…huh. My body feels... relaxed again.

I know I felt tremendous pain earlier. I know it completely drained me. And I know I should still be feeling it. But all of that felt like a distant memory. I didn't want to believe it, but I can safely say that I was in Hell... and that thunderous snap brought me back. Just thinking about hell sickens me. Even if I can’t exactly recall the experience, I know it wasn't just pain. It was pain itself. I became one with pain.

I won’t back down anymore. This really is happening. I have no choice but accept things as they are right now. God is real, there is an angel beside me, and I am mildly deaf on my left ear. Damn it. Before regret takes over me, I recollected my thoughts and asked Raziel.

“Do I really need to kill? Can’t I just avoid them all and survive like a normal human being?”
“That’s precisely why I’m here. God sent us to every sinner on the planet to… assist your kind. And to do that, you need to kill someone. Anyone. Any human whether sinner or not, to be able to access our powers.”
“Hmph. I don’t need to use you or kill anyone.”

I fixed the mess surrounding me and returned the gun in my bag. I finally left that forsaken cliff. My only place of refuge is now tainted with my own blood. I don't ever want to return here again. I looked at the time in my smartphone. 7:20am… it’s not too late to go to class. I’ll just forget all about this shit and just go on with my normal everyday life. I walked on the same path as I did earlier. Raziel trails behind me and then taps me on the shoulder.

“Hold on, I think you’re mistaken.”
“I told you! I’ll never in my life kill anyone.”
“Fear not then, because your so called ‘everyday life’ is over."

"How can you even declare that my every-" He covers my mouth with his huge hands and gets closer behind me to the point where his mouth is an inch away from my ear.

"Let me clarify something. You do not use me, I USE YOU. I’m here to carry out His will, and you will help me fulfill that. Don’t cooperate and I’ll send you to the second layer of Hell." 

Everything I felt before... was just the first layer?!

"3 days. In 3 days, if you make no progress, I’ll do just that.”

I was stricken into silence. I kept on walking in the warm, rocky beach yet I’m frozen in fear. I look behind and I see nothing but a tall man with wings behind his back. Light permeated the air but I saw nothing but darkness. Yeah, this blinding figure is not an angel. The only words that escaped my mouth is-

“Demon. You're a fucking demon.”

“Do not call me demon, Aku-chan.”

“A-Aku..” I haven’t heard it for a long time. Out of anyone, anyone that would call me that, it's a self-proclaimed angel.
“3 days.”

In this short span of time, will I be able to betray myself? Again? Am I going to stray further away from the perfectly good and kind person I’ve always been? I don’t even know what is the “perfect” that I’ve always been calling myself. What the fuck kind of a perfect person tried to kill herself? The worldview I always had is starting to crumble.

I reach the tunnel that leads toward the town. The old rugged man earlier is still inside, sleeping in his makeshift bed while his hands are wrapped around in a brown paper bag with bread crumbles around it. Combined with his wizened hair, wrinkled face, and torn, musty clothes; anyone passing by him would be immediately repulsed. But I wasn’t. Instead, I found myself drawn to him. His thin stature makes him looks so defenseless. His neck is so lean that my hand would fully wrap around it. The rolling thunder of the train above us shook the ground. Unfamiliar notions entered my mind. Like I could easily do something to him if I wanted to. Something that would lift the weight I carry. That's right, I could do it right now. With each step closer, more and more thoughts enter my frame.

Yeah. I could do it right now.

Maybe this nightmare will end once I do it.

ONE WAY.

"NO!"

I forced myself to run away from there. Damn it! What the hell was I thinking?! I hear the fleeting voice of Raziel as I move further away from there.

"It's fine, you'll be back again later."  

 The hands of the clock tick-tocks as I wait for the train to arrive. Standing beside me is Raziel. Despite his conspicuous wings, everyone just keeps passing by. 

"The only one one who can see me is you." While saying that, a dog is barking at him. 

"The only... person who can see me is you." I guess this is one of the things even the angel of secrets doesn't know. 

"I'll just leave for a moment. People might think the dog is barking at you." 

