Arianna’s words offended me greatly, for she had delivered them amidst Katherine’s dreadful heartache, and I saw no reason for her to behave in so heartless a manner! I could not help but to hiss at my beloved’s suggestion as I tried to hold and comfort Katherine’s wet form, which still sobbed and shook with loneliness even as she was wrapped all around my body for support!
What a horrible thing Arianna had said, and I felt a growl forming in my throat outside of my control! Just this once, I was glad that Arianna couldn’t speak for herself anymore, as it meant she had no way to inflict that cruel notion upon Katherine — I would not have the water spirit’s mood be uplifted by such false pretenses, only to later fall to despair and horror once presented with the truth! — but I could not keep my silence, for I simply had to respond to my Arianna, or else I’d soon be shouting thunder!
“Rianna!” An indignant whisper carried all of my anger, for I could not bear to hold it entirely inside of myself, and I demanded that she justify her insensitive proposal that we test a ‘solution’ upon such a pleasant spirit as Katherine!
She’d suffered from that terrible loneliness for so long a time, such that she’d quaked with wracking sobs all through my efforts to comfort her, as if the mere contact with another person’s skin had such a terrible nostalgia upon her memory! I would not have her suffer from Arianna’s curiosity as well, so with retribution thick upon my voice, I demanded of my beloved,
“You will explain yourself.”
“It-it’s not what you think, Mira! It really isn’t!” Arianna actually stood her ground on this matter, even as I could feel her recoiling sharply from the righteous anger which raged within me, and I was so impressed with her backbone in the face of my absolute displeasure that I came to believe her.
It was certainly not an unlikely enough condition recently for me to have been wrong, and though a new part of decried my rational response, for it could never be mistaken: I denied its continued purchase upon my reason. It fought me then for control over my belief in Arianna, but its battle was rather short-lived, as I was no stranger to discarding my feelings, and it was a feeble new thing that hadn’t yet known it had no chance in a contest against my very wits! Perhaps it might have learned some humility from this defeat, but I very much doubted it, even as the relief of its departure washed over me.
A tightness which had arrested my chest thankfully relented as I was freed from my own fury. I truly hated this new anger of mine, for it was so very difficult to control when it came upon me, and it combined so very dreadfully with my paranoia: I’d never been so fast to leap to my worst conclusions as I was now!
I let it go with a sorrowful sigh, for really: there was no reason that I should’ve been holding her at fault for a mere suggestion — no matter how poorly it came across to me — for it was myself who was primed toward the negative, and this was certainly no fault of hers! I wouldn’t have let this feeling of disgust turn to anger so readily if I could have helped it, but it seemed that I was quite unable to quit that deep-rooted hatred which held me!
Would that I could’ve also stopped seeking an argument in favor of my inhumanity so easily as I’d dismissed the symptoms my self-loathing had brought forth… but the back of my mind did not seem to appreciate this necessary return to pragmatism, for it was so oppressively insistent upon being right! This poisonous ill-will was filling me up past my capacity to keep anymore, and this was becoming an alarmingly common occurrence of late — though I used to be the very image of self-control, except for in the particularly extreme circumstances which actually warranted intense response!
This wasn’t like me at all, for I’d blown up with anger again despite my promising myself that I wouldn’t! What of my promise to Luca that I would hurt nobody? Was that trust he’d shown me then so utterly dismissable for me as my word was to myself? Were all of my determinations so false and paltry to me as this last one all along? If so, then I’d become a liar, for my assurances had all been made in self-deceit, and I was evolving into such a wrothful terror for my loved ones that all of the kept promises in the world couldn’t let me still pretend that I was a good and righteous person!
Mercy, please tell me… which important part of myself should be revealed to have vanished next? Was I lying to myself about my own qualities all along? What more of my life and person would yet be ceded to these new emotions of mine?! What else did I stand to lose… and just what was to become of me… Oh, what was I to become, Lord?
Even in this wretched undeath, was I to forever be haunted by the memory of whom I once was, and could never again be? These awful thoughts burdened me so much as Katherine’s form tightened around me in still tighter a hug, her tears far quieter now, and I was so sick of these ludicrous anxieties that I could have thrown them! I would have cast them far away if I could, oh but if only I could have, for they clung to me like thistles to clothes!
Of all the things I’d never meant to be: I’d become unfaithful to my family and my very self! What other precious qualities would I abandon in this unlife: all that I had left to lose was my Love, my Faith, and my Practice, and for how much longer would I be able to keep those from the self-made menace that was my ego?! What a wretched thing it is to have changed so completely that I can no longer recognize myself!
A lump formed in my throat as my teeth pressed against each other painfully, but I shook the forming tears from my eyes — for I would not allow these emotions to take my tears from me as well! — and I turned towards my dearly departed in my heart. With all of my being invested, I sent her as warm and sorrowful a feeling as I could, before I finally let it out with a low voice,
“I’m so very sorry, Rianna. Go on then, I won’t…” I caught myself as I was about to make another promise, but I refused to do such a thing in the face of the one I’d just broken, and my teeth gnashed so bitterly against each other at the thought that my jaw ached! I swallowed my assurances back inside me with all the force I could yet muster, for I couldn’t be certain of anything anymore, and of myself least of all! A number of seconds of quiet followed in which even Katherine’s crying seemed to have been muted, but it was broken as I finally finished my apology,
“No. I’m sorry my love. Please tell me?”
Warmth came back to me now, from a source near to my heart, and I was affected with the thought that she wanted very much to hold my hand. An impossible dream now, but it was a pleasant thought nonetheless, and it did well for me to feel forgiven, despite how horribly I’d been acting lately. Arianna’s voice came out carefully all the same, as she’d been the one primarily affected by my spontaneous temper, and this… this more than anything made me feel such a misery for what I’d done, and I was viciously determined that I should not come to a rise again, promise or none!
“Mira?” She spoke with an uncertain caution, as if waiting for me to simply explode at the moment she spoke, and when I didn’t: she continued, “Umm, so… do you remember the last time I tried to make an elemental?”
My nose snorted so despite my attempts to restrain any emotion, for a laugh had forced its way out of me, and since my mouth was already closed taught: it only had one path to take. My chest heaved with it, and a tear came down my cheek, for it was such a drastic and total change in emotion that I could only let it fall as a mix of guilt and mirth. Did I remember, of course I remembered,
“How could I forget, Rianna! You absolutely obliterated our house! You sent our roof to Heaven!”
She attempted to sulk at my laughter, though I could tell that she was trying to hide the funny feeling beneath it — even Katherine who still held onto me was beginning to rouse from her wretched state as I erupted with laughter — and Arianna muttered her tired old excuse to me as she tried so not to smile,
“It was an accident… how could I have known how a salamander would interact with your sulfuric acid?”
I shook my head at hearing the same defense she’d always used, for even a decade after it had happened: she’d still never fully admitted to herself that it was her recklessness that’d caused it. She’d avoided to think of the lab’s detonation whenever it was possible, and she’d never once attempted to summon forth an elemental again, for the danger it could have represented had been a torment on her mind for years after. It was rather strange that she brought it up now, and while trying so hard not to smile, of all things… but perhaps this was the impact of my soul upon hers: that she should be able to laugh even at so potentially terrible an event?
We’d sent Luca off to play with the other boys his age earlier in the day, and thankfully he was able to sleep over at Fredricksons until we’d rebuilt, for his room had been the one which had suffered the brunt of the damage, being immediately beside the lab. It was empty of someone so important to us, and it was almost totally destroyed: even the roof had collapsed in on it.
What if things had been different? What if she’d hurt him in that accident? She’d done enough damage to me that she’d felt ashamed to be near me, but what if she’d actually killed me? These questions plagued my beloved then, and she would awake with nightmares of losing us even years later.
It’d only been a few short years since Carmen had left us, and she’d never fully recovered from the sight of her corpse hanging from the ceiling tresses. She likely still blamed herself for it, somewhere deep inside, as was revealed in her attempt to bring her back, and she probably just wanted to apologize to Carmen for not having been good enough, or for doing whatever-it-was that she must’ve done wrong enough to make Carmen leave us in so haunting a way. She never could forgive herself for her ‘potential’ crimes, my Arianna… let alone the ones she could see and touch the reality of.
She couldn’t truly face having left a scar upon my person, for to have admitted that she’d caused the accident by skipping a precaution: she would’ve had to have seen herself as being guilty of the ‘same crime’ she’d killed a man for, and she could not have endured the comparison! It so disgusted her for anyone to have hurt me, and all the more for her to have done it herself!
