Week 4 exercise number 2: 

 I want to become a person who __________  as often as I can.

Even though right now ________ makes it challenging.

One small step I can take to overcome the challenge is _________.

–Razandra’s therapy pamphlet by Dr. Sievinen.

 

Raz stared out through the five storey tall barrier that separated the babbling crowds of refugees from the Un. On the other side, a patchwork of spirals rotated slowly in every direction. Maroque had said that they weren’t clouds or waves, but they kinda looked like what Raz imagined tornadoes might be from up above. 

Today was a bit less swirlied than yesterday and the colors were extra pretty: peacock with extra reds. Maroque’s red. That had to be a good sign. Maybe he would return soon? It had already been twenty two days. They had to be returning soon.

A baby coughed behind her. The father made soft cooing noises. The station speakers started their loop from the beginning. Cal Toven was requested at section 12-K to pick up his familiar, 3-B was still blocked by ‘a minor warping incident’, and the law wizards still wanted tips on the mysterious spray-paint menace.

“It’s moving,” said Faham.

The computer queue shuffled forward. Raz gathered her and Allie’s backpacks, Allie picked up her portable sun-lamp, and Faham hurried to put away his pen and exercise paper into his plastic bag. Once the movement reached them they took two steps and sat down again. Only five people ahead of them!

“Ugh, sticky.” Allie wiped her hand on her new t-shirt.

Raz leaned this way and that, but the uselessly ornate metal support pillar next to them blocked her view of the Un no matter what. 

She settled back to people watching. Two opposite queues clogged the wide hallway. Theirs was for one of the three common use computers. The other, even thicker queue, was for a pawnshop tent some wizards had set up in the corridor. Most people were Earthlings. And most were also a little altered, though not quite as much as Allie or Faham. 

Some old man in a scruffy suit was having a big hissy fit about getting less for his watch than some girl got for a comic book. The young gold eyed Oorian woman and man behind the desk were helpless before his aggressive finger-pointing. Just watching made Raz feel embarrassed, but there wasn’t much else to do. 

She’d finished her therapy exercise and didn’t wanna disrupt Faham with his. So, she waited and watched the man’s face turn red.

His voice started getting louder, more grating.

The baby behind Raz started wailing.

Raz plugged her ears. Still eleven more in the queue for computers. She let her head bonk against the steel pillar behind her and let out a frustrated huff. This sucked.

It’s not like she was ungrateful. Being here was nice. Having a bed, showers (even if they had long queues), cooked food (bland but ok), and clean-ish toilets was big. And Allie had her sunlamp, and she and Faham had gotten pills to help with their warping. She didn’t need to fear being lost on an expedition or her friends dying. All she had to do was wake up, eat, poop, eat, and sleep. 

But sometimes she felt like all she could do was wake up, eat, poop, eat, and sleep. Like she was lost again, waiting for someone to find them and take them away from here. Except, somehow, here she felt like they’d been forgotten on purpose.

People in their queue stood up again. 

Faham said something to her.

“What did you say?” Raz took hands off her ears.

Faham’s antennae wiggled nervously from beneath his baggy hoodie. “I’m not finished yet.”

“Why– Oh.”

The queue kept moving. Previous users had left and the five before them split into a pair and another trio, claiming one computer each.

“IDs, little ladies.”

They were stopped at a rope barrier by the computer guard. A tall middle aged man with the nerdiest possible bangs and a corporate fleece jacket held his hand out. He gave Raz and friends an appraising look. 

“We’re together,” Raz said and handed him their papers.

“The angry houseplant is back.” He chuckled at his own… joke? “I remember you. Are you sure it’s been twenty four hours?”

Allie groaned.

“Twenty six hours,” Faham whispered from behind Raz.

“It’s been twenty six hours, sir,” Raz said.

He checked something on his pad with theatrical finger-strokes, then made an exaggerated aaah of discovery. “Twenty five hours and fifteeen minutes to be precise. Okay then. Step on through to my humble domain. You know the rules. No eating, no messing around, and always log out. You have fifteen minutes each. Enjoy.”

 They gathered around the last computer in line, a black laptop with lights that blinked in a rainbow rhythm. Lights changed directions when they woke it up. The wizard antennae taped to it began crackling.

Allie glanced at the computer guard. “Creep.”

