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Ayumi’s Perspective

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A sweet smell touched the tip of my nose, causing me to wake up suddenly. My bed was warm… despite it being so emotionally cold. Today was supposed to be a magical day, it was Christmas, yet here I was alone, aching for her…

“Mari…”

My long hair draped on the side she'd used to lie on. The days before were full of happiness. I couldn't understand why things couldn't be happy anymore.

There was nothing magical about Christmas this year, unlike the others. But I knew I had to get up, so I lifted my body and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Huh?”

On the nightstand next to me was a simple white cake cut into a single piece. It looked like one of Mari's homemade treats, something she hadn't made in a long time. There was a note posted up next to the sweet, signed by… Mari.

“Good morning, you. Come to the kitchen when you wake up.”

“Oh…”

Something as simple as this lifted my spirits. I reached out and took the tiny saucer and a spoon next to it.

“Mmm…”

I tasted the cake, and it was filled with lemon. My heart warmed as the blast of flavors reminded me of the taste of Mari's lips. As I enjoyed the flavor, bitterness set in, causing my chest to twist. I put the sweet down and got dressed. With the food in hand, I made my way to the kitchen. When I arrived, there was a warm pot of coffee in the middle of the table. That sparrow head I adored sat there with her newspaper in hand. It always made me wonder why she'd traditionally read that when she could just as quickly get her news online. Mari… was such a corky person like that.

“Hey… you came, Ayumi.”

That beautiful smile touched my heart as she waved her hand for me to come over. But I tried my best not to jump into her arms. I took a deep breath, walked over, and sat across from her. 

“Here, let me get you some coffee.”

She suggested as she placed her newspaper to the side, got up, and poured me a mug.

"Would you like anything, Ayumi? Sugar, creamer, I even bought caramel the other day."

I held the warm cup in my hand and swallowed uncomfortably. My mind was racing, trying to ensure this wasn't a wonderful dream… or a horrific nightmare.

“Sugar?”

I asked a question. Mari did as I ordered and gave me some sugar. It was like she was my servant, answering my beck and call. After she was done, she stirred it for me and left me with a calm smile. Elegantly, Mari walked back to her seat, sat down gently, and opened those incredible garnet eyes toward me.

“Thank you.”

I said softly, unsure if she’d actually heard me.

Usually, I would have to be the one to speak to her when things got like this. We've had our times when Mari wouldn't open up in the past. But with everything being like how it was… and Madoka being entangled in this craziness…

Things were cold and different, yet this morning felt strangely warm.

“Where’s Hana?”

I asked, hoping she was still around as reality set in.

"I took her to Mary-san's place early in the morning. That way, we could finally have time to chat, Ayumi. Don't worry; we have all Christmas day to chat."

Swiftly, Mari took that lifeline away from me. The sweet cake, warm coffee, and tender smile didn't feel like love anymore. Clearly, it was a trap that I fell victim to.

“Before we talk, I want you to hear me out, Ayumi.”

Mari was firm, unlike how she typically is. So, I sat up and explored her feelings with her.

“You’ve already heard my lies. How I had feelings for Madoka-san and how things turned out between us…."

Mari pulled her black hair as she tried to settle her feelings.

"Ayumi, I'm sorry for what happened, and because of my lies, we're in this situation. So, if we're going to move forward, we both need to be honest about everything… wouldn't you agree?"

I hesitated but nodded.

“You’re right. I… want us to be honest if we’re going to figure out what to do, Mari.”

We both agreed on something, at least. I held my warm cup, waiting for Mari to continue.

"Ayumi, I've been talking to Hana a lot about what happened in the past. When we first met at the office, I met Madoka-san and how my feelings progressed from there.”

I stirred my spoon in my coffee.

“But as I reevaluated everything, I started to see pieces of the past that didn’t add up. And… I need to make sure of something important.”

I sipped my coffee. Despite all the sugar, it was still bitter.

"I mentioned the accident with you and Madoka-san in the car. The event that caused her to shut in… nobody could bring her outside of her room. Watanabe-san yelled at her, and that made her retreat further."

