
Of originally seven archangels only four remained. All four of them were now here in the pandemonium. Michael, Raphael, Raguel and Ramiel weren’t here alone of course, they each had brought one attaché. The Seraphim Barachiel and Matriel were both heavily armed and brought as guards in case the demons tried something stupid. Pahaliah, a Thrones angel, and head of the Watchers Samyaza were brought to keep protocol of this meeting. The same role was fulfilled by Lucifer’s aid Asbeel on the demons' side.
This large meeting room, originally used by the archdemons before the times of immortality, was quite packed today. Azazel and War, Sariel and Yumi, Kate and Apollyon, and finally two guests the archangels heavily disapproved of: Zeus and Apollo, representatives of the Elders.
Lucifer decided to open the meeting after everyone had finally quieted down. “Welcome to the pandemonium, especially to our guests from the Elders. You have all been briefed on the recent occurrences and the topics we need to discuss today. I also need to remind everyone here that in accordance with the treaty, we are all responsible for the acts of our human followers. Before we begin going through everything, does anyone have any updates or information that needs to be shared right now?”
Ramiel decided to speak. “I must protest the presence of Zeus and Apollo. The Elders are not signatories of the Treaty of the Celestis and do not have the right to foreign interaction as per the Concordat of the High Courts. I request that they be removed at once.”
“Request denied. We have no part in the Concordat and can invite whoever we please to our world. They will remain here as our dealings today also involve the Elders. You do not speak for them as you have made clear after you denied reparations for the second war to the humans, claiming that the Elders were responsible for those atrocities. If the archangels cannot speak for all inhabitants of the heavens, we will invite additional representatives who can speak for those you deny. Anything else?”
Silence.
Lucifer nodded contently. “Good, then we will move to point one. The interrogation of Gabriel revealed that he was not the only archangel who supported providing the FBC and RICA with blessed weaponry. Uriel and Ramiel provided the blessings used on the ammunition. Uriel is dead but you are not, Ramiel. You have violated the treaty.”
“I did not know who those weapons would be for. Gabriel only asked for the blessings but never gave any reason.”
Zeus shook his head. “Are we to believe that you are this monumentally stupid? The humans are the only species in the three worlds to use firearms and you blessed ammunition for them. You obviously knew who these bullets were for. I request punishment in accordance with the Treaty of Celestis.”
“You are not a signatory of the treaty, you have no right to make such requests!”
Lucifer raised her hand. “But you are, Ramiel, and I second that request. The treaty must be upheld and that means you must be punished by being forbidden from interaction with the border world and repairing the damage done. Once again, we are the aggrieved party and request that you face the same punishment as Gabriel. You are to be stripped of your rank and assist in rebuilding the outer settlements of the heavens for habitation by the Elders.”
“I will not!”
Michael put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You will. Remember what happened during the last war, we have to comply. The heavens are still in ruins, not just because we refused rebuilding but because we lack the resources to do so. We cannot afford another war and that is exactly what Gabriel, Uriel and you are trying to get us into. Administrator Lucifer, with your permission I would like to cut through points two, three and five right now.”
Lucifer turned to the high inquisitor. “Azazel?”
Azazel nodded. “Go ahead.”
Michael returned the nod. “We knew about Ramiel’s involvement. We knew about Gabriel’s secrets. There are still more secrets that we all have sworn to protect, many of which could topple the order of the heavens in its entirety. The past years, Arakiel’s actions, Gabriel’s actions, Uriel’s death and the fact that you managed to break into our most secure vault under our very noses only leave one conclusion. We, the archangels, have failed. The one thing we all believed in is order. Our failures threaten that very order we hold so dear. Ever since interrogating Gabriel, Raphael, Raguel and I have been discussing potentially solutions. Now that we are the only three remaining archangels, the vote we agreed had to be unanimous is unanimous.” He paused and took a deep breath. “The Treaty of Celestis is not a peace treaty. The very first paragraph defines it as a ceasefire. Officially, the third war has never ended. On the condition that the heavens will not be annexed and an interim government consisting of both court angels and Elders negotiates a way forward…”
The room was dead silent. It took Michael a while to compose himself to utter what he needed to.
“In the interest of the continued order and security of the heavens, the high courts surrender to the demons of the pandemonium.”
The silence continued, not in anticipation but shock. After several minutes, Azazel spoke.
