A Taste of Dysphoria – Ch.4 – Family
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=:= Amanda =:=

Amanda drifted awake, then immediately frowned. What the heck kind of crazy mixed-up dream was that?! She'd never had anything like it before. It was so detailed and yet so ordinary, but so different. She'd dreamt that she had a twin sister named Sadie, but her dad had died or something when she was five or six. Everything else in the dream was pretty much normal, though.

She shook her head a little, and then picked up her phone to check the time. It was half past nine, Sunday morning.

She grinned. Today was July thirty-first. This Friday she'd be sixteen! She'd already planned it out, the Monday after her birthday she'd get her learners permit, and her parents had promised to get her driving lessons for her birthday. She'll have started lessons by the time school starts, and by October she'll be ready to take her test and get her license!

Amanda finally dragged herself out of bed and went across the hall into the washroom to get freshened up. She could hear mom downstairs in the kitchen. Dad and Jenny were probably both down there too. It was actually a little surprising that nobody had shouted at her yet. Usually mom made a big fancy breakfast on Sunday mornings, and her folks rarely let her sleep in past nine.

After she'd finished in the washroom, she headed back to her bedroom but stopped in the hall. The door to the guest room was closed, and she could hear someone moving around inside. Nobody had said anything yesterday about anyone coming to visit, and there hadn't been anyone there last night when she went to bed.

She remembered her weird dream again and laughed quietly to herself. In the dream that had been Sadie's room.

After a few moments, Amanda decided she'd rather not meet whoever was in there while she was still in her nightgown, so she returned to her own bedroom and started getting dressed. She wasn't going anywhere today, so she just pulled some casual jeans and an old t-shirt over her undies and bra.

When she emerged from her room, the door to the guest room was still closed. Amanda frowned again as she walked past it and headed downstairs. She found her mother and Jenny in the kitchen. There was no sign of dad though.

Jenny was sitting at her usual seat at the table, sipping some orange juice. Oddly, there were only four places set this morning. With a guest, there should have been five.

There was a setting at mom's usual spot, and one infront of Jenny of course, and one for Amanda. The end where dad usually sat was empty, and there was a setting next to Amanda's for whoever was in the guest room. There were fresh glasses of juice at Amanda's seat and at the one next to hers.

Mom was standing at the counter mixing up a batch of pancake batter.

"G'morning mum." Amanda said as she sat down and grabbed her juice. "What's going on? Where's dad, who's in the guest room?"

Mom stopped whisking the batter and set the bowl aside. "Good morning Amanda. Now that you're up, I need to have a talk with the two of you." She picked up her coffee and sat down at the table with Amanda and Jenny.

Her voice sounded serious, and Amanda frowned. "What's wrong? Dad's not sick or something is he? Is that why he's been acting so weird lately?"

Mom sighed, "Your dad's not sick... You remember how aunt Maria helped Jenny at the start of this month?"

Amanda and her sister both nodded. Amanda had been told her aunt used magic, which was nonsense of course. Amanda figured that was just a cute way of saying Jenny got a bit of a make-over and some hair extensions, to make her look more like a girl.

"It turns out, your dad was like Jenny. And after aunt Maria helped Jenny, your dad started wanting his sister to help him too."

Jenny looked surprised but started smiling, "You mean dad wants to be a girl?"

Amanda shook her head, "No way." She knew her dad. He'd never want to be a woman.

Mom sighed but nodded, "Yes Jenny. That's what your dad wanted. And Amanda, I know this will be hard to believe, but it's true."

Amanda just shook her head again, frowning. "I don't believe it. So what, we're going to have two moms or something?"

Jenny asked, "Is aunt Maria gonna come back and change dad?"

"No Amanda, you won't have two moms." Mom replied, then answered Jenny. "Aunt Maria visited late last night, she already did what your dad wanted."

Jenny grinned, "So dad's a girl now too? Cool!"

Amanda was shaking her head more. "No, this is crazy! I don't believe you! Where's dad?!"

Mom sighed and shouted towards the stairs, "Sadie! It's time to come downstairs!"

Amanda felt a chill go through her when hearing that name. She stared at her mother, "Mom? Who is Sadie?"

Mom just sipped her coffee and waited. Amanda could hear someone coming down the stairs. She and Jenny both turned to look, and Amanda felt her stomach go cold.

Standing in the kitchen doorway was Amanda's twin sister. It was almost like looking in a mirror, except where Amanda's hair was blonde this girl's hair was brown, like dad's. And instead of Amanda's hazel eyes, the stranger's eyes were brown, same as dad's. She was wearing a purple sundress, rather than jeans and a t-shirt like Amanda.

The strange girl smiled nervously. "Good morning Amanda, good morning Jenny. From now on, please call me Sadie." Her voice even sounded the same as Amanda's.