“A bit weird,” Raz agreed.

“Keeps staring at my face.” Allie glared at the man. He returned an awkward smile. 

“Maybe he’s curious about the leaves. They are…” Raz caught herself. “I like them.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Me too, I love their color. They look shiny purple to me,” Faham said, straddling the dirty barf-colored office chair. He typed in the password and logged on. The background was a crude figure painting of wizards named Association and Magogram shamed by a stick figure crowd armed with poop and tomato emojis. Allie snorted. Faham ignored it and opened the arcnet. 

“How shiny?”

“Very!”

Allie gave a thoughtful nod. “Neat.”

The homepage appeared, showing translated news articles about Magogram and general Oor happenings. One article featured a grinning Indian girl around her age under the title ‘Genius Refugee Becomes a Wizard In 40 Days!’ Maybe if they had time to spare, Raz would read it.

First, as always, they found the Healers Beyond Worlds page. A couple clicks deep, the page had a search bar where you could type names and find every rescued person’s contact information. 409,428,904 saved. 121 new rescues within the last 24 hours.

All three fell quiet, eyes glued to the monitor. Hundred or so wasn’t many, but there was a chance.

They started with Faham’s parents. No hits. Faham let out a small sigh.

Then other relatives. No luck again.

“I’d like to finish the exercise quickly,” he said, unenthused. “Can one of you type?”

“Sure.” Raz switched seats and let Faham return to staring at his paper.

Like always, a tiniest knot of hope tingled her tummy as she typed in mom’s name, hit enter, and waited for the computer to search. 

And, just like always, she felt a tiny executioner stab that hope when the search came back with ‘Missing’. Dad was missing too. As were grandpa and grandpa. And her uncle. And dad’s friend. Every name typed wiggled that knife a little deeper.

Allie didn’t have any luck either.

Raz logged into Allie’s HWB personal site first to put in her therapy exercise answers. Allie presented them.

“Easy,” she said smugly.

Her answers were: ‘is strong’, ‘weak shitty body’, and ‘train’. That explained why Raz had seen her try to do secret push-ups last night. Raz copied them into a message to Dr. Sievinen then switched to her therapy account. 

 “Hey, is it cheating if you help with this?” Faham asked. Raz glanced at Faham’s exercise sheet. It was full of crossed over answers. 

“Probably not, if we don’t give you answers.” Raz remembered Dr. Sievinen saying something like that once.

“I can’t decide on the first one. I thought about writing ‘wizard healer’ in there, but if forty percent ever resonate in their lifetime, and then only fifteen percent of them learn how to wonderfield, that’s like... “

“It might happen. Resonance sounds neat already,” Raz said.

“It might, but then I don’t know what to put in the other questions at all. And it doesn’t really fit the question. ‘I want to become someone who tries to become a wizard healer as often as he can?’ Doesn’t fit. Another idea I had was ‘person who learns magic everyday’, but like, it’s also impossible.”

“Maybe you can answer it later.”

“Yea, we only got half an hour,” said Allie. “Wanna see if that warped dude made a new video.”

“But, then you guys might move on to different exercises,” Faham protested. “I want to work on the same problem as you.”

“Bro, chill.” Allie chuckled. “We share enough problems already.”

Bro? Raz wondered if she could call Allie a sis, when a loud warning chime paused everyone in the hallway.

After wizard-speak, came English, “Requesting all non-essential staff to leave platforms one through two in section B. Section B staff, prepare to help master Maroque M. Magogram dock his isola.”

“Aaaaahhhh! Maroque is back!” Raz stood, ears open for more, but the rest of the announcement was in wizard-speak only. Something about healers. She grinned at Allie and Faham and started packing. “Maroque’s back! “And section B! That’s so close. Hey, let’s go welcome him before he disappears! We can return the exercise tomorrow, Faham.”

“But we didn’t even get to– ouch?” Faham glared at Allie.

“Let’s go,” said Allie, making a gesture Raz didn’t see well.

Faham sighed. “Alright, let’s go.”

They logged off and waded back into the crowd. They had to push through one of the food queues. Some old lady thought they were cutting in line and got angry, but Allie cursed her right back and they escaped into section B.

