A short while later, I drove into the parking lot of a S-Mart that had a Chubby’s Big Breakfast across the parking lot from it, and pulled into a space as far as I could from anyone else.  I put the car in park, and turned the engine off.  “Siri, I need you to lift the emotional clamp please.  If I don’t work through this soon, I feel like I’m going to have real problems.”

 

                *All... Alright Jason.  I’ll release it slowly.*

 

                If I had to describe it, I would say it felt like an approaching tsunami... slow at first, but rising to a crushing height.  I felt nervous, apprehensive, and then suddenly I was deluged by days of stress, my transformation and bonding with Siri, and the killing of the enemy aliens all at once.  Tears flooded down my face, and I screamed, not in fear, but because I had no other way to let the stress out, short of trashing my car.  I screamed again, and smashed my head against the steering wheel, and the pain helped a little bit, and then it was like a dam broke, and I started ugly crying – huge gasps of breath, with moans and wails – like I was mourning the passing of myself, of my life, of who I had been and who I was.  It was a full blown, Rick and Morty style spaz of stress, pain, and grief.  Too  much had been bottled up for too long, and now it was having its way with me – getting out any way it could.

 

                I don’t know how long I was having my meltdown for, but the next thing I knew, it was quieter, and I heard an older man  tapping on my car window.  I felt like a wreck, both physically and emotionally, but I wiped the tears away, and rolled down the window.

 

                “Y...yeah?”  I stammered.

 

                “Are you okay, miss?”  The older man asked.  He looked in his sixties, wearing typical casual clothes, and wore a concerned look on his face.  “Do you need me to call anyone?”

 

                “M...miss?  Oh shit.”

 

                “I’m sorry?  Are you okay, miss?  I could call someone for you, if you need me to.”

 

                I steeled myself, and looked up at the kindly old man.  “Sorry... I was just letting out stress.  My dad has cancer, and my life has been falling apart lately.  I just needed somewhere private to let it out and try to get better.”

 

                The old man nodded gently.  “I’m sorry life is so rough for you right now, miss.  If you like, I’d be glad to talk it through with you, you know?  Lend an ear and maybe help you get some stuff off your chest.  I was were you are now, about three years ago when I lost my daughter and my two grandkids in a car accident.  I’d wish someone had helped me, and if you’ll let me, I’d like to help you.  Tell you what... If you want, I’ll buy you breakfast, and you can tell me anything.  I’ll listen, and let you get it all out.  No judgement.”

 

                I sniffed, and wiped my nose, which had started leaking dribbles of snot in my crying jag.  “O..okay.”  I replied.  At that moment, it was more important to vent, than to be worried whether he mistook me for a miss or a mister.  “What’s your name?”

 

                “Walter.  Walter Harcourt.”

 

                “Hi Walter.  I’m Ja... I’m Jace.”

 

                “Hi Jace.  I don’t want to pressure you – I know how stressful it can be, times like these.  If you want to talk, I’ll be inside the big chubby over there,” he said, pointing at the restaurant.  “Just come inside when you’re able, and if I don’t see you, I hope you have a good day.”

 

                I couldn’t help but try to smile.  “Thanks, Walter.”

 

                “No problem, Jace.”  He smiled back, and headed over to the restaurant.

 

                I sighed, and groaned, trying to let some of my physical stress out – I ached all over, and felt dizzy – either from shock or stress or hunger, and I couldn’t deny pancakes sounded damn good right about now.  It looked like it was close to dawn – that gray pre dawn light that comes just before the sun rises.   The sky was overcast – likely more rain was on the way – and seeing as how it was just before sunrise, I guessed it was close to 6am. 

 

                “You okay, Siri?”

 

                *Not really.  That... whatever it was... took a lot out of me – of us.  We need food – and if you think Walter will listen, I think you need to vent to one of your people.  I’ve been trying the best I can, but I don’t know what to say at the moment to make it better.  Maybe Walter will be able to help.*

 

                “Why did he call me Miss?”

 

                *The bonding is complete.  Maybe now would be a good time to look in a mirror?  I am sorry, Jason.*

 

                “If you help me save my dad, I’ll call it even.”  I said, and turned my rear-view mirror to look at my face.  “Holy shit, Siri!  I look like a frigging girl!” 

 

                Siri wisely said nothing.

 

                I stared for a moment, and realized I was wrong – I didn’t look like a woman – but I did look exceptionally effeminate – like those Bishonen from Japanese Anime...  You know, the guys who look better in a dress than the girls did?  Or like the heroes from a Final Fantasy game... Cloud and Sephiroth came to mind immediately.  Both badasses in a fight – but not the manliest of appearances for either of them.  My features seemed... almost delicate, and softened. My hair was longer – almost down to my neck, and looking more than a little bedraggled.  I still had my height, but my build was different too, although I couldn’t get a good look in the tiny car mirror.  I wasn’t female, but my body was damn effeminate.  Even my voice sounded softer.  Fuck me.  I thought.  Nothing in my life is going to be the same, is it?

