- Shari -
"Uwaahh!" (Shari)
I raise my body out of my tub and look around me.
First I have to deal with my blue vision which sometimes gets like this after a total disconnect.
It might be that my mind has first to filter out the coloring of my body before it can establish a proper sense of vision.
Also, I chew sometimes with my mouth which feels stuffed with mass before realizing why this is so and that spitting it out is not the way to deal with this.
I've had enough moments like these where I tried exactly that only for it to land straight back in my body.
Which is a troubling experience.
The room is as it was before, but I notice some flesh on the table.
Not like I spent any energy since my last meal, but that's nothing they need to know.
How did the count put it?
Information is key.
I get dressed, store a dagger in each arm before putting the gloves on, and fasten the provided sword on the uniform.
Interestingly the last part is the most difficult one since the weight disturbs the balance of how I let my clothes stick to me.
Liqu doesn't even bother with weapons.
Or clothes.
The latter I force her to wear, so we can make a good impression on others.
Since no one woke me up yesterday I guess today we will get the details of our mission.
I head out and at the exit, one of the guards speaks to me.
"Captain Peras wants to see you." (guard)
I notice a slight trembling in his voice, but overall it seems to be steadier than it was before.
"Thank you for informing me." (Shari)
I say so with a smile.
He was probably ordered and like this forced to, but a friendly response can only work out in my favor.
I walk over to Peras' office in the building next to the mansion.
I still don't know why the soldier's administration is separated like this from whatever the count does in his office.
Maybe it's just to keep the sweating soldiers out before the stench gets inside.
Fortunately, this doesn't include me.
I don't smell at all.
Now at a closer look, I find that this place is a fortress.
Not only because of the iron fence that was built around it, but the windows are all on the second story or higher and I noticed the walls are stupidly thick while I was entering.
Naturally, I get still uneasy looks while passing.
Yet something is different this time.
There's still fear, but also... embarrassment?
That could be.
Yesterday, I not only grappled with many of them on the ground but also left a large part of my body liquid on each of them.
Urgh, I hope no one's going to describe this in a way that someone could get the wrong idea.
Avoiding eye contact with the people, I quickly head to Peras' office.
Is Peras his personal name?
Usually, the kind of position he has would be given to a lesser noble.
So it could be that this is his family name.
This one should be the one officially used.
Yet I don't know for sure.
Never mind.
"Splotsh"
"Splotsh"
Sigh!
Forgot about the knocking problem.
"Enter." (Peras)
Seems he still heard it.
There is Peras again with his usual sour look.
Yet something isn't quite right here.
He looks tense.
"Ehm, is something wrong?" (Shari)
"Are you really asking this? You broke four of my ribs yesterday! One of them was dangerously close to piercing my lungs. You may not know this since you don't have to deal with something as mundane as 'bones' that may break, but healing magic can only mend them, not readjust their position. They had to be set by hand. One after the other. My chest still hurts like hell." (Peras)
Something tells me I should've avoided this topic.
"I'm sorry about that." (Shari)
"Tsk. Not my first injury and definitely not my last. I have no idea what you did there, but from now on try to hold back during spars." (Peras)
I really shouldn't tell him that this technique was still completely experimental.
"I've heard something about a mission?" (Shari)
"Yes, sure. Don't worry. It's simple. Just an ordinary subjugation. Your team alone should be enough for that." (Peras)
"What exactly is it about?" (Shari)
"Something big managed to slip past our watch and now threatens the area south-east of the capital." (Peras)
"Something big isn't too precise, captain." (Shari)
"Finding out what it exactly is is part of your job. All we know is that it's dwelling in this area. Do you know what lies there?"(Peras)
I know what he could mean from my map.
