April 12, 20XX

8:13 AM

Second week, first day.

I really don’t wanna go over my loss last week, so I decide to put the plan to overhaul the story on hold.

Shounen Protagonist, nope. Rom-Com Protagonist is next. Rom-Coms are probably one of the most common besides shounen made solely for incels or for diabetes. However, nowadays, they are so predictable, so predictable in fact, that I can indeed guess who is the endgame girl and I'll do that by using the rules I have learned throughout my journey.

My eyes turn to the person of interest.

Let me analyze the Rom-Com Protagonist, Tamaki Kazuhiko, and the girls who are head-over-heels for him. But before that, I have to establish some rules.

Rule 1: Tsunderes have a higher chance of winning than other love rivals.

Rule 2: First girl almost always wins.

Rule 3: Girls late in the running would most likely lose.

Rule 4: Childhood friends almost never win.

Rule 5: Girls with bigger cups would most likely lose against girls with smaller cups.

These are 5 powerful rules, I’d list extra rules once needed.

“So, Tamaki Kazuhiko, handsome, brown hair, black eyes, and his one core trait, dense as hell.”

I turn to the first girl.

“Now we have the three heroines, first off, Emiko Morine, and undeniable beauty that has a bubbly and has a straightforward personality, I can probably guess she is the childhood friend judging by their intimacy showcased by her and Kazuhiko’s past interactions. Therefore, she will lose.”

On to the next girl.

“Second, Uyehara Tamiko, a perverted loli, I don’t know what to say about her honestly, small breasts, so she might win.”

Now, the final girl.

“Third, Uchiyama Miwa, a supporter of the two, when attacked, she turns tsundere. She has a modest cup size and makes her own moves when alone. Her interactions with Kazuhiko bring out her dere by the end for almost every interaction. Blushes and has little to no knowledge when faced with a situation that involves romantic relationships.”

…

Tsundere. Modest cup size. Slightly assertive, just the right amount. Not a childhood friend nor a pervert.

I’ll make an addition.

Rule 6: Being a pervert significantly lowers your chances of being chosen. Conversely…

Rule 7: A pure maiden significantly increases your chance of being chosen.

Rule 8: Heroines who express their feelings in a timid and humble way increase their chances. Conversely…

Rule 9: Heroines who are too expressively open with their feelings almost always lose.

I discard what I said about Tamiko-san, lolis lose. Whichever rival that will appear out of nowhere has no chance of winning.

Rule 10: Lolis also lose almost all the time.

If you want one to win, you’re better off seeing an eroge for that matter.

On a side note, the conditions for the rules here will definitely overlap, so the appropriate calculation would be to take into the intensity of the rule, as well as how far one leans into the conditions stated within that rule. By doing that you can calculate what increases and decreases a heroine’s chances more accurately. I bet that the result is most often credible, as I have seen so far.

“And with that I basically finished their love story.”

On my two legs, I yell out loud to the whole class the winner of the Rom-Com. I make sure to say it slowly, but loudly to make sure the audience can hear me, be it viewers or readers, because I don’t know what media or platform this story is presented in any way.

"The winner is Uchiyama Miwa!!!"

Barely anyone notices me. To those who did, they chose to forget the fruitful piece of information they got for free.

Come on readers and watchers, are you seriously gonna cope with that trashy story? After introducing pointless love rivals, the story will enter ‘The Milking State’ in which the story has no developments thus far and is making use of waifus to keep it going by constantly teasing us and delivering none in return. Such is the inevitable state of a Rom-Com that has no plot, yet has a plan to keep going indefinitely.

With that being said, this isn’t the only type of Rom-Com. This is a type with rivals, there are others who do not have rivals, or if there are, it’s painfully obvious who will win because the name of the winning girl is basically in the title of the story. Well, that’s for some series anyway.

Disclaimer: Not everything he says is factual or true.

Some of the common types are the popular boy and unpopular girl, the boy-hating girl and the playboy characteristic boy, the teasing girl and the revenge planner boy, and vice versa, and many more pairings.

Learning from my past mistake, I make sure to analyze my characteristics beforehand to deem myself worthy of becoming a Rom-Com Protagonist. Unsurprisingly, I was unworthy which solidifies my position as the sole mob character.

“Maybe I didn’t become an MC because I didn’t have the qualifications for any of it.”

The thought that I wouldn’t even fit in a hentai is depressing. Qualifications for that are at the very bottom of the barrel.

