“Well, that is just very… not-so good,” Snooze said, at a pristine loss of words.

“Very un-fine knowledge I have burdened you with, I know,” Grotto said, and then with an exasperated sigh, the QUACK snapped her fingers and a comfortable-looking armchair appeared behind her and she collapsed in it.

“I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s super stressful for you to just have this going all pssshooom,” Grotto said, making an explosive gesture with her hands and bringing her jaw back to promote comedic fear. “--mushroom cloud on you.”

Then the woman froze, pointing a finger at Snooze and grimacing.

“Sorry, is it okay that I brought my own seat? I hate to impose.”

Snooze chuckled, despite the severe terror that the woman’s words had elicited, and nodded. Then, wanting to  be one of the cool kids, she looked around and found her wooden stool. It was still where she’d left it after playing the game with her Archangels, dozens of feet away. Summoning a bit of her Air godspell, she created a gust to slide the piece of furniture toward her but she let her focus waver and after moving a few feet the bottom of the stool got caught on an uneven section of the ground and the force of the blast caused it to tumble end over end, somersaulting between the two women before stopping a few feet to Snooze’s right.

Rather than attempt that again and suffer even more grievous embarrassment, Snooze simply walked the distance and then slid the stool with a screech to an upright position in front of Grotto. Then she sat, turning back to the QUACK with a smile.

“Please continue,” she said.

Grotto laughed.

“I don’t know why I’m laughing, maybe, despite the extreme predicament we find ourselves in--or rather because of it--everything is funnier,” she dropped her voice low. “But, I’ll be honest, Snooze, I’m freaking out a little bit right now. I mean, seriously? We just put that joker away, and already-- okay.”

Grotto had been picking up speed in her cadence but she suddenly paused, closed her eyes, held a deep breath with a measuring hand hovering in front of her face, and then let the air out of her lungs slowly.

“It’s okay--it’s okay…” she explained resolutely, though her tone still bordered on erratic. “This is fine. We are just going to sit here for a moment and… talk about…”

Grotto looked into Snooze’s eyes with a smile, and then shrugged.

“...something else?” she offered after a moment. “Whatcha got for me?”

Snooze shrugged as well.

“I was just going to ask you more questions about the situation at hand, but that probably isn’t the best avenue right now, right?”

Grotto puffed her cheeks out and nodded several times as if she was feeling overwhelmed.

“Okay, so, maybe you can help me with something else?” Snooze offered.

Grotto’s visage snapped into one of anxious glee.

“Yes, absolutely--I love it! Hit me with it, Snoozie-Q.”

“Okay, so, I’m supposed to design an Afterlife…?”

Grotto nodded.

“Yep! Well, sure--if you want to.”

Snooze sat back, startled by the notion that seemed to be presenting itself. However, it was not a sagely calculated movement as there was no back to her stool and she found herself falling backward on to the ground. Fortunately for Snooze, it was only a one-foot drop as the stool was comically stumpy. Snooze quickly righted herself, clamoring back onto the little wooden seat with a sheepish grin.

“Careful, Snooze,” Grotto mused. “It appears there’s some gravity right there.”

“So,” Snooze began, finally situating herself in a comfortable squat on the stool. “What did you mean when you said that I could create an Afterlife if I wanted to?”

“Oh, just that you don’t have to. It will dramatically affect your ability to gain Followers, but you don’t have to.”

“That doesn’t seem worthwhile,” Snooze said, thinking aloud. “Are there any benefits to not making an Afterlife?”

“Eh… no, not unless you’re of the Apathetic Godpath,” Grotto said. “Then you’d actually gain some benefits  by not creating one.”

“Oh, so there’s different plusses-and-minuses to this sort of thing,” Snooze said in wonder. “That makes sense. Are there different types of Afterlifes… Afterlives... what’s the plural of Afterlife?”