This was a rather silly thought of hers, for I’d very well known the difference between an accident and a wicked interest in torture, but she never would accept my opinion on the matter, no matter how often I’d presented it to her. She’d always been possessed with the doubt that someone with senses so maligned as mine could have anything more than a distorted impression on the subject, as how could someone who derived pleasure from pain and the reverse as well possibly understand what was so terrible about what she’d done to me!
But how could I not have understood, to see her so overcome with remorse? Sometimes she would ‘secretly’ kiss those blemishes that ran across my arms in apology, for she’d figured that she could disguise the gesture with her sweetness. She was wrong, of course, but I never minded the attentions she would give me, for they were magnificent even when she held onto that small note of sadness all the while.
Although she was certainly technically at fault for the explosion: she was right to have called it an accident in my mind, for it truly was outside of her expectations, and she’d really never meant to hurt me. I’d never once blamed her for it in my heart, not even in the moment it’d happened, though given that I was rather overcome with the superheated acid burning through my skin and flesh at the time: it would have been extraordinarily unfair of me to have harboured such thoughts during that misadventure!
What an ordeal it was, and it’d caused quite the commotion in the village! It wasn’t every day that all of the houses around us felt such a report as that; I was later told by Amadeus that he’d believed the cause to have been a severe earthquake at first! I’d only just started to patch myself up after her emergency cleaning, when she went to address the shouting Orlovs who were demanding an explanation for the ruination of our house.
Arianna was so terribly affected with the shock of having hurt me, that she was rather more amenable to their badgering than usual, and so as the shouting only escalated, my curiosity led me to take a peek out of the door to our room, despite being only dressed in my sodden underthings. I was then presented with the strange scene of my proud Arianna genuflecting before the assembling villagers with her head against the dirt, as if in apology for disrupting the peaceful day of those who’d been driven to investigate!
Seeing her prostrate before others brought a jealousy and a pique untold upon me, and not even the elder Orlovs could continue exclaiming their irritation against my Arianna when the sight of my freshly burned flesh came into their eyes, and I was entirely without a care for my relative nakedness. I’d pulled her swiftly back to her feet in a rough manner, and I’d shortly taken her back to our room with such a passionate fervor that I’d slammed the door in the process — the door which was in plain sight of most of the arrayed villagers through the gaping holes in the walls of our house!
Her pride was so low then that she could not have defied me, and her guilt was so high that she could not bring herself to resist even a single one of my actions! This combination of ‘rightful retribution’ and the ‘popular awareness’ of exactly what kind of compensation I was extracting from her was wonderfully addictive. If there were a single person present in the village that did not then know exactly which sin my Arianna and I shared in, then I couldn’t name them, and my goodness was that empowering!
“You could have made it outside, Rianna.” I admonished her regardless, because although it didn’t matter in present times: it was a delightful distraction to have this useless old argument to ‘clash’ over, as it wouldn’t arouse any new feelings for us to suffer from, for we’d long made a game of old fights, and so I continued my criticism,
“It wouldn’t have done such damage if it wasn’t contained, and none the sulfuric acid you’d helped to make would have been present whatsoever.”
Arianna scoffed at my judgement of the situation, for she was surely the master of the arcane between the two of us, and since I’d been born amongst plebeians who’d reviled the arcane: that was surely indicative of our difference in aetherial knowledge, so I’d heard her reply to my reproach in her haughtiest and huffiest voice,
“Certainly, I could have done as you suggest, commoner… but only if I wanted to risk the natural aether turning my precious little salamander into a fat and ugly gnome! The lab was the perfect place for a friendly salamander to come to be, as it admirably demonstrated by… setting it on fire.”
Oh, so we were playing this game, and it seemed she was going for ‘the aristocrat hoodwinks the unlearned peasant through her trickery with words’, given that my typical response to such a gamble was currently denied to me, but she’d made such a fumble with her ending, and I was absolutely aiming to roast up my princess and eat her! I opened my mouth with excitement, but my wonderful opportunity for victory disappeared in that short moment as someone else spoke,
“What are you-” a warbly sniff came from Katherine who still held me in her watery embrace, “talking about?”
Despite the chill she’d inflicted upon my body, and the way that my hands moved through the water that made up her person to comfort her, it seemed that I’d quite forgotten about Katherine. How that was possible, given that she’d soaked through all of my clothing and still rippled across my skin: I did not know, but my answer came full of speed and honesty for her,
“Rianna was just explaining to me that she was entirely responsible for the disaster in which she’d exploded our labora-”
Garbled speech exited my mouth and I was unable to continue to inform Katherine about the reality of the situation, for Arianna had dumped quite a lot of water onto my head, as if she didn’t even consider that I might’ve mistaken her behavior for the rusalka’s having finally decided to drown me… but I could feel the aetherial current which stretched away from us, and it was definitely my beloved who was responsible!
When the torrent of water finally stopped pouring over me, I took in a great breath of air, and it was to my surprise that the only water which still stuck to me was natural. I nearly started looking around, but I’d learned my lesson well after the last few times, so I closed my eyes as calmly as I could, and I asked my dearly departed,
“I know that I deserved that, Rianna… but is she dressed yet?”
“So long as you’re aware,” she responded without a moment’s hesitation, and I felt a mischievous urge arise within her before she’d suppressed it and turned more serious, “and no, she hasn’t reformed yet, but like: we should tell her.”
Perhaps I’d grown incapable of understanding my Arianna over the years, for I was rather lost as to exactly what it was I was supposed to be telling Katherine, and it seemed that my dearest could tell, because she’d shortly continued,
“Mira, just think about it, I mean: really think about it… imagine the kind elemental I could make with this much aether! Powerful, right? Scarily so, even, but still as difficult to control as ever. But we can solve that, Mira! Right now, you and I could solve the core problem with elementals!”
She’d… lost me. I felt that I should have known what she’d meant, but between learning that I might be capable of magic, that I’d been born with aether of an unknown variety, that spirits of the drowned don’t necessarily seek to drown a person, and that she’d resurrected Bart as some strange abomination which seemed to have retained his soul: I was having a great deal of trouble keeping up, let alone puzzling out something like this.
Ants seemed to dance all around my heart as she considered how to explain this to me, since I wasn’t putting the pieces together at all. I felt a black force go out from inside of me, but I didn’t dare to turn and look, so I stood there and considered the matter until I at last happened upon what felt like the question she’d been waiting for me to ask her,
“You want us to give an elemental a soul?”
My beloved cheerily babbled expressively to the affirmative at such a speed that it was almost entirely eclipsed by what the reformed and surely reclothed rusalka said from behind me,
“But I already have a soul, don't I? Really, what are you two talking about? Your pretty face is turning all kinds of scary, sweetheart.”
Katherine probably wasn’t wrong, for I was quite horrified by the implications that stretched on ahead of me. At least I wasn’t shouting at my beloved, or even at all angry this time, but I was extremely concerned nonetheless, and I couldn’t be sure why Arianna was suggesting this path forward.
People had tried before to force a vampiric spirit to merge with an elemental, for one was entirely constructed of their soul, and the other was entirely absent a soul, so it’d been reasoned that it would have worked to have relaxed the worst elements of both of them! Unfortunately for the theory: either the elemental consumed the soul to no positive effect aside from a growth in power, or the spirit was the more powerful, and the body simply vanished inside of the vampire.
His Holiness himself had banned all research upon the soul, and it seemed that only the Ispanian Clans still dared to openly defy this verdict, as news would occasionally come from that part of the world that horrifically mighty vampire lords and elemental storms would arise. Even the ruler of the Deadlands was rumoured to have been one such disastrous affront to God, and the Maelstrom which rent both the skies above Gibraltar and the seas beneath it was such a terrible Sylph that it was reputed to have developed a religious following!
Not that my beloved cared what His Holiness decreed, for being his niece had afforded her with a rather different view of him… not so much as Christ’s representative on this Earth, but as a man, and even as a friendly uncle in her family, for in her own words not long after I’d met her, ‘He poops same as everyone.’
Still, it certainly remained that the last time my Arianna had gone against one of his decrees: His Holiness and the Cardinal had been the ones who sent her to death on our own doorstep! Although her ritual was a ‘success’ in that neither of us were nearly so dead as we’d previously been: we were also fused together in places, and she could not manifest a body of her own.
I wouldn’t blame either of us for that, for this was far harder to trace to the Lord working in strange ways than it was to the work of men, and although I was rather loath to put the blame on His Holiness: who else was more deserving of it than him? Either he didn’t stop the Cardinal’s strange mission, or he’d enabled such an excursion out into the frontier! I felt my anger rising again, and I clamped down on it hard to answer Katherine,
“Rianna believes that we can affect a significant change upon your form, which could potentially free you from the river,” I revealed to her as forthrightly as I could, for I was not one to obfuscate upon a person’s future, “however, the method she’s been suggesting to me is entirely untested, which is to say that it’s extremely unsafe, and that your ultimate demise is extraordinarily likely to result from it. But there are a few other options, do you have any interest in hearing them?”
