The beast’s manner made Snooze’s blood boil. 

 

But, seeing as Xolt had some sort of Banishment Immunity, the god had to be very careful. There was nothing worse than someone you couldn’t eject from somewhere--like the mouthy nightclub owner’s son who is inexplicably allowed to DJ on Friday nights, although at a certain point, what he’s playing are just noises, and the dancing stopped long ago.

 

Snooze wasn’t sure what she could do, but she knew she’d have to do something. 

 

“Now,” Xolt said, the broad smile becoming a crooked grin as the creature dropped into the informational mode of speaking Snooze knew was unfortunately forthcoming. “This is quite a unique circumstance, Snooze, and I will let you know that your bargaining position is actually worse than it was when we last spoke. But, such is the nature of negotiations.”

 

“I don’t think--”

 

“I don’t think you should be interrupting me, Snooze,” Xolt said, still in a congenial manner, but firm. “Allow me to speak as I will because I assure you… it’s quite important. Afterward, you may have your response.”

 

Snooze scowled.

 

This dog is so dismissive. I should tie its tail in a knot.

 

“As I was saying,” Xolt continued. “You have fewer chips in your corner than before, but you are not without any chips, and I will default to letting you know in good faith and earnestness that you are not without your sliver of rebuttal in this. However, it seems as though, considering the circumstances, you will likely be in a very generous spirit when I offer what exists on our behalf.”

 

Snooze snorted in disbelief but allowed the other god to go on.

 

“Yes, well,” Xolt said. “Obviously, this current dire stretch of bad luck in the immediate vicinity does not go without notice, and it would do none of us any favors to allow it to continue as it is—a bad bit of burning and such innumerable consequential issues that would follow. No, better to root it out right away and get back to business. So…”

 

Xolt shifted the weight from one pair of legs to the other and looked from its companion to the right and then to the left before looking back at Snooze.

 

“We are willing to offer you Rank.”

 

There was a long silence. Snooze wasn’t sure if it was now the time to speak but waited for just a little more until she was sure Xolt was finished. The other god definitely seemed to be and must have assumed that the words would be very persuasive. However, there was a bit of an oversight: Snooze was ignorant.

 

That is not to say that Snooze was without her own intellect or cognitive abilities. Clearly, that was not the case. However, perhaps one of her greatest strengths in her interaction with Xolt was that the other god made blissfully vast miscalculations in the level of Snooze’s understanding of the Celestial World and its principles.

 

“Uh…” Snooze said, staring blankly at Xolt and the others. “What’s Rank?”

 

Xolt seemed perturbed by this.

 

“What is... Rank…?” He asked aloud as if he couldn’t believe that she would have no concept of the stuff. 

 

“Yeah,” she confirmed. “What is Rank? Are you going to make me a thirty-third-degree purple belt, or something?”

 

“Eh… not quite.”

 

“Then... what?”

 

Xolt bit their lip and frowned.

 

“My, this is indeed perplexing,” Xolt said, and a greedy look then washed over its face. “Well, I suppose if you don’t understand the importance of Rank…”

 

“Listen,” Snooze interrupted. “Just tell me what it is, and I can decide if it’s preferable to being burned alive.”

 

“That is quite an interesting position to take,” Xolt said.

 

“Yeah, well, you said that I was in a worse position than before, so maybe this is the only one I’ve got available to me.”

 

Snooze doubted very seriously that the dog god would allow this place to default to being repossessed by immolation, but she was convinced that making it think she was okay with it would be a better stance for argument’s sake.

 

“Rank is what those of us in the--”

 

“Just kidding,” Snooze interrupted. “I don’t care what it is. Pack your crap and get out of here.”

 

Continue down this route… her internal monologue seemed to suggest.

 

Xolt trembled suddenly with apparent rage and looked back and forth from the two companions on either side of them. 

 

The languid one on the left shrugged, and the blobby, singular-eyed creature on the right made no indication it was even fully functional or aware. It just stared straight ahead at Snooze, unblinking and unwavering.

 

Super creepy, Snooze thought to herself. What sort of beasts are these? Are they Celestial Executives, here to draw up the paperwork? As she stared back into the odd cycloptic creature's eye, she thought that perhaps she could see the resemblance between it and an old-world attorney. It definitely had the vacant, disinterested gape of one of those litigious vultures, though it still did nothing to settle the quiet unnerve the beast's gaze gave her. Maybe she wasn’t far off on calling them lawyers before? 

 

However, she was wrong.

 

Xolt looked back at Snooze now, seemingly unnerved as well. The dog took a tentative step forward, and suddenly, Snooze realized that there was something in its mouth. A rolled-up parchment. 

 

Snooze almost chuckled.