"There should be a lake." (Shari)
"Tsk. Lake is good. It may be called Velja Lake but it's a fucking swamp! As dirty and murky as it could be since the capital's drainage leads just there. The area might prove difficult even or especially for you." (Peras)
"I still don't know what I should be looking for. Would you have any idea, captain?" (Shari)
"As I said, this should be part of your duty as well. The testimonies we've got are at best crude. The few who survived the attacks spoke of large claws, shining skin, and a giant maw. Yet given the description and the area... It could be a Leviath." (Peras)
"A Leviath?" (Shari)
"Not much is known about them. It's said they originally come from the south, yet that doesn’t really say much given that most monsters come from the Evergrove." (Peras)
"You have a name so some kind of information must exist, right?" (Shari)
"I know they're aquatic, as you might have guessed from where it’s hiding out. However, this is just a wild guess. I have no idea how such an exotic thing would have got there. But I don't know of any other monster of this size that is attracted to water. The usual creatures of the land wouldn't claim this place as their territory." (Peras)
"So we shall now randomly search the waters and hope to find it?" (Shari)
"Mind your rank, officer. Disrespect won't be tolerated. Regarding your mission. The creature is very active and claims much prey. It should be possible to locate it. Just follow the blood trail. The attacks are concentrated on the road between the capital and Ekoras so you should search on the western side. Recent attacks were seven miles to the north. This is where you should start. Your second in command, Jaren, requested the reports. For details, you should ask him. You will depart tomorrow morning, so prepare yourself. I would recommend that you consult your team." (Peras)
"Yes, sure. Anything else I should know before heading out?" (Shari)
"Since you will likely have to traverse the area around the Velja Lake I will be sending someone else with you." (Peras)
"Someone else?" (Shari)
"Yes. To be precise, a water mage. His name is Niboku. You will find his abilities... useful for this kind of venture." (Peras)
Niboku, this name brings up questions.
And I mean the name itself brings up questions since it’s very unusual.
First, it is too long.
In Rakis, and as far I know most of the closer countries, the custom is to use short names.
Mum once told me when I asked for the reason, that it's easier to shout a short name when a monster attacks rather than a name with multiple syllables.
Yet because of this reason the further you get to the safe north the longer the names get.
In general, you can make a fairly accurate guess on how safe someone was growing up based on their name.
For example, Elara should come from a somewhat good house.
However, Niboku is still on the uncommon side.
The other issue is that just from the sound of it; the name has a weird flow I cannot really relate to.
"Is there anything I should know about this person?" (Shari)
"Only that he's a water mage. The main issue is that you will need someone who keeps the equipment dry. The risk of illness due to wet clothing cannot be taken lightly. Aside from this, he is a regular member on any kind of longer excursion. His ability to provide clean water is invaluable for those. Anything else?" (Peras)
I perk up at this comment, suddenly being much more interested.
Yet Peras seems to be bothered by our presence, so I should keep it short.
"No, sir! We will do our best!" (Shari)
I turn around, make sure Liqu follows, and start to leave the room.
"And officer..." (Peras)
"Yes, captain?" (Shari)
"You gave a good fight back then." (Peras)
I stare for a moment in disbelief and have to use my hand to keep my mouth from leaking any slime while it hangs open.
"You're dismissed." (Peras)
Questioning my common sense, I leave.
Grudging respect is a very good start.
Thanks for the chapter and happy holidays!
body before it can establish a proper vision. > establish proper
I had enough moments like these where I tried exactly this only for it to land straight back in my body. -> I’ve had ….tried exactly that only
was before but I notice some flesh on the table. -> before,
spent any energy since my last meal but that's nothing they need to know. -> meal,
How said the count? -> maybe “How did the count put it?” Or “What did the count say?” ?
store my two daggers in each arm before putting the gloves -> (a bit unclear, is she storing two daggers in each arm or one per arm?) maybe “store a dagger in each arm”?
and fasten the provided sword at the uniform. -> sword on the
I head out and at the exit, one of the guards speaks to me. -> remove comma
trembling in his voice but overall it seems to get better. -> maybe “voice, but overall it seems to be steadier than it was before/yesterday”?
He was probably ordered and like this forced to do so.
Yet giving a friendly response can just be advantageous. -> maybe “probably ordered to do this and so is forced to, but being friendly can still work to my advantage.” ?
Not only because of the iron fence that was built around it.
Also, the windows are all just up to the second story and while entering I notice that the walls are stupidly thick. -> maybe “it, but the windows are all on the second story or higher and I noticed the walls are stupidly/incredibly thick while I was entering.” ? (I’m guessing on that second story window thing-meaning there are no windows on the ground floor?)
There's still fear but also... embarrassment? -> fear,
grappled with many of them on the ground but also left a large part of my body liquid on each of them. -> ground,
Is Peras his main name? -> first name? (?-not sure if you’re asking if it’s his first name or last name, or how Shari would phrase it since she seems to only have one name)
Enter" (Peras) -> Enter.”
know this, having not to deal with something as mundane as "bones" but healing -> this, not having to deal with something as mundane as having a skeleton, but
They had to be placed by hand. -> be moved back to their proper positions by hand.
idea what you did there but try from now on to hold back during sparrings." -> there, but from now on try to hold back whiling sparring.” (Or “during spars.”)