Raziel leaves the train platform and the dog follows him. When they leave through the stairways going down, two women wearing the same uniform as I do ascend from it. They're the girls from yesterday, the ones I bumped into. One of the girls, a small figured girl, rushes toward me and eagerly says,

"Ahh!!! It's you! Thank you so much for the curse! Because of it, I successfully confessed to Haruto-kun!"  Sigh... what a nuisance. 

"Oh... It was nothing, really!" said I with an excruciating smile and enthuiastic voice.

It was absolutely nothing. I mean, what a stupid curse. I don't even know why they call it a "curse". Well for me, it is. I think it was some years ago that a girl bumped into me and stared directly to my eyes. The next day, she had a boyfriend. Ever since then, girls come near me when they see me and try to bump into me. I try to avoid them everytime. It made me feel like I'm a red cloth waiting to be teared up by a bull. Strangely enough, this lead to me working out every now and then. I've avoided every attempt so far, until yesterday.

"No! It means so much to me! I'm forever grateful to you, even if he turns me down tomorrow!" She gleefully says with a huge grin.

"uhh..... Ms... uhhh.... what's your name again?" She says but then the other girl beside her, presumably her friend, who looks more meek and mature than her, lightly smacks her back and then whispers in her ear. 

"Yeah! Of course! I know who Hanasaki-san is, duh! She is.... that girl who... something..." 

This time, her friend uses her elbow to smack her, "Shhh! Don't say that loudly!!!" , and continues to whisper to her.

"Yes, You are the one who got... a perfect mark on your card... AHHH! HANASAKI-SAN?!?" It seems that she finally realized what I did before. That was only possible because I had nothing else to do but study. And her scream coincided with the train's loud arrival. Streams of passengers flood the carriage. We hurriedly enter before we become tardy. I'd prefer to be alone right now, but these two just had to stand beside me. 

The train starts to move into the edge of the coastline, showing the vast blue ocean on the other end of the window. Fishermen and their boats can be seen in droves more and more as the rural landscape slowly fades out of our vision. This girl beside me pokes my arm and says,

"Hanasaki-san! You can call me-"  

"Kana Aoyama. I'll just call you Kana." Why am I having this conversation now? I don't like talking to this.... retard.

"You can call me Kana-chan." She does that huge grin again but slowly fades to rest,

"Wait, why do you know me?!"

Her friend facepalms before I can,

"You have been classmates for a month now..."

"Ahh... yeah that's right! Hahaha..." 

"Sorry, Hanasaki-san. She may be in Class 3-A, but she's still an idiot sometimes."  I've been aware of Kana especially because she's quite popular for being clumsy. She does get high marks, but I never saw them together at all.

"I'm Hana Suzuki from Class 3-B. It's nice to meet you, Hanasaki-san."

"It's nice to meet you too." Not really.

The gentle and well-mannered Hana is friends with the dynamic and clumsy Kana. I could say something about it, but I couldn't care less about them. Especially when I know their fates. When their time runs out, they'll end up in a place full of happiness. They can be who they are right now, and they can even be friends forever. Meanwhile, I have to work for it. I might even have to kill them... no. I won't resort to that.

"That's because you're an imbecile," coming from a voice right above me. I see Raziel lying on one of the luggage racks. I ignore him and the two until we arrive at the station. The city of Raguna, unlike Marina, it's full of skyscrapers and the sound of engines dominates its ambience. A river divides the city into two districts and Raguna High, the school I'm attending to, is found on the west side of that said river. It is only a few blocks away from this station so it was only a matter of time before we arrived. Thankfully both girls stopped pestering me for the moment.

The day went again as usual. In the morning, this class of 30 is still lively. Kana and her circle of friends talked about some kind of drama or something; The nerds behind the room played with their handheld consoles; and the jocks shared stories about "cute chicks". But me? As usual, I remained here seated beside the window, looking outside ocassionally and studied for the next class. Around noon, everyone is starting to be sleepy, especially because Mathematics and Literature are the subjects. Our exceedingly boring Literature teacher is the worst as he drags on about the lesson with his monotonous voice.

 “'Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit!'  is apparently a quote by an American writer. Weirdly enough, the lesson is about suicide. Thoughts of pain started to enter my head but I quickly brushed it off.