“Mira!” Arianna complained to me, as if she hadn’t known that I could never have allowed such a dangerous elective procedure without first informing the prospective patient of the risks entailed, as that would’ve run counter to the ethics I believed in. Regardless, she lamented my having done it, for it’d rather interfered with her scientific excitement,
“You can’t just present this life-changing — well, unlife-changing transformation in such a clinical way! Nobody would ever agree to it if you frame it like that!" Arianna was feeling rather cross with me, as if I'd done something unjustified by protecting Katherine, but I was actually incredibly relieved that the lovely rusalka wouldn't be tricked for curiosity's sake, even as my Arianna continued to berate me endlessly for it, "For a doctor, your bedside manner is just terrible, and I really don’t know why anyone agrees to be treated by you, and I don’t mean like back in the city-”
“Yes!” Katherine surprised us both with a shout full of exuberance, and it interrupted my beloved’s rant quite entirely. Katherine’s illusory form wrapped around me again as she hugged me from behind with a strength like the tide, and her voice came clamouring over itself like the rushing water of a deluge,
“Choice-I have choices?! What are my choi-You’re seriously my fairy godmother right n-I’d totally kiss you if you weren’t marri-well… you’re unmarried, but you’re still taken. Don’t worry, beautiful: I’ll help you out with that soo-Am I going to evolve? Will it hurt?”
My eyes spun as I was squeezed by a liquid form which belied Katherine's solid grip around me, and I grew awfully short of breath. I didn’t know why she felt that it was necessary to speak such gibberish at such a speed right next to my ear, but I would have rather preferred she hadn’t! Ultimately, she responded to my desperate attempts with my hands to peaceably suggest that I’d have appreciated it if she were ever so slightly gentler with me, and I was released!
I took in a few deep breaths of air, and I had to think to myself that it was no wonder rusalka were believed to be such drowning risks: Katherine didn’t even have to cover my mouth to have almost completely taken my ability to breathe from me, and in an entirely friendly setting! Still, my breath came back to me, and no small pondering on the ultimate fate of the young men other rusalka might’ve absconded with could prevent me from answering Katherine’s core question,
“The first option I see is vampirism.” I took air in again, for she’d really done a number on me with that hug, and I set myself in a serious manner as I elucidated, “You’re most of the way there already, actually, Katherine. You’re an unclea, ah… you’re a spirit that’s been disconnected from your original body. All that remains is to conjure up a suitable human corpse, and you should be nearly able to wholly integrate with it regardless of our assistance.”
Arianna’s defeatist attitude clearly hadn’t entirely worn off despite Katherine’s sustained interest in reincarnation, for my dearly departed seemed particularly unenthused by this ‘safe’ and ‘reasonable’ option I’d prescribed, though she shortly revealed to me why,
“She’d be a shtriga if she did that, Mira. Seriously, don’t let her try to take a corpse. There’s a lot of important differences, you see, between unclean spirits of nature and vampires: the former could never store the power of life in the first place, and so if they take a body: they’re always perilously close to falling apart. Their bite is like a poison for the living, and every feeding kills.”
Naturally, I’d never heard of this horrible creature, of these so-called shtriga, so I had to ask my Arianna, “Where did you learn that from, honey?”
Katherine started to speak to me, as if she’d thought that I’d been speaking to her, but I held up a finger for her to be silent, and she conveniently opted to stop talking for me, as Arianna explained exactly where she’d heard it from in her usually overly-informative manner,
“Clan Velez of Ispania found in December of 2346 that when a group of naiads, that’s nymphs Mira, were forced into the bodies of the deceased: they retained all the negative elements vampires experience with holding their bodies together, but they didn’t show any massings of power… which meant that they needed to change out corpses frequently, or they had to feed more often. It was… it was really bad, Mira.”
That was putting it rather lightly, I thought, for the heathen Ispanians probably tested the effects of both possibilities extensively, and likely ended the experiments by butchering a few dozen slaves in a celebration of ceremonial blood sacrifice! I turned to Katherine with a grim feeling, and I delivered to her the terrible news,
“Actually, you can’t become a vampire, so that really reduces the options to ‘Rianna’s really sketchy idea’ and ‘wait for us to come up with a different solution.’ Any other solutions coming to you, Rianna?”
My beloved’s thinking ants didn’t even have to skitter once around my heart before she’d exclaimed an ‘interesting’ possibility to me, “Phylactery! Mira, we could make her a lich, couldn’t we? Yeah, that’d work, perfectly safe things aren’t they, liches.”
This pretend ‘discovery’ of hers didn’t fool me for a second, for I’d long guessed which method she’d planned to use: she almost certainly wanted to exploit our new ability to seamlessly join aetherial bodies together to combine the rusalka with an elemental of water. But what if something had gone wrong in the process? Surely the ‘addition’ of a phylactery to her original idea would have assuaged my concerns regarding Katherine’s safety.
Arianna knew better than to leave things ‘to chance’, as even with all of her precautions for us: she’d still ended up failing in many ways, though through no fault of her own whatsoever! What better way to protect Katherine’s lonesome soul than to bind her to a phylactery prior to the attempt? What better way to stabilize an awaiting undine than to typify regulations into something it could not affect?
A phylactery was a good idea by itself when it came to staving off death, and the obvious benefits it provided for Arianna’s desired experiment were merely coincidental, and would have had absolutely no bearing whatsoever on whether or not I might’ve agreed to continue once we’d already gone so far as to make a reliquary!
Sometimes I had to wonder if my Arianna had forgotten that she’d spent the last fifteen years excitedly babbling more to me about phylacteries than I’d ever wanted to know. But then, she did successfully sneak my own resurrection into mine from the start without having revealed it to me, and although it didn’t work quite as she’d intended: I had been ‘saved’.
For her own interests, she was absolutely right to have suggested it, as there was no better solution for ‘bridging the gap that separated the essences of spirit and matter without damaging either the soul or the body in the integration process’ than to put a mass of aether between them. It would act very much like a lubricant or cushion might have done for preventing damage from scraping or crashing together at speed!
To her credit, this wasn’t a necessarily terrible idea, and it actually intrigued me considerably. The question then, was whether it fascinated me enough that I should feign ignorance in going along with it, or if I should instead tell Katherine who was being very much left in the dark on this matter?
As if there was ever any doubt as to which I would choose, and so I finally presented her with the only two options she really had for escaping this river short of following it out to sea,
“Katherine, would you rather be an ordinary lich, or an elemental with a soul crystal at its core?”
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"Bite Sized" 2000-2500 words is the best! Votes: 0 0.0%
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"Ordinary" 3000-4000 words is simply wonderful. Votes: 8 100.0%
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"Oversized" 5000-8000 words is incredible, I absolutely love scrolling and scrolling. Votes: 0 0.0%
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If the author ever writes a 20,000 word chapter, I will love her *forever*. O___O Votes: 0 0.0%
Ooooo I'm intrigued! :3 pls let Katherine become more than a lonely spirit :3
Friendship is magic, am I right?
Thanks for reading :)
Gonna go with Ordinary size. Though Oversized is fine in terms of length.
Great new chapter. I like how we got to see Mira's anger and how its affecting her. Now we just need to find out why she's on such a hair trigger.
On a side note, did we ever get confirmation about Mira and Arianna's phylacteries? Was Mira's still living corpse Rianna's phylactery or was Mira's phylactery her own body? I don't recall that being clear or if it was intentionally left vague.
I figured that the 'hair trigger' thing was that she's got a 'new strong emotion' that she isn't used to, and an extremely 'stressful' situation to exacerbate it. Too many new, sudden, and mind-spinning things have been jumping at her lately, and that combined with her distrustful paranoia and obsessiveness should have it seen that when she goes off: she goes way off, which is something she's never had to be prepared for, as she'd always been 'so practical' and believed herself to have had great 'self-control' outside of severe situations which she excepted in her mind (granted, I've mostly written of 'intense' situations like that, but I hoped that it otherwise showed between the lines?). Is it too potent and extreme to explain through those ways?
Anyways, the excerpts relating to the situation with the phylacteries are together below, and I'm not including most of the introductory ones unless I think they're show something interesting on the subject, all the more because Mira had the wrong idea entirely until like, chapter 9.
