EPISODE 7 - The Genres and Themes I Wouldn’t Fit Into (Part 2)

Note: The Slice-of-Life Boys.

They are currently huddled together.

“Hey Takashi, tell us a dark joke,” Katsuro requests.

“A refrigerator with food is the same as a cannibal opening an air-conditioned room full of people,” Takashi answers with a dull tone.

“Woah, man! Too dark! Another one, but not too dark,” Madoka requests.

“If a cat in a box filled with radiation is Schrödinger’s cat, can a human-dog hybrid eating chocolate be considered the same?” Takashi answers.

“Too smart!” Masaru yelps.

“Make up your minds,” Madoka comments.

Watching from my seat, I calmly analyze their antics.

I can be a Slice-of-Life Protagonist, but that’s the lowest of the low. I’ll have that as my last resort since right now, I’m in desperate need.

I heave a sigh.

I know I just said I’d go on a journey last episode, buuut…

“I kinda want to consider my other options first. Anyways-”

I look away and take out a clear spiral notebook. A pencil rests on my fingertips and I prepare to write.

Now, what genres and themes do we have? I’ll start with what comes up to mind.

I start listing out the genres and themes.

Adventure. Nope, no chance. Action, that’s for shounen, mostly. Comedy, I have a knack for this one, I’ll leave this on standby. Romance? PSHHH.

“Hmm, I ain’t a mob character for no reason, eh?”

My hand continues writing.

Sports, as if. Parody…

“I’m already mocking certain stereotypes; I’d be surprised if my story wouldn’t be a parody.”

Dementia, hmmm, that’s too complicated for me to attain so easily.

Scribble. Scribble.

Yaoi, HARD NO!

Scribble. Scribble.

Shoujo? I’m not even a girl, and I don’t think a girl would take interest in me, so that roots out all possibilities of being tied in to a shoujo.

Scribble. Scribble.

Fantasy? This is a school setting. Psychological or thriller… there are no murderers or mind-boggling activities that can be found here.

“Ok, I’m lost; I suppose I’ll go think more after school.”

…

..

.

4:02 PM, After School

Ring. Ring.

The school bell rang.

I’m heading home.

Getting up from my seat, I wrap my bag around my arms and head out in a rush.

“This will help me choose what kind of protagonist I want to be!” I giggle while going down the stairs.

“I’ve already crossed out many, that should help me deduct easier! …Wait, that’s not good at all!”

What if I find myself unable to fit any genre at this point?! Other than Sci-fi, that is…

The sun shines brightly on my face.

Am I really getting anywhere at this pace?

I walk down a park; this is where I saw the Shounen protagonist fight an unknown assailant. Though, something was off.

The surroundings seem to get dimmer… why?

The sun was hidden behind the countless amounts of thick rainclouds. The wind brushes against my uniform. It was breezy, but that was a given since the sun’s rays were obstructed.

I look around and to my left where I see a run-down wooden house near the park. It felt like it had been there for centuries.

Huh, was that always there? I’ve been here many times, and I’ve never noticed that house. But for some reason, I feel like going there brings bad news.

“Hmm?”

There were five people, who seemed to be young adolescents in their 18s or 20s in front of the house who I didn’t pay any attention to at the moment. My gaze was primarily directed at the scary thing right beside me.

It had given me enough time to realize what that abomination is.

OH CRA-

I avert my gaze, and secretly watch it through my peripheral vision. I try to pass by the haunted house gently.

Fear had conquered me, but I wasn’t going to let it get the best of me.

T-This i-is a setup for a horror anime. It a-almost got me; I would head there out of curiosity if I hadn’t had my guard up.

I slide past by its red crimson door and the five people standing in front of it. By pure chance, I overhear their conversation.

“Come on, let’s go in! Don't tell me you’re scared of ghosts?” a tall guy from the group asks.

“I-I’m not! Now let me though!” a meekly girl responds.

She opens the door.

Creak. Creak.

The rusted door hinge made it tricky to open the door.

However, once she did open it, its sound echoes throughout the empty hallway before them.

