes. She had what could be called a runner’s build. There was a faint sprinkling of freckles over her nose.

We met in grade 9 when we started high school. I was a loner kid who everyone ignored, she was the pretty girl who’d rather everyone ignore her. Naturally, she decided I was alright and tried her best to befriend me. Eventually I opened up and we became friends. Obviously there’s more to it than that, but it was a long time ago and I don’t really remember it that well.

After graduating, she ended up going to a fancy university out in Kitchener, while I stayed home and went to the local college. We still kept in touch, and whenever she came home during breaks, we’d spend as much time as we could together. She ended up graduating with her fancy degree, and I almost flunked out of college before finally managing to get enough credits to graduate.

Now, she was happily employed and living in her own apartment, and I still lived with my parents while working at some fast food place on Queen Street. It’s not like I didn’t apply to better jobs, I just could never seem to get an interview to the endless frustration of my parents. They didn’t seem to understand that applying to jobs does not, in fact, work the same way it did when they were 25. Whatever, it’s not like they were making me pay rent or anything.

I had a standing offer to sleep on Destiny’s couch, no strings attached, if I ever really needed to get away from my overbearing parents. I had yet to take her up on that since the thought of it constantly made me feel really awkward. There had been times I’d been very tempted, though.

How things would change…

---

New Years 2023-24

Five Hours ‘til Midnight

I was in the  Eaton Centre in downtown Toronto. I was waiting for Destiny to meet me so we could celebrate New Years together. My parents had moaned a bit about celebrating New Years without me for the third year in a row, but I tuned them out, and they were used to it by now, so they didn’t fuss too much.

My phone buzzed, and I slipped it out of my pocket. Destiny had texted me.

Destiny: heyyy, I’m here, where u at?

I tapped out a quick response.

Me: food court. By the KFC

I continued to sit there awkwardly, browsing reddit on my phone. A few minutes later, I got another text.

Destiny: I see u! Ur hair looks rly cyoot 2day!

I ducked my head down to hide my blush. Another point of contention with my parents: I had been growing my hair out for three years. They said it made me look girly.

I don’t know why, but their reaction really bothered me.

I looked up as Destiny noisily plopped herself down in the seat across from me.

She was bundled up in a jacket and a hoodie, but she had unzipped both, revealing a t-shirt for some anime underneath. She was wearing dark coloured jeans and beat up vans. Her hair had been dyed a bright green last I saw her, but now it was a dark red. There were snow-flakes sprinkled in it.

“Hey,” I said quietly.

She flashed me a wide grin. “Hey yourself. You planning on ordering from a closed restaurant, or do ya wanna get out of here?”

I shrugged. “I’d rather stay inside. It’s fucking cold out there.”

She rolled her eyes playfully. “It’s only gonna get colder, and we wanna be able to see the fireworks.”

“And I will go out in that cold when it’s time for those fireworks. Until then, I’d like to stay warm.”

She snorted. “You know, if you want a warm New Years, you could always just spend the night at my place.”

I shook my head. “I don’t wanna intrude-”

“You wouldn’t intrude,” she said. “I have a pull-out couch now. So you could sleep on an actual bed.”

I cringed. “You didn’t have to do that for me.”

She giggled softly. “I didn’t have to, no. I wanted to. You’re my friend, Zach.”

I sighed and didn’t respond.

“You’d do the same for me, yeah?”

I nodded.

“So please accept that I want to do this for you for the same reasons you’d want to for me. Now come on, I think there’s a coffee place still open over on Jarvis.”

---

4.5 Hours ‘til Midnight

It turned out that the coffee place in question closed at seven, which meant we just barely missed it. I was a bit miffed, but Destiny took this in stride, and started leading me around through the streets, keeping up all manner of conversation, from projects at her work to her parents’ latest attempts to set her up with some mid-tier guy from their church to her latest date with a girl who ghosted her right after.

Pretty normal stuff for her. In response, I said something vague about my parents making comments about hair cuts and girlfriends. I just wasn’t nearly as talkative as her. That didn’t phase her, she was used to doing most of the talking.

Around eight, we ended up right back where we started at the Eaton Centre. We slipped inside to get out of the cold. We walked through it from one end to the other, but the stores were closed now, so it was pretty boring. We ended up in Yonge-dundas Square, where there were massive crowds of people.

