Later, in Asgard, the people of Asgard celebrated their great victory against the Krell – the war was over, and for a while (probably several centuries the way the Aesir measured time) there would be peace and prosperity.  Meanwhile, I felt a need for solitude, and rested quietly in my room, while my brothers and sisters celebrated.

 

                “Siri, am I just being too sensitive about all this?”  I asked, wondering what her perspective was in all this.

 

                *No, I don’t think so.  I think you’re right where you should be, about how you feel about it.  If we’re the new goddess of Hope – well, what hope did the Krell have?  Their hope was denied – it makes sense that you would feel that on a visceral level.*

 

                “I guess so.”

 

                *That’s not what’s bothering you, is it?*

 

                “It is, and it isn’t.  The level of violence was astonishing and upsetting, yes.  The Krell crossed a line, yes.  Was there a middle ground where compromise would be possible?  I don’t know – that option was never explored.  All I know is that I don’t want to be responsible for something like that ever again if I can help it.”

 

                Siri was quiet for a moment.   *You know a warrior’s job is to kill, right?*

 

                “Yes, but that wasn’t honourable combat, and it wasn’t even close to a fair fight.  It wasn’t even genocide – genocide is too small a word.  It was annihilation.  It erased the Krell and everything they could ever become.  It was a necessary horror – but I can’t celebrate this as a victory.”

 

                Siri sighed, and I could almost feel her mental *hug* as she tried to console me.  Maybe I was too new to being a warrior angel to understand her viewpoint – but even with her memories integrating into me, what the Aesir did today felt wrong.  And I had led the charge.  I gave the order to attack.  It was on me.  The weight of that decision felt like it would crush me if I didn’t figure out how to deal with it, so I just wrapped myself in a hug, and tried to meditate.

 

                Wrapping myself in a hug is a lot easier with the binder Grunne and Lashawna gave me, I thought with a bit of humor.  The garment’s tight embrace was uncomfortable to wear – it was rather tight – but the relief from the dysphoria it gave was worth it.  For a little while I could forget I had breasts and just be Jason again.

 

                And what about Jason, I wondered.  Is he gone?  Am I still him inside, or is it now just Sannyr Dawn Stendahl?  I couldn’t tell, but I knew Siri was right.  I needed to go back to Midgard – to Earth – and discover who I was in a more normal situation.  I couldn’t do that here.  I needed a vacation.

 

                There was a tap at my door, and I groaned.  Why can’t I get an evening alone?  Fuck!  I thought, and got up to answer the door.  It was Rae, and my face fell.

 

                “Oh.  It’s you.”  I said.  “What’s up?”

 

                Rae bit her lip, and brushed some of her silver hair over an ear.  “I... I wanted to say I was sorry for how I administered the drug to you – the one that gave you the visions.  I didn’t have to do it that way.”

 

                “No.  You didn’t.  It felt like a betrayed trust.”

 

                “For that, Sannyr, I’m sorry.  Can we still be friends?”  Rae asked.

 

                “Yeah, Rae.  I don’t want to stay mad – but please don’t do anything like that ever again, okay?”  I replied.

 

                “Okay.  Deal.”  Rae stepped forward and gave me a quick hug, which I returned.

 

                “Is it okay if I call you Sunny?  I’m going to call you Sunny!”

 

                “Wha...  Why the hell would you call me Sunny?” 

 

                “You’re usually pretty happy and nice... and sunny.  Sannyr...Sunny.  Get it?”  Rae’s face was lit up with something – maybe happiness I wasn’t officially pissed off at her anymore, and Siri’s memories told me she was getting fixated on this...  And that it would be better to go along with it than to try and change it.  Rae was something of an unstoppable force when she put her mind to something. 

 

                “I can’t convince you to NOT call me that, can I?” I joked.

 

                “Probably not.  I did come by for another reason, though.”

 

                “What’s up, Rae?”

 

                “Loki suggested that it would be appropriate for you to be at dinner tonight.  For the formal announcement.  I think you should be there.  His suggestion didn’t sound like a suggestion, frankly – and seeing as how he was one of your sponsors, you need to be there.”

