Nothing happened. After our shopping trip we returned home and played out the rest of the school week like nothing was amiss. Nobody ever commented on the sudden existence of Reina’s long lost twin sister, nobody ever called me out for my odd behaviour. The paranoia that had punctuated so many of my days recently slowly slipped away. With one exception.

Shinsuke was notably absent.

A brief moment of normality had descended on the club a few days ago when he came back from some time off school – but now he was gone again. I was worried about him; if his health was in such a bad way that he missed multiple weeks of school…

We continued practicing without him. But I couldn’t help but ask. “Has anybody heard from him?”

Johnny nodded, “I sent him a message, and he said he’d gotten worse again. Don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

“Nobody does, I heard the teachers talking about it a few days ago.”

It wasn’t out of the ordinary for Shinsuke to have other things happening. He’d skip sessions for reasons he would keep to himself. Kei swung his legs back and forth. “I hope he’s alright.”

Kei looked at me and squinted, “Do you have makeup on Miyako?”

My heart froze. “Maybe.”

“It really is the end times.”

“When since was I not allowed to put makeup on.”

“Are you for real? Captain Tomboy herself is wondering why it’s weird. I thought, in your own words, that you’d put makeup on over your dead body.”

“How long ago was that?”

“A year.”

“Well a lot changes in a year. My sister insisted.”

Johnny waved his arm at Kei, “Lay off her. She’s old enough to mix it up if she wants.”

Kei sighed, “How long does your sister spend on hers?”

“Too long. She showed me how to do this, and it took three hours for her to get through everything she wanted.”

“Is she just slow or…”

“No, this took me ten minutes. She’s just a perfectionist.”

“She hasn’t been by since the last time.”

“She’s been busy with the council, there’s a lot coming up that she’s helping with.”

It was slow going in the club, especially since we lost our first chance at a gig. Maybe we could do a performance at the school instead. Reina was starting to get busy with her duties, and I was still wondering what the point of being turned into a girl was. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened since, as weird as things can get after talking to god.

“You still don’t look as good as Reina.” Kei rattled at the cymbal with his drumsticks.

“When were we competing?”

“Girls are always competing, it’s like those nature documentaries.”

“I think you’ve misread our relationship.”

“You and Reina’s?”

“No, me and yours. Nobody’s competing over you!”

Johnny cackled as Kei went red in the face. “Dude, she destroyed you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I walked right into it.”

Club was over for the day. We’d cleaned up the room and headed off in different directions. Reina was staying till late for a council meeting, which meant that I’d be alone with our parents for the first time. I was worried. Even though I knew that the cover-up that the shrine god has done was flawless.

My musings on what to speak about with my new parents came to an end as I saw somebody exit the convenience store near my home. It was Shinsuke. He wasn’t wearing his school uniform, but he looked very under the weather. Like he’d come down with something. “Shinsuke!” I called out. He froze up, bags in his arms, and sighed.

“Miyako…”

“Why weren’t you at club today?”

“…I was sick.”

“But you’re doing the shopping?”

Shinsuke shrugged, “We were out of fresh stuff, and I feel a bit better now…”

“Okay, you gonna’ be at school tomorrow?”

He looked down to the ground, “Hopefully.” The bags that he was carrying were full of groceries, but they held an unusual amount of weight. He was in pain. His arms couldn’t handle the pressure. “Do you need a hand with those?”

“No.” He response was snappy, like he was expecting it. The tone with which he spoke made it clear that me following him home was the last thing he wanted. He seemed to realize how off putting it was, “Uh sorry. I didn’t mean to shout. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

A cold wind blew through, it covered my skin in goose bumps and made my hair stand up on end. I couldn’t push him if he didn’t want to tell me what was up – that’d make me a shitty friend getting into other people’s business.

“Uh. See you then.”

I passed him by and continued on my way. When I was at an appropriate distance I turned back and watch him readjust the bags to try and find a comfortable position. His shirt rode up slightly, revealing a patch of yellow flesh. Another bruise. I wasn’t stupid. Not stupid enough to miss the hints.

I was in a sour mood as I unlocked our gate and entered through the front door. I hastily tossed my shoes away and jogged through the house. “Miyako?” Natsume called, “Is something wrong?”

I considered my answer before settling on a simple, “No.” The door slid open and she peered through into the hallway.

“Is that an honest no, or a dishonest no?” I couldn’t meet her eyes. She saw right through me.

“A dishonest no. But it’s a me problem.”

She nodded. “Okay, but you’d tell me if it was dangerous.”

“It’s not dangerous! It’s just a bit upsetting.”

That was an understatement. It felt like somebody had cut open a hole in my stomach and pulled something out. Natsume held a hand against her cheek in that way that old folk do. “Did you fall out with some of your friends?”

“No. It’s nothing like that.”

“Hm. If you say so dear. Dinner will be ready soon; I hope you saved space! I made enough for four.”

I walked to my room and put away my bag, quickly changing into the casual clothes that I wore around the house. I’d been in my new place for weeks, but it felt like much longer. I’d started to get into a routine that was my own, and not an invention of the God’s.

What the fuck had he gotten me into?

I always thought it was weird that Shinsuke had so many absences without trouble. He wasn’t sickly, he didn’t have something that kept him at home. Nothing that he’d spoken of. If what I’d seen was what I thought it was, it was something that he absolutely couldn’t talk about. How had I not noticed before now? Did the God make me see?

I sat down on my bed and twiddled my thumbs. My mind was aflame with a hundred different lines of thought. Who could I tell about it? Was it even my place to say? I couldn’t just sit back and let his parents beat the hell out of him! The worst thought was the loudest. Why had he rescued me, and not Shinsuke?

He had the power to snap his fingers and fix all of my problems. But he saved me and not him. The guy who was experiencing real pain. The one who had to put his life on hold at the request of an abuser. He didn’t get help. He didn’t have a magic god swoop in and get rid of them or brainwash them into realizing that abuse was bad.

Why me?

My despair turned into anger. Why didn’t he help Shinsuke? He needed it, he needed it more than me. That piece of shit God. He knew, he must have known the entire time and he sat back and did nothing about it. I slapped my hand against the bed in frustration. What good was a God like that? One who ignored suffering like that?

“Dinners ready! Miyako!”

Sorry Natsume – I didn’t feel much like eating at all.