In Long Island, there lies a rundown apartment complex. Within the complex, there lives two individuals who could not be anymore different than water and piss. One was the land lord, Roderick Alstein. Roderick was a disgrace of a human being, going as far as he could to make the lives of his tenants as miserable as possible. Having inherited the complex from his father, Roderick would often use his authority to bleed his tenants dry, adjusting the rent of each tenant so as to leave them with the bare minimum to survive. Many of these tenants, regardless of how much they make, are often forced to rummage through garbage to find food, and live in the filth and squalor of the complex. In fact, for the exorbitant prices the tenants pay for rent, only one room in the entire building is ever fully cared for: Roderick’s suite, where he lives with his wife, Audrey, and their cat, Snowball.
On the other end of the spectrum was Marvin, one of the tenants and a veteran from Nam. Having lost his sight in the war, Marvin has a unique and unpleasant perspective on his stay at the complex. It is a known fact that when one loses their eyesight, their other senses become heightened to compensate. For some, it’s a blessing, but for Marvin, it’s most definitely a curse. When one smells the mold in the building, he smells it more sharply. When he touches the wall, he can feel every particle of filth and grime that has accumulated. When one person here’s a cockroach scurrying by, he can fifty more scurrying in the distance. Of all the tenants in the building, Marvin was the only to call Roderick out on his crap, not for his sake but for the sake of his fellow tenants. Tensions were only heightened with the death of a close friend of Marvin’s, Charlie. Marvin claimed that Roderick saw Charlie dying from a heart attack and refused to help him, but Roderick denied the whole thing, claiming to have not even been there. While this tension had grown more heated, it finally came to a head one fateful day.
It was the day Roderick hired an exterminator, not for the sake of the tenants, but because he found a roach in his apartment. Marvin sat in front of the door leading to Roderick’s apartment, scowling at it. “Self righteous bastard,” he muttered to himself. “This whole building’s riddled with cockroaches, and he only sees fit to call an exterminator when he finds one in his apartment.” As he stood there, Marvin heard someone approaching. “Hm? Who’s there?” Marvin asked as he heard the footsteps grow closer. “Oh hey there,” a man’s voice said in reply. “Is this where the landlord lives?” “You mean ‘slumlord’?” Marvin asked sarcastically. “Yeah, he lives here. I take it you’re the exterminator he hired.” “That’s right. The name’s Krockman,” the man answered. “I’m more of a freelance odd jobs kind of guy. I have a website where people submit job offers for me to do and I take care of it for them.” Clenching his fist a bit, Marvin only said, “Well lots of luck to ya pal. Roderick there’s probably gonna stiff you on the bill. He doesn’t believe in spending money unless it’s someone else’s.” “I take it you have a pretty rocky relationship with him,” Krockman said in a sympathetic tone. “Buddy, you have no idea,” Marvin said with a sigh. “I fought in Vietnam and lost my sight to defend this country, and this is my reward. Sitting around in a rundown apartment while me and every other desperate sap who had to move here gets robbed blind by a pair of millennals and their cat.” When he had said this, Marvin felt a firm hand grab his shoulder as Krockman said, “Well my friend, first off, me and my friends are more than grateful for what you’ve done for our country. Second of all, I have a good feeling that you’re going to like what I have planned for this place. I’m quite good at getting rid of all kinds of pests.” Shaking his head, Marvin said morosely, “Look, no offense, but even if you somehow get rid of all the rats and cockroaches in this hell hole, I don’t think it’ll fix any of our problems.” “Hm, don’t be too sure of that,” Krockman said, his voice taking on a sinister tone. “After all, any problem can be solved with pest control. It all really depends on what you define as ‘a pest’.” With that, Krockman walked off to Roderick’s apartment, leaving Marvin to wonder what he meant.
Meanwhile in Roderick’s apartment, Roderick and Audrey were busy preparing for the arrival of their exterminator. “Do you think these pillows are straight enough babe?” Roderick asked as he plumped the couch pillows. Looking towards the pillows, Audrey replied, “I think they’re straight enough. After all, considering our guest is an exterminator, I doubt he’d even care. Hell, I’d doubt he could afford pillows, let alone a couches to put them on.” “True, but we need him to be impressed,” Roderick said in reply. “If we want our plans for this dump to go through, we need to clear out the vermin within (including the rats and roaches), and from what I’ve heard, this guy’s the best in his line of work. We need him to understand.” As he was saying this, he heard a knock at the door. “That must be him now,” Roderick said. “Remember, we need him to be supportive. So put on a smile and act welcoming.” Seeing Audrey nod in agreement, Roderick went to the door and opened it. Standing before him was a tall, lanky, scruffy faced man wearing a trench coat and a polo shirt. Taken back a bit at first, Roderick greeted, “You must be Mr. Krockman. Won’t you come in?” Staring at the scrawny, ginger haired man with a judging eye, the man said, “Well then, you must Mr. Alstein. I’d prefer it if you’d call me just Krockman, and yes, I think I will come in.” With that, Krockman stepped into the apartment, closing the door behind him.
Looking around the apartment, Krockman said in a mocking tone, “Nice little apartment you have here. Real cozy.” “Cozy?” Roderick thought to himself. “Who the hell does this guy think he is? This place is a lot better than whatever shit hole he crawled out of.” Of course, knowing how important it was to get this guy on board, he refused to say this out loud; instead, putting on a forced smile, saying, “Yes, thank you for noticing.” “So, Roderick, Audrey,” Krockman said with a smile. “Now that we’ve gotten to know each other, let’s get started, shall we.” With that, the couple and the exterminator sat themselves down at the kitchen table. “So, I hear you have a bit of a bug problem,” Krockman said in that mocking tone from earlier. “Oh yes, sir,” Audrey answered. “We found a cockroach in our home, and we just had to call someone to get rid of it.” “That’s it? One roach?” Krockman asked, slightly disgusted. “Lady, if you think one roach is something to be worried about, you’re in for a rude awakening. Cockroaches never travel alone. It’s easier to think of them in orders of magnitude. You see one cockroach, there’s fifty more hiding somewhere else, and I’ve seen like eighty of them just in the lobby alone (I think I saw one of them carrying off a rat).” “Wait, you saw rats?” Roderick asked nervously. Krockman nodded smugly, saying, “Oh yeah, lots of rats, and the logic behind roach populations also applies to them too.” “Oh god! We have rats too!” Roderick shouted. “Of course,” Krockman said. “Frankly, I’m surprised you haven’t taken care of this sooner, especially since there are so many people living here. Apparently, one of the residents has some issues with how things are run here. Y’know, the veteran.” “You mean Marvin?” Roderick scoffed. “As far as we’re concerned, he doesn’t need any good things. After all, how can anyone truly enjoy the finer things in life if he can’t even see it?” Glaring at the couple, Krockman retorted, “That’s a rather interesting take on someone who lost his eyesight defending his country and protecting the rights of people like you (even if you don’t deserve it), but, work is work, and I need the business. So, whatever you have in mind, I’ll take it.” Roderick and Audrey smiled at this, knowing that he was committed.