I..... that feeling where I’d been trapped in my own skin and unable to leave, to see the light of peace and salvation and to be yet denied it was an agony upon the soul, and it twisted me inside my own dead flesh. ..... The phylactery had drawn Arianna’s soul inside it, but perhaps it had also pressed mine around hers, for I felt her inside me even now. Her soul had always been immensely magical, and if her ascension was successful: she’d become as aether incarnate. I’d always been devoid entirely of such a mystical force, and in the past some had even called me a cursed child, so following that logic I had to wonder with a laugh if mine had become a rejection of aether itself, as if such a thing could be real. (chapter 6)
"....He’s been faced with an undead so freakish — sorry, Mira, but it’s true — as to make the f*cking Vampire Lord look like twice-damned wisp! To say nothing of me: I’m a lich of all God’s damned things, and I’m inside that freakish monste-”....
“I know how it sounds, Luca, but… Rianna’s inside me.” ..... “So, you’re both sort of in the phylactery, right?”
.... Mother of astuteness, I’d almost had to be told that before it’d really sunken in
(Chapter 8)
until I’d at last arrived at the end of the stream in my dream… and found something I wasn’t expecting; surely I must have been mistaken with my final destination, for how could this have possibly been my heart?
Where were its chambers and valves that made its sections, or the pumps and viscera that I was so familiar with? This was a single chamber made of gemstone, and although the blood inside it flowed away and back again to a predictable, if elevating beat: it also moved freely within as to defy gravity and it seemed to produce without end. Who could really know their dreams, and perhaps I’d simply had the wrong conclusion about its setting, and I’d actually ended up in the phylactery?
That made more sense to me, for on a cold facet of gemstone in the center of the chamber: I saw my Arianna, naked and curled up like a foetus as she held her head such that her fingers rather more resembled tools of torture than the soft instruments of the arcane that I’d long known them to be!
“I can’t get out, Mira! My body’s right there and I can’t enter it! I can send them out; all of them if I want to! So why can’t I get out, Mira?! Why can’t I get out!?”
She would tremble so violently now and again, and a crackling would sound out around her as if her very aether had been shaken loose in her sorrow, and I wished that she hadn’t been so far from where I’d been deposited by the bloodstream
“I really don’t get it, Mira… this shouldn’t have happened! I just don’t understand! Why am I trapped here?! This doesn’t make any sense, and I just, I don’t understand where I went wrong... how could I have messed up like this? I can’t even understand how it could’ve gone so wrong! Why can’t I get ooouuuut?!”
.... The ants that resembled her thinking marched across my heart for some time....
“Well, I wanted to get back to my body, and I couldn’t, so I thought it was an amount of aether problem, but… I was wrong. I f*cked up, Mira. I mean: I really really f*cked up, and I… I did something I shouldn’t have.”
“So, back when I made the phylactery, I kinda used your blood to tailor it specifically to you, so ummm, that’s why you didn’t… just, I’m sorry Mira, I shouldn’t have done it behind your back, just after… after Carmen, I couldn’t take the thought of you dying. I was… greedy, and I’m really sorry.”
She breathed a while, and it felt as if she were breathing using my very own chest, which was starting to feel rather unpleasant given the implications of what she’d just told me — obviously, she’d bound me to the phylactery around my neck, but that was only something to apologize for after the fact, and I certainly wasn’t as upset about it as I might have been… but that was quite apart from the horror that was building up inside me — and I knew that she could feel it from me, for I felt her desperate plea coming before she’d even made it,
“Please don’t be angry! I didn't mean for this to happen, it was only for if everything went wrong — which it did! It went so much worse than I thought it could, but this really wasn’t the phylactery’s original function! Mira, I swear I didn’t mean for you to be locked inside it! Your blood was supposed to help me send you back to your heart through the runes I put on it if the phylactery caught your spirit. But… but your heart was...”
“Rianna, I’m not angry: I’m confused. How did my heart’s destruction affect the process, and why did it end with both of us stuck inside the phylactery?”
Arianna’s lips trembled so terribly, and her eyes darted around as if she’d wanted to be anywhere else even as they swam so, but she didn’t leave me waiting for too long, for she said in a teary rush,
“It’s so much worse than that, Mira. You were stabbed through the heart… what that means is that the connection between the phylactery and your blood got all… goofed up, and what was supposed to be a real easy rebound, you being… umm.”
“Cursed, Rianna?” I mused with an eyebrow raised, and she winced when I said it, but she continued,
“Yeah, not actually the word I was going to use, but that. You didn’t have any aether to interfere, was the theory, so I was able to set you up as a secondary, um… soul receptacle, so that if for whatever reason I didn’t make it to the phylactery: I’d be able to redirect to it from you, and with the amount of aether I was working with it should have worked! But you see,”
“Since you died first, your soul mostly traveled through the blood link to the phylactery, and you didn’t have a heart to return to, so you were kinda stuck there. Then you came over to me, and I sorta lost focus and… and I don’t know what happened then. I think the magic went into the phylactery already, but so much of it came with my soul to where your heart used to be, and I guess the aether expanded to fill the rest of the space by copying the phylactery I was trying to get into?”
but now that I’d had an outlet by which I could escape from the conclusion forming inside me, that she was trapped in my body and couldn’t escape because she’s too integrated with it: I absolutely leapt at it,
“Rianna, if your soul is in my body and mine is in the phylactery, then why are you the disembodied one?”
“Because, Mira… I messed up. This is so messed up and I’m sorry, but your soul isn’t only in the phylactery. It’s also still in your body. I broke us, Mira… I broke us to pieces, and then I fused us together! The worst part of all is I don’t even know how I did it! It’s as if all the years I spent on this were for nothing, that’s how little I know anymore! I… I can’t even be sure if I can… fix us…”
(Chapter 9, or where 'the truth' is finally put forward: that Mira is in a phylactery, that it beats like a heart, that she was surrounded by blood in this strange experience of hers that she believed was only part-dream, and that it wasn't a clean situation with obvious bounds after their souls smashed together and spliced with incomplete portions of the other one... which is to say that both of their souls were damaged, and the sheer amount of aether patched them back together, but not entirely as they used to be: now bits of them, which retain their links to themselves are inside each other.)
A black mist came out from the phylactery around my neck, and it formed up with density until it became solid, and a single plastic ‘device’ full of a mysterious liquid appeared. (chapter 10)
I mean, since you’re capable of magic now anyway, I was going to do it sooner or later, but soone-”
“I mean, it’s because I can use your weird aethery stuff to do like, anything. Surely, that means you can use my magic, right?
“Well, she’s inside me.”
“Not at all! Rianna’s really in my heart, Katherine.”
“Arianna’s in a phylactery, like this one here,” I pointed with my hand to showcase the jewel around my neck, “she’s really been talking to me!”
"...They’d have been amazed if they knew that you had your girlfriend’s phylactery hanging around your neck!” “No, that’s my phylactery. Rianna’s is where my heart used to be.”
(Chapter 13, where Mira explains the situation poorly to Katherine such that Katherine thinks that Arianna is in the phylactery around Mira's neck, which she refutes)
TLDR: Its 60,000 words or something, so it's really easy to miss behind *all of the other things*, but I didn't think it was too unclear at this point. I don't even think of it as a spoiler actually, given the things in the excerpts above, but in case somebody likes that it's potentially missable, I'll spoiler it anyways:
Mira's phylactery is the gem around her neck, and that most of her soul is there (and that it's also where the source of her strange form of aether is coming from), whereas Arianna's definitely (mostly) in the phylactery at Mira's heart. Mira's still got control of her body, because she was unable to entirely leave it in the first place (more important than it sounds), but all of the 'breathing with my own chest, swallowing with my own throat, feeling that Ari's using Mira's own mouth to speak' that there's a clear fuzzing of whose body it really is anymore, and I'm really excited for that to come to a head! :D
It's a really important subject for the characters (Mira, Arianna), so they're not going to stop talking about it/investigating upon the subject anytime soon. There's some *really* gross things that'll probably be coming in that department around the same time that *they finally* get to investigate Bart. I swear, maybe as many as 5 hours have passed total in the last 4 chapters. MAYBE. I totally thought that chapter 12 was gonna include what chapter 15 is gonna be as well as everything that came before it, instead I turned my simple whiteboarding into multiple not-actually-all-that-small chapters TT___TT How?! 220 pages already.
Next poll's totally gotta be if I have a pacing problem, and all of the options must surely be 'yes' XD
@Vaerama I do understand that Mira's under a lot of stress right now and that makes it easy to be snappy. But her being explosively angry, especially towards the one person she trusts and loves most when she's not particularly irritable normally is what I was referring to. She's also mentioned "dark" feelings that she was mostly unfamiliar with, including her growing anger in her monologues.