Contrary to what you might think, large crowds didn’t phase me that much. It was much easier to be invisible when you were surrounded by that many people. We pushed through the crowds until we got to the curb, then sat down. Destiny pulled an energy drink out of her backpack and cracked it open. We took turns sipping on it as we sat together.

I found myself stealing glances at my best friend. Her style hadn’t changed that much since high school - she just had more piercings and dyed hair now. She was lounging on the curb, looking up at the sky with her eyes closed, a smile on her lips. I couldn’t help but admire her. The way her wavy hair cascaded down her back, the smooth skin on her neck and face, the freckles on her face.

I was so distracted, that I didn’t notice that someone had sat on my other side until they swept their arm out to the side as if making some exaggerated gesture, whacking me in the side of the head and sloshing their drink all over me. I yelped and jumped away from them. Destiny jumped up with me.

“Hey dipshit!” I shouted. “Watch where you swing your arms.”

Destiny and I made our way away from the drunk man.

“You ok?” Destiny asked as she pulled me into an out of the way alcove. “Oh, it’s all in your hair.”

“I’m fine,” I said. “He didn’t hit me that hard.”

“You wanna get cleaned up?”

I shrugged. “Home is a bit too far away for me to get there, shower, and get back here on time for the fireworks.”

She bit her lip. “You can use my shower. Much quicker to get to my apartment. Not sure about getting back, but…”

I froze. I had been to Destiny’s apartment before, but I had never stayed the night. If I went back with her now, there was a good chance that we’d end up staying there to watch the fireworks on TV, and by then I would be sleepy enough I’d end up falling asleep there, and then bam, I’d spent the night. On the other hand, it was probably a terrible idea to be outside in the cold while soaked with cheap beer. I’d probably catch a cold or something. Ultimately, practicality won out, and I sighed and agreed to go to Destiny’s apartment with her.

---

3 Hours ‘til Midnight

Destiny’s apartment was relatively small. It consisted of a main room with a small kitchen and a lounge area, a small bedroom, and a tiny bathroom. It was that tiny bathroom that was the reason I was here tonight.

Destiny grabbed some clothes from her closet, told me they’d probably fit me and handed them to me before pushing me into her bathroom, saying I smelled like booze and really needed to get cleaned up.

I placed the bundles of clothes she had given me on the toilet seat before stripping out of my own soiled clothes. I dumped them unceremoniously on the floor, before opening the glass door to the shower, and stepping inside, closing it behind me.

I frowned at the knobs on the wall of the shower. I twister one of them experimentally, but nothing happened. I twisted the other one, then yelped as I was hit with a spray of cold water. It quickly warmed up, however, and I proceeded to wash myself.

Destiny had told me it was fine if I used her shampoo and body wash. I felt a little guilty about it, but I reasoned that it was probably a good idea to use them anyway.

After I was done, I turned off the water, then stepped out of the shower. I grabbed the towel hanging on the wall, and used it to dry myself. Once I was satisfied, I hung the towel back up, before turning my attention to the bundle of clothes sitting on the toilet. I grabbed one of the garments to see what it was. It was another one of her anime t-shirts - blue with a picture of a pink-haired catgirl on the front. The others items were a pair of jeans and a small pair of what looked to be black briefs. I bit my lip.

I can’t wear her underwear, can I?

I mean, she had given the pair to me, so she expected me to. Plus, the beer had managed to soak through my jeans and into my boxers, so I didn’t really want to put those back on.

I finally decided to bite the bullet and put the briefs on. They were surprisingly soft, much softer than my own underwear. They were slightly loose around my hips, but also much tighter in front, so it somewhat evened out. I pulled on the pair of jeans next. I normally wore baggy track pants, and putting on Destiny’s pair of ripped black skinny jeans was a new experience. Finally, I pulled the t-shirt over my head, then turned to look at myself in the mirror.

I had an odd relationship with my reflection. It wasn’t as thought I outright hated how I looked, it just… felt off. I knew that I was considered attractive, but I genuinely had trouble really seeing it. More than a few times when I’d worked at the counter, some customer had decided to flirt with me, which had always made me feel super uncomfortable.