 

                I sighed.  I guess I did, and Siri agreed.  “All right Rae.  I’ll be down shortly.”

 

                “Alright, Sunny.  I’ll let Loki know.  You know, I’m jealous.  You’ve accomplished so much.  I’ll see you soon.”

 

                I smiled as cheerfully as I could.  “Thanks, Rae.  You haven’t done poorly for yourself either.”

 

                “Thanks.  See you soon, Sunny!”  Rae left, humming a song and in a much better mood. 

 

                As for myself, I steeled myself for another night of pouring drinks, and headed to the dining hall of Valhalla.

 

 

*              *              *

 

 

                When I got to Valhalla, I was taken aback... If I thought the partying and celebration a night or two ago was raucous, it didn’t even hold a candle to what was happening now.  The dining hall was awash in people celebrating – and many of the Einherjar and Valkyries were being VERY friendly.  The booze was flowing rapidly, and the feast was quickly turning into a potential orgy.  It was honestly like nothing I’d ever seen.

 

                I headed through the tighly packed crowds, and approached the High Table, and when I reached for an apron, Hervör blocked me, shaking her head.

 

                “No, My Lady.  Tonight we serve you.”

 

                “Aye, Sannyr.”  Thor called out.  “It’s time for the announcement.”  Thor stood up, and bellowed to the crowd.  “All you louts!  Quiet up!  The Allfather has something to say!”

 

                It took a few moments for the crowd to quiet down, and begin to pay attention, but soon all heads were watching the High Table.  Odin, the Allfather of the Aesir, stood to address the crowd. 

 

                “All of you know of the raid, led by our newest member of the Twelve – Sannyr!  What you do not know is that she willingly led that mission, knowing it was potentially a suicide mission!  For her bravery and courage, we have given to her the Rite of Ascension, and raised Sannyr Dawn Stendahl to our ranks – as the newest Goddess of the Aesir.  Tonight, she is here to accept this honor, on behalf of all Asgard and its people – and to stand amongst her kin, as an Asynjur – a Lady of the Aesir!”

 

                The crowd roared its approval, and thumped its cups and flagons on the tables enthusiastically. 

 

                “As she is now one of the Asynjur, Sannyr can no longer be considered one of the Twelve – but she is now one of us, and shall be accorded all the rights, respect and honor that you give one of the Aesir or Asynjur!  Sannyr!  Welcome to our table!”  With that, Odin held out his hands, as if to welcome me to the family.

 

                I stood a moment in shock…  I mean, I had known this was coming – but to be invited into the family of the gods, by your supreme god?  I couldn’t parse it – and I felt Siri taking over while I recovered from my shock. 

 

                “Thank you, Lord Odin… Father.  We shall cherish this gift, and shoulder this responsibility as well.  We shall serve Asgard to our dying breath, and do what we must to protect its people from harm, either from within or without, without regards to our personal safety.  On our very souls do we swear!”  Siri said for me.

 

                “Then welcome amongst us, sister.”  Odin said, taking my arms, and wrapping me in a hug.  I hugged back, and then the moment was over.  I was one of them now… one of the Asynjur.  A goddess.  A very minor one, but a goddess nonetheless.

 

                I felt Odin guide me to his side, and I sat across from him, next to Frigg, his wife, and across from Thor, his eldest son.  I was aware of the great honor he was showing me, and I smiled graciously, now that I had my wits again.

 

                “Thank you, My Lord.”  I replied.

 

                “Tis naught but truly earned, Sannyr.”  Odin replied.  “Enjoy tonight.  It is your time.”

 

                I sat, and looked at my new family – and Freya smiled and gave me the ‘thumbs up’ sign with great pleasure, and Loki nodded his head in approval.  The other gods and goddesses welcomed me as well, and we began to eat.  Dinner was a bit stressful, but the food was amazing and quite lovely, and I eventually almost forgot where I was and what I was doing, and enjoyed dinner.

 

                That night Rae poured my wine – and I nodded my approval.  It seems she was to be the one to take my spot on the Twelve, in a break from tradition.  The new War-Leader would be more of a Spymaster, if I knew anything about Rae, and I couldn’t be happier for her, although Heimdall looked a bit sour at the news.  I suspect he was annoyed that Loki’s favored were achieving so much reknown so quickly.  He was always cautious, from what I’d heard.