As for the phylacteries... So we have confirmed that Arianna's phylactery is indeed inside of Mira, while Mira's phylactery is both the gem around her neck and her own body, though mostly the gem? What would happen to them if Mira's neck phylactery were to be destroyed? Would the rest of her soul get sucked into her "heart" to have her entirety inside a single phylactery (and possibly meld the two of them together even further)?
Maybe their melding is what is giving Mira such unusually strong emotional reactions? We've seen that Arianna is quite the emotional woman in the flashbacks. Perhaps that's bleeding into Mira?
I may need to go and reread from the start, and do so slowly. Read a chapter, take a break and wait for everything to sink in before I go to the next. Being a really fast reader certainly has it's downsides sometimes.
There are so many possible ways this could go and it's exciting. Really do love this thing, and the style you write it in.
@Suikeina Her cannibalistic element is one of those new dark feelings: that she's not panicking about that has a really nifty intellectual horror aspect for me. I thought of expanding on it for chapter 5, but then I realized that I mostly manage to cover it in '6's dream sequence, and 8's feast. Still not sure if I should emphasize it through padding out chapter 5, or leave it as it is.... ultimately I suppose it's a question of 'if I add to that significantly: will it stop the people who leave off at that chapter, or would they depart anyways in the face of the not-so-subtle lesbian encounter?' It's a hard thing to know. If you do reread though, hopefully you'll enjoy the expansion of about 5K words in chapters 1-4 :) If you do read it over, and you don't like the expanded chapters, please definitely tell me o___o There's one paragraph in particular which I feel uncertain about... but I like what it represents of Mira's character, notably that she might be brought low by circumstances, but never down to 'emotional weakness' (beaten but unbroken, it's the Job principle: no matter how bad it gets, there's still a baseline for a character)... but I do worry that it'll break a person's immersion in Mira vs Hunger.
There's other 'dark feelings' of course... a lot of others. I'm a big believer in people grasping onto one obvious feeling (like the anger... Mira could never have been angry for herself before regardless of what happened, but now she has Arianna's murderous rage somewhere inside her, which mixes with her own self-disgust/hatred, and becomes as 'Anger' alone for her, despite being made up of at least two 'ingredient emotions') than a number of smaller and harder to identify ones. I did it with the 'Hunger' in a really similar way earlier: once she was fed, it became readily apparent to Mira that it wasn't simply 'one' overpowering thing but 'several' together which overwhelmed her in a specific circumstance (starvation of each of them all at once... and one of which she hasn't even realized that she's been feeding yet. I'm *really* excited for that, even though it's going to be emotionally *crushing* and I hate myself for doing it all the same... but it is 'necessary').
Mira has that same super-emotional 'bleeding heart' Arianna inside her now, so yes XD The melding is definitely responsible for turning Mira, who was largely 'stoic' before to the extremity of emotional depth due to her childhood, into what she is now. I love the way Mira's soul's been affecting Arianna too, finally mused by herself aloud in Chapter 14 (the inside-the-heart scene draws some interesting parallels with chapter 11, for instance) ^__^
As for the phylacteries... So we have confirmed that Arianna's phylactery is indeed inside of Mira, while Mira's phylactery is both the gem around her neck and her own body, though mostly the gem? What would happen to them if Mira's neck phylactery were to be destroyed? Would the rest of her soul get sucked into her "heart" to have her entirety inside a single phylactery (and possibly meld the two of them together even further)?
Why would you even be drawn to wonder about such an arcane and occult matter as that?
Arianna's phylactery is acting as Mira's body's 'heart' now... but her soul and magics are also partially inside of the external phylactery (soul meld, aether meld) as that was the initial target for her stored aether, amd though most of it was redirected into Mira's gaping chest cavity (eew): some of that edged in through the 'gaps' made by Mira's not-total transfer. They're a total mess, but you've got the gist of where things are at now, yeah :) At least insomuch as Mira and Arianna understand it right now...
@Vaerama Did Mira always had an inclination to self-loathing and blaming herself for everything? Because I think she has every right to be as angry as she is even if she was rather stoic before she died.
She always tries to absolve Arianna of everything she does and even argues with herself in her mind that she shouldnt be angry even if she has every right to be. Because rationally, everything that happend since Mira died was Arianne's fault and even now Arianne does her very best to trigger Mira every step of their new unlife. It cant be very healthy for her mental health to always shift the blame to herself or deflect issues at hand like for example, Arianne raising the dead (Bart) even though Mira hates her new existence.
All in all I do think its good for Mira to have found a way to be angry because if she wouldnt be angry it would give Arianne an excuse to do whatever she wants and she already did alot of inexcusable things wich Mira isnt able to admit because she loves her maybe a bit too much.
@Thor Almost always (she wasn't 'born that way', but a case of 'nurture'). When she was dropped off at the Fouundation, she believed initially that there was some greater plot/problem her parents had to deal with, and so they'd surely come back for her, with the supporting evidence for her conclusion: 'why would they still pay the Mother money if they didn't want me back'. When the gold stopped coming, she could only turn that blame upon herself for being born 'Cursed', which was reinforced by her surrounding environment. Whether societally, physically, or internally inflicted: there's a deep sea of self-hatred bottled up inside her since childhood, and it's coming out now despite her long-time capacity for near-infinite restraint and patience in the face of mistreatment. I absolutely agree about her right to be angry: If I were in Mira's shoes, I don't know if I'd ever have stopped being angry: at the world for birthing me, at the 'people' who 'raised' me, at the people who merely looked at me with disgust and fear, and at the person who'd practically enabled my survival (knowingly or otherwise). There's a lot more on that in the future, 'how'd someone like that become a doctor, anyways?' after all... and it's chock full of society's cruelty. It'll be fun to work with it alongside a greater acceptance for her anger at a later date ^__^ Chapter 15's end-lines sets up a perfect storm to come. :D
Arianna's certainly never been a perfect person, and in many senses she's not even a 'good' person, for she's still quite selfish and self-centered even in death. If she actually cares more than is 'morally required' about more people than the handful of Luca, Mira, Carmen (deceased), and (possibly) Lisset: she doesn't act like it as her flirtation with the fringes of ethics in Katherine's case shows... but Mira's morality and 'stability' is the primary limiter upon her, and though it didn't stop her from raising Bart in the first place (too much excitement to think about the big picture there; if something's easy to do, and you're not particularly bothered personally about something, it takes an extra step to consider another person's perspective, let alone the possible consequences): she appeared to feel a great deal of shame for having done it, even as she tried to distract away from it and excuse herself in such a 'childish' manner. In life that would have been a stern telling off, and punishment (she's not such a masochist as Mira, and she had scars to match Mira's worst (on that note, Mira's not all that 'great' a person either))... but in death: Mira's got Anger to exacerbate the response considerably. Arianna will get her just desserts for plenty enough as Mira grows more to understand that her anger isn't the problem, it's her exploding over the 'little things' that she cannot rationally justify. (unlike Bart, THAT was no small bit of anger, and was completely warranted. Also: although there was no way for the truth of Mira's aether to be pleasantly stated: she really screwed up on delivery and made it much worse (negative and positive trait at once: Arianna speaks her mind, even when it's bad, and then realizing she's said something bad, she tries to 'better explain', which leads to only a deeper hole dug, or a still crueler thing said)). The underhanded and manipulative behavior really has to stop at some point though, as otherwise she's going to lose a lot more than she can afford to. People are so often like that... they're resistant to change until it's either too late, or quite nearly so. :-/
As a child, Arianna was the daughter of 'The Cardinal', and this 'auspicious' birth comes with consequences; human consequences. Her first interactions with Mira were not so much 'good' as they were 'not immediately deadly' for Mira, who got out of those potentially dire circumstances such a small thing (to merely touch another person at all without them immediately recoiling in fear and disgust), but to her it would have been incredibly constructive. When the alternative is certain death today: the constant thrill of possible death by betrayal tomorrow is rather precious to a person. Thankfully, Arianna's capacity for compassion grew through interaction, and by constantly visiting the poorer areas of The Vatican: she grew more and more 'aware' of the plight of the ordinary; this is an opportunity for a person to change fundamentally, and she very much did (from Family-standard to eventual renunciation of Family... but one's Family always sticks around in some manner or another inside a person. With a nest of vipers for one's Family: it shouldn't be a surprise that their venom runs deep within a person, and that it gives a person a proclivity towards slimier behaviors). The propositioning for instance, was actually made from pure-hearted interest, but upon reflection of the social gulf between them in the face of Mira's apparent severe disgust (which was actually distrust, which is nearly as bad if one were ignorant of the circumstances behind it): she was filled with so heavy a guilt for having potentially affected Mira in such a manner as to make her lie (in her view) about being possessed of mutual attraction (Mira wasn't the only one with potential to be 'used' in their relationship), and it took a lot of effort on Mira's part to turn that around.