“Oh, it’s actually--

                                                               Ú̸̫̙͑͐ứ̸̡̺̘̱̞̳̪̘̑̀̇͋Ų̴̻̜͍͇̀̊̄͌̈́̍̑ù̵͉̭̈́̓͛͘Ṳ̶͇͕̳͔̪̟̆̌̕͝ŭ̵̧̬̻̮̗͐̀̓Ư̷͔͎̫͔͉̂̊́̊͛͐̅͘û̷̜̇͛̇͒̑̆͗Ų̶̛̗̝̟͓̲͎̩̌͋̏̚ǔ̵̥͖͍͎̅͋̓̍̈͂̕͠Ṵ̷̲̫͇̺̘̊̔̂̈́ṷ̶̳̭̊̐́̿͝͝Ü̸͓̥̜̺̿̅̌̃͂͜ǘ̷̟̳̖̰̍̇Ǘ̷͔̤͙̼̰̳͑́ǘ̴͍̼̦͖̪̲̋͌̉̉͝͠Ư̷̈̀̓̽̀̔͜͠ų̶̳̈̀̅̈́Ư̵̢̧̡̳̯͍͉̰̈̌̔̇̀̄̔͋͘ǚ̸̲̌̑̇̓̉̕͝Ų̷͉͓̻̟͉̘̈̄͋ǖ̵̺̹̼̜͕̰̭̿̌̀́̀͛Ų̴̬͕̋̇̀̆̉̂̓̏̚ụ̶̥̥̞̖̰͚̋̿̾͂Ų̸̛̪͔̹̝͎̃̑̃ṵ̶̦͈̬̞̜̗͔̃͋̉̂Ṹ̵̢͉͍̦̤̲̳̅͊̇ṹ̵̼̿͒͋͛́͒Ų̸̛͕̟͕͓̲̘͗̈͋́́͜͜ų̶̧̨̥̭̹̾̈́̈́ͅŪ̷̻̦̯̩͉̀͌̈̐̾͘͝ū̴̢̨̜̦̠̜̎͝Ṻ̵̢͈̱̤̦̠͘ṻ̷͖̫̠̺̣̒ͅỦ̴̦̻̺̟̔̾͑͘̕͠ͅủ̵͓̥́̈́̑͑͠ͅͅȔ̵̢̻̬̭͗̆̓̏͌͗̊ȕ̸͚͕̞̣͚̬̒̄̍̈́Ȗ̸͔̩̼̜̹͎̀͂ȗ̶̖̀̇͐ư̵̢̨̠̭̹͉̱̲̾̆́ ̶̖͉͒̔̓ ̵̨̢̝̗̘̝͉̑ͅỨ̷̗̽̋̐̈́̇͝͝͝ứ̶̦̘͍͈̞̆̈͌̉̓͆͊̆Ừ̷̖̯̜͎̉ừ̵̹͔̃̈́͗͐̊̏̚̕Ų̶̛̬̼̖̻͍̥̃͌̂̂͌̓͒̔ͅữ̵̺͈̥̰͕͛̈́͛̃̆̇͝Ử̷̛͖̗̜̦̊̓͌͒͐ử̸̰̣̗̰̣͕̖́̏̏̋Ự̵̡͈̄̍̌̀̿͌̇̌ự̶̭̗̱͎͂̓̇͐̆͗Ự̴̘̣̾̋̽̇͆̑ụ̴͉͇͎͉̙̺͖̍͒̿̋̓́͑͊Ų̵̤͍̬̮͙̭̓̋͌̇ų̷̤͕̞͓̘̮͕͕̋͌̀͑̃́͝Ṷ̴̖͈̺̦̫̙͍̪͒̔͐̿̄̏ṷ̷̫̋̃̓̄͘̚͘͝ͅṴ̵̮̝̈́͜ṵ̶̜̈́Ʉ̸̢̮̘̦̆͂͌́͒̇̋ʉ̴͈͍̈́͑̑̀̋ᵾ̶̨̮͚͂̑̋̽̔ᶙ̵̛̩͙̞͔̆̽͆͌̎ᴜ̵̦̩̒͛̓͗͠ＵꜶ̵̢̛̯̰̫̗͋̇̈́͐ꜷ̴̡͍̜͚̲̑̀̍̈̍̌͊Ȣ̷̧̢̝͖̳̳̣̠͑͒͒͝ȣ̷̥̘̗̜̥͖̀̒́̐͜ᵫ̴̳̈́̉̇͌̆̈́̆͘ ”