"That's part of your job. -> Learning more about it is part of your job. (Or-“Scouting it out is part”)
It may be called Velija lake but it's a f*cking swamp! -> Lake, (capitalized since it’s part of the name for a place)
originally come from the south yet this isn't saying too much -> south, yet that doesn’t really say much
I know they're aquatic, as you might have gauged from its habitat. However, this is just a wild guess. -> I suspect they’re likely aquatic, as you might have guessed from where it’s hiding out, but that’s just me guessing.
Yet on the other side, I know no other monster that is attracted to water of this size. -> maybe “We are just guessing at what it could be, but I don’t know of anything else that size that would be attracted to water like this thing is.” ?
It should be possible to locate it. Just follow the blood trail. -> it by following the
traverse the area around the Velija lake I will send one more with you." (Peras) -> Lake I will be sending another person with you.
"Another person?" (Shari) -> Someone else? (To avoid repetition from suggested change above, optional)
And I mean the name as it is simply unusual.-> maybe “And I mean the name itself brings up questions since it’s very unusual.” ?
In Rakis and as far I know most of the closer countries, the custom -> Rakis,
to shout a short name when a monster attacks, than a name with multiple syllables. -> attacks rather than
In general, one can see through the name how safe someone grew up. -> general you can make a fairly accurate guess on how safe someone was growing up based on their name.
from the sound of it, the name has a weird flow I cannot -> it;
Is there something I should know about this person? -> there anything I
Illness due to wet clothes cannot be taken lightly. -> Risk of illness due to wet clothing
His ability to provide clean water is unmeasurable for those. -> is invaluable for
stare for a moment in disbelieve and have to prevent with my hand that slime drips out of my mouth. -> in disbelief and have to use my hand to keep my mouth from leaking any slime while it hangs open.
Merry Christmas! What do you mean I’m 4 months late? You’re simply too early and there’s no way the 10+ chapters to binge read are from 4 months of waiting. No sir, no way at all.
“Fortunately, this doesn't include me.
I don't smell at all.”
Or so you think. Not like you have a nose or olfactory glands to be able to detect scents anyways
“Yesterday, I not only grappled with many of them on the ground but also left a large part of my body liquid on each of them.
Urgh, I hope no one's going to describe this in a way that someone could get the wrong idea.”
“And then Shari played a whole bunch with lots of men and women, (sometimes multiple people at once!), leaving them all gasping for breath, sore, and often twitching on the ground, and she left tons of her fluids on them all. She made a huge mess! Some of them even came back for a second or third round since they weren’t satisfied with the first.”
“Liqu!!!!”
"So we shall now randomly search the waters and hope to find it?" (Shari)
"Mind your rank, officer. Disrespect won't be tolerated.”
I’m going to side with Shari here-she may or may not be sassing you, but that is also legitimate questioning of what you’re even wanting her to do. “Go find this thing, we have no idea what it is, and only a guess at where it is, but go find it.” Not exactly a great debriefing for a mission, especially one where it’s you wanting her to hunt and slay the thing
“Questioning my common sense, I leave.”
Come on Shari, you know common sense fled the country the second you ran into Liqu
Nice to see you again, I'll eagerly await your comments on the other chapters.
Also, naturally greatest thanks for all the help. If you're interested (though, this is absolutely no request) on Royalroad, where the story is as well exists a function where you can send edits to the comment box while reading, by marking the passage. Maybe it helps.
store my two daggers in each arm before putting the gloves - By saying "my two" I wanted to concentrate on the object of the two daggers, because those are special for her. You know, the one she specifically bought totally overpriced at the blacksmith and which is her main weapon, and the other which was a present of Liqu.
probably ordered to do this and so is forced to, but being friendly can still work to my advantage. - I'd like a version, where it's more absolute. Shari thinks that if anything the outcome will be positive but at least not negative so it's only right to be friendly. Also, can the to before the comma really stand alone? - How's this "He was probably ordered and like this forced to, but a friendly response can only work out in my favor."
it, but the windows are all on the second story or higher and I noticed the walls are stupidly/incredibly thick while I was entering. - Yes, the thing is thought to be a fortress. If for example, a giant monster the guards can't take out like this attacks, it can keep everyone safe. So there are no windows/weakpoints on the ground and nothing burnable close to the entrance.
not sure if you’re asking if it’s his first name or last name, or how Shari would phrase it since she seems to only have one name - The thing was, I'm not sure if Shari can do so much with the concept of a first name. The thing is, in Rakis only nobles have a family name, while commoners always only one. So she said main, as it's usually all she works with. But maybe first is better?