 

Though she knew the nature of the god was entirely… unwholesome and annoying, the dog in the hat did look incredibly adorable at the moment, carrying the object toward her like a classic version of the domesticated pet bringing the morning paper to their master. To be fair, she had never seen that in person, and only in cartoons and mid-20th-century, black-and-white television programs, but the effect remained the same. 

 

Xolt moved through the frozen flames of the terrain, not bothered in the slightest by their existence--lo, it seemed mostly unaffected as the tongues of fire did not give off any heat. It was as if their very chemical nature was also halted in time by the same magic that had stopped the rest of Snooze’s world. 

 

Xolt paused just shy of two feet from her and dropped the roll of paper onto the hard earth. Then the god backed up slowly, keeping its eyes locked on Snooze as it stepped in reverse through the strange menagerie of unmoving combustion.

 

“What’s this?” Snooze asked, eyeing it suspiciously.

 

“It is a gift,” Xolt said. “Part of the deal.”

 

“Ah, but I don’t want a gift,” Snooze said, her tone lackadaisical. “I want you to leave. I’m not sure why you won’t.”

 

“It is the nature of my station, Snooze,” Xolt explained with a sigh. “In my… line of work, should we call it, I am required to deal, on occasion, with those Celestials who would rather not comply with specific demands, for a variety of reasons. But most often it is because they are of ill-inclination, and if they were to be able to pop me away in my pursuit, well… that just wouldn’t do, don’t you think?”

 

“Are you talking about… rogue gods?”

 

“Rogue gods...” Xolt said as if rolling the term in its mouth. “I quite like that. Yes, let’s call them rogue gods. I deal with those sorts of creatures… not infrequently. So, I take it you understand now?”

 

Snooze stared at Xolt for a moment longer, then glanced at the two companions the god had brought along. They were both silent but watching. She didn’t like it. Then, sighing, Snooze bent to pick up the parchment.

 

DON’T TOUCH IT! Her inner monologue suddenly exclaimed, and it felt like a very sudden and severe migraine lancing through her mind causing a frightful bit of pain. Snooze froze, her hand hovering mere inches from the roll of paper, and then withdrew her hand.

 

What was that? She’d thought that her own thoughts had been bubbling over all this time, but now, she considered that perhaps, when she thought about the nature of the inner monologue prodding her in specific directions if it could be possible something else was residing in her own mind.

 

What is going on? She asked… herself. Is someone else in here?

 

“Why Snooze,” Xolt said, looking nervous. “I am perplexed as to why you are stalling on this. I promise you, the gift I give will make everything... make sense.”

 

Snooze scowled at Xolt. Then she stood upright, slowly, leveling her gaze to the dog god’s two companions.

 

“So, who are your cronies?” she asked, changing the subject.

 

Xolt shrugged--which was quite the strange thing for a dog in a hat to accomplish, and motioned to the two companions.

 

“Just associates, I assure you, they have noth--”

 

“Can it, doggo,” Snooze interrupted again. “Tell me who these two are, and what this is about, or this is the last conversation we have.” 

 

The little god knew she was punching above her weight, but it seemed to be the only thing that could throw Xolt’s game off, a strategy she needed to employ as much as possible. She had learned last time that the dog seemed perfectly within its element as long as it could stick to the script. But ole Snoozey, she shot from the hip.

 

Xolt was silent for another moment, chaos brewing behind those puppy-dog eyes, before sighing and turning to the feminine-seeming creature to their right, Snooze’s left.

 

“This is Carpathigineotera Bopraianaak, Number Two-Three-Five-Seven-One-Three of the Endless Void of Continuum and last surviving sibling,” Xolt explained, the convoluted name of the creature flowing effortlessly out of its lips. Then Xolt turned to the undulating cyclops blob.

 

“This is Keith.”

 

The tall wraith called Carpathigineotera Bopraianaak, Number Two-Three-Five-Seven-One-Three of the Endless Void of Continuum--otherwise simply called “Carpathigineotera Bopraianaak,” by friends, loved ones and seven-hundred-million snuffed-out lifeforms on a distant planet known as “Proxika”-- nodded just slightly to Snooze. 

 

Keith just kept staring.

 

“Uh, okay,” Snooze said, shaking her head. “That’s wonderful and all, but who are they, and why are they here? I assume it has something to do with my planet, your weird designs toward it, and this parchment? Otherwise, your gleesome threesome wouldn’t be standing here, creepily and awkwardly ruining my otherwise very eventful afternoon.”

 

Xolt nodded as if this was all going according to plan, and chuckled.

 

“Yes, yes, I forget how perceptive and… inquisitive you are. Your file has been rife with comments as to that nature of your personality…”

 

Snooze knew the dog god was hoping to derail her with the “file” nonsense it had mentioned, but, even if she had been tempted, the voice in her mind, her inner-monologue, warned against it.