“Now then, here’s what we’re going to do,” Krockman explained. “First, we’re going to perform a full inspection of the building to get an idea of how deep the infestation goes. After that, we’ll break out the big guns: traps, poison, those things that emit high frequency noises that’re supposed to dive pests away, and if all else fails, we have this baby.” As he said this, Krockman pulled out a large case, undid the locks on its sides, and opened it. Inside the case, the Alsteins saw a strange device, resembling a clown with a fang filled mouth, orange lips, large cartoon X’s for eyes, a red nose, and a pale, white face. It seemed to be dressed in a purple smock and a purple jester’s cap, both covered in stars. On its sides were two large dishes held close to its torso, and around its neck was what appeared to be a noose. “Um, what is that?” Roderick asked worriedly. Krockman smiled a wicked grin as he said, “This little beauty is what I like to call ‘Judgement Day’. Trust me, if everything else fails, this won’t.” “Well, it’s, uh... impressive,” Audrey said, not sure how this thing would even work. “So, what exactly are you going to charge us for all of this, because money is no object.” Krockman only chuckled at this, saying, “Money? I don’t really need ‘money’. I’m more of a bartering kind of guy. You give me something that has personal value to you, and I provide you with my services.” “Um, okay, what do you want?” Roderick asked, unsure of what he was getting himself into. Looking the couple over with a meticulous eye, Krockman’s eyes focused on Audrey’s hand, saying, “That ring.” Looking down at her hand, Audrey asked, “You mean my engagement ring?” Pulling out a jewler’s eyeglass, Krockman grabbed Audrey’s hand and examined the ring. “Hm, nice brilliance, good setting, might have to resize it a bit, but over all, it’s a winner. Yep, this’ll do nicely as payment.” “What?! Are you insane!?” Audrey shouted furiously. “I’m not gonna give you my engagement ring as payment you dumbass!” “Now hold on a minute. Let’s be reasonable here,” Roderick interjected nervously. “Uh, why don’t we discuss payment after the job’s done, alright? I’m sure we can find something else you’d be interested in.” “Very well then. We’ll discuss this when I’m finished,” Krockman said, slightly disgusted. “Just one thing though, while I’m working, you’re going to have to stay in your apartment until I’m done. Safety measures and all that. Okay, bye!” With that, Krockman grabbed his things and ran out of the apartment, leaving the couple behind and clueless about what just happened.
The first hour in the Alstein’s apartment seemed pretty normal as far as things go. Roderick and Audrey had lunch, watched some trashy tv shows, drank some wine, and everything else they could think of. After the first hour, however, things seemed to get strange. As Roderick sat on the couch, he noticed something strange about the front door. Before, it seemed like a perfectly pristine door, but now it looked as old and decrepit as the doors to the other apartments. “Uh, Audrey? What happened to the door?” Roderick asked nervously. At that moment, Audrey walked in with her iPad in her hands and a worried look on her face as she said, “I don’t know Roderick, but have you seen what’s on the cameras?” Remembering the security cameras they had set up throughout the building, Roderick went over to look at the iPad, hoping to see how Krockman’s inspection was going. To his surprise, Roderick saw something strange. On the screen, Krockman was shown standing at the front entrance with the tenants, holding the door open as new people came in. There were three strangers in total, one a tall handsome blonde man with pale white skin, fangs, and a heart shaped hole in his chest, another a short, hooked nose woman dressed like a witch, and a young man with an eyepatch, emaciated beyond the point of what could be considered healthy. The strangers were each carrying large sacks of tools: hammers, crowbars, drills, and everything else you could find at the hardware store. “What the hell?” Roderick asked, bewildered by what he was seeing. “Who are these people, and why is Krockman letting them into our building?” At that moment, the emaciated stranger noticed the camera that was watching them. Before the Alsteins could react, Krockman pulled a wrench out from one of the bags and threw it at the camera, smashing it instantly. This deeply terrified the couple.
Another hour passed, and things grew stranger. The front door became more decrepit, but now the rot had begun to spread beyond the doorframe, causing the wall around it to start to crack and rot. As Roderick was wondering how this was happening, he heard Audrey ask him, “Hey Rod? Have you seen the cat anywhere?” “He never leaves the apartment, Audrey. You know that,” Roderick replied, slightly peeved. “Just look around. I’m pretty certain there aren’t that many places for him to hide.” As he was saying this, the couple heard something clattering in the bedroom, followed by distressed meowing. “What was that?” Audrey asked worriedly. “I don’t know,” Roderick said. “I’m gonna check it out. You stay here. Be ready to call the cops if anything happens.” With that, Roderick made his way to bedroom. As he got closer, he heard someone talking to what he assumed was Snowball, saying, “Ah mi little friend, you’ve been cooped up in here for too long. You haven’t had a chance to follow your instincts, have you? You wanna kill some of dem nasty rats, don’t ya? You gonna kill all dem nasty little bastards, aren’t you mi furry little friend?” When Roderick arrived, he was shocked to see a black man in a torn, red button up shirt and dreadlocks (which seemed to sway about on their own accord). “Hey!” Roderick shouted. “Who are you, and how the fuck did you get into our apartment?!” Hearing the Roderick’s voice, the intruder slowly turned around, revealing glowing red eyes and a sharp set of fangs. And there, being carried in taloned fingers far longer than any human could possibly have, was nestled the missing Snowball. The man glared at Roderick as he snarled, “You saw nothin.” Terrified by this, Roderick could not even react when he saw the intruder vanish into thin air, taking the cat with him. Regaining his senses, Roderick ran back into the living room, shouting, “Audrey! Call the police! Some freak just broke into our home and stole our cat!” When he arrived, however, he saw his wife standing there, house phone and cellphone in hand and a horrified look on her face. “What’s the matter?” Roderick asked nervously. “The landline’s been cut and the phone signal’s been jammed,” Audrey answered gravely. “We can’t call for help.”