She loves Arianna far more than she should. When you've got a singular person who treats you like a person in all your life until you're an adult (well, +Carmen to a far lesser extent, but one more than one is still extremely few), and who was singularly unaffected by the mere thought of being touched by a person: to say that her love is obsessive is an understatement. Development of Falling Petals Spoiler below:
Infact, I was so overly-concerned that people might've thought that Mira's interest in Arianna was purely housed in the loaded circumstances of their romance (and therefore 'false', which is a valid story, if awful... but given what Mira's been shown to have 'gone through' already: it wasn't even remotely outside of expectation. Perhaps I'm the only one who would have had that suspicion, but given the length and 'depth' of what I'm working towards: I didn't want their romance to be founded itself upon falsehood), that I initially felt that I had to consider elevating Katherine's 'interest' to note that the 'lesbianism' (as it were) of Mira isn't a changeable factor of her character (there are WAY too many similarities to long-term childhood victims of abuse developing in a dysphoric direction despite their otherwise 'more-natural' proclivities (it's unpleasant to look into, I promise... people just aren't meant to be broken like that, and the combination of Mira's *insane* sadomasochism and circumstances of life is highly suggested to be one example of such already... homosexuality in this timeframe isn't even close to commonly recognized/accepted, I've got dozens of very-highly-developed characters to work with in this setting, and I've only got 4 total persons total with a genuine outward interest in their own s*x (or gender, I suppose in one case, but that's a fatal attraction if I ever saw one)... possibly 5 if someone desperately negotiates for Lisset, but 'ambivalence due to a physical phenomenon that very much resembles hard drugs' and 'implicit attraction' are simply not one and the same)), and so I played with that thought for a bit: what is a loaded romance that isn't tested besides doomed to destroy both of its participants? Ultimately, I decided to adapt my 'rusalka-encounter' from a 'fun-spirited' way to introduce more of the setting to a potentially romantic rival for Arianna, because I really like how it affects positive growth and development in both Arianna and Mira going forward (and it didn't come at any character cost for Katherine (she was already universally flirty and lonely (I imagined 'Old Hag Olga's' entirely undescribed face upon meeting her the first time xD Poor old dear's surrounded by persons of that persuasion)), for the change merely elevated her from a 'side piece' to a more central character to the plot and character growth going forward).
Actually, my husband gave me quite the teasing about how very improbable it was that 2 of the only lesbians out and about as characters in my world just happened to stumble upon a lonely 'watery tart' that just so happened to resemble the most beautiful woman possible, and likewise interested in Mira. (It is actually super improbable, but yknow what: something has to happen, and I'm putting my foot down an saying it happened, just this once. It's a good thing I'm only planning on including one other character guilty of an interest in girls while being one, albeit they're the kind of person that makes all the worst parts of Mira and Arianna look *positively angelic*)
Naturally, I tried to explain folklore behind rusalka (did you know that the folklore of basically everything female is either at the extremes of 'ugly' or 'beautiful'? It's true, and the pictures that are deemed wikipedia-worthy for nymphs, rusalka, undine, and the like are... choice-y. Very renaissance... never will I be convinced that it's not just 'glorified po*nography'. Sure it's high art and all, and some of it's truly fantastic, but it's still po*nographic art. Sure, maybe it's *my* fault for being attracted to the female form, but I'd say that if there is a single person NOT attracted to the versions of the female form depicted in those 'scenes': they must simply have NO appreciation for the female form. If it's a guy: he's definitely gay. If it's a girl: she's definitely not. Maybe Valkyries are the only ones to *somewhat* escape that, but Vila are rather more in line with the rest, so it's at best a singular exception than a cultural benefit of 'that' group), but of course he countered that I was just excited by the prospect of her... endowment. I will say that I most certainly wasn't, and I think the only link I've given to her 'bust' is that Mira had to resize one of Carmen's outfits, but I didn't think I mentioned 'in which direction'. Given that she's inherently illusory and capable of shifting her shape and such to match a person's interests... and she appeared before Mira: they were probably rather larger than is necessarily reasonable. There's nothing wrong with breasts, breasts are great and all, Mira clearly likes them if her wandering eyes are any judge (the water droplets sliding down her skin, Mira? Really? Wonder just how far she followed them down to have been so enthused), but he nailed me dead when I refuted his conjecture: he said that I was just terribly excited by the 'tentacle-y' possibilities of Katherine's infinitely mutable body! My goodness, I really didn't think of it when I was making the character, but now I cannot unthink of it!
TLDR: The only path forward for people in bad situations is to face them.
@Vaerama Woahhhh, I never expected such a lengthy and in-depth explanation about their backgrounds and relationship dynamics :D Now I feel compelled to answer/comment on that in kind :S
Its nice to see such well-developed characters in a web fiction. Its kinda rare nowadays.
Arianna's certainly never been a perfect person, and in many senses she's not even a 'good' person, for she's still quite selfish and self-centered even in death. If she actually cares more than is 'morally required' about more people than the handful of Luca, Mira, Carmen (deceased), and (possibly) Lisset: she doesn't act like it as her flirtation with the fringes of ethics in Katherine's case shows... but Mira's morality and 'stability' is the primary limiter upon her, and though it didn't stop her from raising Bart in the first place (too much excitement to think about the big picture there; if something's easy to do, and you're not particularly bothered personally about something, it takes an extra step to consider another person's perspective, let alone the possible consequences): she appeared to feel a great deal of shame for having done it, even as she tried to distract away from it and excuse herself in such a 'childish' manner. In life that would have been a stern telling off, and punishment (she's not such a masochist as Mira, and she had scars to match Mira's worst (on that note, Mira's not all that 'great' a person either))... but in death: Mira's got Anger to exacerbate the response considerably. Arianna will get her just desserts for plenty enough as Mira grows more to understand that her anger isn't the problem, it's her exploding over the 'little things' that she cannot rationally justify. (unlike Bart, THAT was no small bit of anger, and was completely warranted. Also: although there was no way for the truth of Mira's aether to be pleasantly stated: she really screwed up on delivery and made it much worse (negative and positive trait at once: Arianna speaks her mind, even when it's bad, and then realizing she's said something bad, she tries to 'better explain', which leads to only a deeper hole dug, or a still crueler thing said)). The underhanded and manipulative behavior really has to stop at some point though, as otherwise she's going to lose a lot more than she can afford to. People are so often like that... they're resistant to change until it's either too late, or quite nearly so. :-/
I already got the feeling that Mira is the limiter for Arianne but I think the biggest problem is that Mira always relents too fast. Even if Arianne feels shame or guilt it doesnt take 5 minutes for Mira to comfort her and ease her guilt because she doesnt want to see her in that state. Fully understandable from Miras point of view but it doesnt help Arianne to grow and think before she acts. It would be better for Arianne if Mira would stay angry and wouldnt excuse her of any wrong doing. Their future together looks rather bleak if that continues. But I also know that it isnt that simple, their relationship is way to complex for that. Im kinda excited to see what will change in the future.
She loves Arianna far more than she should. When you've got a singular person who treats you like a person in all your life until you're an adult (well, +Carmen to a far lesser extent, but one more than one is still extremely few), and who was singularly unaffected by the mere thought of being touched by a person: to say that her love is obsessive is an understatement.
I would even go so far to say that her love is not only obsessive but it also created some kind of dependency wich is now a problem without Arianne being physicially there.
