??/??/???? - Today 

"And it ended here, how strange..." - I was in a place that seemed somehow cozy, it all seemed too real, almost like a lucid dream, but at that very moment I find myself in a "warm" place, it makes me not want to leave. However, it was inevitable, I had to gather my courage and open my eyes. The sight was somewhat unexpected, but strangely that place was very familiar, I was faced with an entirely white and infinite place, that sea of white went as far as my eyes could see. I looked around, I was completely alone. 

"AH!"

Remembering everything I had just seen, I reluctantly put my hands under my neck, it was intact, even if I felt a little uncomfortable touching it. I wouldn't be able to tell how I look like now, since there doesn't seem to be anything here apart from just... white. Shiro. 白. 

"How ironic. Anyway, would this be... heaven? No, no, impossible. It can't be hell either."

Limbo. 

The place where souls who haven't yet had their goal on life accomplished go, it's the reality where spirits and wandering souls have their existence trapped, while staying here means that someone still remembers you, and you have a chance of coming back to life. Like when a person dies and they use a defibrillator to "resuscitate" them. 

"So that means I haven't accomplished my mission yet, but I don't have enough power to get out of here on my own." - I let out a long sigh - "All this time... all this I've been through, was it just my life passing through my eyes? All that time, then, I was... dead. Now that explains why everything was suddenly blurred, it's obvious that memories aren't going to be clear, now it makes sense why time "jumped" without me realizing it, when I was in my room and then suddenly in Nakano's office. I was just remembering everything I'd experienced. How long have I been dead? If all this time I was remembering my life, how long did it take? Ah, that's not good, maybe I'll be stuck here forever. I... I don't want this... shit." - I sat down on the floor of that place - "For now, let's try to put everything that happened in mind, let's see... that man who imitated Shidou's appearance, after all, what's the real..." - I stopped my speech abruptly, a thought coming to mind. It was unlikely, no, I didn't even want to consider it, but what other choice did I have? Considering that, all the pieces fit together so perfectly. 

As the Goddess of Shadows, I have control over "black magic", umbrakinesis. It's a double-edged sword, and while it's extremely strong, it comes at an extremely high cost: umbrakinesis has a consciousness of its own, and when someone is "compatible" with it, it doesn't mean that you'll control it, but that you've made a contract with it, just like with Demons. When you possess umbrakinesis, a part of your body is usually sacrificed so that you can invoke the magic - it could be a finger, a whole arm or even more. In any case, it's an extremely cruel magic, which with each use controls more and more of your body, starting with a headache, then you lose control over the possessed body part and finally it's you. Because I am the Goddess of Shadows, this means that I am exceptionally compatible with umbrakinesis, the strongest of magics. But what does that really mean?

Using my own fingernails, I cut the palm of my hand, but instead of red blood, a black liquid oozed out. Exactly the same as the slime creatures, exactly the same as where the creature came from, and the same as the one that killed me. Yes... ever since they discovered that I was a goddess, I've had to live with it.

Because I'm the Goddess of Shadows, this means that I have an insane compatibility with umbrakinesis. In other words, my insides are made of umbrakinesis, I'm not made of flesh, blood or bones, I have no organs. If at this very moment I open my arm, all that will be found is a huge puddle of black sludge. I have insane power, I'm possibly the strongest goddess ever, after all I swapped my entire body for umbrakinesis, but as I said, for power as strong as this, the cost is expensive.  

I have a terminal illness. My days of life are minutely counted, while my mind is constantly dominated by the umbrakinesis. No wonder I suffer from imposter syndrome. Every day is an unending struggle with umbrakinesis, which constantly tries to take over my body. "I didn't want to have to consider this, but there's a chance that the reason for all the attacks was... precisely me. Maybe that creature that impersonated Shidou is just the materialization of my umbrakinesis" - When this thought came to mind, the realization finally hit me - "Ah... of course" 

Shiroh, have you ever thought that all this might be your fault? 

I knew that phrase very well. Umbrakinesis has been playing with my memories, putting those intrusive thoughts into them. How ridiculous. And to think... it was all... my... fault. I felt something wet fall into my hands, they were tears. I couldn't help myself, no one would see any of this after all. One by one, the tears slowly began to flow, I fell into tears. I didn't know how long I'd been standing there, just crying tears that I'd been holding back for years.

Until I felt something gently touch my shoulder, and in the midst of tears, I lifted my face and was faced with an unexpected sight: a woman in her mid-forties, fair skin, crimson eyes, long pink hair, looking at me lovingly. "Ah... long time no see" - I thought. 

The woman smiled gently and crouched down in front of me, carefully wiping away my tears. 

"Mom..." - I took her hand, which was wiping my face. I couldn't help but smile, it had been years since I'd felt her gentle touch. She quickly pulled me into a hug, stroking my head. "Mom... Mom..." - I hugged her tighter, I didn't want to let her go at all. She remained silent, just caressing me. I stayed like that for a long time, until I got tired. I pulled away from her a little and looked into her face, she still had that motherly smile. 