Her head was spinning now. This was impossible. That was a dream, it couldn't be real. Amanda didn't have a twin sister, and this couldn't be her dad!

She shook her head "No fucking way!" She got out of her chair and backed away as she stared.

"Amanda, language!" her mom scolded.

Jenny smiled as she stared at the new girl. "Hi Sadie. Are you gonna my sister now?"

"Yes Jenny, if you like." Sadie replied.

Amanda just shook her head, "I can't fucking deal with this!" She dashed out the other door and through the living-room, then ran back up the stairs to her room. She could hear her mom calling as she ran up the stairs, but she ignored her.

As she raced past the guest-room, she saw the door was open. Inside wasn't the guest-room any more, though. It was Sadie's bedroom now, just like in her weird dream.

"Fuck!" Amanda shouted, then ducked into her own room and slammed the door.

Her heart was pounding. It was impossible. She had to be dreaming still. She flopped onto her bed and closed her eyes, trying to force herself to wake up for real. She pinched herself a couple times, but nothing seemed to change.

After a minute or so, there was a light knock at her door, then it opened. Mom came in, and quietly closed the door again behind her.

"Amanda?" She asked softly. "I know you're upset. I know this is a lot to deal with..."

"Mom it's not possible!" Amanda stated. "That girl isn't my dad! That can't happen!"

"Believe me I know how you feel Amanda," mom sighed. "Honey, I'm not going to try and force you to accept things until you're ready. And I'm not going to insist you start calling Sadie your 'sister' or anything like that. And if you want to stay up here instead of joining us for breakfast, that's ok too. We'll save you some pancakes incase you're hungry later."

Amanda just nodded slowly, watching her mom for now.

"I do have one thing I need to warn you about," mom said. "You can't talk to anyone about this. You can't tell any of your friends, or anyone else. The only people you can talk to about this stuff are Jenny and Sadie and myself. And your aunt Maria. But no-one else, ok?"

"How come?" Amanda asked. She frowned and added in a skeptical tone, "Will that trigger some kind of magic curse or something?"

"No Amanda." Mom shook her head. "But people won't believe you, and might start to think you're a little crazy. As far as the rest of the world knows, Sadie has always been here with us."

"Like my dream," Amanda sighed.

Mom looked surprised. "What dream was that?"

Amanda shrugged and said quietly, "Last night I dreamed about all this... I dreamt about Sadie, and that dad was gone... It was just a stupid dream though. It wasn't real..."

Mom was quiet for a few moments. She finally said, "I think we all had that same dream, honey. But what you remember as a dream, the rest of the world thinks is real."

She moved to the door. "You can join us for breakfast when you're ready. Or like I said, we'll save you some pancakes if you don't want to eat till later." Then mom left, closing the door again behind her.

Amanda sighed deeply and stayed where she was, curled up on her bed.

Over the next hour or so, Amanda picked up her phone about a dozen times to text her friends. But every time, she stopped and erased what she'd written instead of hitting Send. If mom was right, her friends all knew about Sadie already and would just think she was losing her mind.

Eventually she opened the photos app and scrolled back through her camera roll. There weren't a ton, but sure enough there were some pictures of Sadie in there. Every time Amanda saw one, memories surfaced of when it was taken.

She scrolled all the way back to last xmas. There wasn't a single picture of dad any more, but Sadie was there. She could still remember though, dad had been there carving the turkey. But now she could also remember mom carving the turkey while she and Sadie were helping with the side dishes and Jenny was setting the table. Although they still thought Jenny still was a boy back then.

Finally she put her phone down and just lay there, staring at the ceiling.

Eventually there was a gentle knock at her door. Amanda ignored it. After a minute or so, there was another light knock.

She sighed. "Come in."

The door opened, and Sadie stepped in. She asked softly, "Hi Amanda... Can I talk with you for a bit?"

Amanda felt herself tense slightly. She hesitated for a few moments, then sighed. "Ok, I guess."

Sadie seemed to relax, as if she'd been holding her breath. "Thanks Amanda."

She closed the door behind her, and moved to sit at the foot of the bed. "I'm sorry that I upset you so much. I really didn't mean for that to happen."

Amanda slowly pulled herself up and sat crosslegged on her bed, staring at the brunette for a minute or two. It was an incredibly strange sensation. The girl's face was identical to her own. She was the same height, her body was the same shape. She really did look like Amanda's twin sister.

Sadie's hair was as long as Amanda's, and it was just as straight as Amanda's was. It was the same shade of brown as dad's hair though. Her eyes were the same shape as Amanda's, but they were the exact same colour as dad's.

After a few minutes of staring, Amanda finally sighed. She asked nervously, "Dad? Is that really you?"

