[Year 249, Month of Dew, Ephemeral Monarch Calendar]

One month and four days have passed.

My proficiency in their language soared, and was able to read and write a little. I suppose that some of the transmigration perks remained, even though I had to learn things over for anything beneficial to kick in.

Same couldn’t be said for the Imperial language they were drilling into me though. I’m still struggling with it.

But as I have promised to myself, I’ve done my best to not let myself be weak. Although, some things couldn’t be helped.

From the inevitable period that would arrive whether I wanted it or not; which I tried to ignore and came barreling like a freighter, all the way to the fact that I am unable to use magic.
How… do women live with this ? It’s painful, annoying and it’s gross. Like, really, really gross. It’s basically your uterus skinning itself and throwing up with a lot of blood. Nasty, sticky blood.

I know there are different levels of period pains based the internet netizen’s testimonies, but none of those could’ve prepared me for this. This wasn’t aching, I was getting stabbed from inside out.
Moreover, they told me they couldn’t use healing magic since it would fuck with the body’s natural biological process. And when I asked to at least relieve my pain, they said no to that too. Apparently it would mess with hormones as well.

This led me to believe their science was quite developed, given how much they knew about the body.
The most I was allowed was a warm compress and sweets. Oh heavens, the sweets, the food. I felt like my hunger was amplified several fold. If it weren’t for that, I’d most likely consider suicide again.

This made me realize I should’ve been a much, much more attentive partner in the short relationships I had. If I knew they suffered this much, I’d treat them like a Queen of England. Maybe the relationships would’ve lasted longer, too. But that ship has long since sailed.

On the upside, this event brought me a little closer to Léon and Cana. My impostor syndrome is still quite severe, but at least I don’t bawl every minute of an hour.

But then, I got angry. Why ? He told me I couldn’t use magic when I asked. Why did he have to say it while I was having cramps ? This man. He’s never been with a woman, has he ?
A fiancée you’ve barely spoken to doesn’t count, alright ?

I didn’t even get depressed at the fact, just angry. Okay, maybe I’d get depressed once I tried casting a spell and failing. I would have to try first before giving up, you know ?

And depressed I did get, about a week ago.
Turns out, to my flabbergasting surprise, I couldn’t use it after all.

When Léon first started explaining the basics to me, I immediately realized the manipulation of phenomena and elements depended entirely on how you understood the world.
In short, scientific knowledge.

I was told that humans are inherently at disadvantage because they were unable to cast spells outside their body or whatever in immediate contact with their body without a medium. There were many mediums, but the way they were made use of was practically the same.

They program them. Not like with zeros and ones, but combining various meanings together.
Their coding language came from an ancient civilization supposedly, but it wasn’t stagnant; much like a 21st century’s programming language.

I had a few programming friends I’d made back when I worked on indie titles, so I know the concepts of variables, arrays and structures. But unfortunately, that’s all I knew; just a few mere trivias.

This made me wish I’d gone down the IT route instead of taking up business management in university. Well, at least until I was thrown back to my reality where I couldn’t use magic.

Apparently, magic was more potent when used on me, but I couldn’t use it. Isn’t it kind of contradictory ? Ironic ? I don’t know, maybe I’m using the wrong words.

Point was; I was given a gem of some sort and metallic plate with a part of it hollowed out that fit the gem’s shape. Then, a process of engravement where I copied an alien looking text.

It sounds simple, but gave me much issue. But even that was an enjoyable process. As crude and clumsy as it was, I was told it would usually work. That made me feel hopeful for a moment.

So when I spoke an incantation which would shoot out a ball of liquid water which ended up not working, I was devastated.
But surprisingly, I wasn’t feeling dejected to the point where the world around me was crumbling.

Why ? All this sounded obscenely fun. I’d hardly even scratched the scratch of the surface, but the possibilities seemed… endless ? Just learning about something as fantastical as magic that really existed made me feel joyful.

And what about the swordsmanship, the martial world ? I wanted to know, even if I couldn’t use any of it.

“Señora…”

Are they able to split boulders ? Split the sky and seas ? Perhaps… even cut time ?!

The 31 year old that specialized in fantasy genre was thoroughly screeching within me.

“Señora ! Are you paying attention ?” Cana cruelly brought me back to reality again.

“Huh ? Ah, yes.” This reminds me of the old days when I would fall asleep in the middle of class. I suppose anyone that lived through middle and high schools could relate.

“Originally, this world only consisted of us humans and were unable to use magic.” I managed to recall whatever that was spoken to me.

“And then ?”
“Then the world nearly ended when the worlds of other races crashed into ours.” I simplified it. Maybe too much.

“One out of ten. That sort of answer isn’t acceptable, Señora Inés.” Cana shook her head.

Look… I’m just tired from the constant lectures. I realize that knowledge of the world myth is one of the basic necessities, but I find it hard to focus when I could be learning more about magic and swords. The spartan non-stop lectures didn’t help much either.

We haven’t even gotten to courtesy and manners yet, ones meant for women I mean. I just already knew that’s what was coming next once this phase was done and over with.
Just thinking about it made me feel like shit.

“Sigh…” Is it too much to ask for a man’s body ?

Absolutely no disrespect to women, but I truly felt like “my” existence was miserable. And no, I don’t want to learn the joys of being a woman.

‘Wait. Speaking of fiancées, did this girl have any ?’

Even if she did not, “I”… would have to get engaged eventually. And by my knowledge of the medieval era, my duty would be to birth an… heir.

This… this issue completely avoided my radar until now. Perhaps because of my initial extreme efforts at denial of reality.

‘What do I do ?’

Pregnancy is terrifying. But more than that, I don’t want to sleep with some another man.

‘But even if I wanted to elope with some hot woman, I know practically nothing of the world. On top of that, I’m powerless; without means of growth as far as I’m aware.’

…I’m at a loss. Too much thinking. I needed food.

‘It’s supposed to be lunchtime anyway.’

*tok-tok-tok*

Right on cue.

“We’ll continue later, Señora Inés.” Cana spoke, shaking her head.

…what was the rush anyway ? I sense there’s something going on, but neither wanted to ask or know. At least for now.