“So what does that make me…”

I think its best I not continue that line of thought.

I take out my phone from my side pocket and slide it over my palm. From it shows a site of the current seasonal anime. My index finger scrolls through it to get an idea.

Back to the topic at hand-

“Thankfully, for a Rom-Com, the girls are always the spotlight. It isn’t the male protagonist who is remembered, so it barely matters if he has substance or not.”

Eureka. I snap my fingers.

I may not have the qualifications to be one through conventional means, but I can force start one.

“It all begins with one encounter.”

Perhaps with this I can finally stop going back-and-forth with myself. It’s incredibly lonesome.

Of course… if we’re going with this plan. The type of Rom-Com that I’d aim for is-

…

..

.

Ring. Ring.

The bell rings loudly throughout the entirety of the school. It was dismissal time.

I rush down the stairs and open the door of the very first classroom I come across, which was to the left.

The door slides smoothly and there I was. I muster all the air my lungs could and yell.

“Kouhai?! Any kouhais available?”

…the kouhai and senpai chemistry. It’s pretty popular right now.  

Silence greets me with its embrace.

I don’t care about my dignity… I'll throw it away for this opportunity. It doesn't matter whether I look horrendous or not, I’ll sacrifice it all!

In these types of rom-coms, as I said, the main focus of the audience is the heroine or in this context, my kouhai.

Some girls were leaving the classroom, passing by me and I hit on them to see if they would be up to take their offer. They were clearly appalled.

“Why don’t people notice me? But when they do, they leave out of disgust? What’s the meaning of this?!”

The inconsistency of my presence, dammit!

A girl goes to me and scooches over beside me.

“Fine, I’ll stay with you for a bit,” the girl says in a monotone voice.

My face perks up. I couldn’t keep my composure.

I graciously grab her hand and shake it uncontrollably.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

S-Someone acknowledged me! In a non-discriminatory way too!

She, on the other hand, acted like a rag doll, allowing me to throw her like a wet blanket.

“S-S-Stop, p-p-please. I-I-I’m g-getting dizzy. Uwahhh-”

Her cries were all emotionless, but I imagine she is merely a kuudere.

My back faces her for a second as I turn around. Oh, my emotions are just flooding, so much so, that I release it by pumping my fist downwards, several times.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!”

Note: Is that a Jojo Referen-

Shut up.

I come back to face a spinning airheaded girl, from my earlier thrusts of force.

 SFX: Kuru~ kuru~

As the class gradually became emptier, I had to make my move.

“Why don’t we go home together?”

“Sounds fine to me,” she answered with the same blank stare.

“Great!”

Things are going great! They are going my way for once!

…

..

.

4:12 PM, After School

We go down the stairs. No words were exchanged.

“Hm…”

The mood wasn’t right to start up a conversation. The event should only start after we left the gates, so I hold off from uttering a word until then. That was what felt right.

We head out the school gates.

Now!

“What’s your name?” I ask her.

“Kurata Kasumi, but you can call me Kasumi-san, senpai.”

What a beautiful name! She calls me senpai, too! I must have hit the jackpot on this one.

The conversation ended abruptly. There were no follow-up questions and silence lingers once more.

I check up on her, but her face says nothing at all.

I-Isn’t she going to ask?

“Um... Aren’t you going to ask my name?” I voice out my concern.

“…What’s your name, senpai?”

Why did you hesitate?

“My name is Takayuki, Takayuki Kibe, you can call me Kibe-senpai.”

“Okay, Takabi-senpai.”

“Aw, thank-”

Huh?

I was flabbergasted. The name that had entered my ears… I couldn’t make sense of it.

What kind of nickname is Takabi supposed to be? It sounds atrocious. Is there supposed to be some intrinsic meaning to it when expressed in kanji? Is my vocabulary in kanji lacking?

“U-Uh, you can call me senpai.”

“Okay, Takabi-senpai.”

“…”

Let’s clarify some things here.

“No, you can call me without the one before it. Just senpai would be nice.”

“Oh? You don’t like the nickname I gave you?” she queries.

“Ah no, it’s not that-”

“Then I will call you Takabi-senpai.”

“…”

Air enters my system, as I deeply inhale and exhale to control my fury.

She is your first encounter. She is your first encounter. I mustn’t be mean.

“O-Okay. B-But how did you come up with it? I’d like to at least know.”