This time however, something was different. Maybe it was the more feminine style of the shirt, or the way the jeans hugged my thighs. Maybe it was a bit of both. When I looked in the dirty mirror in my best friend’s bathroom, I was perplexed. My reflection still felt off, but this time it was… less off. Ever so slightly.

I ignored the feeling, scooping up my beer-stained clothes shoving them in the plastic bag Destiny had given me for them. I opened the bathroom door, stepping out into the main living space. I spotted Destiny lounging on her couch watching the TV.

“Hey,” I said. She turned to look at me. “Um, where do I put this?” I held up the bag of my clothes.

“You can just drop it on the floor over there,” she said, pointing to a spot next to the front door of her apartment.

I put the bag where she indicated, then went to sit on the couch with her. She had some movie on Netflix playing, but she paused it when I sat down.

“You good?” she asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, uh, it’s a little weird, but it’s not bad.”

She smirked. “Told you there was nothing to worry about, Zach. You are very welcome to stay the night as well.”

I shrugged. “I’ll think about it.” I did not intend to think about it. Destiny knew that. She dropped the subject.

“You look cute, by the way,” she said.

I blushed. “It’s… it’s your clothes. Those are cute. I’m not.”

She scoffed. “You’re cute, and I need you to accept that.”

“Whatever,” I replied.

“So, wanna watch something? I was watching this, but it’s not very good, so if you have an alternate suggestion, please tell me right now.”

I shrugged. “Sorry, can’t think of something.”

She sighed dramatically, then unpaused the movie.

It really was bad.

---

1 Hour ‘til Midnight

I had long since given up on the movie, and instead had transitioned to browsing Reddit again. The website sucked, but there were some places that felt ever so slightly less toxic.

For example, there was this one subreddit that seemed to focus on that desire to be a girl. Every boy has it, of course. Girls are just significantly better. I had long since grown out of it, but every now and then I felt the need to indulge in this fantasy.

It’s not like I was trans, of course. That was a completely different thing. Obviously.

I snorted at a meme about seeing a really pretty girl and being unsure if you want to date her or be her. I glanced at Destiny.

Both. Definitely.

But neither was exactly an option here. I was not her, and Destiny was a lesbian.

I entertained the idle fantasy of me actually being a girl. If I was, then Destiny might be into me, and then I could date her. Because then we’d just be two lesbians.

I turned back to looking at my phone.

“Hey, whatcha looking at?”

I looked up. The movie was over, the credits scrolling over the screen. Destiny was looking at me intently, her piercing green eyes feeling like they were peering straight into my soul.

“Um, n-nothing interesting.”

She shot me one of her half-smirks that always made me want to melt a little. “Still gotta be more interesting than that stupid movie was. What’s up?”

I shrugged. “Just Reddit.”

She wrinkled her nose. “That website?”

I shrugged. “Yeah, most of it does suck, but there are some nice subs.”

She snorted. “Oh, like what.”

I blushed. “W-well, there’s - um - there’s the one I was looking at just now.”

She scooted a bit closer to me on the couch. “Yeah, what one would that be?”

“I- um-” I held my phone close to my chest.

Destiny continued smirking at me. God I wanted her to kiss me.

“I’m not gonna make fun of you for it, Zach. I’m not gonna make you show me either.”

I sighed. Trust her to make me feel ever so slightly more at ease with something that I would otherwise be ashamed of. “Ok, but promise not to make fun of me?”

Destiny held out her hand, pinkie extended towards me. “Pinky swear.”

I sighed, but wrapped my pinkie around hers, smiling. She was a goofball, but with her it didn’t feel childish or anything. It just felt normal.

“Alright,” I said. “So, um. It’s this subreddit I’ve been looking at for a couple months. It’s about, like, wanting to be a girl? ‘Cause, ya know, girls are much prettier and stuff, and they…” I trailed off as I noticed the look on Destiny’s face. She looked as though she was trying not to laugh. “You said you wouldn’t make fun of me!”

She shook her head. “I’m not, just gimme a sec.” She made a face, then shifted so she was facing me head on. I shifted as well to mirror her. “So, you want to be a girl?”

“Um… yes.”

“Right. So, are you trans then?”

I shook my head. “No! I mean, I’m a guy, right? So I’m not a girl.”