It was a spacious sideways tower pointing straight into Un, with earth-colored metals, thick smooth stone, and humongous windows that rippled like ponds. Like all things Magogram, everything from the support pillars to ceiling arches was extra and full of engravings and squiggles and useless statues. Already from the top of the entrance stairs, Raz could spot the isola Maroque had rescued: a big apartment building shaped chunk overrun by writhing neon pink jungle.

Maroque was there amongst other wizards, more bearded than ever and a little scruffy, holding the hand of some woman on a floating stretcher. Much of her body had warped into pink jungle life. Healers had attached ten different tubes to her one human-like arm, and one of her eyes had turned into a weird flower. But she still laughed as she cried.

Four other rescuees, adults with a bit less severe warpings, sat on the side with cups of hot food. However, they were too busy gawking at the wizards and Un-station to eat. One was receiving attention from a HBW wizard in green white. Another was helping a frazzled lady in the volunteer uniform to make him a temporary ID.

Maroque sat down to ask something of the oldest rescuee, a grandpa whose beard had become pink vines. He looked so kind while speaking. The grandpa touched his arm and said something, his eyes tearing.

The scene made Raz unreasonably happy, proud too. Even if life at New Europe camp wasn’t perfect, she was glad Maroque and his friends had found them and given them a chance.

She reached the edge of the crowd with other curious kids and teens.

“Yo, angry plant girl!” some older boy with light stoney warping shouted at Allie.

“Yo yourself, dumb rocktwerp.”

Allie made a face at him.

The boy laughed with his friends.

“Small friends.” Maroque’s deep wizardy voice boomed. He had left healers to their job and found a chair near the crowd. “Who wants to fly?”

Younger kids started bouncing and screaming ‘memememe’.

Maroque’s pupils spread into horizontal dancing lines across glowing red eyes. Transparent veils of gold and red began to swell out of him in a wonderfield, but a swift flourish of his hand caught them all and sent a handful of the magic to every eager child.

“Then fly,” he said. “Soar!”

A flock of kids took flight at modest speed, with two dozen different flying techniques. Some flapped hands. Others swam or went superman. One was doing a yogi impression.

Raz, of course, would never pass on such a chance! She was whooping while surfing through the air. She speeded high, scarily high up to the suspended lights and hanging wires, then scream-laughed throughout the entire descent back to Allie and Faham.

“C’mon!” she urged them to join.

Faham hesitated, but raised his hand and received magic. He began floating. A single wing buzzed awkwardly beneath his baggy hoodie, but he didn’t seem to mind. Giggling, he flew circles at low altitude and made some careful explorations higher.

Raz hadn’t noticed Allie raising her hand, but eventually she bumped into her. Gold-red curtain appeared between them for just a bit, softening the already gentle impact.

“Wanna race?” Allie asked.

“Yeah! Where to?”

“From wizard to windows and back,” said rockboy and took off. 

Allie cursed and chased after him, Raz right behind her.

More kids, and even some adults joined in to play in the air. While clapping at Faham’s awkward backflip attempts, Raz noticed some elderly slavic lady twirling along to some zero-g ballet. Hundreds of people were in the air, goofing around. 

Lights never turned off in the main halls of unstation, but people can’t fly forever. Hours later, a little before the end of dinner service, the flight slowly lost its flightiness. Kids were collected by their parents. One boy tried to hide in the ceiling, until Maroque floated him down with a flick of his finger.

He was still sitting on that bench, tousling the ceiling boy’s hair. His wizard garments were as perfect as ever, untouched by travel, but his eyes looked a bit darker and his smiles stiffer. 

Raz wondered what the wizard was thinking. He had to be tired from the journey. Would she cheer him up by approaching, or just annoy and add to his stress? He’d been nice before, but ‘nice’ seemed like his factory setting. 

Allie nudged Raz. “What’re you, a wuss? If you wanna say hi, go say hi.”

“I was going to.”

“Nah. You weren’t. You were doing your sad wiggling.”

“Sad wiggling?”

Allie made an exaggerated pouty face and started fidgeting with her fingers.

“I don’t do that.”

“Do. Totally do.”

Raz looked to Faham for support.

“Sorry.”

She blinked, shaking her head. “I don’t. And besides, don’t you think it might come off as… I dunno, I don’t want him to think I’m trying to cling or fangirl…”

“You’re totally a fangirl, tho.”