 

Don’t take the bait.

 

“Xolt...” Snooze said softly.

 

The dog looked perplexed, foiled again, it appeared, though it quickly rebounded and smiled its dogged smile.

 

“These two are my associates, as I mentioned,” the god began. “However, yes, if you’ve got me over a grintet, I will admit that they are here for the express circumstance that involves the business between you and me.”

 

“...and that is?”

 

“How upset would you be if I said ‘terms,’ again?”

 

“Excruciatingly.”

 

“Ah, well, very well then. I suppose it is only fair to explain to you the nature of our bargain.”

 

Snooze sighed loudly.

 

“That’s all I’ve been attempting to get you to explain,” she said. “But you have an obstinate way about you and are constantly dodging the actual point. It’s quite a frustrating tactic.”

 

“It is the nature of the business, Snooze,” Xolt said. “I am not sure you understand how--”

 

“Oh, I understand business just fine,” Snooze interrupted once more. “This isn’t business, though. This is a racket. You’re trying to strong-arm me like some sort of organized crime syndicate shaking down a shopkeeper on your block, and that’s not what this is. Leading the conversation as you have been is a brilliant strategy for sales, but this isn’t sales as far as I’m concerned. It’s you bribing me, or trying to in any case.”

 

Snooze shook her head and closed her eyes.

 

“...and while I may be extremely ignorant to the nature of gods, their rules and laws--through no fault of my own I will stress… I don’t think bribery is at the top of the “cool-things-to-do” pyramid of interactions.”

 

Xolt was quiet for a moment, looking down.

 

“Very well…”

 

Then, a look of tremendous, nefarious ire washed over the dog’s face, and when Xolt looked back up, its eyes were full of anger and malice.

 

“I suppose if we can’t come to an agreement, we will just have to move on to Plan B.”

 

Snooze scowled.

 

“I’m not pregnant, dummy.”

 

“Eh, what…?” Xolt asked, thoroughly confused. But a strange, green light began to build around the creature. It was, for lack of any other description, very unchill-looking energy.

 

“Do your worst, dog,” Snooze said suddenly, bringing her hands up defensively, both glowing. Her right hand sparkled with green energy, Plantlife, while her left was emanating with Water's crystalline blue magic.

 

“Oh, I very much plan to,” Xolt said, and Snooze watched as it began to grow.

 

Its body doubled in size almost immediately, and the dog’s two companions stayed in place, just watching the interaction with something near to disinterest. Snooze’s breath caught in her throat as she watched Xolt continue with its size modification, becomes three, then four, then ten times the size it originally was. When it was done, Xolt was nearly thirty feet tall and twice as wide. The little god gulped and then lowered her brows in concentration.

 

Whatever happens, I’ve got to bust this lousy dog up.

 

You won’t have to do that, came the response from her inner-monologue.

 

What?

 

At that moment, there was a soft rustle to the right of Snooze, and she watched as Xolt suddenly snapped its massive head toward it.

 

“I see…” said an oddly fuzzy voice. 

 

Snooze also looked toward the sound and saw some sort of mummy walking toward the group. It was a bipedal individual, wholly bound in wraps that looked as though they were scarves or sashes. They were definitely cloth, and though the individual was moving their way very intentionally, Snooze could not understand how, as the creature’s entire head--face included-- was utterly obscured by the covering. It moved strangely, almost in a light, stalking way, and Snooze couldn’t quite understand why, but she felt that there was something familiar about this odd creature.

 

“What is this?!” Xolt demanded, its voice suddenly very deep and rough. Growing up fast will do that to you. Snooze recalled her childhood when the next-door neighbor boy grew several inches over the summer, and his voice had done the same thing.

 

Ah, puberty.

 

“Xolt,” the approaching figure said, its tone sounding covered in feedback buzzing, but retained a very flat quality. “Level Eighteen, god. Rank: Yellow. Status: Administrator of Geist Quadrant, Younger Cluster. Archangels: five. Followers: three-thousand, two-hundred, and forty-four. God path: Ambitious.”

 

“What?!” Xolt demanded, clearly not used to being put on blast in such a way. “Is this some sort of prank?”

 

But the figure didn’t respond. Instead, it continued moving forward and turned its head ever so slightly to the cycloptic blob.

 

“Keith. Level fifteen, god. Rank: none. Status: Active. Archangels: two. Followers: eight-hundred-thirty. God path: Melancholy.”

 

Keith slowly moved its blobular feet, inching to face the stranger's direction, as it appeared it was unable to turn anything but its whole being to look at something. 

 

The stranger looked at the third in the group with the long braid.

 

“Carpathigineotera Bopraianaak, Number Two-Three-Five-Seven-One-Three of the Endless Void of Continuum. Level: unknown. Rank: none. Status: Criminal. Archangels: none. Followers: none. God path: none.”

