Desperate weariness made my eyes feel dry and itchy even as the tears spilled out and down my cheek. Leaving a small wet spot on my pillow. Feeling the sinking despair dragging me down through the day had been exhausting. I didn't want to admit to myself that I was feeling this way, I didn't want to reach out for help either because then I'd feel I was burdening others.

I felt the sinking sensation of sleep finally starting to take me. Pulling me away from the hungry thoughts that clawed at me. The shameful fear that I would never be who I wanted most to be. For people to see me as a woman.

My eyes opened and the endless garden greeted me. I found myself laying on a bed of cushions more comfortable than anything I'd ever felt. The garden was one of the Fae pocket realms. The personal realm of a Fae who's attention I had gained for reasons I really don't understand. I was hardly going to complain though. The realm was pure luxury.

The soft sunlight filtered through the canopy above. The leaves filtered the light into a cascade of red, yellow, and orange shades in the eternal autumn twilight of the garden. I rolled over, stretching languidly on my cushion bed. She was there like she always was. Her cheek rested on her hand as she watched me. Mirth and curiosity sparkling in her eyes.

She'd never told me her name, nor asked mine for that matter. She had explained that names have power here. I didn't really understand, but it didn't matter. She was here, and she enjoyed spending time with me. 

We'd grown up together in a way. I remember when I was young I was exploring the woods behind my house when I tripped down an embankment and fell into the creek. The cold splash of water and pain of hitting the sharp rocks never came though. Instead I woke in the garden the first time, and was watching me the same way she was now.

The strange young girl I had first met had grown into a strange young woman. Her hair was like spun silver and seemed to constantly flow around her as if suspended in water, tugged on by unseen currents. Her eyes glowed with an internal brilliance, silver like her hair. Her features were all soft, angular, and willowy. 

Her bare feet peaked out from under her dress, the shimmering fabric seemed to float around her like her hair did around her head. The skin on her feet was a dark obsidian black. The color seemed to shift across her body though revealing shades of green, purple, and blue. Never the same each time I looked at her.

She was beautiful. The thought made me blush. I had never thought about my Fae friend that way, but it was true. She was strange, and ethereal, and all the more beautiful for it. I felt my chest ache with longing. I couldn't separate whether it was because I liked her. Or wished I looked more like her.

Her soft laughter broke me from my reivere. The sound was like rustling leaves and wind chimes.

"What's so funny?" I asked. My face splitting into an amused grin. She always had been able to draw me out of my moods.

"You are! You silly," she said. Her eyes shone a little brighter with her amusement and her efforts to contain her smile were slowly failing as her grin grew wider. Her voice was as musical as her laugh. The sound of birdsong and flowing water.

"And how is that exactly?"

"You finally figured it out and you're being all sad about it." One of the garden's glowing wisps floated by as she spoke and she gently shooed it away. I sat up looking at her, suddenly nervous. I had never spoken with her about my transition. I've found it's impossible to tell a lie in the garden, and I'd been afraid of how she would react. Her gaze was piercing as I met her eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked nervously. She looked back at me with the exasperated expression she saved for when I was being truly dense.

"That you're a girl dummy. I really couldn't figure out why you kept forming as a boy when you came here when it clearly made you uncomfortable. I'm just glad you sorted it out. I've decided I don't like it when you hurt," her voice was contemplative, and she rested a finger on her lips as if in deep thought.

I started to ask what she meant again. My body in the garden had always just looked like what it did in my reality. When I looked down at myself and really took myself in. It was me, but not how I looked when I went to bed. It was the me that I could see in the mirror sometimes. The me hiding underneath what I was now.

"What... How?" I said elegantly.

"Like I said, you finally figured it out. Finally accepted yourself. I didn't even realize that sort of thing could happen to humans, but I'm glad you seem to have it sorted out. Your internal conflict was starting to get really sour, and much too bright," she said with a pout. Her descriptions of emotions were always a bit strange. I sat up and took my face in my hands, relishing in the soft feminity.

"Gods... If only it was this easy where I'm from."

"It's not?" She asked, her face quirked in genuine confusion. 

"Well in my world accepting myself doesn't change anything. It will still take years for my body to get to where I'm happy, and even then some things I won't be able to change. Never mind that I'd have to stress about my friends and family rejecting me."

"Hmmmm. That is tricky. Your world can be such a drag sometimes. Oh! I know. How about you give me your name. That way you'll change," she smiled ear to ear as she said it. Clearly thrilled to have solved my problem.

"Well, my name is Max if you want it. I don't see what that has to do with my body thou.." My voice cut off as I felt a jolt run through me. Throwing my body stiff to the ground like I'd been hit by a taser. I felt the rushing sensation of being pulled away from the garden. I tried to hold on. Desperate to find out what she meant. I felt soft lips press to my cheek as my vision faded away.

"Thank you. I've always wanted a name."

I woke to my alarm clock blaring. I had apparently slept through my first one because I only had a couple minutes to get out the door or I'd be late for class. As I stood up I realized I had changed. The beautiful body I had in the garden had followed me back somehow. 

I spent a few minutes crying with joy and hugging myself. Then jumping around my dorm room out of joy. When I'd finally calmed down I found my wardrobe had been replaced as well. All the clothes not only fit my new body, but some even looked worn and well used. Even my ID had changed over. Instead of Max and a photo that made me cringe. It was my new face next to Alice. The name I had been using online. Today was going to be interesting.

The rest of the day was mostly peculiar in it's normalcy. I had changed drastically overnight, but it was like the world had subtly shifted to accept it. Anything that would have been something that wouldn't work for the new me had been changed. My friends all recognized me and didn't seem to think anything was off. 

The strangest thing though came when I was finishing my first day of the new term. When I got back to my room my new roommate had moved in. I wondered what they would be like. Their luggage was arrayed along one wall. Whoever they were they were clearly well off. Even they're luggage was clearly incredibly expensive.

I heard the shower turn off and a moment later the door opened. My jaw dropped for the umpteenth time that day when my roommate stepped out of the bathroom completely naked and dripping wet. Her pure white hair clung to her and her grey eyes were piercing, and she had other piercings. I blushed and looked away after a long moment.

She walked back in front of me. Still naked, and held out her hand.

"Hi, I'm Max. I'm new here."