“...or think–” Raz squinted at Allie. “Sure. But, like. He’s a powerful wizard. I don’t want him thinking I’m trying to get something, or take advantage of his kindness. I’m sure he’s busy.”

The ceiling boy apologized to Maroque and jogged, leaving the wizard alone. He turned to stare at the big chunk of warped Earth still parked outside.

Allie gave Raz an elbow nudge. “Wuss.”

“Okay okay. I’m going.” Raz started towards him, then turned. “You should come too. I bet he wants to know you two are getting better.”

Allie shrugged.

“Maybe…” Faham hesitated. “Do you think he would help with my exercise? If I’d like to ask about magic?”

“He’d probably be happy to teach!” He’d tried his best to answer her every magic question about magic, even if she’d had to ask some a couple times because of his goofy English.

“C’mon already!” Allie gave her a light shove.

Raz approached as casually as she could, though her hands couldn’t decide whether to be in pockets or wave, so she ended up doing a double wave, when Maroque noticed them.

“Heeeeeyllo, haha. Welcome back!”

“My special small friends.” He turned their way slowly. “Allie, you walk! Amazing. Amazing. Very strong. And Faham, good to see stronger too. Has life been good?”

“Yeah.” Raz nodded. “It’s been fine.”

“It’s whatever,” Allie added.

“And Faham?”

He nodded. “It’s fine. Thank you.”

“Fine means good. Good!” Maroque nodded stiffly, smiling.

Cool air wafted from him. Only then did Raz notice that the curly metal bench beneath him was covered in hoarfrost. His lips were a little blue.

“Looks a bit cold.” Raz poked it with her shoe. 

“Ah, this is, how to say…” Maroque closed his eyes in thought. “The cost of moving is rest. Not pick the right words, but close. Is my magic’s recoil.”

“For the flying? You didn’t–” Stunned, Raz stumbled on her words. “Did you hurt yourself to– Unbelievable… What the heck, Maroque?”

“It doesn’t hurt?” Allie asked.

“No-no-no.” The recoil turned his profuse gesturing into a slideshow. “Very light recoil. And no, little Raz. This is, how you say… accumulated debt. From Un. Giving gift of flying for some hours? That is a stick in the pond. Stick in the pond compared to magic taken by Un.” 

Raz stared at him. “Stick in the pond?”

“Yes, yes. Stick in the pond floats on top and make almost no ripple. Is common saying, no?”

“No.”

Maroque looked at her, shocked. “No?”

Faham shook his head too. “No, sorry.”

“Someone’s goofed you,” said Allie.

“Ahhh…” He cursed in wizard, scratching his golden beard. “My friend is, how you say…”

“Prolly not the way you’re gonna say it.”

Raz and Faham tried to hide their snorts but failed.

Maroque shot them a playful glare. “This I know. Good word from your culture. My friend, he is a troll.”

Allie chuckled.

They chatted this and that. About therapy exercises, their occasional computer adventures, their new sleeping space being a bit small but clean, the wonder of magical showers, and the food.

“It’s much better here. Even the worst soup days beat every flour day,” said Raz.

“Amen, sis.”

Raz blinked at her, but Allie didn’t even notice. Then, a grin started spreading on Raz’s face, followed by a bubbly warmth. She almost screamed from cheer. 

“Only thing...” Faham paused briefly. When nobody interrupted, he continued, “I feel like there could maybe be more sugar. There isn’t much sugar in their foods. I actually really liked the drinks Raz used to make me.”

“Aww.” She gave him a small hug, feeling a little drunk on happiness. “Thanks. You know they were just jam and water.”

“Still, I liked them.”

 “The HBW, they try their best, but difficult to make perfect food for many different altered,” said Maroque.

Faham nodded, eyes falling to the exercise notes he had finished.

The lull stretched, dimming the earlier joy.

Maroque leaned forward. His movements weren’t as stiff anymore, but his gaze was heavier. “So, there is no luck yet?”

“Nah.”

Raz shook her head.

Faham didn’t say a word.

Maroque glanced at the neon pink jungle still parked beside the unstation. A defeated look crossed his face. “I never mention, me and my friends, we are not part of HBW or volunteers. Swifta, Tabul, Ghermang, they are members of… you would say it is part of the Magogram special force.”

The trio perked up.

“Mission I cannot speak of, but it very important for Magogram, or so I thinked. Then we find three children.” 