The third hour came, and in that time, things had escalated. The entire wall where the front door was had been completely corrupted, becoming cracked and rotten; with signs of it spreading to the other walls. “It’s getting worse, Audrey,” Roderick said, having stared at the progressive rot the whole time. “It doesn’t make sense anymore. It just doesn’t make sense!” Trying to comfort her husband, Audrey rubbed his shoulders, saying, “Take it easy, Roderick. Just remember the breathing exercises the therapist taught you.” “Fuck the therapist and fuck his breathing exercises!” Roderick shouted furiously. “I bet he never had to deal with some maniac exterminator keeping him inside his apartment, or conspiring with the tenants to do... something, or watching helplessly as some phantom black guy steals his cat!” Glaring at her husband a bit, Audrey replied, “Okay, Roderick, you seriously need to calm down right now.” “You’re right. I’m sorry,” Roderick said with a sigh. “Could you just go and get me an aspirin. I have a splitting headache right now.” Nodding to this, Audrey said, “Sure thing. I’ll be right back.” With that, Audrey made her way to the bathroom and headed towards the medicine cabinet.
When Audrey opened the cabinet, she was shocked by what she found. Filling the entirety of the medicine cabinet was an expanse of blue flannel that felt soft and warm to the touch. “What in the world?” Audrey asked herself as she pulled her hand away from the flannel mass. Suddenly, a chuckling emanated from the mass, saying in a deep voice, “Well hiya, Audrey! Just give me a sec to come out.” As the mass said this, long, yellow talons squeezed out from the sides of the mass, slowly pulling itself out of the cabinet. As the mass came out, long, thick legs dressed in jeans and boots flopped; but disturbingly enough, Audrey noticed a large tear in one of the legs, revealing it to be hollow inside save for a flow of golden energy that resembled straw. Finally, the mass freed itself from the cabinet, revealing itself to be an enormous ogre of a man, with tusk like teeth jutting up from his lower lip, glowing yellow eyes, and several more tears strewn over his body (most notably one running straight through his waist). “Here I am, Audrey!” the man shouted cheerfully. Noticing the look of horror on her face, the man chuckled, saying, “Scared, ain’t ya. Won’t do y’all any good to run, yuppie girl. ‘Specially since y’all can’t call the cops to help y’all out, now can ya?” “You know the line’s dead?” Audrey finally managed to ask. “Oh I know all kinds of things, sugar,” the giant said smugly. “For example, I know that anytime the tenants call the police to inform them about this horrible place, you go and offer blow jobs to any cop they send to make them look the other way. You came up with that, right? Whoring yourself out to scumbag cops so they’ll walk away. Your husband doesn’t seem to mind though. After all, so long as he gets to keep his favorite playhouse, you can fuck whatever jackass comes your.” This left Audrey speechless. How could he have possibly known. Seeing the look of shock on the woman’s face, the giant added, “Y’all wasted your time, yuppies. Y’all could’ve left anytime y’all wanted, but you chose to stay here. Do as y’all are told like youngins. You wasted your chance! All y’all wasted your chance!” Having said this, the giant vanished into thin, leaving behind a horrified Audrey. Running out of the bathroom and heading towards the front door, Audrey shouted, “Roderick! We have to get out of this place! They know everything!” Before Roderick could react, Audrey grabbed onto the door knob, only for it to break off in her hands. Seeing the broken knob, the couple realized something horrifying: they were trapped.
After the encounter in the bathroom, the couple simply decided to not leave the safety of their couch. While they did not get anymore visitors, their apartment continued to rot, spreading until every square inch of the apartment (even the clothes on their backs) was rotten, cracked, faded, moth eaten, or some other form of decrepit. It was not until five hours had passed that they heard a knock on the door. Eyeing the door warily, Roderick slowly approached it and asked, “Who’s out there?” After a few minutes, he heard the voice of a woman say in reply, “Hello, Mr. Alstein? My name’s Roquella. My boyfriend sent me to talk to you about the inspection. Could you open the door please?” Smiling smugly, Roderick retorted, “Sorry lady, but the door’s stuck.” As if in defiance, the door swung open, revealing Roquella to the couple. She was a heavyset woman, curvaceous beyond belief. Despite her figure, however, her most striking features were her glowing blue eyes and her bangs, which stood up in two long locks like a pair of horns. “Door seems to work fine for me,” Roquella mocked. “Now then, we need to talk about our inspection.” “Yeah, save it lady. We’re not interested anymore,” Roderick said dismissively. “After everything that’s happened to us, we couldn’t care less about a few pests.” Smiling a mischievous smile and exposing a small set of fangs, Roquella said, “Well, you should care, because according to our inspection, the pests are coming from this apartment, in this very room.” Looking surprised, Audrey asked, “What? Where?” When she heard this, Roquella’s grin became more sinister as she answered, “Right... here!!!” As she said this, a set of wing-like tentacles erupted from her back and pierced Roderick and Audrey in the back. As soon as the tentacles had penetrated them, the couple began to feel something being pumped into them. Whatever it was, it was somehow making them smaller. Roderick felt his skin itch as grey fur began to grow on his body, while Audrey’s skin began to take on a metallic copper color as long, thin antennae sprouted from her forehead. By the time Roquella had pulled out her tentacles, the couple had changed to the size and appearance of a rat and a cockroach (or at least, anthropomorphic versions of a rat and a cockroach). As the Alsteins stared at themselves in horror, they heard a set of thunderous footsteps coming into the room. Looking up, they were met with the glowing green eyes and the fang toothed smile of Krockman. “Well look who just got downsized!” Krockman shouted maniacally before grabbing the transformed couple and walked out of the apartment.
