Chapter 19 – The Black and White of Mecchen

A strange stillness followed. I slowed my breathing and set my legs. I watched the darkness for any changes. It felt like it was slowly turning.

“It is too late for her and too late for you.”

“I’m not going to talk to you. I’m only going to stop you and get Ami back.”

I felt a bit of flame curl through my arm. I held it out.

The darkness receded.

“You have no chance. No hope.”

I said nothing in return. I just turned slowly in the darkness, watching for any changes.

“She suffered as a human. I have released her. I will release you too.”

I turned at the source of the voice. Ami stood before me, hands at her side and dressed in white.

She bowed her head. I knew it wasn’t really her.

“Don’t fight. There is peace to be found here. Stay with me, and I’ll make you happy.”

I flailed at the image of Ami and it vanished like a mirage.

I heard her behind me. “Why do you hate me? I only want to help.”

I spread my arms out. “Enough lies and illusions!”

The image of Ami laughed. The white of her dress turned gray. The laughter echoed.

“There is no way out of this. I will claim you.”

I felt strange. I faltered and my head throbbed on the side. A wave of nausea passed through me. I staggered. It was as though the air around me was poisonous.

I kept focused on the heat within me. I envisioned it swelling upwards and saturating my head. It soothed the pain and allowed me to regain focus.

Still, I could sense it was trying to burst through. My thoughts remained on Ami. I glared at the illusion of her before me. She pouted. “Why are you so mean to me? Rest with me, and you’ll feel so much better.”

I lunged, and the image slipped away.

I coughed. The warmth was leaving my head. It felt like everything was falling. One eyelid dipped as a reflex. Something inside me claimed that a rest would be nice. I let the other eyelid fall.

I could imagine myself back at the apartment. I could almost feel the covers of my bed. I wondered for a moment if I’d just fallen asleep while coding. Perhaps I had a face full of the home row. Or maybe Nathan guided me to bed. Maybe I was about to wake up. I’d stagger out of bed. Jamie would be watching the end of Total Recall on DVD and say something wry. Nathan would be cleaning up.

All would be as it was. No anime girls. No sudden changes of gender. Just a befuddling dream I’d shake off and mention to Carolyn the next time I saw her.

“Let go. Everything will be fine…”

But there was no bed beneath me.

I opened my eyes. Countless, fanged mouths swelled before me. I leaned in with a surge of heat across my body. The teeth drew back and resumed the form of Ami.

“Stop resisting....For my sake. It hurts me.”

The visage of Ami faded. I stood in the dark and turned. I couldn’t tell if I was making any progress. The heat was still strong within me, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it or if using it would even help.

The darkness rumbled. I leapt in time to avoid a flash of teeth.

I held my hands out and focused beneath me.

Nothing happened.

I could feel the heat right on my hands. It even seemed like they were glowing, as though someone had covered them with fluorescent paint.

My landing was rough. I used a hand to catch myself. I grunted and looked all around. The dark being seemed to have retreated.

I looked where I had landed and examined my hand. The area underneath had changed. It wasn’t a black void. Instead, it looked like the floor of Ami’s room. It was still traced in shadow, but it appeared like a real surface. I flexed my fingers.

The darkness growled at me.

I held my hand out and aimed it left and right. I stepped back. Like a lantern in the dark, the patch of ground illuminated the blank space. I could see the creature twitch with annoyance and circle around me.

I kept turning.

I bent down, my eyes still tracking the dark movement, and focused a little more heat on the ground. I continued till I’d made a dim, crude circle of light. I stood in the center. It gave me bearings and a place to focus.

The creature had taken on a feral stance, though it seemed to slip along on countless, spidery legs. I crouched down, ready to leap away if it should strike.

It spoke again.

“You have no chance of escape. You are flailing against the inevitable. Why run? Why struggle when the result is always the same? You are tired and weak, and I will outlast you.”

My body was aware of tiredness, but the warmth inside was like an energizing salve. I only hoped there would be enough to sustain me.

I felt prickles on the back of my neck. I ducked and aimed above me. Darkened teeth lashed out. I thought warm thoughts. A mournful yell surrounded me.

The teeth slipped back. I panted. Somehow, it was able to occupy both ends of this space.

I turned several times until I spotted the dark being moving slowly in one area. It was huddled in on itself and seemed to be slurping something. It had a reddish glow where it was chewing. I grimaced. It was chewing on itself where I had touched it.

It sounded ravenous. Finally, it stopped. It gazed with fierce anger. It wanted more. It launched at me. I held my hands up and glared right back.

It seemed emboldened. It paused nearer to the ring of light I’d made. It crept closer still. I retreated carefully, not making any sudden movements. It leaned against the brightened spots hungrily. Its attention seemed split. If I was to go on the offensive, then this was the best time to try.

I shifted sideways. It didn’t seem alarmed. It licked at the ground. The brightened floor was quickly returning to darkness. I made my way close, along the side. The darkness made the creature seem so vast. I checked behind myself, on the chance this was another trap.

I found nothing moving behind me. Looking back found no change in the dark thing. It seemed desperate with its feeding. But each effort only seemed to irritate it further.

I tensed my feet, took a slow breath, and leapt for the creature. It felt like churning myself through a clinging sludge. It tingled like a slow, persistent acid. It rumbled. I focused on my heat, but I felt smothered.

I couldn’t summon anything. I strained. I tried to go deeper. I burrowed through the sludge. It began to hurt. I could hear screams, begging voices, and mournful whimpering. And a thundering beat…

No hope.

No escape.

Only fear.

