gaylolis

I decided to merge several related skits into one chapter, so it'd be a more satisfying write and no more those 'fragmented' feeling anymore!

I arrived in a forest clearing.

It was quiet, with no sign of monsters. My status was pretty overpowered--just the way I like it.

I didn't want to show my status--who knows if a potential enemy would read this story and knew my weakness right away.

Plus, it'd soon get so long, nobody will give a damn--not even myself.

Anyway, I saw a cute-colored mushroom.

It made me wanna get high.

So I plucked it and laid my back against a tree.

I bit the whole cap, after washing it with water magic.

"Hey, wait a minute..."

My health bar turns purple a bit, and it quickly reverted back to red.

[Learned Skill 'Poison Resistance'.]

I didn't even get high at all.

Fuck off, will ya?

Why can't I at least get high in this world? I'd be cursed if I can't even get drunk with alcohol.

As if the Gods had blessed me, there was a cute slime before my eyes.

Ahh...I don't care if it will strike or devour me to death. I want to snuggle against that lovely blob.

Yes, it jumped straight and lunged at me!

I spread my arms wide to embrace it, but as my fingertips reached its body—it made a loud 'pop'.

Its body disappeared quickly in thin air, followed by a message.

[You have gained ... experience and ... coins!]

"WHAT ARE YOU, A FUCKIN' SOAP BUBBLE?"

[Learned Skill 'Intimidation'.]

God damn it, System—stop responding to each of my actions!

[DAGA KOTOWARU.]

I'd take it back, you're cool.

==

Perhaps due to my intimidation skill, the monsters in this forest all ran away from me. From slimes, goblins, and even wolves.

I guess it's fine. Even if they're monsters, I won't go out of my way to slaughter them, if they didn't do me harm.

Leveling up?

If the only way to get stronger is by killing others, even the innocent--their god must be a psychopath.

I will find other ways if I could.

...but I would not hesitate to kill in order to protect my life, and those I care about. Of course, my safety came first.

Can't protect anyone if you're dead—and I have no plans being a guardian spirit.

Speak of the devil, by the time I went outside the forest, I saw a carriage being ambushed by bandits.

"Hand over your valuables and women!"

"We had no money, items, food, and we're all men." a middle-aged man spoke, his voice sound really depressed.

The rest of his men looked like they're about to commit suicide.

The bandit leader's smug smile vanished, and he ordered his men to check.

"None, boss!"

He eyed the merchants carefully, "I'm going to be real here—how the hell can you travel all the way here if you didn't have any supplies at all?"

"Because...we're already dead."

The merchant leader's skin slowly turned grey; his skin and innards hollowed to bones. The rest of his entourage followed suit, the carriage included—before everything collapsed in a certain pattern.

[It's just a prank, bro!

Meme Necromancer]

What the hell? Guess even necromancers are into memes.

The Bandit Leader expression turned sour, "Why the hell would someone do such a pointless thing?"

His minions could only shrug his shoulders.

...and amidst this confusion, I approached the leader, "Brother, the harvest ain't good today, eh?"

Still his face down, the Bandit Leader replied hoarsely, "Yeah, I guess we'd have to stick with hard bread, not even soup."

I handed him the berries I happen to pick on the way, "This should help ya belly."

As the Bandit Leader raised his face and scanning me from eye to toe, his eyes widened, "You..."

...and his minions raised his weapons in unison. They didn't seem like a ragtag bunch, more like trained soldiers.

I wouldn't push my luck against these guys if they got serious—I might die.

The Leader held off his hands and their weapons were lowered, "Taste it first, I don't want any poisoned goods."

Since I had poison resistance, it wouldn't matter.

Not like it's poisoned either.

I gave several noms, showing them I was fine. The minions took turns, with no side effects.

They might seem rather careless—what if there's some long-delay poison? Hmm...not like I knew.

The Leader took his bite last, and he finally smiled, "This is good stuff, brother. Rarely do people act kindly to scum like us," he rubbed his back, "Anything you would like to know?"

"Just the way to the next town."

He told me to just follow the riverbank downhill, and I would soon reach a city.

As I turned my back, the Leader shouted, "Hey, you're just going to trust us like that? What if we planned an ambush on the way?"

"You would already rob me and my berries then. If you're planning so, why bother telling me?"

"Brother..." the Leader and his minions gave me a serious look, "To be honest, we used to..."

I lifted my palm before he could continue.

"Don't give me backstories at this point."

I quickly sauntered away from the bandits before they made me trigger any more flags.

Probably due to my walking speed, a city came in full-view.

I was like--should I join the Adventurer's Guild?

No, that's too mainstream.

==

[Learned Skills]

Poison Resistance
Intimidation

Note: the System will only give skills that might be important for the future plot.

Other skills will be hidden for plot convenience.

"Don't think I didn't read that."

[Stop breaking the Fourth Wall.]