As they were walking, Roderick saw the tenants and the strangers crowding around the halls. At the end of the hall was what appeared a prefab wall made from scraps of wood with a hole in the middle. “What is this? Where are you taking us? What did you do to us?” Roderick questioned. “Oh, I’m sorry, was that you Roderick? I thought it was rat squeaking,” Krockman said mockingly. “But since you asked, I’m taking you and your wife to a special little place we like to call ‘retribution’.” Looking worriedly up at the supposed exterminator, Audrey asked, “I’m sorry, ‘retribution’?” “Oh yeah, and it’s been a long time coming,” Krockman answered as they approached the hole. “You see, I wasn’t lying when I said I was an exterminator. More specifically, I’m an exterminator of pests of humanity, namely, people like you. Me and my friends found out about your plans for this place, how you two have been trying to drive out the current tenants so that you could renovate the place and rent it out to higher paying hipsters (as if they actually have that kind of money). Now, we didn’t really like the sound of that, and when we told the tenants about it,neither did they.” “Is that why you let Charlie die, Mr. Alstein?” Marvin asked furiously. “Because it was easier to let him die than to give him an eviction notice?” “Don’t worry Marvin. They’ll get theirs soon enough,” Krockman said cheerfully. “Now then Alsteins, as promised, now that I’ve done my inspection, it’s time to break out the big guns: traps, poisons, those sonic, pest repelling things, and of course, Judgement Day; and you two are going to experience it all in this little maze of ours. Bon voyage!” With that, Krockman shoved the transformed couple into the hole in the wall, the crowd cheering in victory.
Inside the wall was a labyrinthine maze of traps and wires, a true maze of horrors. Looking around, Roderick turned to Audrey and said, “Hm, doesn’t seem that complicated. There’s bound to be an exit somewhere. All we have to do is find it.” “I don’t know about this Roderick,” Audrey said warily as she twitched her new antennae. “What about the traps they set?” “Oh please, a few mousetraps, tripwire activated poison traps,” Roderick scoffed. “What’s the worst they could possibly throw at us?” When Roderick said this, a cackling voice retorted, “If you’re that curious, I suggest you turn around slowly chump!” Turning around, Roderick and Audrey were confronted with a surreal sight. Two large creatures towered over them, though if the couple were normal sized, the creatures would be the size of children. One creature resembling a cartoonish dead rat pinned to a mousetrap with legs, while the other resembled a little girl formed from a can of bug spray, its head adorned with skull and crossbones style cowl, her body tapered down and supported by two, scrawny legs. Staring on at the two monsters, Roderick shouted, “Who the fuck are you?!” “I’m Snappan, and this is Toxroach!” the mousetrap monster cackled. “And the buss wants us to kill you chumps! Okay Toxroach! Give them the fog!” Hearing this, Toxroach grew excited, tucking her head in and releasing a cloud of noxious fog from the tips of her crossbones. Smiling a crooked smile, Snappan said to the transformed couple, “I’d start running if I were you.” Taking the monster’s advice, Roderick and Audrey began running, trying to out run the toxic cloud as Snappan began puking up multiple mousetraps at high velocity.
As the couple was running, they heard Snappan shout, “Watch out for the puss-puss! I heard he’s rather hungry!” “Puss-puss?” Audrey asked. “What the hell is a puss-puss?” At that moment, as if to answer her question, an enormous, white cat paw slammed down in front of the couple, followed by a deep, rumbling meow. Looking at the paw, Roderick immediately recognized it, saying, “Snowball?” Sure enough, there he was, Snowball the family cat; only now, he was more like a hulking beast that only saw his former owners as food. Seeing this, the couple kept running, now avoiding the ravenous claws of their former pet, along with the poison fog and mousetraps. He wasn’t sure how or when, but somewhere in their pursuit, Roderick and Audrey were separated. Looking around, he saw that even the cat and the monsters were gone as well. It was only him, alone in a dark hallway.
As he was wondering where he was now and where everyone had gone, Roderick heard something approaching from the shadows, singing a bizarre song all the way.
Who I am?
They call me Libra,
Libra, Libra,
They call me Libra
they call me Libra,
Libra, Libra,
I am Libra!
Judgement!
What followed next was a series of rounds of questions, all of which were based on Roderick’s past sins. From using his master key to break into people’s apartments and steal what valuables they had worth stealing to pushing his own father down the stairs in a fit of rage after a heated argument (which, coincidentally, was how he inherited the complex in the first place), no stone was left unturned; and at the end of every round, Libra would always tell him the same thing: “It was your choice, now you have to live with it.” As the hours ticked by and the cruel game progressed, the sheer gravity of what he had began to weigh on Roderick. Eventually, by round 94, Roderick was curled up on the floor, reduced to a whimpering shell of a man. Noticing this, Libra smiled a cruel grin as he said, “Well, well, it seems the weight of what you’ve done has finally caught up with you.” “It’s not all my fault!” Roderick cried out vainly. “If those goddamn tenants just took the hint already and left, I wouldn’t have had to do what I did!” “I see, so it’s the fault of the people living here then, eh?” Libra asked judgingly. “What about Marvin? Doesn’t he deserve a place to live? After all, he did defend this country in Nam.” “Oh please, anyone in that situation could be labeled a hero,” Roderick scoffed. “Just go out into the jungle, shoot up the guys the government tells you to, and come back for a Medal of Honor or whatever.” Glaring at the rat man, Libra retorted, “First of all, only a few people get recognized with such an honor, not every single soldier. Second of all, it’s not just defending his country that makes him a hero. It’s surviving the horrors of war and overcoming the challenges caused by it that make him a hero. Finally, if you think it’s so easy to shoot someone, then let’s put it to the test. You here someone coming from the shadows. It could be friend, or it could be foe. You have a gun in your hands to defend yourself with. Now then, what’re going to do?” Looking down in his hands, Roderick saw that he did have a gun, and in the shadows, he heard the sound of footsteps approaching. “Are you really prepared to die because you can’t tell if it’s a threat or not,” Libra mocked. “Or are you so determined to survive, you’d pull the trigger without a second thought? You better decide Roderick, because you’re running out of time.” As the footsteps grew closer, Libra’s question began to ring inside of Roderick’s head, “What was he going to do?” Soon, the footsteps and the question began to grow louder and louder until he could not even hear his own thoughts. Overcome by the noise, Roderick closed his eyes and fired the gun.