“I didn’t. I just jumbled your name and came up with it.”

“…”

Does she have screws loose?

I shake my head.

Let’s put this past us. It may be a horrid nickname, but nicknames indicate the closeness of people. This is the start of a fruitful relationship.

Contrary to my thoughts, she kept her mouth shut, not actively making conversation of any kind.

Step. Step. Step.

All I could hear were the sounds of our steps as we get closer and closer to our homes.

Step. Step. Step.

This-

This is so embarrassing! She’s so reserved!

I look at my surroundings.

Oh, I really am almost near my house. Speaking of which, where even is her house?

“Um... sorry if I’m late to ask, but where do you live around these parts?" I ask her.

“Oh, I don’t live here. I live in the opposite direction.”

“Eh? Th-Then… why did you accompany me?”

“I felt sorry for you, that’s all. I also happened to have some spare time, so I figured this was the least I could do.”

"…"

Note: Critical Hit!!!

She says farewell to me.

“See you, Takani-senpai.”

“Um, ok. Thanks.”

She waves her hand and turns around to leave.

She even made a mistake with the very nickname she made.

In front of my house, there I stood atop bewildered. I don’t know what to say about my anime.

“I think I’m just gonna go play some gacha and watch anime...”

Note: Progress: 0.01% to flag capture.

…

..

.

April 13, 20XX

8:10 AM

Another day, another technique! I wouldn't say yesterday was pointless, but if it kept going like that, we'd only start talking casually by the time we graduate. I can't have that. Time for my second technique!

The door opens. Our teacher pops in and leaves the door hanging.

“Students, I have an announcement to make…”

Wait, don’t tell me...

A cute little girl enters the room in an unusual bright pink dress with lots of frills that suit an idol. She had blue hair and green eyes.

IS SUCH AN OUTFIT EVEN PERMITTED WITHIN SCHOOL GROUNDS?!

Everyone stares at her with amazed eyes, the boys and girls admired her, however, some boys had malicious intent.

A guy in front of me asked our teacher.

“Yano-sensei, are we gonna have a new student?”

“Precisely, Madoka-kun!” Yano Masato-sensei answers him, filled with spirit.

Sensei then looks back at the new student.

“Please introduce yourself to the class,” he instructs her.

“Good morning everyone, my name is Yokoyama Maruhi-san! Pleased to meet you all!”

With that she does a graceful bow.

Sensei proceeds to give further information about her.

“She’s the leader of one of the most famous idol groups, Milly Minty Mew Mew.”

That name sure is over-the-top.

Note: Stop criticizing every little thing.

3 guys in different seats stand up from their seats, including Madoka, the one seated in front of me.

“HELL YEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! Now that’s what I’m talking about!”

Gimme a break. Another distraction? An idol protagonist? Really?

“LUCKIEST DAY EVERRRRRR!”

Note: Madoka Yoshida, 1st row, 3rd column.

 “L-Lower your voice, Madoka. You’re inconveniencing the others…"

Note: Masaru Arata, 4th row, 5th column.

 
“This must be my dream come true."

He kneels down and pulls out a wedding ring from behind. Not from his pocket, or anywhere in his uniform, mind you. From ‘behind’.

“PLEASE MARRY ME!”

Note: Katsuro Hara, 2nd row, 2nd column.

Another one of the guys reacted, although it didn’t seem like he was part of them, the dead giveaway was his vision switching and alternating to the three.

He simply yawned; a stark contrast to the earlier guys who were over-the-top.

Note: Takashi Ishimoto, 3rd row, 5th column. Together, they are... The Slice-of-Life Boys.

One of the last things I’d ever resort to, on the same spectrum as Idol. I need to get away from them as soon as possible. I don’t need to listen to what happens, I’ll just ignore everything that happens here, because it’s a waste of time, and worst of all, filler for my progress! This by no means affects me!

I swear… what was the point of this scene?

…

..

.

Ring. Ring.

The school bell rings.

People gather around the idol, though they comprised of mostly men.

I’m not dumb enough to fall for that. Idol shows often have no romance, it’s usually about how they overcome difficulties and make songs, shows, and stuff. Count me out! Kouhai chemistry failed, time for plan B.

I go up the stairs and opens the door of the very first classroom I saw which was to the left, again.

“Senpai! Any senpais available?!”

Note: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

END OF EPISODE 4