I slipped into the warm bliss of my bathtub. My sides stung on entry, but with some ginger edging into the water I found my way into a comfortable position. My shoulders relaxed, my legs tingling gently, and my eyes slid closed. I needed this so much. It was a last reprieve before an onslaught of work tomorrow. 

I shifted in place, then winced in pain reflexively. My eyes opened, meeting the vial on the sink top. I hated needles, and swapped quickly back to pills due to the discomfort they gave me when I had to use them years ago. I released myself from my comfort and relented. It was time to take my medicine. I was wiped out from the day and wanted to go to bed already.

I plunged the needle into the vial, pulling the liquid into the syringe with its proboscis-like reach. It was enough for just one dose as directed on the vial. Tapping the tool for air, I also ran a disinfectant swab over a patch of skin on the right side of my abdomen. “Breathe in, breathe out, it will be over soon.” I said, trying to soothe myself. Needles didn’t scare me but I just hated having to watch.

I pierced my skin, again steadying myself against the wall with my right shoulder, gritting through the sharp but brief stab. I pushed down on the plunger and then quickly pulled out the needle.

“There, fucking done.” I gasped. It was time for bed, and I felt ready to slip into a bastion of dreams and safety within my own head. Sleep meant I didn’t have to feel hungry, and I didn’t have to worry about work. I flopped onto the sheets and pulled myself into a cocoon of blankets and pillows, each sporting a color in a pastel trio. Slumber grasped me once more, pulling me into its depths.

—

A wave of consciousness lapped at my fogged mind. Hot, just so, so hot and sweaty. I couldn’t relax, it was too cold. Clammy and constricted, I fought with remaining as close to blissful sleep as I could. Discomfort pulled me begrudgingly awake. My cramping abdomen radiated pain, and my head was throbbing painfully. It felt like my brain would explode almost, and my scalp felt like it was trying to peel itself off. 

I pulled myself out of bed, my arms trembling feebly as I stumbled into the bathroom. Propping myself onto the sink, my skin looked pale, and my hair writhed around my face. It coiled, squirmed, and framed my eyes, as if it was anathema to it. My arms, already struggling to prop myself up, began to slip.

I yelped out in a whimpered voice as my arms gave out, only to fall briefly. My forehead nearly crashed into the corner of the countertop. My scalp felt so strained, but the mirror was still in view. 

“My…my hair.” I gasped out. It was pressing itself like an appendage onto the counter top of the sink. My breath felt ragged, and I pulled my arms up again to the sink. I could try to crawl my way back to bed. This agony was too much. Existence felt exhausting, and instead of fatigue pulling me to sleep, it felt more like I was going to black out.

Lightheadedness teased my vision, the carpet grasped my legs, and I laboredly made my way to bed. I was spent, all I could do was pull some blankets off of the bed and onto the floor with me. It would do. It was the best I could manage regarding the pain I was in. I welcomed blacking out.

—

“Hey! Hey! Wake up!-“

Alarms blared in my ears, my soul curdled. A hand slapped my face with such precision and force I felt my head move independently of my eyes. 

“Sorry but there’s not much time left! We gotta get you to work, sleeping beauty!”

I felt myself drooling, dizzy from the impact. My eyes climbed up a rugged figure, chiseled and clad in leather, standing in the early morning light. My eyes met Shimmers’. She glowed with vermillion eyes, fixed on mine. Her face was one of concern.

“You look terrible girl, are you okay?” Shimmer motioned to me but hesitated. “Is it okay if I touch you?” I nodded positively to her. Her hands were still bandaged like yesterday, but they felt softer than any bandage I’ve touched before. Her hands held my face as she peered into my eyes. 

“Looks like the meds knocked you out like I thought they would, but they still need time. You might have to learn on the job.” Shimmer shook her head. 

“Whuh… what happened to me?” I tried my best to ground myself again. “The meds I gave you are going to help you on the job. I can’t tell you too much, but if anyone finds out I may be in a spot of trouble.” Shimmer stared at me with concern on her face. 

I felt unsteady, my voice wavering. “A-am I going to be okay?” I honestly wanted to cry. Shimmer felt a presence grip her right arm. It was my hair, twisting and grasping her contours. It squeezed in its anxiety. Shimmer let out a consoling coo.

“You are gonna be great. Now look at me.” Shimmer grabbed my shoulders. I looked into her eyes. They felt like they could pierce my soul. I felt my face getting hotter. “I need you to visualize yourself in your head okay?” Shimmer instructed.