When Roderick opened his eyes, he saw that he was back in his apartment, himself and everything around him fully restored. Feeling overcome by relief, Roderick was overjoyed until he noticed Krockman and the tenants standing in his doorway, looks of shock and horror on their faces. Looking down at his hands, Roderick saw that he was still holding the gun, and splayed out on the floor... was Audrey, dead by gun shot. After a few minutes of stunned silence, Krockman finally broke it by saying, “Jesus Christ! I only left you guys an hour ago!” As Roderick stared at the crowd dumbfounded, Marvin arrived with a couple of police officers, saying, “Here we are gentlemen. This is where I heard the gunshot.” As the police came in, Marvin turned towards one of the other tenants (a woman in her late 40’s) and asked, “How bad is it? Who shot who?” “Roderick shot Audrey,” the woman answered. “She’s dead now.” “Wait a minute! Wait a minute! This isn’t what it looks like!” Roderick frantically pleaded. “This is obviously some kind of sick joke!” “A joke? A joke?!” Marvin asked furiously. “Roderick, your wife is dead from a bullet wound, and you’re standing over her body with a gun in your hands. Does that look like a joke to you?! Oh we’ve been waiting for a day like this to come. A day where you’d finally be exposed as the crook you really are. I just never thought it’d involve you shooting your wife. Never thought you’d stoop that low.” Before Roderick could say anything in defense, one of the cops grabbed him by the shoulders, pinned him to the wall, cuffed him, and began reading his Miranda rights.
After his rights were read to him, Roderick found himself sitting in the back of a police car as the officers were gathering witness statements from the tenants. Roderick had his head in his hands as he realized that everything he had done was not just for nothing, but was also going to be used against him. Was he going to get a life sentence... or worse. As he was pondering this, Roderick heard a shrill, screeching scratch against the car window. Looking out the window, he was met with the glowing green eyes and fang filled grin of Krockman. Surrounding him were the other strange folk (including his girlfriend), and in his claw-like fingers was Audrey’s engagement ring. “You will recommend our services, won’t you Mr. Alstein?” Krockman asked in a mocking tone. “Don’t forget to visit our website so you can leave a review. I’m sure it’s going to be... spectacular.” At that moment, Roderick realized what had happened. “You set me up,” he accused. “You set me up you son of a bitch! You all did! Ohoho, wait till my lawyer hears about this! He’s gonna have a field day with once I sue your ass for everything you have! I’m innocent! I’m innocent!!!” Of course, nobody listened to him. No one even paid Roderick any mind. For while from Krockman’s and Roderick’s perspectives it was a heated declaration of lawsuit, to the rest of the world, it was a man screaming at empty air in a fit of madness.
As the police car drove away, Krockman and the other lost souls laughed and cackled at the fallen landlord. “Now that’s a beautiful sight,” Krockman said cheerfully. “Doesn’t it warm the cockles of your heart to see some self righteous dick head get what’s coming to him?” “It sure does little buddy,” Chunko said. “Yeah, but there’s just one thing that still bothering me,” Roquella interjected. “Don’t you think what we did was a little... much (especially since we only did it for a ring)?” Krockman smiled a bit, saying, “Well, it was kind of important that I got this ring.” “And why is that exactly?” Roquella asked, turning around to face her boyfriend. What she saw shocked her. Kneeling before her on one knee was Krockman, presenting the ring to her. “Roquella Adams,” Krockman said. “Will you marry me?” Everyone standing there was in shock, especially Roquella. Placing a hand to her mouth and tearing up a bit, she excitedly screamed, “Yes!”, before bending down and hugging Krockman. As the others applauded and cheered the happy couple, Alucard got a text on his phone. Reading the text, Alucard got a concerned look on his face, saying, “Uh, hey Krockman, not to run out on celebrating your engagement, but I have something to take care of back at the Hip-Hop Albatross. Sorry about this.” “Hey, you do what you gotta do,” Krockman said, shrugging his shoulders. “Just be back in time for the engagement party back at Fort Hancock, alright.” Nodding to this, Alucard vanished back to Limbo, leaving the others to celebrate.
—————
Back in Seattle, Emily was slowly regaining consciousness. When she came to, she found herself in a back alley and sitting in what appeared to be a pentagram. “W-what? What is this?” Emily asked herself. “What’s going on?” Standing up, Emily saw someone walking around the the pentagram. Looking closely, she saw that it was Tom, pouring salt around the pentagram, all with a despondent look on his face and a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth. “Tom? What’re you doing?” Emily asked nervously. Tom only ignored her, too consumed by his work to notice or care. Feeling frustrated, Emily asked again more aggressively, “Tom, what the hell is going on?! Why did you tase me back there?! Why...” ”Shut up!!!” Tom shouted with uncharacteristic harshness in his voice. “Just shut up, okay!” Taken back by this sudden change in tone, Emily stopped talking, too terrified to press any further.
As he kept pouring salt, Tom paused a bit and glanced over at Emily, saying, “I’m sorry I yelled. I just have a lot riding on this.” “Um, that’s okay,” Emily said, still rather nervous. “But seriously, why’d you tase me and why am I sitting in a pentagram?” “Well, I had to tase you to get you into that pentagram,” Tom answered as he finished laying the salt. “As for the pentagram itself, that’s actually a portal for a realm swap ritual.” Confused by this, Emily asked, “A what?” “A realm swap ritual,” Tom explained. “It’s where you swap places with someone in Limbo, and honestly, that’s what I need right now.” Feeling tired of asking all these questions, Emily said, “Okay, I know I sound like a broken record at this point, but why?” Hearing this, Tom took a long drag from his cigarette, sighed a bit, and continued, “You remember when I told you about those chest pains I get when I thought about gods?” “Yeah,” Emily answered nervously. “Well, when you told me about what you saw at the show, it made me realize something: you saw Roquella and Misfit’s god forms, so what exactly did you see when you saw me? Krockman’s hiding something from me, and I need you to find out what it is.” “How exactly do you expect me to do that?” Emily asked, still processing what she was hearing. “I’m not sure, but you have to figure something out,” Tom answered. “If not for my sake, then at least for yours. He’s hiding stuff from you too.” “Oh come on, Krockman wouldn’t do that to me,” Emily retorted doubtfully. “I mean sure he turned me and my friends into monsters, and kidnapped my ex, and set me up on a date with you without talking to me first, and... uh, actually, what do you think he’s hiding from me?” “Okay I don’t know much, but before we came to Seattle for the first time, I noticed Krockman had a list with your name and the names of your roommates,” Tom explained. “I didn’t think much of it at first, but when he kidnapped Chad, I noticed his name was added to the list too. I don’t know what he’s planning, but if Krockman’s hiding it from you, it must be something big and it was planned from the start.”