 

 

 

An otherworldly howl escaped from Grotto’s jaws, her eyes burning with a white-blue flame and the air between the two of them seemed to charge with electricity as the world around her darkened in that moment. It felt as if the whole plane itself was shaking with the syllables erupting from the woman's maw, and Snooze worried she was going to lose her balance.  She was not sure if she fully understood exactly what had just transpired. 

As the utterance ended, so did the crazy light and visual effects. Snooze was not sure if she fully understood exactly what had just transpired.

Grotto was smiling.

“...but you can also say Afterlifes or lives, it doesn’t really matter.”

“Neat trick,” Snooze said.

“Ah, that’s just a tongue of the dead, nothing special.” Grotto said, pawing at the air with a friendly dismissal.

“Wait, if you speak a dead tongue, doesn’t that make it… not dead anymore? You know, like Ancient Sumerian, or trucker slang.”

 

---

YOU ARE THINKING OF EXTINCT TONGUES, SNOOZE.

---

 

The Book of Leaf’s display was active, and rather than the usual green color, it had taken on more of a honey-wine shade of yellow. Snooze wasn’t sure why, but if she had to guess, she’d almost assume that the Book of Leaf was showing off.

That’s precious, she thought. Trying to make a good impression on the new boss, I get it.

“What’s the difference?”

 

---

AN EXTINCT TONGUE IS ONE WHEREIN THE LANGUAGE AND ITS PRONUNCIATION IS LOST TO TIME. A DEAD TONGUE IS ONE THAT IS STILL ACTIVE, THOUGH IT IS NO LONGER THE NATIVE TONGUE OF ANY CIVILIZATION.

---

 

“Oh, okay…” Snooze said, still not sure she fully got it.

“In either event, it's neither of those,” Grotto said, shrugging, and then shot Snooze a wink. “Though, I’m still not crystal clear on the difference between them. What I used was a Tongue of the Dead--an actual language that the deceased currently use. I figured a Book of Leaf would know that.”

The honey-wine display paled to a stonewashed green color.

 

---

I WAS GETTING TO THAT, I WAS JUST USING IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO ENLIGHTEN SNOOZE AS TO--

---

 

“No worries!” Grotto exclaimed, releasing a laugh. “I was just kidding! I was trying to pretend to be stern and stuff, but I just can’t help myself. I’m a goofy gal at heart.”

She screwed her face up oddly and stuck her tongue out, her eyes darting around as she danced in place with her limbs flailing wildly.

“Emlemlemlelumf!” She exclaimed, making the noise one might imagine if someone was shaking out the seriousness from their very bones to replace with silliness.

“There!” She called out, stretching. “Much better!”

“You speak the language of the dead?” Snooze asked, amazed. This new QUACK was really quite impressive indeed to the little god.

“Several of them actually,” Grotto explained. “I took a minor in Tongues of the Dead my zhandarokisk year at the Seedyheedypea.”

"The...?" Snooze wondered.

"Oh, sorry, ran those letters together a little quickly, didn't I?" Grotto said. "The C-D-H-E-E-D-P. Those’re the initials of the Celestial Deity Higher Elective Educational Tutorial Program,” Grotto said. “It’s just easier to refer to it that way. Seedyheedypea.”

Snooze couldn’t remember where she’d heard of the place before, but she definitely had encountered that sequence of words, in roughly that order not long ago. She decided it didn’t matter at the moment, and smiled, pressing Grotto for further information.

“Is that like… god school?”

“Something like that,” Grotto chuckled.