A perfect set-up for a horror story. It even has those cliché dialogues. I'll try to warn them.

From the goodness of my heart, I try to save them from their awaited fate.

“Hey!”

…They ignore my calling.

“Hey! Don’t go in there!”

They take a glance at my direction, but decide to ignore my warnings. They head on inside the house like mindless fools.

It’s your grave, idiots.

Hey, I tried. Can’t be faulted for what happens next.

Good luck after many deaths!

Thinking to myself, I had survived the disaster, I hear an eerie voice of a little girl whispering into my left ear.

“Come in~”

Shivers sent through my ear to my spine. Through pure survival instinct, I dart away from the cursed structure, not even so much as to look back, as it is a fatal error in horror stories.

“NO WAY IN HELL AM I GONNA FALL FOR A TRAP SO OBVIOUS!!!”

…

..

.

I’m near my favorite vending machine.

Pant. Pant.

“Damn you, Author. DO YOU WANNA KILL ME SO BAD?! Fine, I’ll start a war again with you. Let’s see if your story ends this time. YOU HEAR THAT PUNK?!”

Up again into the heavens, I yell my declaration. As a sort of answer, the clouds open before me, and the sun shines DIRECTLY into my eyes.

“GYAGH!”

To protect my eyes, I look away, but the damage has been done.

“You… Jerk…”

I rub my eyes furiously and grit my teeth.

This fucker really knows how to push my buttons.

But I refuse to let myself be sidetracked.

“Seriously, though… Of all things, why a horror… That frightened me.”

I’m almost home. But…

To be reminded of that scenery again. Simply anticipating the possibility of that happening… it’s high.

That aura… IT’S KILLING ME! THE AURA OF LOVEY-DOVEY SWEETHEARTS! I CAN'T TAKE IT! I’m almost certain she invited him back home to play on my console again.

“It’s a brother’s intuition.”

I point at the audience.

Note: He’s actually right for this one.

Hair strands stand here and there from messing up my hair as a way to vent my frustration. It’s probably not the best way to do that, though.

“FINE! I’ll take a detour and go shopping for a while.”

…

..

.

I was on the left side of a crossway.

Yet again, I heave another sigh. I believe this will be a reoccurring thing.

“It really is looking hopeless, for me…”

The streetlight shifts from red to yellow to green. I walk down the crossway along with many other strangers.

“So… uh… what’s next? I really don’t have anything in mind right now.”

I have quite the average life. I guess this is the perfect excuse to look for some inspiration and spice in my life. Maybe I could score some encounters?

A truck speeds up from a distance.

Hm? A truck? How about Isekai?

“Hm?”

I spot the erratic behavior of the truck as it sways left and right. The reason why is… because the driver is asleep.

“Wait... He’s asleep?”

What should I do?

The truck goes haywire and the people around me start running away.

IT’S HEADED STRAIGHT TOWARDS ME!

I keep my eyes on the truck. At the same time, I attempt to run away like the rest. However…

I CAN’T MOVE!

I was frozen in place and the truck was right in front of me, point-blank. It seems between fight or flight, my mind has chosen fight. Human nature often chooses to fight more often and I have fallen susceptible to that very phenomenon.

In anime, once the decision has been set for your mind to fight in these road situations, chances are you WILL get hit, or someone integral in the story sacrifices themselves for you. Though, I doubt Nakatani is anywhere remotely near me, since she’s busy with her story and everything. In short, my death has been set in stone.

Hm… So this is how my life ends huh? Dying with no progress and friends in life…

Time slows down around me, allowing me to think all that I had to.

To be honest, I’m not really all that sad, considering the value of my life. I’m not really leaving anything here. But just as I was about to accept my fate, the dots finally connect and I realize what this has been all leading to.

Hang on. This is the perfect setting for an Isekai Protagonist! THANK YOU, AUTHOR! YOU MAY BE TRYING TO KILL ME, BUT YOU PLANNED TO GIVE ME A LIFE OF EASYGOING OVERPOWEREDNESS SURROUNDED BY DUMMY THICC WAIFUS WITH BIG BOOBS!