When she heard this, Emily was shocked. Up until this point, Emily had assumed Krockman was being honest with her (if only because she figured someone as insane as him would never have a reason to lie in the first place). If what Tom told her was true, then it changed everything. Making up her mind, Emily asked, “Alright then, what do I do?” “Well fortunately for us, Alucard was the one who asked me to do this (don’t ask me why, I have no idea), so Krockman doesn’t know what we’re doing,” Tom said as he stomped out his cigarette. “He also doesn’t know that we know he’s hiding something, so that gives us a bit of an advantage. When you get to Limbo, head to either Alucard or Roquella, because as far as I know, they’re the ones that will be willing to help you (just don’t tell them what you’re doing and you’ll be fine).” Reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a box of matches, Tom added, “One more thing and this is important, if you make a promise with anyone while you’re in Limbo, make sure you keep it. That’s a big deal in Limbo, and lord help you if you (a mortal being) break a promise.” Nodding to this, Emily said, “Okay, I think I understand. Don’t worry Tom, I’ll figure this out.” “I hope so,” Tom said with a sigh as he lit a match. “I’m just sorry you got dragged into this.” Having said that, Tom threw the match down onto the Pentagram, causing it to light up and fire off a beam of energy at the heavens, with Emily standing at the center of it.
As the energy coursed and crackled around her, Emily as if she was moving at the speed of light, yet at the same time she felt still and motionless. It almost felt euphoric in a way, her body being bombarded by strange new sensations. As suddenly as it started, Emily’s trip stopped abruptly, her head still flooded by the stimulus. When her vision cleared, she saw that she was in what appeared to be an 80’s themed music and clothes store. Looking around, Emily saw a sign that read, “Hip-Hop Albatross” with a picture of a cartoon seagull dressed like a rapper. As Emily was wondering what the name was supposed to mean, she heard the front door open as a familiar voice say, “Okay, whoever you are, I’m sorry about what happened to you. I know you’re probably thinking that this is some sort of alien abduction, but that’s not the case, and if you’ll give me a few minutes of your time, I can explain every... Emily?” Looking towards the source of the voice, Emily saw that it was Alucard, only he looked different with pale skin, fangs, glowing purple eyes, and a heart-shaped hole running straight through his chest. “Alucard?” Emily asked. “What are you doing here?” “I own this place. This is my shop,” Alucard explained, still confused by what’s happening. “But why are you here? You’re not supposed to be here. You’re supposed to be back in the mortal realm with Chad. That’s why I sent him back.” Hearing this, Emily stood there dumbfounded as Rush played on the sound system.
—————
Meanwhile in a food court in Babel, Jimmy was waiting in line for lunch. The guitar scrap was going to attend an emergency meeting with a few other members of the Urban Gods and was ready to grab anything the cafeteria had to offer. As he made his way through the line, he noticed the menu of the day, “hambergers and taytur tots.” “Hambergers and taytur tots?” Jimmy said to himself. “Who wrote this?” As if to answer his question, a gruff, guttural voice said, “I did.” Looking up, Jimmy found himself staring into the greasy face of Chef Sweeney. The pig man snorted a bit as he continued, “Do you have a problem with my writing?” “Uh, n-no,” Jimmy answered nervously, afraid to incite the chef’s wrath. “I just wanted some lunch.” Glaring at the scrap a bit, Sweeney reached behind the counter and plopped a tray with a hamburger and tater tots. Not wanting to take his chances with the chef, Jimmy grabbed the tray and got the hell out of dodge.
As he left the line, Jimmy saw the others sitting at a table waiting for him. There was his manager Al (an accordion scrap with a single strap for an arm, strap like legs, eyes perched on top of his head, and markings on his face resembling the mustache he had in life), his friend Gene (a scrap resembling an upside down bass guitar with long arms and pick-like fingers), and his girlfriend Lindsey (a violin scrap balancing herself on her end pin). “Yo Jimmy!” Al shouted. “Come over here and pop a squat! We saved you a seat!” Sitting next to Lindsey, Jimmy placed his tray down and joined the group. Looking around, Jimmy asked, “So are the others coming or is it just the four of us?” “Well, Louie and Kenny are out doing some family bonding... whatever that means,” Gene answered. “As for Elton, he and Ringo are out cruising for dudes and chicks. So yeah, it’s just the four of us.” “Right, so what’s this meeting about anyway?” Jimmy asked. “Well, first of all, Krockman is pleased with the last performance, so kudos to that,” Al explained, giving a thumbs up. “Next, I’ve received word from Misfit that Krockman and Roquella are getting married, and they want us to perform at the wedding.” “Well that’s exciting,” Lindsey said cheerfully. “I was wondering when they were going to make it official.” “Yeah, well anyway, Misfit sent me a list of songs they’d like for you guys to perform (plus any songs that we wrote that fits the whole ‘love’ theme),” Al continued as he pulled out a list. “Andromeda by the Gorillaz, Strawberry Fields Forever by the Beatles, Dayglo Reflection by Bobby Wom...” Noticing that Al had trailed off, Jimmy asked, “Hey Al, you okay?” Staring behind the guitar scrap, Al asked, “What the hell is that?” Turning around, the whole table was met eye to cloudy, fungus riddled eye with Shinkin.