Sadie nodded, "Yes Amanda, it's really me. Though I'm not really 'dad' any more."

"Why are you a girl? How are you a girl? And why do you look like my twin sister?" Her voice was a mix of confusion and uncertainty. She was still having trouble believing any of this was real.

"I'm a girl for the same reason Jenny is. It's how I felt inside. As for why I'm your twin..." Sadie sighed. "It was the only way I could be a girl and still be part of the family. If I'd stayed a grownup, Liz... Your mother wouldn't have been comfortable with that. She'd have insisted I moved out or something. This way, I'm still here with all of you."

Amanda frowned, shaking her head slowly. She then asked, "So... Magic is real? Really real? And that stuff you and mom said, about aunt Maria helping Jenny? That was real too?"

"Yes Amanda," Sadie nodded. "Magic is real, and Maria used magic so Jenny could be a girl on the outside, like she already was on the inside."

"I thought aunt Maria just gave her a make-over or something." Amanda shook her head. "Like, I knew she did something to make Jenny look more like a girl, but I didn't think...like she'd be an actual real girl."

Sadie smiled slightly, "Jenny is completely and truly a girl, inside and out. She's as much a girl as you and I."

Amanda frowned and stared at Sadie. "That's an incredibly weird thing for my dad to say."

A thought crossed her mind and she asked, "So if you're like my twin, and you're really a girl... You know what's gonna happen in about two weeks? Assuming your time of the month is the same as mine."

Sadie's eyes widened slightly, then she blushed. "Yeah... I knew that was gonna happen sooner or later. Thanks for the heads-up on when to expect it."

Amanda suddenly couldn't help herself, as she let out a small giggle. The whole situation had just become completely ridiculous. "Oh my god dad, this is the most fucked up conversation ever! The most fucked up morning ever!"

Sadie grinned, then giggled as well. "Yeah, it is."

Amanda raised an eyebrow. "You're not gonna say anything about me using the f word?"

"Nah," Sadie shrugged. "I'm you sister now, not your dad. It's not my place to tell you about that stuff anymore."

There was a bit of an awkward silence after that, as the two just sat looking at each other for a few minutes. Amanda was still having trouble believing this was real, that this was really happening.

Finally she asked, "So what are you gonna do? I mean, I guess you're not going back to work like that?"

Sadie shook her head, "Nope. In September I'm starting grade eleven, same as you."

"Ok that's gonna be weird." Amanda frowned. "Oh my god are we gonna be like, competing for guys now? I don't think I can handle that. Or even just comparing notes... Ugh!"

The brunette shook her head again and smiled, "No, we're not going to be fighting over boys, Amanda. My gender changed, but not my sexuality. I still like girls."

"Ohhhhh-kay." Amanda frowned a little more. Then she shook her head, "So my dad is now my twin sister, he's gonna be going to high-school with me, and he's a lesbian. This is gonna take a while to get used to."

Sadie shrugged, "We have a whole month to get adjusted to things before school starts." She hesitated, then added, "Amanda, you don't have to accept me as your sister, but I am going to ask that you respect my name and my pronouns, same as you do with Jenny. I'm Sadie, and I'm a girl. My pronouns are she / her. Ok?"

Amanda took a deep breath, then sighed and nodded. "Ok Sadie. I'll try. But I'm still in shock about all this stuff, so it might take a while to sink in."

"I understand, Amanda. Thank you." Sadie smiled slightly, then stood up. "There's still some pancakes downstairs if you want them."

Amanda nodded, "Ok. Thanks dad... I mean, thanks Sadie."

=:= Maria =:=

Maria walked up to the front door of her brother's house and rang the bell. Then she mentally corrected herself. It was Liz's house, she no longer had a brother.

It felt like she'd been here more in the last two months than she had in the previous two years. She was just here six days ago with Nicole, when they'd come to grant her brother's request. This would be her first time seeing Sadie since then.

The door opened after a few moments, and Amanda greeted her. "Hi aunt Maria! Come on in."

Maria smiled, "Hello Amanda, happy birthday!"

"Thanks!" Amanda smiled. "We're almost ready. Just waiting on Sadie again." Her niece rolled her eyes.

Today was the fifth of August, and Maria had come to take the twins out for lunch, to celebrate their birthday. She knew they'd probably have bigger plans for this evening, but she wanted to see them both as well.

As they waited, Maria asked softly "How are you and your sister getting along?"

Amanda shrugged, "Me and Jenny get along fine." There was a long pause, then she added, "I know you meant Sadie, but she's not really my sister. I'm still getting used to that whole thing."

Maria nodded slowly, "I see. I'm sorry if that's a delicate subject for you."

Amanda frowned at her, "Mom and dad... I mean, Sadie told me you're the one who did all that stuff? You're some kind of witch or something?"