I breathed deep and closed my eyes. 

“Picture yourself in your ideal form. Whatever makes you feel relaxed, and at ease emotionally. Then, imagine that form relaxing, okay?”

What did I see myself idealized as? Blurred colors of fuschia and teal swirled in my head. Sitting at a table with friends, new and old came to mind. Laughing, blushing, sharing stories of previous exploits brushed against my emotions. 

My hair’s grip on her arm loosened. “That’s it, keep going.” She continued. The pain began to subside in my head. “Okay, I don’t want to rush you, but we gotta get to the car. Do you have work clothes?” Shimmer asked. “Yes, I do, I set some out last night.” I replied.

Shimmer’s hair began to glow a soft gold. With ease she pulled me up and out of bed, I let out an “eep!” in surprise. “We better get you dressed quickly. Do you need privacy? Can you dress yourself?” 

Honestly I wanted to say I couldn’t, I felt so safe around her and I didn’t know why. Seeing her in my room was so relieving that I- wait… why the fuck was she in my room?! 

“How did you get into my apartment?” I blurted out. 

Shimmer let out a huff. “Look I did a little door lock persuasion. You’ll need to replace it once you get your signing bonus.”

I didn’t have time to process her words before my clothes were pushed into my chest. I shuffled into the bathroom, my left arm still throbbing with discomfort, but had an abnormal amount of feeling in it. The door swung closed with a sudden slam and click. I heard Shimmer ordering me to be quick. What time was it anyway for such urgency? 

Pins and needles began to slowly fizzle into existence in my left arm. I winced at their presence, like tv static gone on too long it was abrasive to my touch. Sensory overload would have to wait. I did my best to brush the feeling aside and get into my work clothes for the day. “Are you done already?” Shimmer called to me from the bedroom. “Yeah I’m done-” Shimmer instantly burst through the door, “Okay-good-letsgo!” Shimmer was moving in a frenzy, and with a bright gold flash she grabbed me in her arms and hauled me out of the apartment. So moved with such a frenetic but deliberate pace that I could hardly believe it before she tossed me into the passenger seat of her car. 

“Are we that late?” I asked in a quiet, sheepish tone. My hair began to writhe and clench onto my clasped hands and my seat. “Yes-yes, we are quite late Lynn. I’m very sorry that I am doing this to you, but honestly I should have seen this coming. I’m sorry.” Shimmer was driving in a mad dash, like every light must be willed into a verdant state, lest the world end. “What do you mean by that? You’ve only just met me?” I asked. Shimmer responded in a snap, “Well, the meds that the doctor gave you weren’t… ordinary. I’m sure you can tell already. Also please don’t ruin my seats, I don’t have the kind of money to replace them.” 

I looked around at my hair, and saw that they were digging into the seat like roots sprawling into fresh soil. “Why the hell is this happening? What is going on, Shimmer!? You sound like you are hiding something!” I was getting tired of this, I had barely been awake even a half hour. I needed answers but Shimmer felt like both my buoy and tormentor in a sea of uncertainty. 

“We are almost here, I promise you Lynn, I will tell you everything I can as soon as possible. You have only so much time until the orientation window starts. Once you get through it, please find me as soon as possible. Do not make any deals whatsoever with anyone, promise?” Shimmer asked me. My face scrunched, “Can you at least tell me what the hell is going on with my hair?” 

“Not fully, but it's to do with the meds. If it's acting unruly, you need to visualize yourself, truly and honestly in your head and relax. Your hair will likely match your emotional state most often.” Shimmer explained as we pulled into the parking spot. This wasn’t good, I get anxious easily and if my hair reflects my emotional state, it's going to be a dead giveaway. How would people react to that? It was exhausting trying to pass and now I have to worry about my hair twisting itself into knots of modern art in public? How was I going to control this, there's no way- 

My abdomen cramped as the seatbelt dug into my stomach. Shimmer put a hand on my shoulder, “Girl, get a hold of yourself, you are practically floating on the seat. Relax.” I looked down at my lap. It was true, what was tendrils of hair sinking into the seat had become properly gnarled roots that formed a cushion under my butt. Once again, I took a deep breath. Shimmer put a hand on my shoulder, its golden warmth radiating from my left side. The gnarled hair began to relax and retreat from the passenger seat, and my stomach could release its tension finally.

It was time to go in for work.