He looked at them.

Raz didn’t know how to reply, or if he even wanted one.

“Thank you,” said Faham.

“My very pleasure,” said Maroque, beaming. “My very, very pleasure. It helped remind something I forgot: Why I became wizard. That reason, I think, is not to work with Magogram special forces. It is something very different.”

There was a gleam in his eyes, the same light mom had had, when she had drank three glasses of wine and explained to Raz about why she liked being a kindergarten teacher despite complaining about the kids every day. It was a very special light.

Raz held her breath.

“We have one last dive before Magogram kick me from being leader, because not following mission.” Maroque poked out his tongue. He didn’t look sorry at all. “One last trip into Un. A big isola near last one with maybe hundred, maybe thousand survivors. Then, when I come back, if you three want, maybe you come to Oor with me?”

Raz’s heart might’ve stopped.

“Wow,” said Allie.

Maroque hurried to add, “Not have to. But, if you have no luck with finding important people, then maybe life in Oor better than here. Maybe other children too if find them, but…” He ran fingers through hair, licking his lips. “Not thinked until the end yet if being honest, but want to make something for ahh, how to say… to help connect everyone so they care again? Ahh!” Maroque’s pointy hat nearly fell as he raked his hair in frustration. “Not good way to say it. When Nounsica finishes eating Earth languages, I will say details better. Is it maybe two-hearted to not offer this only to you, yes. But, maybe can build something later to…”

He chuckled, offering them an apologetic smile. “Rambling is the word, yes?”

“Yu-uh,” said Raz.

A real wizard wanted them to come live in Oor with him.

And not just any wizard, but Maroque. Big goofy goldbeard. The Christmas spice wizard. 

Her hands trembled.

Her head spun. 

For some reason, she felt guilty. Like she was betraying mom and dad by being excited to be adopted, but that was dumb. They would have loved Maroque. They wouldn’t have wanted her to mope around and wait for them until she was a sour scooter hating granny.

Raz began, “Yessnnwait, I mean…”

Her eyes darted between Allie and Faham.

Faham was buzzing too much to get a word out, but seized her hand and squeezed it. Allie took her into a laughing hug and broke the tension.

Raz laughed with her and hugged her back, then they gathered Faham into the hug and squished him.

They were with her. Would be. Always. Her new big sis and lil bro.

“Yes!” Raz found Maroque grinning wide. She made as good come-hug gestures as she could without free arms, and shouted, “Yes!”

He understood, stood, and, for a few wonderfully long minutes, made her feel like she had found her place.

 

***

 

Re; Week 4 exercise number 2: 

 I want to become a person who people can’t forget as often as I can.

Even though right now having nothing to do makes it challenging.

One small step I can take to overcome the challenge is try to be helpful when I can.

sorry, Dr. Sievining :( i’m not sure my answers are accurate anymore but they are what I wrote. life is looking so good right now! Maroque the wizard I told you about adopted us and we are going to Oor soon!!! Thank you so much for helping us over here even when you are so busy omg. you were such huuuuge help. really really thanks. i’m so thankful you helped Allie and Faham even more. im gonna one day do something nice for you

 

Dear Razandra,

It fills me with great joy to hear about the exciting new chapter you, Allie, and Faham are embarking on. Your journey, with its ups and downs, has been inspiring to witness, and I'm honored to have been a part of it, even briefly. 

As you prepare for this wonderful adventure to Oor, I want you to be proud of your progress. You’re a very insightful and mature young woman with a good heart. Remember, the skills and insights you've gained during our time together are yours to keep and build upon. You've shown remarkable ability to face challenges with courage and to find joy in the journey.

While our formal sessions may be concluding, please remember that the progress you've made is just the beginning. Keep embracing life with the same openness and enthusiasm you've shown. Your future is bright, and I have no doubt you'll continue to touch the lives of those around you in meaningful ways.

I would absolutely cherish a photo of you three in Oor! If you must repay me, please do so at your earliest convenience.

If you ever need support or simply wish to share updates about your journey, know that my inbox is always open. Take care of yourself and each other.

Wishing you all the happiness and adventure that life can offer,

Dr. Sievinen

 

Okay i will :) thanks again :)

 

Dear Razandra,

Thank you :) 

Dr. Sievinen

 

:)!