 

                I did my best to tease Rae, but I soon learned she enjoyed it far too much – and the only way to safely tease Rae – if you didn’t want it to go too far – was to NOT tease Rae… After I acted the stick in the mud for too long, Rae spent the rest of the night being teased by the rest of the Aesir and looked like she was having a blast.

 

                After dinner, I was still pretty stressed out, and didn’t feel like much in the way of conversation.  I excused myself, and said goodnight.

 

                I hadn’t got far from Valhalla when a Valkyrie I didn’t recognize, rushed after me. She looked asian, but to my untrained eye, I couldn’t tell what ethnicity; she did have the most beautiful long black hair though!  “My Lady!  My Lady!  You’re going the wrong way!”

 

                “I beg your pardon?  How?”  I asked.

 

                “I’m sorry, My Lady, but the All Father has given you rooms inside the palace, as befits your new status as one of the Ladies.  Your things have been moved out of the barracks and placed in the new chambers.  May I show you the way?”

 

                “Of course.  What is your name?”  I asked.

 

                “I was known to some as Eir, Milady, but I have yet to take a name amongst the Aesir.  I’m a new host.  My human name was Yuri.”

 

                “Greetings, Yuri and Eir.”  I began.  “Sorry about my brusque demeanor.  It’s been a very long day.”

 

                “I understand, My Lady.  Can I take you to your rooms?”

 

                “Of course.”

 

                I followed Yuri through the palace, and eventually we found my chambers… They were far, far more lavish than my rooms in the barracks – and I thought my rooms in the barracks were pretty nice!  I had a bedroom – with a bed big enough for four people – and a sitting room, a private bathroom, and two guest rooms – it was a suite – with walk in closets, fine draperies and tapestries, soft carpets and art objects decorated every square inch of space.  Also in the chamber were three trunks of treasure – gold cups, rings, armbands, coins, and art of all kinds…

 

                “What is this?”  I asked.

 

                “It is your reward for leading the attack on the Krell, My Lady.  It is also a sign of the respect that Odin and the other Lords and Ladies hold you in.  It is a gift.”

 

                “Amazing.”  I whispered under my breath.  “Thank you, Yuri.  I think that is all.  I’d like to be alone now, okay?”

 

                “No problem at all, My Lady.  If you need anything, just comm me.”  Yuri bowed, and then left.

 

                I guess she was assigned to me.  Is that normal?  I asked Siri.

 

                *I’ve never been made one of the Asynjur before.  How in the Hel would I know?*  Siri quipped.  *It makes sense though – the other Aesir have servants and guards – I assume you’ll have the same.*

 

                “Huh.  I’ve never had assistants before, let alone servants.  This whole thing is weird.”

 

                *Maybe, but I suppose we’ll get used to it.*

 

                “In time, maybe.  I’m getting ready for bed.”

 

                I stripped out of my clothes, and found some good sleep clothes inside one of the closets... Apparently being a goddess of the Aesir comes with a complimentary fully outfitted wardrobe.  Huh? 

 

                Finally, I removed the binder – and it felt wonderful to not have the uncomfortable pressure on my chest – but it released ‘the girls’, and that felt rather weird too.  I was too tired to care, and slipped on the sleep clothes and headed to bed.  As expected, sleep was a long time in coming, and it was troubled when it did arrive.  Eventually, though I did sleep.

 

 

*              *              *

 

 

                The next two days I spent mostly in bed, or in my quarters, resting and trying to figure out what to do.  Apparently, as an Asynjur, I had no duties unless I was needed by the Realm, and since I wasn’t a Valkyrie officially anymore, I didn’t have any duties with them as well.  I honestly didn’t know what to do with my time – and being alone with my thoughts and my guilt about what happened with the Krell Homeworld was not doing me any favors.

 

                Siri was right.  I needed to go home.

 

                I got myself dressed appropriately, and left my quarters to go speak to Frigg, to ask her to intercede with her husband Odin, to give me leave to leave Asgard for a time.  As I left, I gasped as I nearly bumped into Calder, and another man, standing guard on my room.