Maria felt her cheeks warming a bit, "I'm sorry Amanda, I can't say too much about that. I helped Jenny, but the stuff that was done for Sadie was well beyond anything I could do. A friend...friends helped with that."

Amanda just nodded, and the two of them stood quietly by the door for a few moments.

Finally Sadie came down the stairs. She was smiling as she said, "Sorry I'm late! Hi sis!"

Maria found herself staring. Her brother... Her sister was wearing a short green dress and leggings with a red and black flower pattern. She had some make-up on, and she'd styled her hair to make it a bit wavy. She looked like any happy cheerful sixteen-year-old girl.

Maria snapped out of it after a moment and replied, "Hi Sadie. You're looking good... Happy."

"I am," she beamed. "I haven't been this happy in ages!"

Maria smiled. "Well, before we head out to the restaurant..." She fished a pair of envelopes out of her purse, and handed them to the two girls. "Happy sixteenth birthday, both of you."

As they opened them, Maria apologized "Sadie, I had no idea if I should be addressing you as my niece or my sister, so..." She'd given Amanda a typical 'happy birthday niece' type of card, but Sadie's was just a generic 'happy birthday'.

"That's ok." Sadie shrugged. "There's still a lot of uncertainty over that kind of thing here... Like Liz doesn't want me calling her 'mom' but it's weird if I call her 'Liz'. And she won't refer to me as her 'daughter'. Me and Amanda have some problems with the word 'sister' too. It'll take time." She added with a smile, "Jenny and I are sisters though."

"Thanks very much, aunt Maria." Amanda smiled. Inside the greeting card were a pair of hundred dollar bills.

Sadie grinned, "Thanks sis!" finding the same gift inside her card as well.

Maria smiled, "I figure you'll both have lots to spend it on, getting ready for school in a few weeks. Now, let's get going, it's lunch time."

=:= Elizabeth =:=

"Girls! Get a move on!" Liz shouted at the stairs. She was waiting by the front door, ready to go.

It was the first Tuesday of September. The long weekend was over, and today was first day of school. Liz would be driving them, and then she had to get to the office.

Jenny hurried down the stairs first, in one of her new dresses. She was grinning, excited to get to school. She was starting grade eight today and she was looking forward to her first day at school as herself.

Liz had taken her in last week to get the school's records updated, and she'd spoken with the principal and teachers. At this point she was more worried about the other students.

"Jenny, you have your phone right?" Liz asked. "If anyone bothers you, or tries to make you feel bad, or teases you, or anything like that, you call me at once. Ok?"

Jenny nodded, "I know mom. You already said all that stuff like ten times."

Liz then shouted at the stairs again, "Lets go! We're going to be late!"

Finally the twins came down from their rooms. They both turned sixteen last month, and were starting grade eleven today.

Amanda was wearing skinny jeans and a t-shirt, Sadie was in a knee-length skirt and a pretty top. Both girls were wearing sneakers, and they both had some subtle make-up on.

Sadie apologized, "Sorry for taking so long."

Amanda smirked, "Dad was trying to steal one of my skirts."

"I was just gonna borrow it," Sadie protested. "And you never wear it anyways!"

"Sadie, stay out of Amanda's things." Liz stated, then she gave the other teen a hard look. "And Amanda, you know better!"

"I know mom." Amanda rolled her eyes. "I won't say stuff like that when we're out."

Liz was still giving her the look, "See that you don't."

This past summer had been... Well there really wasn't anything to compare it to. Her little boy had turned out to be a trans girl, and her husband... Liz still didn't know how to describe that situation. No-one outside her home knew the truth of what had happened to David. No-one except her sister-in-law and a gothy young witch.

With the help of their Goddess, they'd changed literally everything. The rest of the world believed that Liz had always had three children, and that she'd lost her husband several years ago. Where Jenny's records had to be manually updated at her school, the high-school already had all the information on file for Sadie.

Within her own family, Jenny just accepted it without question. Of course she knew what it was like to want to be a girl, and the fact that her dad had become her older sister didn't seem to bother her in the slightest.

Amanda took longer to get used to the situation. She hadn't had a problem with her little brother turning out to be her little sister. But having her father suddenly looking and acting like her twin sister had been harder for her to accept. She seemed to be handling it ok now, thankfully. Although she still teased Sadie about it now and then.

As for herself, Liz was a bit surprised at how quickly she'd adapted. She'd expected to be lonely, to miss her husband. Instead, she had three girls to keep her busy at home. And she'd returned to her career in real estate. It was work that she found engaging and fun, and she was good enough at it to be fairly successful.

With everyone finally ready, the four of them piled into the mini-van. Liz started the car, and they all set out together, the start of a new year for all four of them.

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