 

The braided figure gave the first indication that it actually was aware of the goings-on around it and suddenly snarled, baring a fiendishly large mouth full of razor-sharp teeth at the newcomer. Snooze was taken aback. 

 

They are so much higher level than me, which doesn’t surprise me, but this means it will be a lot harder to counter them than I thought… and what of this new guy? Who is he, and how does he know this information. But more importantly, why is the stranger here, and are they a friend?

 

Then, the mummyish man turned to Snooze, stopping in its tracks and regarding her with a tilted head.

 

“Snooze. Level eight god,” it said.

 

Level eight?! Snooze almost shouted aloud. How? I was… level five when I passed out. How could I have gained three levels?

 

“Rank: none. Status: Active. Archangels: one. Followers: four.”

 

“Four?!”

 

Snooze and Xolt had exclaimed this simultaneously, both apparently extra shocked that she’d somehow procured four followers.

 

Is that why I could use my god spells? She wondered. Then, something else occurred to her.

 

Wait… does that mean that Hal, Viz, and Rekvahn are my…. Followers? She had a hard time believing that, but it would make sense. They knew she was a god, and perhaps something had transpired to cause them to take up her mantle, so to speak. Well, she reckoned they had come to her rescue a few minutes prior, though she thought that was because of friendship, or perhaps that they just didn’t want her death on their conscience. But that left the question as to who the fourth Follower was.

 

She noticed the stranger hadn’t said her own God path, and she looked back to it, curiously. It was performing a very convincing imitation of a statue.

 

“Hey, uh, dude,” she said softly. “Did my God path change or something? Why didn’t you announce it like you had everyone else’s?”

 

The figure stood and cocked its head to the side again, curiously, and then spoke with the same fuzzy flatness.

 

“God path: BIG TIME CUTIE PIE.”

 

“What the h--”

 

But suddenly, the figure raised its arms in the air, and a twinkle of light appeared next to it. The shimmer grew and then took the form of a leaf.

 

Snooze’s Avatar eyes practically bulged out of her Avatar skull.

 

“Book of Leaf?!” she exclaimed. She had so many questions that instantly swarmed through the deep and fragile depths of her psyche. A feeling began to spread inside her, one of bewilderment and wonder and a little bit of jilt. But, there wasn’t time to process those emotions properly, because if that reveal had been enough to cause her to nearly faint, the next thing that happened…

 

Well, let’s just tell you what happened.

 

Before any other words could be spoken by our lovable godly heroine, the wraps about the stranger's body unwound and began tumbling to the dirt. As they did, Snooze could see something shining within the gaps… a soft, rosy light.

 

As the last scarf fell, the little god feasted her eyes on a delightful sight: a glowing, humanoid-shape made of pure warm light and energy.

 

“MEAT!” Snooze practically screeched. She launched forward to hug the creature but stopped. 

 

Something was off. 

 

Not only was Meat speaking--somehow-- and wedged dramatically into a strange orientation mold of walking on two feet with two arms in the air, but the Archangel seemed to be bearing... something within its very being. A shape was at the creature’s core, resembling a slab of rock or some kind of oblong object.

 

It took her a moment to collect herself and really peer into the depths of her friend before a confusing realization came over her.

 

“Is that also… the Book of Leaf?”

 

It seemed very much as though that were the case. Trapped inside of the Archangel's ethereal center was what appeared to be the celestially-forged pedestal of the Book of Leaf. The regular edition. Snooze glanced at the Book of Leaf floating just a few feet away from Meat as well, then back to the one inside.

 

“Wait…” she said. “Are both Books here?”

 

“That is an astute observation, oh willful Snooze,” the voice emanating from Meat’s body said. “Insightful. Apt. Perceptive. Prescient. Savvy.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Snooze said, still confused. “So both versions are here! That’s great news, can you believe this idiot here thinks--”

 

“Now is not the time, Snooze,” Book-Meat said in the humming tone. “We are at a crossroads here, and you must not become sidetracked by irrelevant details. We are here now. We will answer any questions you have afterward.”

 

“Afterward…? What exactl--”

 

“Not the time, Snooze.”

 

Xolt, who’d been mostly silent until now, suddenly roared, shaking the ground with the infernal yell. This was the most emotion Snooze had ever seen from the dog, and rather than unsettle her, it actually relaxed her a little. 

 

It’s about time he loosened up and got that stick out of his butt.

 

The little god glanced up at the towering monstrosity that was Xolt and blinked. An overabundant volume of foam had formed at the crooks of each end of its visceral snarl, and when some of it fell, it landed on poor Keith.

 

The blob stared straight ahead, uncomprehending until it finally blinked once--the only indication it was even aware at all. Xolt growled low.