 

                “Calder!  What are you doing here?”  I asked, more than a little surprised.

 

                “I volunteered to become one of your household guards, My Lady.”  He replied quickly.  “I figured you might need someone to look out for you, since you’re new to all of this, and I kind of got used to taking care of you on the last mission already so...” 

 

                There’s that cocky smile, I thought.  “You volunteered?”  I asked.  “Thank you, Calder.”

 

                “You’re welcome, My Lady.  This is Donovan.  He’s one of your guards as well.”  Calder replied.

 

                “Hello, My Lady.”  Donovan replied.  “It is an honor to serve you.”

 

                “Thank you, Donovan.”

 

                “It’s my pleasure, My Lady.”

 

                “Calder, do you know where I could find Frigg?”

 

                “No, My Lady.  I know she’s in the palace, but you might have to ask around.  It’s my first few days in the palace as well, My Lady.”

 

                “Of course.  Thanks Calder,”  I replied.  “I’ll find her.”

 

                I waved farewell, and wandered off in search of Frigg, and eventually came upon her while she was having tea with Sif and Freya in one of the nameless salons and lounges overlooking a beautiful garden in the city.

 

                “Excuse me, ladies.  Would it be alright if I had a word with Frigg, or you as well, Freya, for a moment?”

 

                “Of course, Sannyr.”  Frigg replied.  “What’s on your mind?  It’s obvious something’s been bothering you, girl – no one’s seen you outside your rooms for almost three days.”

 

                I came over, and sat in an open chair, and put my hands in my lap.  “I... I don’t know what I’m doing here.  I can’t sleep well, and I can’t concentrate.  What we did to the Krell was necessary, I know – but it was also horrible and terrifying, and I can’t get it out of my mind.  Siri thinks I need a vacation – to return to Midgard to heal – and I think I do too.  I came to ask you if it would be alright if I left Asgard for a while, to heal – and to be sort of normal again.”

 

                “My dear,”  Frigg began.  “First of all, you answer to no one save Lord Odin, Myself, Freya and Loki – your King and Queen, and your Patrons.  Barring any other responsibilities, you are welcome to come and go as you please.  As far as I am concerned, with the war of the Krell over and dealt with, there is little need to keep Asgard as militarized as it has become in the last decade or so – so, if you seek my blessing, I would say take all the time you need.  I think my husband would say the same.”

 

                “Thank you, My Queen.  And what of you, Freya?  Do I have your leave to return to Midgard for a while?”

 

                “Aye, Sannyr.  You have risked much for us – and I don’t see how a few years or more of your absence might harm us.  Take a well deserved rest, my child.  See your father again, and live life as a mortal for a while.  It can be most restful.”

 

                “Have you spent time on Midgard as a mortal, Freya?”  I asked, a bit surprised.

 

                “Aye, Sannyr.  We all have.  Even Frigg and Odin.  We all visit and remember our roots, and try to remember where we came from – who our people are and to see them grow and change.  I have lived many lives on Midgard, and many times I have had families too.  If Asgard has need of you, we will call for you.  Until then, your life is your own, Sannyr.”

 

                “Thank you, Freya.”

 

                “You are very welcome, young one.”

 

                “Sif, your husband invited me to dinner sometime soon.  May I apologize in advance, and take up his invitation later, when I am feeling better?  I don’t wish to be rude.”

 

                “It’s fine, Sannyr.  Thor sometimes does things without thinking.  I’m afraid Bilskirnir is quite a mess, and isn’t ready to receive any guests for a while anyway, so don’t worry about it.”

 

                “Thank you, Sif.”  I stood, smoothing my Asgardian skirts.  “Then I guess I must speak with Loki, before I can depart.  May I take your leave?”

 

                Frigg and Freya nodded, and I left to go look for Loki.  Fortunately, he was much easier to find – I knew where his office in the Intelligence department was, seeing as how I’d been there several times already.  When I looked inside, Loki’s head was down, reading some reports.

 

                “Loki, can I have a minute, if it’s okay?”  I began.

 

                Loki looked up, and smiled.  “Sannyr.  Of course.  What’s the problem?”