Infact, I was so overly-concerned that people might've thought that Mira's interest in Arianna was purely housed in the loaded circumstances of their romance (and therefore 'false', which is a valid story, if awful... but given what Mira's been shown to have 'gone through' already: it wasn't even remotely outside of expectation. Perhaps I'm the only one who would have had that suspicion, but given the length and 'depth' of what I'm working towards: I didn't want their romance to be founded itself upon falsehood), that I initially felt that I had to consider elevating Katherine's 'interest' to note that the 'lesbianism' (as it were) of Mira isn't a changeable factor of her character (there are WAY too many similarities to long-term childhood victims of abuse developing in a dysphoric direction despite their otherwise 'more-natural' proclivities (it's unpleasant to look into, I promise... people just aren't meant to be broken like that, and the combination of Mira's *insane* sadomasochism and circumstances of life is highly suggested to be one example of such already... homosexuality in this timeframe isn't even close to commonly recognized/accepted, I've got dozens of very-highly-developed characters to work with in this setting, and I've only got 4 total persons total with a genuine outward interest in their own s*x (or gender, I suppose in one case, but that's a fatal attraction if I ever saw one)... possibly 5 if someone desperately negotiates for Lisset, but 'ambivalence due to a physical phenomenon that very much resembles hard drugs' and 'implicit attraction' are simply not one and the same)), and so I played with that thought for a bit: what is a loaded romance that isn't tested besides doomed to destroy both of its participants? Ultimately, I decided to adapt my 'rusalka-encounter' from a 'fun-spirited' way to introduce more of the setting to a potentially romantic rival for Arianna, because I really like how it affects positive growth and development in both Arianna and Mira going forward (and it didn't come at any character cost for Katherine (she was already universally flirty and lonely (I imagined 'Old Hag Olga's' entirely undescribed face upon meeting her the first time xD Poor old dear's surrounded by persons of that persuasion)), for the change merely elevated her from a 'side piece' to a more central character to the plot and character growth going forward).
Well I was suspicious about their relationship. With all those revelations about Miras upbringing throughout the chapters I was toying with the thought that their relationship was not purely romantic in nature and based on attraction because Arianne was the only one who would give her affection in any form. Like I said, there is a kind of dependency there. But after the introduction of Lisset and how both of them are reacting towards her I threw those suspicions out of the window. I also like the introduction of Katherine as a sort of rival. Strife brings growth and it doesnt look like their relationship was ever tested.
Actually, my husband gave me quite the teasing about how very improbable it was that 2 of the only lesbians out and about as characters in my world just happened to stumble upon a lonely 'watery tart' that just so happened to resemble the most beautiful woman possible, and likewise interested in Mira. (It is actually super improbable, but yknow what: something has to happen, and I'm putting my foot down an saying it happened, just this once. It's a good thing I'm only planning on including one other character guilty of an interest in girls while being one, albeit they're the kind of person that makes all the worst parts of Mira and Arianna look *positively angelic*)
It is improbable but how else could we get some romantic 'drama' :P
Naturally, I tried to explain folklore behind rusalka (did you know that the folklore of basically everything female is either at the extremes of 'ugly' or 'beautiful'? It's true, and the pictures that are deemed wikipedia-worthy for nymphs, rusalka, undine, and the like are... choice-y. Very renaissance... never will I be convinced that it's not just 'glorified po*nography'. Sure it's high art and all, and some of it's truly fantastic, but it's still po*nographic art. Sure, maybe it's *my* fault for being attracted to the female form, but I'd say that if there is a single person NOT attracted to the versions of the female form depicted in those 'scenes': they must simply have NO appreciation for the female form. If it's a guy: he's definitely gay. If it's a girl: she's definitely not. Maybe Valkyries are the only ones to *somewhat* escape that, but Vila are rather more in line with the rest, so it's at best a singular exception than a cultural benefit of 'that' group), but of course he countered that I was just excited by the prospect of her... endowment. I will say that I most certainly wasn't, and I think the only link I've given to her 'bust' is that Mira had to resize one of Carmen's outfits, but I didn't think I mentioned 'in which direction'. Given that she's inherently illusory and capable of shifting her shape and such to match a person's interests... and she appeared before Mira: they were probably rather larger than is necessarily reasonable. There's nothing wrong with breasts, breasts are great and all, Mira clearly likes them if her wandering eyes are any judge (the water droplets sliding down her skin, Mira? Really? Wonder just how far she followed them down to have been so enthused), but he nailed me dead when I refuted his conjecture: he said that I was just terribly excited by the 'tentacle-y' possibilities of Katherine's infinitely mutable body! My goodness, I really didn't think of it when I was making the character, but now I cannot unthink of it!
Oh well, after some discussions with my sister about why she has pictures of naked women inbetween pictures she wanted to show me on her phone I was enlightened by her. Apparently women have an easier time to appreciate their own gender despite being 'mostly' straight. (Why mostly? Well she isnt sure herself but doesnt want to follow that line of thought and I wasnt inclined to ask further) About the possible applications of Katherines body... now I have something to think about :S
TLDR: The only path forward for people in bad situations is to face them.
Emphasis is on 'facing' them and also working them out :P
Btw, I never mentioned how great your story is. I hope it will get more reader in the future.
@Thor ^________________________________________^
My smile is ^THAT^ big right now! :D ^___^ Thanks for reading it, and talking about it, really :D
I never expect what I say to get lengthy, and then it does. Happens while writing the story too: Chapter 8 was written by doing 2K words on it after finishing chapter 7, and then 6000 words in a day >__< All cuz I wanted to do something 'artistic' with the title. I'm *still* afraid of editing that chapter... I think it needs more exclamation marks, but I pray that I never need to XD None of my chapters look like their outlines... I put maybe 8 points of interest in them, and then I write it out and I get all of 4 done. The conversation with Katherine has gone on for so long, and it's harder to writ-... see? XD I think I'm just too excited about Falling Petals Least it's 'over' in chapter 15.
The setting is awesome to work with, and this is far from the first time I've been drawn to start writing it. I was in the process of writing something 20+ years forward in this setting instead, from 3rd person omniscient view before <things happened and I stopped>. It would've been less good, and far less interesting than this is to write. Sure, plenty of (supposed) 'depth' to the character interactions, and probably still 'higher than average' level of quality, but it wouldn't have been nearly so much fun to work with. I hope the story *stays* great as I open it up. I've made a lot of decisions that would absolutely hamper most similar works such as no 'actual fight scenes' despite being in a *perfect* setting for fun fight scenes >___< (Battles? Conquering? 'Technically' I suppose... but fights? Definitively impossible to have from Mira's perspective).
Also, I hope I didn't spoil much with the 'in-depth character explanations'? I suppose I figured a lot of those things weren't much for spoilers, but I could have certainly be wrong: spoiler is purely the things mentioned above and how I figured they 'weren't' spoilers, but if they were I might as well put them behind bars
scars on Arianna aren't directly mentioned despite the mindset capable of leaving them there being noted (wasn't able to bring herself to resist any single one of Mira's actions? That suggests to me a cause for resistance... 'compensation extracted', 'rightful retribution'?). I don't know if that's particularly hidden, but Mira's perspective isn't as informative as it could be.
As for Arianna's family, Chapter 7: " Being the Cardinal's daughter, she was from an old and powerful Clan..." Chapter 8: "It was so packed with food that it even made the Cardinal's dinner party look paltry — if the one I'd ever been to was anything to judge by, though that'd ended with 'fireworks', so perhaps the memory was more unpleasant than it otherwise deserved".... Noting the sorts of things Ispanian Clans do in chapter 14 doesn't necessarily smile well upon His Holiness or The Cardinal next to the whole 'dumping bodies into the Tiber' and 'clandestine activities of the Clans' previously noted (chapter 7 for the second, numerous for the first), and Arianna's total defiance of 'His Holiness's decrees and disinterest in his Divinity... to say nothing of her secret knowledge of that expressly dark ascension, and striving to make it less 'unholy'/'soul disclouring'. It's hard for me to see those as spoilers... but I can see how they could be considered as such. Ahhh, I probably shoulda spoilered them just in case. But it's good because now I know I probably need to mention them more directly at some point. Frustrating thing about people who've been through hell: they tend to carry some of it with them.
Yes, entirely straight women can often-enough 'appreciate' the beauty of other women (and to some degree themselves, notably: the reverse is happening through self-depreciation) just fine. Doesn't gotta be a sexual thing to know that some gal's damn pretty. It's less easy for guys to see 'what's so great' about other guys, but there's still a few who're able to see it. The overlap between 'attraction' and 'appreciation' is there for sure, but they're also housed into some totally different brain infrastructure, in particular: where a person categorizes it.
It's actually an interesting sort of topic that waxes all psychological, social, and very potentially evolutionary biological. There are damn well cases where some totally straight bird sees some shiny fish and says 'dayum, I might go gay for that pretty thing'. Actually, there's *loads* of yuri/Girls Love/Lesbian stuff out there that run with that "plotline" (word escapes me, that's my brain-fill), but usually they stop on 'romantic love'. A pity, it's an interesting portion of the human experience to explore: the one time fling, and (often 'youthful') 'experimentation' (sucks to be on the receiving end of an experiment though, but perhaps that's just my perspective. In one sense: being a girl who's intent on sleeping with straight girls might not be so bad a thing if you're entirely ready for things not to work out, and you haven't got emotionally invested... but I rather prefer my partners to be, well... at least a tenth as interested in me as I am them). Regardless: it's an interesting kind of story, and there should absolutely be more of them. Some (possible) examples along those lines might well be https://dynasty-scans.com/series/run_away_with_me_girl and certainly https://dynasty-scans.com/series/gunjo ... that last one is emotionally brutal in a way I don't think I'll ever manage. (clarification: yuri where the attraction may not be as 'mutual'. Certainly the case in gunjo.)