Destiny sighed. “Never thought I’d have to crack an egg this dense,” she muttered. “Ok, so, you want to be a girl, but you’re not trans. How does that work?”

“Doesn’t every guy want to be a girl?”

Destiny literally facepalmed in front of me. “No, Zach. No they do not.”

“But, why-”

“Zach, let me ask you a simple question. If you woke up tomorrow morning, and you had your ideal body, what would that look like?”

“That’s a silly question!” I deflected.

“Just answer, please.”

I thought about it. “Um, I guess… I would… be… do I have to answer?”

Destiny shrugged. “You don’t, no. I would like you to answer it, at least for yourself. You don’t need to tell me, but think about it, ok?”

I hesitated, then nodded.

She sent me a warm smile. “Great! I’m gonna grab something to drink, you want anything?” She stood up off the couch, stretching. Her shirt slightly rode up, and I got distracted for a bit.

“Um, what are you getting?”

“I have some wine that a friend sent me for Christmas. You want some?”

I shrugged. “I have nothing against it.”

---

34 Minutes ‘til Midnight

I was a bit drunk. Not super drunk or anything, but I was a bit of a lightweight. Destiny and I had shared some wine, and I was starting to feel a bit fuzzy in the head.

Destiny was playing Mario Kart. She was solidly in last place. I was still cheering her on.

After she lost yet another race, she huffed and turned off her Switch. “Fuck this, I’m drunk. How long ‘til midnight?”

I was about to pull out my phone to check, but she grabbed her own off the couch where she’d left it, and check the time that way.

“Another half hour, ok.”

She plopped herself down on the couch next to me. “You know, you kind of look like a girl, Zach.”

I froze. I felt a weird feeling deep in my abdomen. It wasn’t bad. It actually felt slightly pleasant.

“Like, you said you weren’t, but if you were, you’d be a very cute girl. Not that you aren’t cute, but as a girl you’d be much cuter.”

“Um, thanks,” I said.

“You should think about it,” she said.

I shrugged. “I do think about it.”

“I still can’t believe you aren’t trans,” Destiny said.

“I can’t be trans.”

“You can totally be trans if you want to be.”

“Why should what I want matter?”

“Why should anything other than what you want matter?”

We were staring at each other, Destiny getting up in my personal space. I hadn’t noticed between the weird argument and how drunk I was. I felt slightly flushed.

“I’m not allowed,” I said quietly.

Destiny heard me anyway. “You are allowed to be trans, actually.”

“My parents would kick me out.”

“You could stay here!”

“I-” I wanted to argue with that, but I couldn’t exactly argue anyway. She wasn’t wrong. If I did get kicked out, then sleeping on her couch would basically be my only option. Then I smirked at her. “Well it doesn’t matter since I’m not trans.”

Destiny was silent for a bit, before backing away. “Suit yourself.”

We sat in silence for a minute, Destiny sipping on some more wine.

“Hey, remember that time in grade 10 when you said you wanted to be a lesbian?”

I frowned. “I did?”

She nodded. “Yeah. It was a couple days after I came out to you. You told me you wished you could be a lesbian too, but couldn’t because you were a boy.”

“And?”

“Well, if you’re trans, you’d be a lesbian.”

Shit, she was right. It really seemed like I could get many of my deepest desires if I was trans.

“But I’m not.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Ok, lemme find something real quick.” She tapped away at her phone for a bit, then handed it to me. “Here, read this.”

“What?”

“Read it.”

“Ok, fine.”

I read it.

Then read it again.

And a third time just to make sure.

This couldn’t be right.

Could it?

I looked up at Destiny with confusion in my face, awkwardly holding her phone out for her to take. She grabbed it and tapped away at it a bit more, then handed it back to me.

“Read this, too.”

I accepted the phone without protest, and read. I frowned.

“Where did you find this?”

“A forum online. There’s plenty more stories like that. Trans girls share their stories online a lot, you know.”

“And they sound… like me?”

She nodded.

“But… I’m not… I’m…”

She shrugged, taking her phone back.

“So, let’s take stock here. You want to be a girl. You also want to be a lesbian. Other trans girls also said they always wanted to be girls or lesbians or whatever. Make sense.”

I nodded. “Wait, other trans girls?”

She shrugged. “Can you honestly tell me that you aren’t?”