“Hello Jimmy and other potential new friends,” Shinkin said in his usual phlegminess. “Shinkin sees that you are enjoying lunch. May Shinkin join in?” Before any of them could say anything, Shinkin already sat himself down, looking at the group with that same blank expression. “Seriously, who is this guy?” Al asked. “Yeah and how does he know you Jimmy?” Lindsey interjected. Jimmy sighed a bit as he explained, “Shinkin’s just some scrap that’s challenged me to find some mushrooms. Look, Shinkin, if that’s what this is about, I haven’t found any of them yet.” “Oh Shinkin knows,” Shinkin said in reply. “That’s because Shinkin has the first Toadstool of Trust you need to collect.” “Really? I thought you wanted you me to find it?” Jimmy asked. Shinkin only shrugged and said, “This particular toadstool is more of a ‘test of will’ sort of thing than anything else.” Looking at the fungus scrap warily, Jimmy asked, “And what exactly do you mean by that?”
Without saying a word, Shinkin reached down under the table and pulled out a large, brass bucket. “Is that a spittoon?” Gene asked. “Where’d you even find that?” Glancing over at the bass scrap, Shinkin answered, “Shinkin has his ways.” Looking at the spittoon, Jimmy said, “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that the mushroom is inside of this thing, isn’t it?” “Shinkin sees that as a fair assumption,” Shinkin said in reply as he folded his arms across his barrel chest. “Now then, stick your hand into the fetid broth and prove your determination.” “Uh, excuse me?” Lindsey interjected. “What makes you think he’s going to shove his hand into a spittoon?” “Now hold on Lindsey. Let’s not get to excited,” Jimmy said as he peered into the spittoon. “I mean, it’s not like Shinkin’s actually going make me stick my hand into a full...” When he peered into the spittoon, however, Jimmy was left completely speechless. Inside the the brass bucket, rather than the usual sticky, brown residue of chaw, was a bright, neon yellow slurry that reeking of a foul yet sickly sweet stench (similar to a rotting gummy bear). Staring into the pot, Jimmy asked, “Hey Shinkin, why does it look like someone gutted a highlighter in here?” “Shinkin’s doesn’t know. He found the spittoon at some nerd gather. He lifted it while the nerds were playing D&D,” Shinkin explained. “Shinkin has two theories though. Either the nerds were chewing lemon-lime flavored tobacco, or they were using the spittoon as a urinal and they were all really diabetic.” Staring at Shinkin in disgust, Jimmy looked back at the spittoon, swallowed the lump in his throat, and said, “Welp, here goes nothing.” “Wait! Hold on a second, Jimmy,” Gene objected. “Now let’s think this over. You’re about to stick your hand into a bunch of nerds’ spit and/or piss bucket. Just... why?” “Because the sooner I do this, the sooner he leaves,” Jimmy whispered, glancing over towards Shinkin to make his point. Seeing this, Gene backed off and let Jimmy continue. Bracing his nerves, Jimmy took a deep breath and plunged his hand into the noxious broth.
The moment his hand broke through the film, Jimmy realized that the stench was even worse than before. It was like a family of skunks fell into a vat of molasses, drowned, soiled themselves before dying, and the whole mess was left to fester and rot. As Jimmy groped around in the gunk, he felt something at the bottom. Hoping for the best, Jimmy grabbed the object and fished it out of the devil’s tureen. As Jimmy held the object aloft, he smiled as he saw that it was the desired toadstool. “Alright Shinkin, here’s your stink shroom,” Jimmy said as he tossed the offending fungus at the enlightened scrap. “You can go now.” Examining the toadstool, Shinkin said, “Shinkin is impressed. He wasn’t expecting you to last that long. However, your quest is not over just yet.” “Come again?” Jimmy asked as he wiped his hand off with a napkin. “Oh yes, Shinkin has split the first four Toadstools of Trust between you and Teddi,” Shinkin explained. “Teddi has already found her two toadstools, and now you only have one more left to collect.” Looking over at his friends with a concerned look, Jimmy turned back to Shinkin and asked, “Alright, what do I have to do to get this mushroom?”
Shinkin’s eye seemed to light up a bit as he answered, “Oh don't worry, you’ll find out soon enough. In fact, it should be happening any minute now.” Looking confused, Jimmy asked, “What should be happening?” As if on cue, a barrage of tater tots nailed Shinkin in the head, surprising the whole table. “That,” Shinkin explained. “Everyday. Every damn day, Shinkin puts up with this abuse every time his abuser is around.” “And who exactly is your ‘abuser’?” Al asked. Pointing at a table across the room, Shinkin answered, “Him.” Looking at where the scrap was pointing, the group saw a lone scrap sitting at the table, silver, white haired, circuits running across his body, glowing green eyes, and white apple-shaped tattoos on the backs of his hands. “Hey, I know that guy,” Jimmy said, squinting to get a better look. “He used to be Krockman’s laptop before becoming a scrap. Oh man, can you imagine the things Krockman’s looked up on him?” “Yes, it gives Shinkin night terrors just thinking about it,” Shinkin said in reply, shuddering a bit. “In fact, Krockman’s wandering eye has lead to that laptop becoming infected with a virus, and that virus has translated to a permanent migraine when Mac became a scrap. Now he takes his frustration and agony out on others, including Shinkin. But Shinkin says no more! Shinkin wants vengeance. That’s where you come in.” “Me?” Jimmy asked incredulously. “What do you want me to do about it?” “Shinkin wants you to reap karmic justice from Mac,” Shinkin explained. “Make sure it’s swift but brutal.” Looking confused, Jimmy asked, “Are you asking me to kill Mac?” “What? Oh no, not at all,” Shinkin rebutted. “Shinkin just wants you to beat Mac up. Only through intense pain and agony can one’s soul truly be cleansed.” Staring in shock, Gene said to Shinkin, “Why do I get the feeling that a piece of your soul use to belong to a cult leader?” “Well Shinkin, I’m sorry about how Mac’s treating you,” Jimmy said. “But I’m more of a lover than a fighter.” Shinkin only rubbed his chin, saying, “Shinkin’s not to picky. It doesn’t matter who beats up Mac, just so long as Shinkin knows you had a part in it.” Looking over at Mac, then looking back at Shinkin, Jimmy sighed as he got up, saying, “Alright, just let me talk to him before I ‘cleanse’ his soul.” Seeing Shinkin nod to this, Jimmy left the table and made his way to Mac.
