After making some lunch, just a few basic sandwiches with juice, we sat in the lounge to eat.

"What are you doing?" Suspicion was clear in Sindy's tone as she turned her head towards me instead of the TV.

"What do you mean, dearest little sister of mine?" I asked, perplexed.

"Why am I sitting on your lap?"

"Because... you want to...?" perplexed by her question, I answered as if it were obvious. "I mean, why else would you be sitting on my lap?"

"No, I didn't! You put me here!"

"Is that right?" I questioned with an obviously dubious expression.

"Yes!" she exclaimed.

"Then who was smiling with a goofy grin when I sat you on my lap, hmmm?" I interrogated with mockery in my tone.

"THAT WAS YOU!!!"

I lifted my chin and a finger on the corner of my lips with a perplexed expression. "Oh... oh yeah, you're right." I confirmed as if it were a revelation given by the gods.

"...You fucking egotistical prick," she responded to my heartfelt words with a forced smile and metaphorical veins popping off her forehead. "You know what... whatever." But then she turned her head back to the TV with sudden disinterest and continued eating her sandwiches.

And I, I was content just brushing her hair as she watched TV because I knew what was about to come and I had already eaten my lunch.

"Why are you doing this?" After an hour of watching TV and having eaten her lunch a long time ago, she inquired.

"Because I love my little sister and will continue to do so," I answered without my usual sarcastic tone, knowing that shit was about to get real.

"Why now?"

"I'm sorry I couldn't do so earlier. It took a literal life-threatening accident to realize this. I don't expect your forgiveness..., so you don't have to worry because I'll continue to love you either way even if you don't want me to."

"It took you a life-threatening accident... to realize that you love..., that I'm important to you?" She asked with disbelief while sniffing deeply, hiding her face from mine.

'Understandable considering the horribly things "I" have done to her and the disgusting way "I" have treated her in the past.' "Now and forever," I thought yet answered. 

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"Are you... lying?" she asked with hesitant words and tears clearly falling from her cheeks.

"... Whether you believe me or not won't change anything. I'll still love you now and forever."

After hearing my words, she wiped her face with her arms then hesitantly laid her back on me, falling deeper into my embrace. I laid down on the couch with her still in my arms. After another hour of watching TV, she turned around, her front now towards me, then hugged me tightly and intertwined her legs with mine.

The moment was so wholesome that it was only when her chest touched mine that I realized she was still mostly naked and her hoodie was still open...

After a few minutes, I noticed that her breathing became even and relaxed as she slept. After 30 minutes, making sure she was deeply asleep so as not to wake her, I got ready to princess carry her to her room. It was no easy task considering how weak I currently am and making sure that, while walking, I didn't wake her up. The delivery wasn't easy, but I managed.

Afterward, I went to my room and exercised a bit more. Although it is straining, I want my body to be in perfect shape as soon as possible. I don't want to be buff and overly muscular; I'm aiming more for the lean type of muscular side. My muscles shouldn't compromise my innocent boy look, and it can't be too noticeable. When I finished, I to the bathroom at the end of the hall and showered feeling uncomfortable with all the sweat all over my skin and then returned to my room.

Once I returned I immediately walked over to my closed closet. Honestly speaking, I didn't expect much at first when I first came to this world. I thought that I was already mentally prepared for anything. I thought that I already knew what hell looked like. Furthermore, I thought I had already experienced it. But now, I knew... I knew how truly naïve I was.

Pink butterfly shorts, dresses, skin-tight pants, and jackets that leave the chest completely open and left me to wonder why they even exist at that point and hoodies, lots of hoodies. The spectacle was... horrifying, but some of the clothes were acceptable (the hoodies obviously), although a bit feminine, I could make due with bit of confidence and boyish charm, so at least I had some clothes I could wear. I knew from the very moment I saw the other abominable skimpy clothes what I needed to do. I bundled them all up in my plastic laundry basket, went into the house's open backyard with a fence around it, and had the clothes put aside. Then I went to get a lighter and an iron bin from inside the house. I threw the bundle of clothes from my laundry basket inside the bin. Once everything was finally ready, I ignited the clothes using the lighter. When the flames enveloped the clothes, a smile graced my face.

'Some might call me a bit of an extremist, and I would agree. I mean, why the hell should I hold myself back from doing what I want? It's my life, and I'll do with it what I want.' I thought to myself while watching my clothes burn to cinders, the flames reminding me of the life I once lived. The mistakes, regrets, and decisions were none but my own. The blood of the wicked, the cruel, and the innocent stained my hands, and all of it was for... nothing. Knowing that everything I've done and everyone I've killed was... for nothing. The one thing I wanted, needed, killed for, and bled for, I couldn't have..., I...I couldn't save her. Life decided to screw me over, despite everything I've done to try and fix it. But that's life, right, even if you don't make any mistakes, even if you give up everything, it can still screw you over.

During my journey on self-depression, someone appeared beside me without my notice. 'To think that my self awareness has fallen to such an extent, fuck me.'

"Hey kid," my mother hesitantly greeted as she glanced at the fire a few times.

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"...""Umm, huh..., screw it, I'm just gonna be direct okay?" Finally gaining her composure, she asked, "Why the fire?"

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"...Life sucks."

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"..." Hesitantly, she looked at me, glanced at the fire, then at the house, most likely at Adam who prompted her to talk to me about my condition. "...You know, I'm not good at this sort of thing...," she began.

"I noticed."

"Your dad was much better at this than me."

"Not really, he mostly improvised and I helped him through most of it," I said grinning, acting as if I were familiar with the man.

"So... can you help me this time?" she questioned.

"Nah, I'm too depressed," a self-deprecating smile then appeared on my face as I answered.

"Wa-wanna be un-depressed?" she asked hesitantly.

"I guess?" I replied with intrigue.

"Then stop being depressed."

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"...I never thought about it like that before." My smile widened as I said, "Your wisdom knows no bounds."

"Yeah, unfortunately your dad never understood my brilliance," she answered with a similar self-deprecating smile.

"I can't imagine why."

"Anyway, stop being depressed..., life is gonna continually suck, but you're the one responding to it so it's just a choice. Either you reluctantly and begrudgingly eventually respond, or you can do so with a smile on your handsome face because, at the end of the day, even if you lose the fight, at least no one else will know it."

"That's the kind of advice you give an adult, not a child. Teenagers are supposed to be open about how they feel, not suppress and control it."

With my words, her smile slowly crumbled and what little of her confident demeanor she had left, evaporated."..."

"Thanks, mom," and yet, I exclaimed enthusiastically, with a beaming smile as I hugged her. Although her advice wasn't new and ultimately didn't help, seeing mom try and fail brought me out of my deflated thought process.

"No problem?" surprise marked her expression as she answered cautiously. "O... you still haven't told me about the fir-" 

"Mom?" 

"Yes, Ray?" 

"Don't ruin the moment." 

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"...Yes, Ray, " she awkwardly answered.