 

“I have had enough of this. I don’t deny being baffled as to how or why your Book of Leaf has suddenly made an appearance, but it matters not. We will partake in the transaction, and then wash our hands of it. Snooze, take the parchment.”

 

“That’s going to be a no from me… dog,” Snooze quipped and folded her arms across her chest. “You’re going to need a much more compelling reason than just demanding. Wine and dine a gal first.”

 

There was a contemptuous snarl from the dog in the hat.

 

“This has become a burden. Carpathigineotera Bopraianaak. Keith,” Xolt snapped. “Unleash.”

 

In a flash, the two formerly unmoving companions leapt to action, light spilling out of them. Keith spun in place while the wraith with the braid opened her angular mouth, and the bottom jaw dropped to the dirt, unhinged wildly and showcasing hundreds upon hundreds of the sharp, deadly fangs she’d given a preview for just a few moments prior.

 

What can I do here? Snooze wondered, her hands still glowing with the energy of her prepared god spells. This certainly seems like a bad time.

 

Then, her inner monologue spoke to her.

 

You have only tried to Banish the one in the middle.

 

What…? Snooze wondered. It was true, she’d only attempted to use the ability on the annoying Xolt, but… it couldn’t be that easy, could it? 

 

Do it now or you will not get another opportunity. Those two are far more dangerous. Their auras are deadly.

 

Snooze was stunned, perhaps too much so in that moment. She wasn’t reacting nearly fast enough. Not only was she incomprehensibly speaking to her own inner-thoughts, but they seemed to know things that she herself did not. She also had to admit to feeling foolish for not realizing she should attempt to remove the other two threats. To her credit, she, until quite recently--just now really--did not understand the very real threat the two posed.

 

However, her inner-monologue, or whatever it was, knocked her out of her reverie.

 

Do it now, Snooze. I will take care of the other.

 

As if in slow motion, Snooze watched the two of them, one at an insanely high level in comparison to her own, hurl themselves at her. They were radiating pure malicious energy, and whatever they were aiming at her would very likely put her out of commission--or at the very least...hurt. So, not thinking and merely acting, she abandoned the prepared god spells in her hands, and raised them instead, just as the braid and the blob converged on her.

 

Her fingertips brushed lightly against both Carpathigineotera Bopraianaak’s forehead and the area above Keith’s single eye, just as she released her breath.

 

“Banish.”

 

With a whirling snap, the two gods’ eyes (all three of them) widened, and they were pressed into a single point in space and SHOOM!

 

Disappeared.

 

Everything got very quiet suddenly.

 

Xolt stood, glaring, but its mouth hanging open. The gigantic dog in the hat groaned then, and began panting.

 

“No…” it hissed. “Everything… no, just… ugh.”

 

Then, Snooze watched as the creature began to shrink. Down and down it ungrew until it was finally its original measurements, though a defeated look now pained its face.

 

Snooze didn’t speak. Instead, she looked to Meat-Book.

 

The creature was not looking back, but instead, had a display open from the Book of Leaf: Travel Edition. Text had populated, but Snooze was only able to discern one small part at the bottom:

 

SENDING CONFLICT REPORT TO THE HIGHER ORDER, OH BOY!

 

After just a second, Travel Book’s display went blank, and new words cropped up:

 

REPORT SENT. SOMEBODY IS IN AN AWFUL LOT OF TROUBLE!

 

Snooze relaxed, collapsing on the ground with a heavy sigh. 

 

What a ride! She thought. But, there’s still the issue of this one. 

 

The little god threw a look to Xolt, but the dog god was simply slumped, head down and it almost appeared to be… crying? It was huffing a great deal more than normal in any case with ragged breaths ejecting in a soft whine. It was almost enough to make her feel bad for the thing. Almost.

 

Meat-Book approached slowly, and Snooze smiled up at it… er, them, and raised her hand in a weak wave.

 

“Good to see ya!”

 

“Likewise, Snooze.”

 

“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, you… three.”

 

“Of course. All will be explained immediately once this is sorted.”

 

“Yeah,” Snooze agreed, then glanced back at the woeful creature ahead of her. “But, how do we do that?”

 

“First, we have sent a report of the goings-on to… management, for lack of a better word. They will be most interested to know of this particular encounter. You’ve been gone a long while, and your planet has remained shrouded in a sort of mystery in your absence. We would venture to guess that it will be clarified very quickly, however.”

 

“I dunno,” Snooze remarked. “Bureaucracy isn’t exactly known for its expedient delivery of service.”

 

“That is also true. Though, as we once told you, Snooze: time is meaningless now. You are a god.”

 

“Oh, throw that in my face, will ya?”