“We accept your surrender and you will be allowed to retire on your own terms. You will no longer be allowed to influence heaven’s politics but you will not be punished for your actions during the war.” She shook her head and laughed. “I would be lying if I said that you didn’t just cross every plan I had. You managed to surprise us all, but you also did something that no other angelic leadership managed after the two previous wars: you give me hope for lasting peace.”
Michael smiled. “It will be good to know peace again. I have one more request, high inquisitor. Please, let the Treaty stay in place until there is a replacement for it. Not having anything to regulate our interactions with the humans would lead to disaster.”
“I agree. Well, I guess that ends our meeting prematurely. All points are now moot.”
Raphael shook his head. “No, there is one more we need to talk about. We need to address the attack on the library. Head librarian?”
Kate nodded. “Yes?”
“I know that it will not mean much hearing those words from me, but I abhor what was done to your library. I am deeply sorry.”
“Thank you, Raphael. Your words do mean something, especially after everything Michael said earlier. Knowing the flaw of your minds, I did not expect you to care about anything besides your own power. Your actions here have proven otherwise and I sense truth in your words. Maybe there will be a day when we can welcome any angel in our library, but we need to mend the relations between our peoples for that to happen.”
“And as one of the last actions I take before I remove myself from angelic politics, I am offering you all research we have done into defensive and conserving magic. A gesture not just of good faith, but of hope… hope that there can be peace and that your library can withstand the test of time.”
“In all the wars, you never attacked it. Why?”
“Because it was always something that we admired. No matter our differences in opinion about other matters, the fact that you decided to archive everything the humans made has always been something we respect deeply. Of course there were voices, mine included, who wished that we controlled the library, but its existence in the first place was far more important than our own ambitions.”
“Then I hope to welcome you into our halls one day. I hope you don’t take it personally when I say that I am quite done with angels for the next while. Still, thank you for your honesty.”
Raphael couldn’t help but chuckle. “I truly understand.”
Zeus spoke up. “Will you be demanding reparations for the attack on the library? It was carried out by followers of God and the treaty states that the courts are responsible for their actions.”
Kate ran a hand along one of her horns. “With the perpetrators dead, there isn’t much I can ask for. There is something unrelated that would be a good sign of cooperation. It took too long to uncover the sabotage of the human template project. I would like to have all papers about the cooperative endeavours between the heavens and Hell in one place, preferably in the library.”
The angels looked at each other. Raguel spoke. “Of all remaining archangels, I was the most involved in the project at the time. I led the development of what we would guide humanity towards. It will take some time to gather everything that was written about our joined projects, but you will have everything. As you said, it is a good sign of cooperation. A necessary sign.”
“Thank you, Raguel.”
Lucifer looked quite happy with how the meeting went. “Unless there is anything else, we are done. Before we all depart, there is only one more thing.”
Azazel nodded. “Ramiel, you are hereby under arrest. Barachiel, Matriel, if you would.”






Wait...
The angels have worked out the thing above their necks isn't a hat stand and it actually is used for thinking?!
Very very strange for them to come so far. The idea of actually going for peace is a very good sign and maybe it will breakdown all the walls the angels have thrown up. Imagine angels visiting raptor kittens, imagine demons having picnics in heaven. Imagine an angel asking about a LIBRARY CARD!
The silence continued, not in anticipation but shock.
Agreed.
Seems 3 in 7 have some kind of brains... That's pretty good for theocratic politics. Amazing what basic self-preservation will lead to when common sense is in the room.
And if anything can rehabilitate the heavens, a horde of raptor kittens would be it.
@Kaithar I would like to point out that Sariel also counts towards those 7 and she seems to have developed a brain before anyone else in the heavens did. 4 of 7 is more than 50% and thus a barely passing grade. Congratulations archangels, you did it!
And yes, I do agree that a horde or raptor kittens would rehabilitate the heavens. Multiple might speed up the process. I say we let them loose!
What's a library card?
I am sure the future holds many amazing opportunities for everyone involved. This is the good path for everyone after all.
@Velhari Ah, I didn't think to count her in there ... I guess she's the 1 in 7 that's smart?
@Kaithar Top 14.3% in her class of archangels.
@Velhari urg... Metric prime division, the reason I can't bring myself to hate certain imperial units. Bleh, tangent time...