When he arrived, Jimmy tapped on the table, alerting Mac to his presence. “Excuse me? Mac?” He said in a polite tone. “Can we talk?” Looking up at the guitar scrap, Mac simply said, “Oh, it’s you. The musician. What do you want?” “I’m here on Shinkin’s behalf,” Jimmy explained. “He’s tired of you throwing food at him and he wants you to stop.” “Is that so?” Mac asked dismissively. Jimmy nodded at this, simply saying, “Yes.” “Well then, after much consideration, I’m gonna have to take a hard pass on that,” Mac replied. “Also, while you’re here, I just wanted to point out that acoustic music sucks and you should do more dubstep.” “Dubstep?!” Jimmy retorted in disgust. “Nobody likes dubstep. Not even the people making dubstep like dubstep.” Looking the guitar scrap straight in the eye and replied, “I like dubstep.” “Dude, have you even heard dubstep?” Jimmy asked irately. “It sounds like two large power tools are having sex with a smaller power tool between them and a fourth one sitting in the corner saying ‘Am I gonna have a turn or what?’ Seriously, it sucks!” Having heard enough, Mac retorted immaturely, “Hey! You suck, your band sucks, Shinkin sucks, and you’re all sitting together, so you all suck! So why don’t you go back to the suck table so you can all keep sucking!” Realizing negotiations were out of the question, Jimmy made his way to the lunch line to enact plan B.
When he arrived at the counter, Jimmy saw Chef Sweeney waiting to take orders. Noticing the guitar scrap, Sweeney asked, “You were just here. What do you want now?” Looking up at the pig man nervously, Jimmy cleared his throat and said, “You misspelled ‘hamburgers and tater tots’.” “What?! Says who?!” Sweeney said furiously. Pointing over towards Mac, Jimmy answered, “That guy. Mac.” Glaring at the laptop scrap, Sweeney bellowed, “Correct my spelling, will he? Well I’ll show him!” Jumping over the counter, Sweeney marched over towards Mac, shouting, “Hey nerd! I want to talk to you!” Looking up and noticing the pig chef, Mac said dismissively, “Oh hey, you gonna give me more of those tater tots? There are a few more people I want to pelt.” Clenching his fat fist, Sweeney retorted, “No, but I have knuckle sandwich with your name on it!” With that, Sweeney punched Mac in the face, knocked him onto the floor, and proceeded to kick the shit out of him. After an eight minute no holds bar beat down, Sweeney made his way back to counter, muttering to himself, “Stupid twerp, correcting my spelling. Who even does that?” Seeing that it was safe to approach, Jimmy made his way over to Mac and stared down at the carnage. Staring up at Jimmy, his body wracked with pain, Mac asked in a strained voice, “W-w-what did you say to him?” “Shhh, don’t talk right now. Just sleep it off,” Jimmy said in reply. “Also, your wrong. Dubstep totally sucks.” With that, Jimmy sauntered back to his table to claim his prize.
As he approached the table, he noticed that Shinkin and the others were talking. “So, you all used to be full humans?” Shinkin asked. “Yeah, but we don’t like to talk about it,” Gene answered begrudgingly. “That’s understandable,” Shinkin said. “But Shinkin is curious. Your bodies seem incomplete compared to living humans, one arm, one leg, no legs. Is it difficult?” Looking at the enlightened scrap in disgust, Al retorted, “No! You’re way off the mark on this one buddy.” After a few minutes of awkward silence, Lindsey said, “Well, actually, I do miss having legs. I mean, I can move around perfectly fine. It’s just that I use to have such nice legs, long, toned, blemish free.” “Well hooray for you,” Gene said sarcastically. “At least you don’t have to hop just to get around.” “Well what about me?” Al interjected. “At least you guys still have two arms. I was ambidextrous. I use to do paperwork twice as fast as I do now.” Looking around the table, Shinkin said, “Interesting. Does Jimmy know about this?” “Well, no,” Lindsey answered. “But we haven’t really said anything up until now, and besides, it’s not like he’d be able to do anything about. We know that and he knows that, but he’s always trying to make us happy. That’s why we never told him about how we all miss being human. If we did, he’ll just do whatever he can to try and fix something he can’t, and we don’t want him to bear that cross, alright.” Having heard enough, Jimmy finally chimed in, “Is this true?” Turning around, the whole table was shocked to see Jimmy was back. “Hello potential new friend! Have you laid the righteous hurt upon Mac?” Shinkin asked. “Yeah, I did, but I’ll get to that later,” Jimmy said, not caring about the mushroom. “What I want to talk about is what you guys said.” “Eh, what do you mean, Jimmy?” Al asked nervously. Jimmy only shook his head, saying, “You don’t have to pretend. I heard the whole thing. You guys really miss being human?” Lowering her head a bit, Lindsey answered, “Well... yeah, but it’s not like there’s anything any of us can do about it, right?”
“Well, actually, there maybe something you can do about it,” Shinkin interjected. “We enlightened scraps are capable of taking on human form as we please. Perhaps you all can gain enlightenment and join our ranks. That way, you’ll be able to take on human form whenever you wish.” “Wait, seriously?!” Al asked, his interest piqued. “Well this changes everything! I gotta call the others and tell them about this. As the others were cheering excitedly, Jimmy interjected, asking, “Hold up. How do we know this is legit? How do we know this isn’t just some scam to shanghai use into some cult?” “Oh come on Jimmy, don’t be like that,” Lindsey scolded. “Yeah dude, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” Gene added. Jimmy only shook his head and said, “Well it just seems to good to be true, that’s all.” “Well then, what do you suggest?” Al asked. Looking around the table, Jimmy sighed as he answered, “Alright, how about this? I’ll go join these freaks and gain enlightenment. If it is a scam, it’s better if just one of us is conscripted than all of us.” “A wise choice friend,” Shinkin said proudly. “But just remember, once you embark on this pilgrimage, you won’t be able to see your friends again until it’s over. Are you sure you want to take that chance?” Looking towards the others and seeing them nod in agreement, Jimmy answered, “Yes.” “Excellent!” Shinkin shouted as he plucked a mushroom off his body. “Now then, take this Toadstool of Trust and meet Shinkin and Teddi at the Torii Gateway. It’s time to take on Shinkin’s final test.” With that, Shinkin got up and left, leaving Jimmy to spend time with his friends for what maybe the last time.
