“Him”

 

After the incident, I still go to school as usual trying to absorb as much knowledge as I can but the teachers are not really teaching the final year anymore and it is mostly self-study. I am not sure where to start so I end up going to the library.

Aside from that, Abby seems to be pretty busy as she has not appeared before me for more than a few seconds before rushing away. I am not sure what she is doing but she has a lot on her plate to deal with.

Only after talking to Elaine that I found out that Abby is dealing with the student council handover procedures and ceremony. She would be busy for at least one week.

On the other hand, this makes me feel a little lost since I am not too comfortable in this environment. I could feel the other people’s eyes just staring and me with judgement. In order to escape all that, I go to the library often.

At least in the library, all the students here care more about the things they are doing than gossiping behind people’s back. I become more and more comfortable to chat with Elaine, especially since I already figure out how to use computers. Although I am still not good at it, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes Elaine would be the one to use it in order to open the website she mentioned previously.

That helps me be able to observe her and copy her actions afterwards. Now, I roughly know how to go to Mama’s bar.

Since Abby cannot come home with me, I figured that I would go there after school. I have already mentioned that I don’t need someone to pick me up after school with my ‘mother’. She didn’t disagree with my request but she made an expression that I don’t understand. She looked like she was holding back a sadness behind her smile when she talked to me at that time.

I don’t understand these people. It feels like they are walking on eggshells around me. I don’t know what are the things that could not be said to me.

No, it’s not me they are trying to hide something from. It’s him. I don’t like it. I don’t like these feelings of confusion and helplessness. I can’t straight up tell them that I am not who they think I am. They should tell me what is going on.

The incident of my body reacting strangely made me remember what the doctor said to them. I already know that he is a user. Mama told me if you are a user, getting off it is hard because your body will start doing crazy things.

What happened to me is probably to be expected. I do feel like my body is begging for something. The problem is I am not him so I don’t know how to respond to the feeling of wanting something yet I am not sure what it is. 

I try not to think deeply when it comes to this because I already have a faint feeling of what this body is craving for. Hoping that my mental capacity will not let me fall into the same rabbit hole.

 

“Luke, are you okay?”

A familiar voice snaps me out of my daze. I turn my head and see Elaine peering at me with worry.

“What’s wrong?” I ask her because she is usually behind the counter and would not bother me unless I request for her help.

“The school is over and I am about to leave but I saw you in a daze. Usually, you’re already out the moment the bell rings,”

I feel as if caught red-handed so I feel slightly embarrassed but she did help me by reminding school is over. I have to leave as soon as I can to get to Mama’s bar before he opens. That area turns into something different during nightfall.

“Thanks,” I say to Elaine as I pack my things.

“Your welcome. Be careful on your way back,” Elaine says goodbye and left me to tidy up my own things. It did feel like she was implying something with her words but she did not say anything different than other people would when saying goodbye.

By the time I am out of the library, a lot of students are loitering around the school either going to their extracurricular activities, meeting up friends or going back home.

Since no one is picking me up today, I decided to follow some students that are not going home by car. I assume they would be heading towards public transportation.

When I pass the school gate, I notice a very conspicuous red sports car. This type of luxury car is rarely seen where I am from but apparently, it is probably common in this neighbourhood since nobody is batting an eyelid. All of them did not even bother to give it more than a glance.

Sometimes, I feel like the place I lived in and this current lifestyle is worlds apart. 

Although the car is not the one that is making me uncomfortable. It is the man that is standing next to it while smoking.

He feels familiar yet I know I have not met him before. Such a high profile man would be remembered because these are the types that would be good to rob from.

I try my best to pretend he does not exist and continue walking in the direction of the majority.

Suddenly, my wrist was grabbed and I got tugged by someone. The fvck?!

As an automated reaction, I immediately look at the culprit that is holding my hand and stopping me from walking. I did not hold back my expression of confusion and anger cause it's hard not to get pissed at someone who grabs you out of nowhere.

His golden hair shines from the sunlight causing me to momentarily be stunned but it does not take long for me to be able to see him properly.

This man is exactly the same man standing near the car earlier. He does not look pleased but like, I didn’t do anything to him? Why is he mad at me when I should be the one that is mad?!

“What are you doing?” I ask with repressed anger.

He did not provide any explanation. He just said, “Come with me,” while pulling me to his car.

He opens the passenger seat and pushes me in. This motherfvcker is rude as fvck. I have not cursed like this in a while cause I have been trying to watch my words in front of my ‘family’ and ‘friends’ but I won’t give a face to some rando pushing and pulling me rudely.

“Put on your seatbelt” He did not wait for my response before pressing on the accelerator. That makes me immediately put on my seatbelt for safety purposes. I do not plan to die here with some weirdo.

I was about to ask who the heck he thinks he is before something flashes in my mind. I feel like it’s at the tip of my tongue. I know I have seen him before. The problem is where have I seen him before. Aside from that, doesn’t that mean that I know him?

Can’t act too rashly then.

The moment I snapped out of my thoughts, I realised he has not talked at all. It doesn’t seem like he likes me either. There’s a dark aura emitting from him. He is definitely not entirely focused on driving as I see him clutching the steering wheel to the point his veins are popping out.

Is this guy a psychopath? I seriously hope not. This life I have is quite peaceful despite being confusing and a little troublesome.

He suddenly pressed the brake and shocked me as I felt like I would be thrown to the front car and bang my head if not for the seatbelt I am wearing.

“Get off,” Again, he did not wait for me to respond before turning off the car and stepping out of it.

