Maybe part of me felt that things shouldn’t have gone on as usual. Like I deserved some kind of punishment for going about my days alone, with Grandma. But they did. I’d wake up, eat, go to school, and visit the club after hours. On repeat, every day. It kept me from thinking too much about it. I wasn’t lonely, I had a lot of very supportive friends who made it known that I could go to them, and I even made some new ones after they approached me.

From an objective standpoint my life was in tatters. It was a horrible feeling to go home and to expect to hear her voice welcoming me back. Me, Kei and Johnny (his “stage name”) were setting up in the room for a practice session. Our bassist, Shinsuke, had a prior engagement to go to that left us one man down.

There were other club members apart from us. Like the club leader, Matoi, and his keyboardist friend Saaya, but they rarely visited on the evenings. Except that evening, when Matoi decided to drop in on our session. I was tuning my guitar when the door slid open. I was expecting Reina to be stood there, but it was Matoi – crazy curly hair and all.

“It’s Matoi the mysterious!” Kei laughed. “What’s up?”

Matoi pulled on his blazer and entered the room. The club room itself was a normal club room, like you’d find anywhere else – with a small elevated stage for the shared drum kit, and piles of instruments and music books tossed everywhere else. There were four chairs up against the wall by the door. He took one of the seats and leaned back against the wall. “I came to check on you guys. It’s been quiet during the breaks.”

I strummed a chord with the guitar, “Well, we’re not allowed to make much noise when class is on, are we?”

“I thought that teacher was going to kill me…” Johnny sighed.

Matoi seemed oddly fixated on me, “Is there something on my face?”

He squinted his eyes, as if trying to zoom in on me. “Did you always have that mole there?”

“Mole? It’s a spot.”

“It’s black like a mole.”

“But it grew like a spot, have you ever heard of anyone growing a mole?”

Kei butted in, “I read that they can grow on you.”

Johnny shook his head, “What kind of weird shit are you looking at?”

“You look like the council President.” Matoi stood and wandered over to me, leaning in to have a closer look.                                                                                                          

“A butt ugly version of her,” I commented irritably. I leant back to try and evade his scrutiny.

“He doesn’t smell half as nice…” Kei grumbled.

“Why, have you been smelling me?” Kei’s face reddened with embarrassment. I decided to try and change the subject from my acne. “Speaking of the president, I’ve spoken to her a few times this past month.”

Matoi seemed bemused, “Oh, are you a big shot now Hideki?”

“No, she was just outside of the room. We talked a bit about the… you know.”

“Right.”

I glanced at Kei who was clearly jealous, “She’s just doing her job.”

Johnny tapped the microphone against his hand, “Are we gonna’ keep screwing around, or are we jamming? Hey Matoi, you know how to play bass?”

“I know enough.” Matoi stood and took the bass guitar for himself.

Johnny guided Matoi through his parts and we started practicing with some covers of our favourite music. We were still working on writing some of our own. Johnny was a good vocalist, even if his brand was obnoxious and overbearing at times.

The session went well. My eyes glazed over as we went through our usual set list with the occasional break for Matoi to get his bearings. The callouses on my fingers standing in contrast to the otherwise unblemished skin. I felt like there was something strange at the time – like things weren’t quite right. I had to stretch further and move my hands more aggressively to play properly. My usually messy hair hung down and framed my face, hiding me from anybody looking.

The song winded down, Johnny said something, but I was too focused to catch it. I looked up and noticed a new figure stood in the doorway, Reina. She gave us a polite applause before crossing her hands again like she always did, “Good evening.”

“Hey President, what brings you up here?” Matoi asked, putting the bass back down into its place.

“I was curious, I always hear you playing but I’ve never been in this room before.” Reina looked over the equipment and seating that had been set up by our seniors years prior. “This is… less than ideal.”

Matoi let out an ugly croak of a laugh, “You’re telling me. You wouldn’t catch me dead standing up on that stage.”

Kei took objection, “Come on Matoi, it’s a foot off the ground, at most!”

Reina stepped into the room and slid the door shut behind her. She stood out, not in the way that she’d never hung around with us before – but it was something more otherworldly. Like she was a foreground character on an animated background. I could see her outline. Everything she was and where. She stood next to me. I looked up to her from my chair.