 

Snooze stood then, and leveled her gaze at Xolt. The creature was still languishing in the dirt, yet the flames around it were still frozen. She looked around at her companions, still trapped in their moment in time, just before their imminent demise, and it made her very sad. But then, the sadness became anger, and the little god began shaking. She wheeled on Xolt, and pointed a finger at him.

 

“Why?!” she demanded, her voice cracking. “Why do all this? What was so important to you that you rip all of this apart. Why spend all this time and energy destroying my world?!”

 

Xolt looked up, tears streaming down its face. It was a sad scene. Slowly, the dog in the hat clambered to its four feet and looked around at the chaos, then back to Snooze.

 

“It was her only chance at a normal life…”

 

“What?” Snooze asked, unsure if the other god had revealed something she was incapable of understanding.

 

“Who?”

 

“C… Carpathigineotera Bopraianaak,” Xolt said sadly. “She will never be made whole again.”

 

Snooze softened a little, her anger being drowned by her empathy to the creature’s responses. Despite the fact that he had just celestially mucked everything up, she had sympathy for his truly crushing sadness. She crouched down and sighed, looking into the dog’s agony-filled eyes.

 

“Please tell me what you’re talking about,” she said. “No half-truths, no partial information. Tell me.”

 

Xolt sighed and shook its head.

 

“I don’t know where to begin,” it said, and then shrugged. 

 

“Just tell me the important part… you know, the scenario behind why you did what you did. I’m not even sure what happened here.”

 

“Very well,” Xolt began. “Carpathigineotera Bopraianaak is special.”

 

“Yes, I am aware. I heard all of her details. She’s a criminal, also, let’s not forget that.”

 

Xolt nodded.

 

“She may be outside the law, but she is also truly alone. She was judged by the Higher Order, quite harshly, and because of that, they removed her godly status.” 

 

“She was a god?” Snooze asked.

 

Xolt nodded.

 

“Yes, but that was long ago. She still retains some of her abilities, but she was made to… trespass. She has no home, no Archangels, nothing. They ripped it all away from her and cut her adrift.”

 

“...and so how does my planet fit into this?”

 

“It was without a god, or so we thought…” Xolt rubbed a paw against its eye, clearing tears away. “So I devised a way in which I could help her…”

 

It’s lying… came the voice in her mind, now suddenly incapable of keeping quiet.

 

How can you tell?

 

I can feel it in my very core. Trust me on this. This creature speaks only falsehoods.

 

Snooze frowned, suddenly feeling foolish for having dared to feel bad.

 

“Xolt,” she said severely. “Tell me the truth. I can tell you’re lying.”

 

She was technically lying about knowing the other god was lying, but she didn’t really know that. For the moment, she believed, quite innocently, that this voice in her mind was her own intuition, perhaps, but not something else. No, for Snooze that would be far too strange.

 

Xolt looked up then, the tears gone, and a smile on its cold face.

 

“Fair enough,” the dog god said then, the broken tone of sadness from before replaced with a steely bite.

 

“This was to be a launching ground,” the dog said coolly. “Of a new venture.”

 

“That seems mildly nefarious,” Snooze said. “Go on.”

 

“You were gone, I saw an opportunity. I used said opportunity to lay the groundwork.”

 

“To what end, though?” 

 

“To make this a place where other gods could play.”

 

Snooze frowned, standing up again.

 

“Play? Like an amusement park or something?”

 

“That would be an appropriate description. Gods tire of their own planets, Snooze. You have not been around the block enough to learn this, but, if you keep your nose clean--which I don’t know that you would be able--you’ll see that as well. Traveling to other worlds, especially in… other forms, is a wonderful load off of the stresses and absolute boredom we experience in the day to day… and what better place than one so full of interesting types of creatures?”

 

Snooze couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She expected some fantastic, nuanced explanation for everything she’d just gone through in the last few days, hell, the last few thousand years if she was understanding correctly. But this was supremely… mundane. Business, as the dog god had so eloquently repeated.

 

“So… let me get this square,” Snooze said, feeling a bubble of anger forming in her throat. “You did all this, all of this, just so you could have some sort of vacation Bible school for gods to go on safari?”

 

Xolt blinked, then smiled even deeper.

 

“I suppose so.”

 

“But what is the point?” Snooze demanded, taking a step back and wishing she could just pummel the creature. “What could you hope to gain from something like this? As far as I know, there’s no money in this existence to be had, and I'm sure this is completely illegal to our kind. So why… why would you do it?”

 

“Why, Snooze,” Xolt said, its voice dripping with a patronising glee. “You should be upset with your Book, not me. Leaving you ignorant of our world is on its back, not mine own. You should have learned by now in what commerce we Celestials deal.”

 

“...and that is?”

 

“Favors, my sweet naive godling.”

 

Snooze balked at that. Favors were of course important, but were they such a hot commodity that other gods were willing to bend the rules to do something so disgusting?