“Maybe I should go there,” Snooze stated, sighing. “I’m woefully incompetent at a lot of this stuff.”

“Oh, don’t say that, Snooze!” Grotto announced, finally rising from her comfy chair and bending at the waist with her hands on her hips to stare Snooze directly in the eyes.

“Listen, you’re doing just fine. You’ve got an unusual and remarkable method of dealing with things. That’s not bad at all, it’s just atypical. Now, did you have questions about designing an Afterlife, or should we continue to dawdle over any random topics that come to mind?”

"Shouldn't we be concerned about the impending threat of Xolt and the boys?"

Grotto shrugged, seemingly over her bout of temporary anxiety as to the situation of imprisoned gods on the loose.

"Honestly, it's important, and a little scary--mostly for you--but we don't have a timetable on it. You're aware of it now, in any case, right?"

Snooze nodded.

"Good. The best thing we can do in this situation is have you continue in your progression." The woman paused, beaming back at Snooze. "So...?"

“Afterlife, please,” Snooze said.

“Excellent,” Grotto began, sitting back down in her chair. “You’re Godpath Humble, so, I’m thinking you may want to focus on something more muted and mellow. Even kind of drab and boring.”

Snooze stared at her.

In all of the many manifestations of the multiverses, she would never have considered the idea to make her Afterlife boring. That just did not sit right with her. She was about to mildly protest, when another grin broke across Grotto’s features.

“Just kidding!”

Snooze scowled playfully.

“You’re a regular Janey Jokester,” Snooze said, almost immediately disappointed with her own comment.

Janey Jokester? What am I, some baby boomer on an Alaskan cruise making jibes in between shuffleboard plays and handfuls of buffet-line jumbo shrimp? Gross. I am gross.

“Yes, Janey Jokester, that’s me,” Grotto said in mock seriousness and adopting a very stately Received Pronunciation English accent. “Heir to the Jokester fortune, fifteenth in line to the throne in the Kingdom of Jest.”

“I was so sorry to hear about your father, Madame Jokester,” Snooze continued the farce, letting her own tone fill with fake care. “General Jokester was well-loved by the people.”

“Oh, please,” Grotto said. “You were familiar, so you can of course use his first name--Jookie.”

Snooze froze for a second, and then laughter erupted from her. She couldn’t help herself, the name was so absurd, and for some reason that made it all the more hilarious to the little god.

“JOOKIE JOKESTER?!” Snooze was hardly able to utter the words, and she found that Grotto was laughing along with her, just as hard.

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” Grotto exclaimed, swiping the air as she fought to catch her breath through gasping mirth.

While the two of them continued, Odd woke up from its nap with a scowl, but, upon seeing the merriment and laughter, quickly joined in, bellowing with a tiny voice.

When the joy finally subsided, and both women--and Odd--were able to catch their breath, Grotto nodded.

“So anyways, as I was saying: you don’t actually have to make a dull Afterlife, but you will have to decide on an Archetype. I’d suggest going for something not painful, though you are always allowed to go that route if you like… you might actually suffer some penalties because of your nature.”

“That’s fair enough,” Snooze said. “So, no Plane of Infinite Papercuts?”

Grotto winced.

“Yeah, let’s save that one for a rainy day.”

“Well, what do you suggest?”

Grotto leaned forward suddenly, grinning conspiratorially.

“You want my opinion?” She asked wickedly.

“Well, I’m sorta second-guessing that now…” Snooze said. “But yes.”

“Good,” Grotto said and perked up. “Then listen up, Snoozie-Q, because this is going to knock your socks off.”

 

 

 

---

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hey all, I'm just giving you a heads up that I am going to be switching to a Tuesday and Thursday release schedule for the foreseeable future. That being said, if you're interested in getting chapters before that, you'll want to consider the Patreon where you can get up to 3 chapters in advance of their release on both Royal Road and ScribbleHub.

 

Thanks a ton for the support so far, and I hope to see ya'll on Tuesday!

 

-Sig