The argument died down. “You know, I never noticed before, but you look a lot like the president Hideki.” Matoi stood and stretched himself out. “Now that you’re stood next to each other and all.”

“What? We’re nothing alike.” To start with the obvious, I’m male. My hair was straight, but much shorter than hers. And while we had the same eye colour and beauty mark, it’s not like our faces were the same… The thought gave me pause – an unsettling feeling welled up in my chest. What was it? That’s how I’d always looked, wasn’t it? I couldn’t put my finger on it. And not knowing was making me feel uneasy.

“You look pale Hideki, are you feeling okay?” She asked, her head tilted slightly as if it was a calculated attempt to be as charming as possible.

“Uh, I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

“She’s right, you look like you’re about to throw up, you need a minute?”

I kicked back in my chair and waved Matoi off, “I said I’m fine – I don’t feel sick.” I looked down at my own fingers. My hands did look paler than a moment before. I liked to spend a lot of time outside, so I was pretty tanned in the summer.

“Your performance was rather impressive, although the genre isn’t to my taste.”

Kei stood from the drum kit and hopped down from the stage, “What kind of music are you into Pres?” Reina had walked into a question that she didn’t want to answer. She hummed and stammered before admitting her crime.

“I mostly just listen to what’s on the radio.”

A greater offense had never been committed in the music club’s room. Kei was visibly in pain. “You’re killing me Pres; you’re really killing me.” A light dusting of red covered her pale cheeks. “Not even a favourite artist? You gotta’ have at least one.”

“I don’t think much about it I’m afraid.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the exchange. “What are your hobbies President?

Reina shuffled in place, “On a normal day, I like to go to the shrine near my house, if I have time.”

“And?”

“Hm. I paint sometimes; my father leaves a lot of leftover supplies around the house.”

“Oh right, your dad is a famous artist, isn’t he?” Kei nodded.

Reina shook her head, “Not famous, but it’s enough for us to live on.”

“There’s no need to be modest Reina, your house is huge.”

“It has been in our family for generations, he couldn’t purchase such a thing alone.”

“Join the music club, we’ll teach you to play bass.”

Matoi chuckled, “He’s gone for one day and you’re already pawning off his spot?”

I was hit with a bout of light-headedness. Reina noticed immediately. “I think you should go home Hideki; would you like me to walk you there?”

I relented, “Fine. Maybe I don’t feel so hot right now.”

I don’t even remember getting up or leaving the school building. The world blurred around me into a whirlwind of shapes and sounds and colours. I could feel Reina’s arm wrapped around me, dragging me through the streets of our town. I knew where we were going, and it wasn’t my house like Reina had promise. We stumbled up a long set of stairs, underneath towering red arches, the concrete underfoot told me we had arrived at Reina’s favourite place - the shrine.

I was let go. I fell to my knees and tried to gather myself. But my condition was only worsening. “R-Reina, where… what are we doing here?” The concrete was cold under my fingers. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t see. Where was she? Where was Reina? “Reina! Reina! Where are you?” My voice grew hoarse, it’s tone jumping an octave as my voice cracked.

“I’m here Hideki.”

“Why did you bring me here? I need to go home…”

“…That’s no home of yours.”

I breathed deeply, it felt like I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. “What?” I didn’t have the time to ask a proper question.

“That’s no home of yours. It won’t be.”

My chest grew irritated, like a thousand needles had started poking me. I pulled at it, desperate to keep the fabric from contacting it.

“I’m sorry Hideki, I’m afraid that this is my fault.”

“What?”

“I’m touched by the god of this shrine. Sometimes when my mind wanders – a wish is granted.”

I didn’t understand what she was saying – a wish? Praying to the gods? I gasped as my body shrunk. I could feel it, it shrunk and shrunk. My teenage framed compacting down until I resembled… Reina. My eyesight returned. I was facing her feet, sprawled on the ground like a bum.

“Surely you’ve noticed already. Your eyes and your hair. They’ve changed.”

“Why?! What the hell is going on!?”

“I was devastated when I heard the news Hideki. I felt sorry for you. I lost a sister, but I still have my mother and father. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose everyone. To go back to an empty home, with nobody to rely on.” She got down on one knee and pulled the other underneath. She laid her hands in her lap and simply watched me.