 

“What were your friends' roles in this?”

 

Xolt chuckled.

 

“I wasn’t exactly lying about that,” it said. “Carpathigineotera Bopraianaak is indeed a former god, stripped of her abilities. She took the fall for Keith and I in another business dealing that… well, was unsuccessful.”

 

“Color me surprised,” Snooze said.

 

Xolt shook its head.

 

“So, we set it up that she’d receive this planet as its caretaker, and restore some semblance of godhood to her as a way of repaying the favor. She is so very tight-lipped.”

 

“So, what makes my planet so special?”

 

“Well, it is two-fold,” Xolt said. “First, you had accidentally germinated foreign life here. That opened the idea that other forms of life could also then dwell, which was only a hypothesis… at first. Second, you were gone. If you returned, we knew that you’d be somewhere in your Avatar form, weak and powerless. It would have been a non issue if you’d just accepted the gift I’d given you.”

 

Snooze motioned to the rolled up parchment, still lying in the dirt.

 

“So, I take it that would have kept me here somehow, no matter what I wanted?”

 

“Ah, Snooze, you should give yourself more credit. You are right on the nose.”

 

“You said that it was just a hypothesis…” Snooze said. “How did you figure out it wasn’t?”

 

Xolt’s smile reached maximum smarminess, and the god then shook its head.

 

“That, I am afraid, is information that I will keep to myself. It appears as though I am out of time.”

 

“What?”

 

“Your friends called the fuzz. Ole Johnny Law is coming for me.”

 

Snooze looked around. 

 

“What do you mean? Wh--”

 

There was suddenly a bright flash, and Xolt was gone.

 

“What?! No!” Snooze shouted, and looked over at Book-Meat. Behind the silent creature, the display of Travel Book had populated once more, and Snooze got a good look at its contents.

 

REPORT RECEIVED. JUSTICAR HAS TAKEN SWIFT ACTION. THANK YOU.

 

Snooze winced, expecting the world to suddenly return to its blaze. But, after a moment of everything still being frozen, she relaxed.

 

“Why hasn’t everything gone back to burny-burny death kill?”

 

I am holding it in place.

 

“Oh,” Snooze said. “Uh, I’m sorry, I still don’t know what’s going on. Are you not me?”

 

It is complex, the voice said inside her mind. But, to make a long explanation very short: no. I am not you exactly. 

 

“Then who… or what, are you?”

 

I have no name.

 

“Everyone has a name… right?” Snooze asked, giving Book-Meat a sidelong glance.

 

Perhaps, the voice said. But, I do not. I was never given a name.

 

“Well, who wouldn’t give you a name? Were you parents the cold, unloving types?”

 

I do not have a name, because you never gave me one, Snooze.

 

The little god stopped.

 

“Wait… I never gave you a name? What are you?”

 

I am that which is all around you. What you currently stand on and fear returning to a state of pure carnage. I am your world.

 

“Get out of town!” Snooze exclaimed. “That’s so cool! Book! I can talk to my planet!”

 

“Yes,” Book-Meat said flatly. “That is an ability that some gods acquire, but it is rare… or rather, thought to be impossible to do so at such a low level.”

 

“Guess, I am just advanced!”

 

She wasn’t.

 

“You can take care of this?” Snooze asked her brain-planet-speaker-thing. “Like, make it all go back to normal?”

 

In a sense. Though, not while you are here.

 

“But, that’s no fun at all. You should at leas--”

 

“Snooze,” came the droll of Book-Meat. “We must return home.”

 

Home. She’d been waiting to go back to her plane since… well, pretty much the moment she arrived. She was happy, but as she cast a look around at her world, at the unfortunate way in which it had been left, she grew sad.

 

“Can I say goodbye?”

 

“That is not wise, Snooze.”

 

“Oh…” she cast a look at Rekvahn, eyes wide, fearing the blaze in front of him. She saw Hal, covering herself with her cloak to try to fend off the flames. She could see Viz, still holding a large stone above her head, unconcerned with the blaze as she made to hurl it towards several of the soldiers who’d been fleeing from her. 

 

Then she found the Second. Already trapped in flames, likely a goner, her eyes closed, her mouth a thin line of acceptance as if she welcomed her death with open arms. Finally, she looked back at Book-Meat and nodded.

 

“It’s better if I go now, let my planet fix itself. Right?”

 

She wasn’t sure how the world would do so, but it seemed to be holding everything in the same status of time as Xolt, so she had to believe it could stop the ensuing madness.

 

“Snooze,” Book-Meat said again, softer this time. “I can explain much more when we get back. All of your unanswered questions in fact.”

 

“Oh, you’re definitely going to do that!” Snooze remarked. “We have aeons to catch up on, and I want a full report on my desk… immediately upon our arrival.”