I confusedly got down from the car and followed him despite in all honesty I don’t want to but my body feels a strange attraction to him.

He enters this luxurious familiar building. Before entering, I look around and realise that it's the street near Mama’s bar.

Then this should be that very popular nightclub I have walked past before.

What the heck are we doing here?

Apparently, spacing out pissed him off because he grabbed my hand rudely again and pulled me into the building. I tried to pry his hands off but I couldn’t do it. The part where he is grasping starts to hurt.

He looks very determined to get me to wherever he wants me to but I couldn’t care less. He stops in his tracks making me bump onto his back. Now my nose hurts too. He turns around in all seriousness, slams his hand onto the wall and traps me.

“Do you remember this place?” He spoke in a low voice with a serious expression.

I try to look around but I have never been inside the club so of course, I wouldn’t know this place. Can’t say the same about him though. I don’t want to lie or tell the truth so I decided that saying less is better.

“No,”

I decisively answered while looking into his eyes. I am not lying so I am not afraid to meet his gaze.

Without any prior hints, he slams his hands on to the wall and starts questioning me harshly.

“Are you lying to me?! You seriously don’t fvcking remember this place?!”

The best way to react to someone who is emotional is not to give in to them so I with the void of emotion answer him with all honesty.

“No.”

He kept staring at me as if trying to see any flaw in my words or my expression. He slams the wall once again before creating distance between us. There is a momentary silence between us. He looks as if he is trying to calm himself down in vain.

“They say you have amnesia. Is that true?”

Instead of answering him, I toss the question back at him. “What do you think?”

He seems to be amused by my words. He snorts at me before replying me back with a face full of dissatisfaction.

“What do I think? Load of bullsht but it doesn’t seem like you’re lying to me about not recognising this place either,”

He pauses for a moment but his gaze never leaves me. He looks like he’s thinking of something. If he’s even capable of thinking.

The only comfort I have at this moment is that he seems to be calming down. 

“Let’s go,”

He turns around and starts walking away. I feel like I should count how many times he did this to me already.

I look around and decide that I am not keen to stay either. Especially if I have been here before. We don’t want the past to catch up so quickly. Not when I haven’t figured out how to deal with them.

I follow him back to the car. It kinda feels like a puppy chasing after its owner. The thought of that kinda repulses me. I try to clear my mind from weird imaginings such as those.

The drive becomes silent again but this time he doesn’t seem to be angry but lost in thoughts. I wonder if he should be driving at all at this point. I don’t want to die again due to his reckless driving.

Luckily the drive isn’t that long before he parks his car. It’s somewhere I haven’t been again. However, this time it seems to be somewhere near a high school.

How did I know? It’s obvious from the various students in multiple groups or pairs loitering around in the same set of uniforms. It is the public high school I always look at from afar in the past wishing to go there. That means we’re close to that place aren’t we…

Why does he keep bringing me to places I have been before and who is this guy anyway?

This time, the students do take note of the car. A lot of them are whispering to each other while some point at the car using their phones or fingers.

“Get out,”

Again. This bastard.

Can he stop ordering me around already?!

 

The two of us walk on foot until we reach a bookstore seems to be new and has yet to open. He peers inside the transparent glass door and probably sees the person he is looking for before knocking on the door.

It does not take long before someone familiar to me opens the door.

If I am not mistaken he was there when Abigail brought me to meet Sam. At that time, he doesn’t have much of a presence because he was reading quietly on the sofa. He probably left at some point because I don’t remember seeing him during the hazy moment where Sam carries me back from the toilet.

The moment both of us got into the bookstore, this rude guy started making a small talk with the guy who opened the door for us.

Instead of responding to the small talk, he glances at me before going back to do whatever he was doing before we interrupted him.

“What are you here for, Ryan? You didn’t come here just for a small talk did you?”

The moment I hear the name, my brain feels like I have heard or seen this name somewhere before. At least for now, I have a name to a face.

“Fine. I’ll cut to the chase. You heard of his so-called ‘amnesia’ didn’t you?”

The book guy pauses for a moment before looking at Ryan, the rude bastard that drags me here in disbelief.

“Did he? I’m sorry for sounding rude,” No he does not. The very least he did apologise. “I think I got absorbed into reading this book that majority of the conversation probably flew past me,”

“You need to break that habit of yours. Do you at least know he went to the hospital?”

“Yes, I did. I was surprised when he dropped by the lounge the other day. I assumed he just got discharged but I got called away while I was reading so I couldn’t ask,”

I am starting to feel left out. They are having a conversation about me as if I am not here.

“I want to know, can you tell if he is faking his amnesia?”

“We need to do several tests to confirm but… Ryan, do we really need to check?”

Ryan pauses for a moment before asking, “What do you mean?”

“You of all people always pride on your guts about these things. You can’t tell if he’s faking it or not?”

Oof. That sounds like a jab right there. I’m not sure why but I feel like this book guy is protecting me somehow.

Ryan obviously did not like what he heard so he started to frown and form a fist. He did not overreact though but instead huff and ruffle his hair.

“Whatever. If I knew you weren’t going to help me, I wouldn’t come here,”

The book guy did not reply. It is as if he knows that Ryan would not try to listen to his explanation before leaving the bookstore. I instinctively move to follow him after giving one last glance to the book guy.

These days it feels like rather than gaining new information, it is more like I am constantly gaining new mysteries to solve.

It makes me wonder what am I supposed to do with all these unsolved mysteries. Can’t these people leave me in peace?!