People ask me: Feliks, what was the turning point that led you on the road to world domination? 

I ask them a question back. Is a man born evil? Can a man be born with dreams of world domination, spun into his heart like an insidious web?

The answer, and I’ve learned from experience, is yes. 

That wasn’t me. But if you want to conquer the world, you have to act the part. You have to be born the meanest, nastiest son of a bitch, to maintain your rap.

I lived a happy, humble life as a servant to my liege. I was a nameless bastard from a forgotten family. Unlike the people I saw on the street, I was fed, and warm at nights when the wind howled and the rain beat the streets into mud. Back then I was just a babe, suckling on the teet of my noble abusers.

I was born weak, protected by the illusions of walls and houses. Fed and cared for. Sheltered, even.

I digress; the question is what led me to world domination as a career choice? Well, it's simple. I fucked up. Bad. You see, I thought offering a bunch of noble cunts immortality and power beyond their wildest dreams would be extremely enticing. Turns out I was wrong. Something about the “moral prerogative” to fend off the “undead menace” or some bullshit like that. 

There I was, at the Bloody Banquet. Nowadays, it's considered a masterpiece of political intrigue. Lining up all of the nobles around me without giving them any suspicion. Toppling the power structure of a fief in a matter of seconds. Seizing control of a territory. 

Let me tell you, it was a mess. 10 out of the 12 nobles I gathered there turned down immortality. Sure, maybe it would have made them allergic to silver blades, but it's not like regular metal wouldn’t work fine before! And sunlight, who needs it? Bah!

So, like any teenager(though I would be 20 the next year), I freaked out. They stood up, started shouting about killing me, and one even shouted for the guards. The guards that were all already thralls to me, of course, but they didn’t know that. In my first great act of evil, I had my thralls snap all of their necks.

Toppling a power structure? Are you kidding me? Creating a power vacuum is what I did. Do you know how much correspondence each of those nobles was responsible for? The tax collection, management of agriculture, the cities waste structure, levying the peasants, charity programs for the poor… the lesson to be learned here is that if you’re going to carve a hole out of a political structure, be ready to fill it back in! 

You need some of your best men, lined up and ready to go. It was a lesson that had been well ingrained in me by the time I took my second city.

Or I guess, in my case, you need some bad men. Some of your worst men. Men like the last two living, named nobles in the room. Okay, your worst man and woman.

You’re probably wondering right now, what the hell does this tangent have to do with the path for domination? I might not have been planning to kill them, but I was well on my way to dominating at least a city, right? Well, sorta. It turns out one of the bastards I killed was actually a neighboring nobles son. 

Turns out people don’t take too kindly to you murdering their children, even if it was in righteous self defence.