- Shiroh... it's good to see you, child. Oh, how much you've grown. - She looked at me tenderly

"Mom... I didn't expect to see you here." 

- Ho ho ho, and I didn't expect to see you here at all - Pause - But you know - Her smile slowly faded, changing to a pained expression - You, a little while ago, seemed to be suffering from some kind of nightmare, I tried to wake you up. - Pause - Ah! But I didn't have the courage to say "daughter", I'm sorry if calling you "girl" hurt you, my love... - She had one hand on her cheek, tilting her face slightly.

"I... didn't..." - I stopped mid-speech. I had remembered something. In the midst of the idiot games made by umbrakinesis, in those endless nightmares, someone had woken me up from my trance. I looked back at my mother and smiled - "Thanks, Mom" - We stared at each other for a while - "Wait, if you're here, but Dad isn't, that means..."

- Yes, I wasn't able to fulfill my mission - Her eyes were closed, she seemed to be pondering something - But I think I've figured out what it was - She smiled gently

"All this time... you were here?" 

- Shiroh, my love, you're still very young - She put both hands on my shoulders - Can you do me a favor? 

"Mom, what do you mean?"

- Ah, my love, I'd love to stay here for hours and hours talking to you. But I'd rather watch you from heaven than keep you stuck here forever with me. 

"No, Mom, you still have a chance to come back to life!"

- Give me a break, Shiroh. What's an old woman like me going to do? Look at you, you've grown up to be a woman, beautiful, strong, intelligent... - She smiled - Dear, it was great to see you one last time.

"Mom. No, I won't let you" - I held her hands tightly, there was no way I was going to let you go again 

- Shiroh... you still have to protect your sisters, for me, for your father. 

"We can get out of here together, you and I" 

- Don't be silly. You know that's impossible. 

"I don't want to leave you... not again" - Tears started streaming down my face. I've already failed you once, Mom, I couldn't allow myself to make the same mistake again. 

- Shiroh, you're still the same old child, aren't you? - She stroked my hair gently - Look at you, at this age still clinging to your mother... - The tone of voice, although sweet, had a painful undertone to it

"Mom... I don't want to leave you..."

- Darling, it's my duty. I still have a little of my power left, I can bring you back. 

My eyes widened. I couldn't conceive of that, I would never let my mother waste her chance because of me.

- No, Shiroh. I'm your mother. I know what you have in mind, but I won't let you - Her voice suddenly became harsher. 

"I don't want to" 

- It's not a question of wanting to or not, don't be silly, Shiroh, I didn't raise you like this - She sulked - I won't discuss it. 

"And I can't let you waste your chance on me"

- I won't be wasting it, child - She sighed - Do you know why I've been stuck here all this time? 

"Your mission..."

- Yes, and my life's mission was to be able to save my daughters one last time - Her sweet smile hid a pained expression - That day... - Her voice broke - You weren't there - I bit my lip when I heard that, I knew that very well - But I never blamed you, Shiroh, you weren't to blame at all - She closed her eyes - In fact, I blame myself. You had to endure all that alone, and I couldn't even be there to protect you. I managed to protect Chizu and Urash... but I failed to protect you, child.

"Don't say that... don't..." - I held her hands 

- But Shiroh, now I can protect you - Her eyes were shaking, she seemed to be holding back tears, yet she kept a big smile on her face - So please, for mother's sake, promise me this? - She brought her hands, next to mine, to her chest - So I can go to heaven and get out of here, I'll watch you from up there.... 

"I..." - I didn't have the courage to look her in the eye - "I've just had you back... do you have any idea how long, how long, I've wanted to see your face again?" 

- Shiroh... why did you live until now? 

"Because... I felt I had a duty to protect, to protect Chizu, Urash... to protect everyone"

- Yes, you've always been like that - she smiled tenderly - So, Shiroh, you still have a lot of people to save. - She brought her hands to my chest and closed her eyes - No matter where you are, I'll be with you, I'll be by your side... 

"No... no..." - The tears wouldn't stop 

- I'm going to give you a second chance, my love, make good use of it, understand? It's my last request to you... 

"No... no... I can't..." 

- Shiroh. - She looked straight into my eyes, those crimson eyes I inherited - You're here so far, not for the people who are gone, but for the people who are still here. So go and save your sisters. 

I was speechless, static. 

- I'm leaving a piece of myself with you, my love... - She smiled - so... give me a smile one last time, will you?

In the midst of tears, I smiled, smiled as I saw the image of my own mother crumbling before me. "Live for those who are gone" is something my mother used to say all the time, but, come to think of it, I'm much more suitable with "live for those who are still here". Oh, how silly. I failed, I couldn't save you, mom, you saved me. In my last moments in that white place, something took shape where my mother had been a few seconds ago, a large golden sword with a crimson stone in the middle. I smiled. 

Excalibur is my mother's name. Silly me, the piece she was going to leave with me was that sword? Frankly, only you...

I smiled

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