 

Snooze knew that all of this was her fault. She’d tried too hard, and extended a great amount of will when she’d arrived and made a mess of things. She knew that none of this would have happened if she had just remained on her plane and stayed impartial. There were still so many questions she had, and things she wanted to do, but that wouldn’t be possible.

 

It takes an extraordinarily humble creature to walk away from a situation that they have no hope of resolving themselves, no matter how painful. Many might try to stubbornly continue, to rage and rally against their own failures, to try and fix that which they have wrought or undone. But that is not the path for all. Learning that it is better to let things sort themselves out, in whatever manifestation they appear is an experience of growth. The outcome may be good, and it may be bad, but a humble god must learn when to let go. So she did.

 

“Alright, let’s go home,” she said.

 

She moved closer to Book-Meat, and found that she could feel the presence of both her wonderful little Archangel as well as the Book of Leaf. They were tied together somehow, and she hoped they’d give her an exhaustive amount of information upon her return so that she could shine a light on some of the darker corners of her understanding. She also knew that from then on, she needed to be more forward in obtaining information about her Celestial life. She could no longer be satisfied to be whipped along in the deluge of ignorance, because it was clear there were enemies out there.

 

She didn’t think she’d seen the last of Xolt either. She had to be ready for whatever nefarious plans came her way. But that all started with more profound knowledge. She’d have to be prepared.

 

Snooze looked over at the Book of Leaf: Travel Edition, and smiled.

 

“What’s the status, ensign?” she asked, evoking her own mental imagery of a starship captain. 

 

 

[ SNOOZE - LEVEL 8 GOD ]

 

 

GODSPELLS

 

AIR [ LEVEL 9 ] 33 % TO LEVEL 10

 

WATER [ LEVEL 8 ] 11 % TO LEVEL 9

 

FIRE [ LEVEL 8 ] 1 % TO LEVEL 9

 

LIFE [ LEVEL 8 ] 76 % TO LEVEL 9

 

PLANTLIFE [ LEVEL 7 ] 58 % TO LEVEL 8

 

WEATHER [ LEVEL 5 ] 69 % TO LEVEL 6

 

FUNGUS [ LEVEL 5 ] 51 % TO LEVEL 6

 

LIGHTNING [ LEVEL 3 ] 77 % TO LEVEL 4

 

GRAVITY [ LEVEL 3 ] 50 % TO LEVEL 4

 

LIGHT [ LEVEL 3 ] 35 % TO LEVEL 4

 

DARKNESS [ LEVEL 3 ] 9 % TO LEVEL 4

 

ORE [ LEVEL 3 ] 3 % TO LEVEL 4

 

DEATH [ LEVEL 1 ] .020 % TO LEVEL 2

 

 

 

OTHER ABILITIES

 

AVATAR [ LEVEL 19 ] 80 % TO LEVEL 20 

 

OMNITUENS [ LEVEL 10 ] 43 % TO LEVEL 11

 

RITUAL COMMAND [ LEVEL 10 ] 15 % TO LEVEL 11

 

SHAPE CHANGE [ LEVEL 8 ] 85 % TO LEVEL 9

 

AURA• [ LEVEL 7 ] 99 % TO LEVEL 8

 

DIVINE INTERVENTION [ LEVEL 6 ] 85 % TO LEVEL 7

 

ELEMENT-SMITH [ LEVEL 6 ] 32 % TO LEVEL 7

 

PERMEABILITY [ LEVEL 4 ] 78 % TO LEVEL 5

 

 

 

ARCHANGELS [ 1 ]

 

FOLLOWERS [ 4 ]

 

 

GOD PATH

HUMBLE

 

[ GAINED ABILITY: PLANET SPEAKER ]

 

[ GAINED ABILITY: BANISH ]

 

[ GAINED ABILITY: OMNIAUDIAL ]

Snooze smiled. She’d gotten some new sweet features--a word she hated-- but had also leveled up her skills quite substantially. 

 

I’ll definitely look these over more carefully when time is more… godlike.

 

She gave one final look to her world, absorbing as much as she could. She knew she’d be able to see it from afar, but didn’t think she’d be getting too up close and personal again for quite some time, then, she nodded to Book-Meat.

 

Take care of them. She said in her mind to her world.

 

I will indeed. You will see.

 

I’m sure I will.

 

Think about naming me as well, will you?

 

No promises.

 

She thought she heard something close akin to a groan, but she ignored it. Then she smiled and turned back to her companions.

 

“Alright, guys,” she said. “Let’s go home.”

 

There was a bright light, and suddenly, Snooze felt herself soaring through the great void, and new she was heading back to her plane. Her happy, wonderful plane with her friends.

[ GOD PATH LEVEL-UP!]

 

[ACHIEVED HUMBLE LEVEL 2 ]