I opened my mouth to refute it, but no words came out. I frowned. I stared at my lap. “No.”

I looked up at her. My eyes felt wet. Was I crying?

She had a concerned look on her face. “Hey, hey. Girl. Sweetie. It’s ok.” She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a hug. “It’s ok.”

I let out a sob. I smiled at her through teary eyes. “Am I a girl?”

She nodded. “I think so.”

I sobbed again. “I’m allowed?”

She nodded, more enthusiastically. “You are absolutely allowed to be a girl, Za- sweetie.”

I frowned. “Why aren’t you saying my name?”

Destiny gave me a baffled look. “It’s… a boy's name? You’re a girl. Do you want a girl’s name?”

I shrugged. “Maybe.” I wiped at my tears, pushing my glasses up in the process. “Yeah.”

Do you want to pick one now? You don’t have to, by the way.”

I shrugged. “Nothing’s popping into my head.”

She nodded. “Can I suggest some then?”

I pulled myself off her lap. “Um… sure.”

“Alright. Jessica?”

I shook my head. “That’s my mom’s name, remember?”

“Oh, yeah. How about, uh… Rose?”

I wrinkled my nose. “It’s pretty, but… eh.”

Destiny kept tossing names my way. We were at this for a few minutes, until…

“How about Hannah?”

I opened my mouth, then closed it. I frowned. “Try using it in a sentence?”

Destiny nodded. “Hannah is my best friend. She is a very cute girl and is very friendly.”

I was blushing. “I- I liked that one.”

“You wanna go with that for now?”

I nodded.

“Alright, Hannah. I think it’s nearly midnight. We should probably tune in to watch.” She quickly turned her TV back on, and changed the channel so we could watch the New Years celebrations.

We sat back on the couch. It was only 5 minutes to midnight. Destiny poured us both another glass of wine for us to drink when the countdown finished.

Four minutes left. I turned to watch my friend. She was incredibly beautiful.

Three minutes left. She was watching me too.

Two minutes. I had scooted closer to her on the couch.

One minute. She scooted towards me too. We were practically in each other’s laps.

Ten.

I bit my lip.

Nine.

Destiny licked her lips, her eyes glancing down towards mine.

Eight.

I was definitely feeling very flushed.

Seven.

Destiny grabbed my hand.

Six.

She gave it a little squeeze.

Five.

She was leaning towards me.

Four.

I wasn’t moving away.

Three.

My eyes fluttered shut.

Two.

I could feel her breath tickling my face.

One.

Her lips met my own. Her hand buried itself in my hair. She pushed me backwards against the armrest of the couch. I let out a little moan.

On the TV, fireworks went off. Big, bold letters announced twenty-twenty-four. Our wine sat forgotten on the coffee table.

I have no idea how long we kept kissing, but eventually we had to breathe. We parted slightly. Destiny flashed me one of her smirks, and I melted.

Then she started kissing my neck, and my mind lost all rational thought.

This had to be my best New Years yet. That didn’t say much since the bar was pretty low, but it was pretty great.

---

New Years Day, 10:37 A.M.

After Destiny and I got dressed, Destiny lending me more of her clothes, we moved out to sit on the couch. Destiny had grabbed us each a bowl of cereal for breakfast.

I had checked my phone while she was preparing our food. My parents had texted me several times last night, asking where I was. I knew I’d need to reply eventually, but I didn’t feel like it right then.

“Hey, Hannah?”

I looked up from my cereal. “Yeah?”

“You don’t… regret last night, do you?”

I shook my head. “No. Do you?”

She shook her head too. She relaxed a bit. “I enjoyed it, actually.”

“So, what does that mean for us, then?” I asked.

Destiny shrugged. “Dunno yet. I’d like to find out.”

“I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t mind being your girlfriend.”

Destiny smirked at me. “Haven’t even known you’re a girl for twenty-four hours yet, and you already wanna be a girlfriend?”

I blushed. “Don’t tease me!”

She placed her bowl on the coffee table. She scooted over on the couch to put her arm around me. “We could give it a try.”

“Really?”

Destiny nodded, a small smile adorning her face. “Of course, cutie. You are my best friend, you know.”

Then she kissed me again.

I think I can get used to being kissed like this.