The truck was inching its way to me. Contrary to the normal reaction, I was filled with happiness that it happened to be evident on my face; it looked like a creepy, perverted, and sinister smirk.

Goodbye, shitty life, hello new harem!

Everything was in place- until I got pushed.

Huh?

Before I could fully grasp the situation, I fall to the ground and a loud violent thud is produced.

People surround my body.

“Are you okay, sir?” a salaryman asks me.

What… happened?

My vision recovers.

“Am… I reincarnated? Are you the god who will give me cheat powers?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

He seems confused.

I scan my surroundings. It was same old Japan.

Oh… I didn’t die…

I laugh.

“Young sir, why are you laughing?” the salaryman queries.

“NOOOOOOOOO! WHO SAVED ME?” I ask hastily.

“The man who saved you was… badly injured,” he answers.

“Where is he?” I reply with a stern tone.    

The salaryman points to where he was and I follow suit to where the supposed person is.

I take a few steps forward and I spot a young student about the same age as I.

“…You.”

The culprit that prevented my isekai life.

“…Urgh…”

He groans.

There was a lot of blood around him. Another male student who appears to be his friend was comforting him.

“Hang in there! DON’T DIE!” his friend screams.

I gaze at the boy with utter disgust.

I know this is a sad moment, but… What the hell? THAT WAS MY CHANCE, MY ONE AND ONLY OPPORTUNITY TO PARADISE.

My nerves stuck out.

AND YOU STOLE IT… YOU LITLLE BITCH!

I come closer to the boy who had ‘saved’ me. His head rose a bit to try and reach me. When he tried to speak, he splattered blood. I, however, was unfazed and lifeless.

“C-Come,” he coughs, “here.”

“Me?” I ask begrudgingly, holding my fist.

“Please, hurry.”

YOU LITTLE.

“Please lend me your ear,” he requests.

I did what I was told. I approach the boy and lend him my ear.

He weakly whispers to me.

“Those boobs… are mine.”

I stare in shock and then he laughed… so… so… weakly.

I felt crushing defeat and my knees give in to pressure.

YOU LITTLE SHIT! FUCK YOU! YOU STOLE MY OPPORTUNITY BECAUSE YOU KNEW THE MAGICAL ARRANGEMENT!

I grab his collar and order him to do me one last thing.

“HEY! TELL ME YOUR NAME!”

The boy didn’t respond to me.

“HEY!” I yelled.

He raises his left hand and uses his blood to write on the back. Then, I read what he writes.

“すきだ (I love you)”

My right eye twitches.

YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO JOKE AROUND ME, MOTHERFUCKER?!

“WAKE UP RIGHT NOW! HEY!”

I shake his body front and back.

The salaryman touches my shoulder.

“He is gone,” he tells me me.

The salaryman cries and so did everyone around us. I clench my fist.

“I’LL REMEMBER YOUR FACE! ONCE I GET MY TRUCK, I’LL GET YOU! I’LL BEAT YOU BLACK AND BLUE AND STEAL YOUR HAREM OF ELVES! MARK MY WORDS! I’LL KILL YOU SO THAT YOU WON’T REINCARNATE EVER AGAIN! FUCK! FUCK! AHHHHHHH!!! DAMN IT ALL!”

Note: And so another Isekai Protagonist has been born.

…

..

.

I was at home, in my room, lying on my bed. I tried to forget all the events that happened before I got here, or I’ll end up cursing that guy again.

I get up and jot down notes.

Mecha, no. Sci-fi, no. Martial arts, no. Adult, no. Gender-bender, 50-50. Harem, no. Historical, no. Ecchi, possible, but no romance. Josei, no. Mature, no. Medical, no.

My pen feels the sheer brute force of my hand.

“WHY AUTHOR! WHY???!”

The author loves teasing me. No, not teasing- bullying me.

I stare at my ceiling.

Fine, if you wanna play that way, I’ll play that way again. Get ready, author. I’ll bring your views down ONCE MORE!

Note: Another challenge for the author? Will he win this time? Find out next time.

END OF EPISODE 7