“What is happening to me?”

“…A few years ago. My father was considering quitting art. After my sister passed, and after his business dried up. I didn’t want him to quit – it was his passion. He’d dedicated his life to the craft. I came to this shrine every day and prayed for his success.”

“What does this have to do…” I cried out as my clothes slowly grew larger on my diminishing frame. My hair grew longer by the second, draping down to touch the ground beneath me. “…with me?”

“I never got over Hana. I couldn’t pretend to. We were very close, as close as sisters could be. Sometimes I would pray here at this shrine and hope for the same kind of miracle that struck my father. I started to notice that strange things happened when I did…”

“You… you turned me into her?” Something uncomfortable was happening downstairs. My testicles and penis pulling inside and forming a new opening. My crotch area tensed and relaxed outside of my control. I felt a new weight on my chest and a pair of large breasts grew in where my pec muscles used to be.

Reina closed her eyes again and took a measured breath, the hot air condensing in the evening cool. “…At first I was excited. What an amazing power. I could do anything that I wanted, within reason – within the imagination of a young girl. But as I grew older, I realized that this world wasn’t a place for me to play; the lives of others weren’t toys for my amusement. Perhaps the god of this shrine was testing me. Perhaps they decided to play with me instead. I ceased my wishes and resigned myself to what I’d done. My father had his art back – and the thought of disturbing my sister’s rest never once crossed my mind.”

“So what’s happening to me!” My voice was undeniably feminine now – with every syllable I sounded more and more like Reina. My adam’s apple disappeared.

“I asked a question to you a few days ago, about if you’d change everything if you could. I saw the pain that you held in your heart – so I came here and unboxed my greatest shame once again. If I had this blessing, could I use it for the benefit of another?”

I regained enough motor control to push myself up to my own knees. The clothes of my body were far too large. My chest had swelled, my hips had widened, my calloused fingers became longer and more graceful. I could tell that my hair had become long and black like hers. My face hurt. My cheeks were round, soft, but with the high cheekbones that gave Reina her beautiful looks.

But through it all. I felt resistance in my heart. Did I want this?

“I asked because I didn’t want to play with your feelings. I came here right away and prayed for you, and for myself. That you’d find a family, so that you didn’t have to endure any more pain. I noticed it yesterday, you look so much like her.”

“I can’t be her… I’m Hideki.”

“No, you can’t be Hana. Hana is gone.”

Reina shuffled to me. I shivered as the cool air leaking in through the gaps in my clothing. Her hands wrapped around my neck and pulled me close to her. Her breath spilled over my face. She smiled – an earnest smile that split her face in two. I’d never seen anything like it. Her hands ran through my hair. “You want this, don’t you? We would not be here if you didn’t.”

I shook my head. My ears and throat burned with tears. What could I possibly say? “You don’t have to be Hideki. You don’t have to be Hana. But… you have to be my sister. You can make a home with me.”

“I don’t know, I don’t know,” I cried. Reina pulled me into a hug. She smelled familiar; I buried my face in her hair as my body was wracked with emotion.

“I’ll look after you. Come with me. You don’t have to live alone.”

We stayed there in each other’s arms for what felt like an eternity. It was over like that – one moment I was Hideki – and the next I was Reina’s sister. I knew that something wasn’t right. Would the old me have resisted the change? Or was she right that it was conditional on my consent? I’d never have thoughts about being a woman, not once in my life.

“Why didn’t you just make me forget and turn me into Hana?” I asked. Why didn’t she just make it go away?

Reina’s grip tightened, “I didn’t want anyone else. I wanted Hideki. That pain, that memory – that is yours. That is Hideki. If I took that away, I’d be no better than a murderer.”

“And turning me into your twin was so much better huh…”

“Yes, you can now share in my glory. Did you not find me attractive?”

I found myself laughing – a wretched, snot filled laugh. It was the first time that I’d ever heard Reina tell a joke. “When somebody finds you attractive, that doesn’t mean they want to become you.” The hug came to an end. I could see myself in the reflection of her eyes, we really did look the same. Except that my beauty mark was in a slightly different spot to hers.

It was then that I realized that I was half naked. I pulled my jacket tight over my body in an attempt to insulate myself. “Can we finish this somewhere else?”

Reina nodded, “Let’s go home.”