 

                *No, Jason.  I’m sorry.*

 

                “I... I don’t know if I can do this, Siri.  I don’t know if I can live like this... being changed, fighting for my life, and the constant stress.  Maybe I should just try to find you a new host – you know, someone trans who would really dig all this.”

 

                *Pity doesn’t become you, Jason.  I am sorry I upended your life by bonding with you – I am, but you can live like this – you can even find joy and happiness if you let yourself.  This is a major life change – yes – and a major trauma - but it is not the end of the world.  People find a way to bounce back from devastating change all the time, and I know you can too.  Besides, what you’re talking about is suicide, and I won’t let you.*

 

                “Why the fuck not?”  I asked, tiredly.

 

                *Because part of my job – OUR job now - is to be choosers of the slain – arbiters of where the souls of men and women go when they die.  I bonded with you, Jace.  I know you as closely as you know yourself.  I don’t want to send you to Hel, so please don’t make me.*

 

                “Hel is a real place?”

 

                *Just as real as Midgard, Asgard or the any of the others.  I’ve seen it Jace.  You DON’T want to go there.  Please.*

 

                I sighed, and leaned back to rest a moment.  Siri was right... Removing her would be tantamount to killing myself.  Gods damn it, why did everything have to be so hard! 

 

                “Alright, Siri.  I won’t try to get you a new host.  I’ll manage... But I might need help.  I don’t know if I can do this alone.”

 

                *You’ll never be alone again, Jace.  I promised you that days ago.  I’ll be with you until the end.*

 

                I nodded, even though no one was there to see me, except myself.  Food sounded good.  Maybe I should take Walter up on his offer, I thought.  After all, if he thinks I’m crazy, I can just walk away, right?  At least I get to vent, and get some breakfast.  I groaned and unbuckled my belt and got out of the car.  “Let’s get this over with.”

 

                I walked over to the Chubby’s Big Breakfast – it was a popular all-day breakfast place in Chi-town and across Illinois.  I’d heard that they were trying to break into the east coast, and maybe set up branches in Empire, Paragon and Freedom city – but Waffle House had most of the east coast locked up tight, so no one knew if they were going to succeed or not.  To be honest, I’d kinda missed eating at Chubby’s while I was in Paragon doing my degree.  No one did their gravy quite like them, and the coating on their chicken was iconic.  People even drove for over an hour or more to get chicken and waffles from Chubby’s. 

 

                When I went inside, I saw Walter sitting alone at a table, sipping on a coffee.  I waved, and he smiled, and waved back, so I went over.  “Hi, Walter.”

 

                “Hi Jace.  Would you like to sit down?”

 

                “Yeah... And thanks.  For caring.”  I said, sitting across from him in the booth.

 

                “My pleasure, Jace.  I’ve found that its easy to look the other way, and its hard to do the right thing.  Ever since I lost Becky and the kids, I’ve been trying hard to not look the other way anymore.  I see someone in need, and I try to do something about it.  Even if I can’t help, at least I tried, you know?”

 

                “I think so, yeah.”

 

                “I waited on ordering, in case you came in.  You still want something to eat?”  Walter asked.

 

                “Yes, please.  And thank you again.”

 

                “No worries, dear.  It’s fine.  Everyone needs a helping hand sometime.”  He waved, and a waitress came over. 

 

She was tired – but the tired of just getting started and not quite awake yet, not the tired at the end of a long day.  Her red and white checkered uniform and red apron looked neat and tidy, and her brown hair was in a messy bun.  She looked kinda cute – and I was glad I still felt that way after all the other changes that had happened to me lately.  Her name tag said “Lindsay.”

 

“What can I get you folks? Do you need menus?”  She asked.

 

“Not for me.”  Walter replied.  “Do you?”

 

“No, I know what I’m getting.” I replied.

 

“Great!  What can I get you?”

 

“I’ll have two eggs, sunny side up, with a side of hash browns and bacon – crispy but not burnt; toast, and a Bran muffin with some butter, with a big glass of OJ.”  Walter replied.

 

As Walter finished, I chimed in.  “...And I’ll have a tall stack of pancakes, with butter and syrup, with a side of sausage and toast with marmalade... and a large glass of orange juice as well.”

 

“Coming right up, folks.  I’ll be back with your breakfast soon.”

 

As Lindsay headed to the kitchen to give our order, Walter nodded and looked at me.  “You still need to vent?”

 

“Yeah, I kind of do.” I said.

 

“Well, feel free, Jace.  I’m a good listener – and like I said, no judgement.  That’s the Lord’s job, not mine.”

 

“Thanks.”  I replied.  “It’s going to sound like I’m crazy, so if you can, just let me finish before you say anything, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

I took a breath, and began to talk...

 

 

[This scene might be relevant if you want a mild example of Jason’s spaz.]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emh7-VQ4VqI