... It has absolutely nothing to do with Falling Petals though XD I wanted more good GL, so by golly I'm writing it XD It'll have strife, growth, triumph, all the things I like (and never mind the tragedy tag), and the only thing missing is ".5" chapters! The mutual dependency will be good to keep in mind as I go along :) Still, not looking back until I finish chapter 15 and have it uploaded by gosh. (I TELL A LIE. TT__TT Didn't finish it today >__< Ehh, that's what tomorrow's for :) )
@Vaerama
I never expect what I say to get lengthy, and then it does. Happens while writing the story too: Chapter 8 was written by doing 2K words on it after finishing chapter 7, and then 6000 words in a day >__< All cuz I wanted to do something 'artistic' with the title. I'm *still* afraid of editing that chapter... I think it needs more exclamation marks, but I pray that I never need to XD None of my chapters look like their outlines... I put maybe 8 points of interest in them, and then I write it out and I get all of 4 done. The conversation with Katherine has gone on for so long, and it's harder to writ-... see? XD I think I'm just too excited about Falling Petals Blob Sweat 2 Least it's 'over' in chapter 15. Blob Dead
I think the problem is your generous use of introperspection. On one hand we learn alot about about the current state and history of important characters but it also prevents the present to move forward. I does have it up and downsides.
The setting is awesome to work with, and this is far from the first time I've been drawn to start writing it. I was in the process of writing something 20+ years forward in this setting instead, from 3rd person omniscient view before <things happened and I stopped>. It would've been less good, and far less interesting than this is to write. Sure, plenty of (supposed) 'depth' to the character interactions, and probably still 'higher than average' level of quality, but it wouldn't have been nearly so much fun to work with. I hope the story *stays* great as I open it up. I've made a lot of decisions that would absolutely hamper most similar works such as no 'actual fight scenes' despite being in a *perfect* setting for fun fight scenes >___< (Battles? Conquering? 'Technically' I suppose... but fights? Definitively impossible to have from Mira's perspective).
This story definitely doesnt need fight scenes even if the setting fits. It wouldnt fit Miras personality in general. The only time I could imagine her 'fight' would be against the people who are responsible for the tragedy and most likely only when she gives in to her nature. Otherwise there is always the option of Arianne scorching the 'enemy'. Quick and painless without much of a fight to write.
Yes, entirely straight women can often-enough 'appreciate' the beauty of other women (and to some degree themselves, notably: the reverse is happening through self-depreciation) just fine. Doesn't gotta be a sexual thing to know that some gal's damn pretty. It's less easy for guys to see 'what's so great' about other guys, but there's still a few who're able to see it. The overlap between 'attraction' and 'appreciation' is there for sure, but they're also housed into some totally different brain infrastructure, in particular: where a person categorizes it.
It's actually an interesting sort of topic that waxes all psychological, social, and very potentially evolutionary biological. There are damn well cases where some totally straight bird sees some shiny fish and says 'dayum, I might go gay for that pretty thing'. Actually, there's *loads* of yuri/Girls Love/Lesbian stuff out there that run with that "plotline" (word escapes me, that's my brain-fill), but usually they stop on 'romantic love'. A pity, it's an interesting portion of the human experience to explore: the one time fling, and (often 'youthful') 'experimentation' (sucks to be on the receiving end of an experiment though, but perhaps that's just my perspective. In one sense: being a girl who's intent on sleeping with straight girls might not be so bad a thing if you're entirely ready for things not to work out, and you haven't got emotionally invested... but I rather prefer my partners to be, well... at least a tenth as interested in me as I am them). Regardless: it's an interesting kind of story, and there should absolutely be more of them. Some (possible) examples along those lines might well be https://dynasty-scans.com/series/run_away_with_me_girl and certainly https://dynasty-scans.com/series/gunjo ... that last one is emotionally brutal in a way I don't think I'll ever manage. (clarification: yuri where the attraction may not be as 'mutual'. Certainly the case in gunjo.)
Your examples with those specific plotlines generally dont have a 'good' ending :S I actually follow Run away with me girl and it is kinda sad how one person is a captive of societal norms and tries to achieve happiness in its frame, at all cost and even at the expense of others without realizing it and the other is not able to express her feelings and lets herself being used for a tiny bit of happiness. I do pity both of them. There is another work wich is the extreme opposite https://dynasty-scans.com/series/even_though_were_adults but nevertheless also interesting (hope it gets updated soon :/)
I never came around to read Gunjo, I blame the art :S
@Thor god, gunjo’s art is ‘unique’ for sure xD I only like one character in the entire thing, and I don’t know why the author included her character if not to make me cry.
Even though we’re adults is... quite like gunjo in that way for me except that I don’t hate the characters involved. Not the MC who’s breaking off a long term relationship because she’s realized it isn’t what she wants (there’s no pleasant way to do this, and I’ve seen it handled much worse by other characters in other works... still very much get the vibe that she’s still the husband’s friend, and it *looks* like she’s largely internalizing how much what she’s doing is stressing her out, but I suppose we’ll find out for sure as it updates), not the girl who’s merely the target of cheating, it’s not her job to keep the social devastation the other MC is performing to a minimum, she’s just dragged along by her feelings like anyone else, and hoping for something better even though she expects nothing but heartache to result from it), But still: I just feel for the husband so much
Brilliant in that it doesn’t pull any of those punches though, and it presents everything in a fairly realistic manner (the guy meeting the girl his wife’s cheating with was *devastating*, even as it’s understandable). I’ve had the perspective of all three leads, and not a one of them is a good feeling... and all of them are fascinating to work with :)
I don’t believe that a complex situation can have wholly good endings. The best case of that in this topic ((lesbian) relationships begun in potentially nonmutual/false attraction (happens more regularly in straight relationships of course, societal reinforcement is interesting)) is that some pretty lesbian falls in love with a straight girl who’s been her best friend all her life, and that the lesbian’s s*x drive is fairly low and the BFF is an empath of sorts (isn’t into her sexually, but nonetheless enjoys her friend’s enjoyment vicariously). Altogether, the romantic atmosphere *might* be able to hold two people of such stock together happily-enough for relative success.
Relationship wise, sure... I’ve seen a romantic relationship that had no s*x life ‘work’, but usually things get pretty miserable from there. Conversely, I’ve seen relationships that were only sexual in nature bloom into romance, and then marriage with astounding more regularity. I’m not an absolutist about it, but the power of mutual attraction simply can’t be underestimated in a relationship :)
Starting a harder type of relationship which normally doesn’t work out and takes either extreme abandonment of ambition *or* a constant willful focus on driving a romance.... I can’t see many happy endings resulting from it. All five of my siblings have been divorced (one even being resulting from the topic, being my (incredibly gay) eldest brother who was married to a woman older than my parents for... if it wasn’t 17 years, then it was at minimum 13)... so clearly relationships are hard enough even without starting from such a perilous position. Mine is the only marriage still going, and I think I’ve gotten off easy (got my wedding cake and I’m eating it too): my husband is attractive to me, and he doesn’t at all mind that yuri/GL is primarily up in my brain space. That said, immigrating someone is *hard*... no way would we have done it if we weren’t a set for life.
Yeah, so story again: fight scenes definitely don’t apply to Falling Petals in this incarnation, but they could have if I’d simply chosen different characters to use for it (rather than a superpowered two-in-one). It’s like I started Supernatural season 1 and I gave Dean the godly powers of Castile from the start AND a Lucifer/Michael body-mech xD Such a waste of setting potential, because I have an adventure that’s only got romantic and interpersonal and interpersonal fights! I don’t have any call to write them, but battles are the content sponges of 3rd person perfect narration that does its histories all at once and in flashback chapters (which take place all in the past of course).
Introspection is something I’ve technically got control over (chapters 1-4 gained a bunch more content recently that was wholly descriptive/introspective, since the first incarnation of them was the pure mania and horror of bereavement and the circumstances Mira found herself in), but if the style isn’t broken (bad/frustrating to read) then I shouldn’t try to fix it. Even if it does mean I hit the 1000 page mark before I get to anything more ‘interesting’ (it won’t, it’ll be about 20 pages before the next ‘interesting’ thing), but any criticisms on what I do early on just mean I do better going forward :)