"Aoyama! Can you give your own interpretation?" Kana's seatmate shakes her violently to wake her up, Kana rises up from her deep slumber. She wipes the drool on her mouth and quietly asks her seatmate.

"W-What's up?"
"He asked you a question."
"What question?"
"Your opinion about that quote."
"What quote?"
Her seatmate slowly looks more and more aggravated as the teacher walks towards them.

"That quote that goes, 'Suicide is.... God's... uh...'"

Kana pops out of her desk loudly that some people also woke up.
"Sensei! Suicide is uhhh... bad! The umm... author...."
"You can't fire me," said with a soft voice.

"You.... can't?"
"fire. me."
"Flyer... Me."
"Fire. Me."
"fuh???"
"Fire! The hot one."
"AH!!! FIRE!!!" When Kana screamed fire, people were woke up startled.

"What the heck?!"

"There's fire?!" In that moment, everyone started to panic.

"Kana, what the hell did you do?!" shouts her furious seatmate.
"Nothing I swear!" as she slowly sinks in her table.

*ring ring*

Loud ringings were heard all over the classroom. Everyone started opening their bags and checked their phones. I did the same as I felt the vibration from my bag. 

"Hey! No phones in my class!" furiously screamed the teacher, yet everyone didn't pay any attention. Because what they saw in their phones was terrifying. 

"Sensei, look at this."

"Emergency alert: A missile was fired from North Korea. Please evacuate to a sturdy building or basement."

 Loud sirens were echoing all over the campus.

“Missile launched! Missile launched!”  Those words reverberated into our heads. Everyone instinctively crouched and covered their heads with their books. Outside, the thunderous boom of military jets instantly permeates the blazing afternoon sky. Various camo-colored trucks blasted warnings from the loudspeakers attached to them, "We will evacuate to the bomb shelter in the center of the city. We will give rides to every citizen. Don't panic, stay in order."  

"Everyone, remain calm and please fall in line while heading toward the vehicles." For once, I see our literature teacher act with authority.

Everyone was sweating from the summer heat. Some students remained perfectly calm and kept silent. Some were laughing and having fun, while others were shaking from fear. Soldiers guided the students to ride their trucks which can fit at least 20 people each. A tall, well-defined woman of striking elegance leads our class to one. Her thunderous tomboy-ish voice was able to give command to every single one of us. 

"Hey, miss. You are awesome!" said one of the boys attempting to flirt with her.
"Get in the fucking truck, kid." she harshly replies.
"Ehh?! I just wanted to seat in the front beside you!"
"Do you want me to use your dick as the gear stick? I'm going to drive as quick as I can because a fucking nuke is heading here, so scram!" The boy surrenders and sits on the back, remaining silent throughout the journey to the shelter. It seems that what's happening isn't sinking in with everyone.

"Marumasu Private High School on this corner! Please stay here until we receive updates about the crisis!" 
"Wait, she's the highest ranked officer?!" The woman that drove us to here is the one talking on the megaphone, giving more orders to every city official in each district of Raguna.

This is the first time any of us entered this fallout shelter. This concrete cocoon is deep underground. There are steel beams in the ceiling that have air ventilation on it. Recreation is possible within this walls as there is a billiard pool, a T.V., bathrooms, and kitchens with stocks of canned foods placed on cabinets. There are likely thousands of people in here right now in a tight space, yet most are comfortable because of the air conditioning. I see Kana and Hana not too far from here, having a conversation. I just want to relax for now. I recline on one of the columns supporting the ceiling and wait. Before I fell into sleep, some guy from another school in the city asks,

"Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
"Sure." Eh, why not. 

Half an hour has passed since we've been here. I felt bored so I rummaged through my bag to find things to do. I found the hair ties I used as a distraction earlier this morning. Although it's a lie, it might not be a bad thing to really change up my style. Besides, I only had this bangs because it helps me cover my red, demonic eye. I used my phone as a mirror and made a ponytail out of my hair, exposing my red eye. The sheer coldness of this place also made me wear my jacket. The guy beside me looked at me quizzically.

"Can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Are you by any chance... Pacific?"