Enter.” - Would you in such situations, when it's not loud, but still ordered use a "!"?
this, not having to deal with something as mundane as having a skeleton, but - I'd like to stick with bones, as the other is too medical. Also, Peras is referring to his broken bones. - How's this? "not having to deal with something as mundane as "bones" which may break"
"That's part of your job. -> Learning more about it is part of your job. - "Finding out what it exactly is is part of your job."
I suspect they’re likely aquatic, as you might have guessed from where it’s hiding out, but that’s just me guessing. - The wild guess was that it's a leviath, not that it's aquatic. He only goes by the testimonies without being certain. Leviaths are known creatures and it's safe they're living in the water but it's still far beyond unusual for one to appear.
Yet on the other side, I know no other monster that is attracted to water of this size. - How's this? But I don't know of any other monster of this size that is attracted to water. - like this thing is feels slightly redundant.
It should be possible to locate it. Just follow the blood trail. - Sorry, I like this version better. Peras is supposed to sound cynical here.
Someone else? (To avoid repetition from suggested change above, optional) - I think in such cases repetition is recommended. Shari refers to the just heard. "(What do you mean with) Someone else?"
general you can make a fairly accurate guess on how safe someone was growing up based on their name. - Grammarly wants a comma after general...
it; - I'll be honest. I have no idea how to use that symbol.
And while she's dissolving there's a strong chlorine smell. Though usually slimes have no scent. And she knows this after she ate a ton of it. (If not completely voluntary)
No, no. Each one just went once dirty with her. Who says Shari isn't able to mess someone completely up in the first round?
Yes, Peras is a bit hard here, but at least there are some more measures to detect the monster in place. Let's say the mage can more than provide cool drinks.
And common sense was never seen again. Though in a world where girls get transformed into super monsters left and right there was never too much of it in the first place.
@expentio I don't think I actually have an account on RR, only occasionally stopping there to check a story that posts on both SH and RR, but I mainly stick to SH.
maybe "my favorite/favored daggers, one in each arm, before" ?
out in my favor-that works fine.
First/last name-Well, Shari is at least aware of the existence of nobles and family names, right? Royal line name and high nobility at least. So even if it's a vague/distant concept for her, she probably at least knows that first and last/surnames exists (though she might not know the word 'surname')
Enter-probably use a period if it's a stern/flat command. If Peras was screaming at Shari to get her ass inside, then it'd be an exclamation mark, but this just seems like a neutral/flat call for Shari to enter.
ah, ok-So maybe "We know it's an aquatic monster, but I'm just taking a wild guess that it might be a leviath." ?
other side-That suggestion had been based on me thinking he wasn't even sure the creature was aquatic. That version sounds fine.
General comma-sure, that should be fine. I think it's optional, but it isn't that big a deal if it's added or not.
Semicolons-you aren't alone in that feeling. Lots of people have no idea how to use it, and even I personally usually try to avoid it to avoid confusion, but sometimes it's needed to indicate something like two connected sentences that need a bigger pause than just a comma. Something like "We can go to the museum to do some research; Mondays are pretty quiet there." (yoinked from grammerly)
https://www.grammarly.com/blog/semicolon/
Common sense was happy to retire somewhere in the tropical islands. It sometimes sends Shari postcards to show her what she's missing
@FallingLeaf
maybe "my favorite/favored daggers, one in each arm, before" ? - Rather not. Guess I'll stick with your previous idea. It's just that those aren't two random daggers, but the specific ones Shari owns.
First/last name - I hope that's a solution: What about "personal name". The thing is, I'm trying to apply the language of Rakis here. The same as a peasant wouldn't know the word "chemical", I feel "first name" doesn't work, as it's not commonly used, since not existing in Shari's social sphere. Nobles are a small fraction, so they're more of a exception, than the rule for speech.
I hope common sense won't mention me in those letters.
@expentio
maybe "my daggers, one in each arm, before" ? That still gets in that they're specifically her daggers without calling them her favored daggers (even though they are)
Shari and first/last names-She has hung around Anvenia for a bit now, and she interacted with both the noble kid she rescued and a few other nobles, so she's probably at least heard of the terms for first name and last name before, even if she doesn't have much experience or care for it. I think there was at least one instance where someone introduced a noble with "My/their family name is ___"
Oh, you're hoping for too much. Common sense always mentions you fondly and of the crazy things you talk about having Shari and Liqu do