So inches, feet, yards and miles are basically garbage for practical if you need to convert between units but the scheme has the same elegance as our time units when you take them apart. An inch is defined as a power of two subunits (with a tenths scale overlapping of you have a good ruler). 12 is the first double digit highly composite number with factors 1,2,3,4,6,12 ... 3 feet to the yard gives 36, adding 18 and 9 to the factors. Yards to miles is a stupid number to remember, except when you check and find it being 11x5x2x2x2x2x2 yards, so also layered over that stupid number of factors. Furlong? Buggered if I can remember what that is in real terms but apparently it's 1/8th of a mile. The infuriating bit? I'm not convinced any of that elegant divisibility, something that would have sold the units to the people working with them, was entirely intentional... Lizzy the first's statute mile gained 260 from the semi-metric 5,000 long feet to match the existing short foot derivation. 12 is the only bit I think was actually planned for the properties, everything else is a coincidence of conveniences
Time on the other hand... Yeah, degrees are the superior angle, bite me. Take that set of factors from before, 1,2,3,4,6,12... 24 adds another 2 to the primes, 36 with it's 3 giving 9 and 18, so with 72 you have 2x2x2x3x3... 60 being 2x2x3x5... Combine the two for 2x2x2x3x3x5 which is... 360. If I have sufficiently projected the amount of smugness intended, that's how I imagine the long dead presenter proposed it thousands of years ago... To a lot of "I can't fault the logic and that makes me grumpy" faces. All falls down when 7 comes on the scene, ofc, even 2x3x7's 42 didn't really fit in neatly, 210 didn't fare better and it's downhill until someone notices 2x2x7 is "close enough" to 2x2x3 that we can overlook the seconds scraped off when rounding the square peg.
Am I having this rant just cause I figure you'll admire the composition and maybe I have had the ridiculous nature of 1:12th and 1:6th scale in my head a few times too many recently? Maybe. Is it because I am irrationally annoyed at the terrible divisibility of 10 relative to high composite bases like 6, 8, 12 and 16? Yes! I have a 0xBEEF with base 10's pathetic 2x5 repetition.
How should I cleanly munch on 2x2x5x5? Primes have feelings too!
Edit: Incase you want it, for some inexplicable reason, here's the first few highly composites from OEIS: 1, 2, 4, 6, 12, 24, 36, 48, 60, 120, 180, 240, 360, 720, 840, 1260, 1680, 2520, 5040. There's some interesting sequences that contain 1,2,3,4,5,6,8,9,10,12 too, but they're mostly unrelated to this
@Kaithar I love when a throwaway joke gets this type of response.
Having grown up with metric, Imperial Units were just the things you used in Star Wars strategy games. But I agree, there is a certain fun and beauty to be had with stuff that converts badly. Granted, with most of my maths history being dominated by concepts and letters, actually seeing numbers do a thing is always fun.
And yes, degrees are so much nicer. Radian can go the way of Atlantis please. The same with 7, because 7 kind of sucks anyway. 6 though... that one I am quite fond of.
I did admire the composition of your rant and the absolutely unhinged energy throughout. It's fun to see how staunchly each side defends their base (heh). I had some rather avid base10 defenders in my uni courses and some base12 people. But there was one thing they could both agree on: hating the base16 people. Having had my focus on statistics, I don't care much about what base you are on as long as you don't select "I don't know" in my questionnaire. Did you know that 9 out of 10 people don't know? They never knew, they will never know, they will die not knowing and this dataset was about their goddamn birthdates.
Numbers are fun.
@Velhari "Commander Skywalker, the Empire's Foot soldiers are advancing on their Flying Yard Sticks, should we activate the Square Metre shields?"
Radians are one of those things that sort of make sense if your "precision measuring device" is a piece of string or you secretly support the rebellion of Base Pi, the basest of bases, but other than that it's some irrational propaganda from the Theorist Conspiracy.
7 was some prime real-estate but sadly it listened too much to the isolationist ideals of the higher primes. The 3-series has some really great numbers in it, 6 is lovely but so is 9, a nice pair.
So I guess 9 out of 10 people selected all the "I don't know" boxes on the questionnaire about literacy?
Base16 is a wonderful thing in comp-sci's power-of-2 world, especially after 8 bits overwhelmingly won the WORD war. I can tell at a glance what bit pattern 0x5A is, but converting back and forth to base10 is disgusting. Outputting a register as text requires, for each base10 digit, loading the place's base and performing int division with remainder... with hex or octal it's just cheap bit-ops like mask and shift and you can perform it as a loop because there's no ugly increasing constant involved. Then the sadists turn up and remind you that digital logic is all in trinary.