I could feel every dark thought it had spoken to me. They were claws trying to drag me down an endless pit, taking bits out of me along the way until there was nothing left but bottomless hunger.

I pressed on through flashes of jaws that wrapped me in round layers. They rose and fell, so very eager.

I slipped past them until I came to a zone of quiet. It felt like an empty space. A face hung there, wrapped in darkness with traces of arms. The hands were eroding but they still protected the face.

It was Ami.

I floated nearer to her. I reached for her hand.

Words seemed to slip from her like escaping remnants.

“Forgive me, Fuyuki. Forgive me, everyone. I was wrong. Forgive me. Let me pass quickly. Let no one remember me. Let me be forgotten and give no pain.”

This Ami seemed different than the one I saw before. She felt real. But I still felt cautious and concerned at being lured into another trap.

I touched what was left of her face and said softly, pain still prodding me, “Let me help.”

A trace of her arm slipped around mine. I found the shadow of a smile on her dwindling features. “Release me...please.”

Being near to Ami acted like an accelerant on the warmth in my body. It rose up and through everything. I could almost see it outside my body. It flowed into Ami. The dark patches of her body lit and shimmered.

I felt hopeful, but she flattened. Her colors diminished, except for her bright pink hair. I feared I was doing the wrong thing as the flames spread further.

The pain around me withdrew. The dark beast quivered.

I wanted to strike it down. I wanted to utterly erase it, but I also felt sympathy for Ami. I didn’t want her to get hurt.

The darkness screeched plaintively. I winced. I felt… something.

I didn't want to be the cause of more suffering.

I held onto the warmth like a natural force.

I let go.

-----

Like the sun rising on a new morning, warmth burst all over. I could imagine flames in my mind’s eye, colored like plasma. I couldn’t see anything but the flame. It spread everywhere. It felt like a quiet explosion erupting out of me.

I felt afraid, like I might accidentally lose myself. I seemed to be floating. The dark thing roared, and then its voice was gone.

Gravity returned. I crashed against the side of something and rolled. I felt woozy. I blinked a few times. I seemed to be back in Ami’s bedroom.

I’d fallen against a toppled tower of magazines. I rubbed my back and checked my forehead. I felt a little lower. I didn’t feel the reassuring presence of my glasses on my face. I tapped a few more times to be sure.  

I blinked and glanced around. Nothing appeared hazy. It looked perfect. I felt around my large eyes yet again. I felt lower and checked the area in front of me. My glasses lay there, upside-down. I slipped them back on and winced. Everything seemed blurry and distorted with them on. I folded them up in my hand.

I looked around behind me. I could hear breathing. I turned the other way.

Directly in front of me, spread across the floor, was a young girl. She appeared dazed. I wasn’t certain of her age, but she seemed small. Her hair was long, black, and spilled in the shape of cut-marks on the floor. A long, much too-large, cotton-candy pink dress draped over her body.

She made rough little noises and clenched her eyes tight. She flailed around, eventually turning on her side. She slipped over a pile and tumbled to the right. She was tangled up in the cloth.

She gave a throaty sound, eyes still clenched. She panted through her tiny nose and released her eyes carefully. After slowly blinking, she peered at me. Her eyes looked like muddy-red, dried wounds. She seemed afraid. She panted faster and flashed some teeth.

She bounded on her hands and knees at me, but the dress caught and she tumbled before getting very far. She banged, face first, against the floor.

I winced reflexively.

She lifted her head up and seemed to marvel at the ground. Her eyes were wide. She tried to bring her arms forward through the long sleeves, but she tumbled again. The girl scrambled, legs flailing all over. She grunted again and again.

I set the glasses to the side and approached her. She was on her back. She peered up at me.

I interrogated her, “Who or what are you? Where is Ami?”

Her arms darted to her ears. She looked around. She seemed to mimic me by slurring, “Muhutahhhmeee.” She put a sleeve-covered hand to her mouth. She breathed on it with a few slow grunts followed by quick ones.

I bent an arm down to her. She pulled back and tried to scoot away, toppling other columns of junk. She bumped into the bed and turned to look. She flailed to climb it, clawing.

I approached. She froze. I gave her a lift onto the bed and moved my glasses onto the dresser. She settled there, splayed out, and raised her head. Slowly, she sat up. The dress curled loosely on her.

I reached over to touch the hem of the dress. The girl stared at me.

The material was warm to the touch. I felt a strange sensation. I darted my hand away. The girl looked over at me and then down at the dress. She pulled at the collar and buried it in her mouth. She tried sucking on it a little. I frowned. She chewed on some excess sleeve.

I touched the dress again. The girl quickly turned and chomped on my arm. I shook her away and ordered, “No! Stop it!”

At least she left no marks in the anime-flesh of my arm. It didn’t even look red. She blinked and tried the same with her own arm. She darted it away with a high, pained noise of complaint. She looked at my arm and back to her own.

I tried to approach her again. She curled in with a whimper, hiding on the bed. She covered her head in her arms, still whimpering.

The pieces of a perplexing situation lay before me. I had no concept of the overall picture and yet I felt a subtle sense of astonishment I couldn’t quite describe. Flowing over that feeling was the heat of fear at the color of the dress on this strange girl.

I took a slow breath and reached over to touch her. I ran a hand over the edge of her hair. She tightened the curl of her body. Then, after a few moments of touching, she peeked out.   

I rubbed her shoulder and gave a long yawn. I felt suddenly quite tired. Ami’s bed was alluring.

Alarms of all sorts went off in my head, but they felt muted by the urge to rest. I took several long blinks and sat against the softness of the bed. I saw the girl mimicking me with a wide mouth. Soon, all fell dark.