 

                “I was wondering if you minded if I returned to Midgard for a while to heal.  The destruction of the Krell homeworld really bothered me, and I’m still adjusting to my new rank and station, and to be honest, its a bit much to take in all at once.”

 

                “Sure.”  He replied.  “Although I might have Rae or myself stop in occasionally to see how you’re doing – and to keep you in the loop with what’s going on in Asgard.”

 

                “That sounds great.”  I replied.  “Just remember to wear local clothes, or people will freak out.  And could you remind Rae of the same?”

 

                “Sure thing, Sannyr.  Frankly, I think I might take a vacation from Asgard for a while too.  I have projects of my own to work on, and this war has been going on for long enough that many of them have gathered dust.  It’ll be good to get up to my old tricks once again.”

 

                I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, but I sure as hell wasn’t about to pry.  “Thank you, Loki.  I’ll try and keep some mead in the fridge for when you visit.”

 

                “I’m actually more partial to a nice dry Reisling, actually.  I like how it sits on my palate.  Mead is too sweet.”

 

                “I’ll keep that in mind.  Thank you again.”

 

                “Enough with the thanks!  Go!  Have fun!  Rae or I will be seeing you soon enough.”

 

                I nodded, and withdrew.  Only one more place to go, I thought as I headed back to my old barracks.  To say goodbye to my erstwhile sisters in arms.

 

                When I arrived, I could see that the room was mostly full – Jhaele, Grunne, Hilde, Kaitlin, Dargun and Lashawna were all there.  I smiled.  I didn’t know them well as Sannyr – but Siri knew them like sisters – and in the time we’d spent together they had all been incredibly welcoming and friendly.  If I was going to miss one thing about Asgard, it would be their company.

 

                They leapt to attention as I entered, and I saluted them back and motioned them to be at ease. 

 

                “My Lady Sannyr!  How can we help you?”  Grunne asked.

 

                “I...  I just came to say good bye.  I’m going back to Earth – to Midgard – for a while, to rest and get used to my new station.  I just wanted to say goodbye to my sisters, and my good friends.”

 

                Instantly, I was surrounded by Valkyries, offering advice, giving farewell hugs, and just in general being supportive and gentle.  I felt tears welling in my eyes, and knew I wouldn’t be able to stop them.  I cried, and hugged them all back.  We said goodbye.

 

                “Now, if any of you are down on Midgard, feel free to drop me a line and say hello, Okay?”  I said.

 

                “We will.”  Jhaele laughed.  “We’ll need to see how you’re adjusting, if nothing else.”

 

                “Thank you, all.”  I said, fondly.  “I need to go.  Take care.”

 

                “Take care of yourself too, My Lady!”  Lashawna replied.  “Don’t be afraid to call us to talk if you need to.”

 

                “I won’t!  Goodbye!”

 

                They waved goodbye, and I returned to my quarters.

 

 

*              *              *

 

 

                Later, after a nice private lunch, I told Yuri, Donovan and Calder my plans – and they took it rather well.  In fact, there was no argument or upset at all, and they looked rather pleased.  I guess not having to serve me while I was gone was looking pretty good?

I wasn’t sure if I should be upset or happy, but in the end, I thought if they’re happy, then so am I.

 

                Afterwards, once I was alone again, I removed my Asgardian clothes and re-dressed in my Midgarder clothing... Although I did pack the binder and a half-dozen pairs of Valkyries’ Secrets with my stuff, along with one or two Asgardian outfits and three heavy gold goblets.  My Valkyrie armor and weapons – including Draugrfing – were still in whatever pocket dimension they hid in until I summoned them forth.  I shouldered my knapsack, and left the palace, walking out onto the Bifrost Bridge. 

 

                I looked back at Asgard, the city of the Gods.  My Heaven.  What an adventure, I thought.  My dad will never believe me.  It’s time to go home.

 

                *I’m ready when you are, kiddo.*  Siri replied.

 

                “I’m ready.”  I replied.  “Heimdall, I need a bridge!”  I called out, smirking, and summoning the Bifrost.  A second later, I was gone.  I was finally heading home.