When I was a child, I don't even remember how old I was, I raised a hamster.

The names are Hamchi and Suchi. The two little lives were spinning around meaninglessly in a small cage.

So small and fragile lives. They were very small lives that would die if I touched them even a little harder, or I let them go without taking care of their needs.

I loved it so much I couldn't stand it. This small life trembling in my hands, this small life that will die if I apply even the slightest force.

One day, Suchi died.

As soon as I pressed down on his back with my fingers, he struggled and died.

Okay. I killed it. I harmed that little life without feeling any guilt.

Hamchi, who knew nothing, ate the dead Suchi. It was the moment when Hamchi became the culprit who killed Suchi.

No one in my family suspected me. It seemed like they couldn't even imagine that the cute youngest child would do such a cruel thing.

Amara, who always pretended to be strong, cried when she saw Succi with only half of her body left. 

It was my first time seeing my sister cry so much. The death of that little life seemed to have deeply hurt my olxer sister.

But to me, that death was joy. The joy of controlling a life with my own hands. In my short life of just a few years, Suchi's death was the biggest stimulation.

Hamchi, who was left alone, did not live long and died. Was she lonely? Maybe it was because my older sister and parents did not take proper care of Hamchi, who killed Suchi.

Even when Hamchi died, my sister didn't cry as much as when Suchi died. In fact, she seemed relieved that Hamchi, who killed Suchi, was dead.

Poor Hamchi. It's pitiful too. I will only believe in your innocence.

After the two hamsters died, we no longer have pets in our house.

My sister begged for a dog or a cat several times, but mom and dad didn't listen.

Neither dogs nor cats live longer than people anyway. It may have been a decision made by my parents considering that my sister would be hurt again if they let her get pet and they died first.

But for me, it was just a shame. I had long since forgotten the joy I felt when Succi died, and I needed more stimulation. A new scapegoat was needed.

Then one day, unexpected luck came.

"It's Lye. It's your older brother, Ryker."

"Brother?"

I tilted my head at my mother's words. An older brother born later than a younger sibling?

But the moment I saw that little life being held by it's mother by the wrist and rolling its eyes anxiously, I fell in love.

"Hello, brother!"

Brother.

Looking at my brother, I thought of Hamchi and Suchi, who died a long time ago. Hamsters locked in a small cage and working hard on a wheel.

To me, my brother was a fragile and small being who could be crushed. At the same time, he was also an extraordinary being who struggled to survive.

But my brother took a lot more work than the hamster. My brother was extremely afraid of everything in the world.

And the same was true for me. Why was he so afraid of such a small and cute little sister?

It took a full year for my brother to accept me. The amount of devotion I put into my brother during that one year is indescribable.

"L... Ly, Lye,"

"Huh~? Brother~?"

"Thank you."

I don't remember the circumstances behind why my brother thanked me. But I clearly remember the joy I felt when my brother called my name for the first time.

If the emotions I felt when Suchi died were like being shocked by electricity, then the emotions I felt at this time were like being struck by lightning. I don't know why, but it was such a touching moment for me.

After my brother gave me his heart, my hobby became listening to his heartbeat.

When I hugged my brother and put my ear to his chest, I could see his weak heart pounding hard. When I thought that I could make this heart stop at any time, its beating felt sweeter to me than any music.

It was around that time that my mom and dad got in arguments. My mother was looking at me with satisfaction as I clung to my brother, and my father was looking at me with dissatisfaction. Finally, one day, after a big fight between mom and dad, dad left the house. Since I, my mother, and my sister unilaterally ostracized my father, it may be more accurate to say that he was kicked out rather than leaving home.

After that, my father got divorced from my mother due to an affair scandal.

It doesn't matter what happened to my father who disappeared. Because my brother is important now.

My lovely, lovely brother. Watching him struggle to survive, I felt the urge to trample them down several times.

But that was the same act as the fairy tale I read a while ago, about tearing open the belly of the goose that lays the golden egg. If you act on a momentary impulse, a lifetime of joy will disappear.

I persevered, to experience the best moment, the greatest joy.