With a deep sigh, Mari continued.

"At the time, I didn't think about it. I was too caught up in trying to help Madoka-san. And during her coma, I was blinded. I never really explored everything that happened before then.”

My chest felt like it was on fire, so I spoke up.

“I don’t get why you’re talking about this, Mari...”

Mari met my gaze; her calming eyes were passionate and determined.

“Madoka-san wouldn’t talk to anyone anymore. But if she had a fight with you about anything, why wouldn’t Madoka-san want to talk to me about it?”

 

 

A chill went down my spine.

“Ayumi… what did you and Madoka-san really fight about? Was it really about school and you not being around as much? I don’t believe that…."

Annoyed, I crossed my arms.

“Why are we going on about Madoka when this is about us, Mari?”

Mari paused, and with a sigh, she continued.

“Because this all started with Madoka-san. This entire situation between us… started with Madoka-san, Ayumi, and we have to accept that."

She was right, and I was unable to rebuttal. Without her around, our family was whole, but when she arrived, all the pieces started breaking apart. Our perfect world… shattered because of my daughter…

“Ayumi, It all clicked when I thought about Madoka-san saying sorry to me on our way to the amusement park. I originally thought it was because Madoka-san believed she was being a nuisance to me…."

Mari's mind wasn't clouded by emotion.

“Why would Madoka-san apologize to me? I thought earlier..."

She removed the bangs that fell across her eyes and zeroed in on something I feared. But even if she had realized this, Mari still had a smile, and it...worried me.

“Unless whatever happened during that accident had something to do with me too. Is that the truth, Ayumi? D-Did you two talk about me before that accident?”

I could see the pain on her face as she pleaded for the truth.

"M-Madoka-san wouldn't have told me because s-she believed she'd hurt me, right? As much as this hurts to realize... it's the truth, isn't it, Ayumi? I-Is that the real reason you didn't want Madoka-san to remember what happened two years ago?"

 

 

That horrible night ran back through my mind. The night I screamed and yelled, only to run that light by mistake and nearly kill the two of us. But Mari’s voice brought me back to the present as she realized where the first lie started. I wasn't feeling well, so I stood up and tried to escape the table. But gently, Mari-san grabbed my hand and stopped me from burying myself in the safety of my room.

"Ayumi, you have to realize something... Madoka-san is moving on, and she's trying to mature and grow. In a way, everything is working out how I thought it would... but it's not right."

Mari admitted the swirling feelings deep in her heart in a shaky voice. I wasn't sure what she meant by this though.

"I messed up by lying to everyone... and I'm going to do my best to make things right. My goal is to fix everything and find the right way to ensure our family isn't broken. But this goes both ways. I confessed to you that I have feelings for Madoka-san, but it's time for us to be honest with each other, Ayumi."

Mari stopped, and her hands were shaking. I turned to her and met her; the pain on her face took me off guard. Tears fell down her eyes as she opened her heart.

"I loved Madoka-san, but that horrible accident at the amusement park changed everything. I felt so guilty for causing her coma, and soon after... you tried to kill yourself. You were broken and needed me...And it was then that I decided what I would do..."

Mari let go of my hand and looked away. Her voice trembled as her passions released like a floodgate of emotions.

"Ayumi... I never told you why I hate Ryuji, have I?"

I swallowed as I shook my head.

"No... I guess I never wanted to hear it, Mari."

I admitted.

"I begged Ryuji-san to help after your attempted suicide... and he wouldn't return to Japan for anything. While you were in the hospital, being treated... I begged him to come to see you, but he was too busy working."

My stomach twisted in knots as my mind returned to those two weeks in the hospital. I had visitors every now and then, mostly Mari, though.

"For two weeks after you tried to commit suicide, Ayumi, I tried to ask your brother-in-law to help, but he wouldn't... and it made me so angry. I-I knew then... that I couldn't rely on anyone."

Mari confessed.

"Is that... true?"

I asked.

Ryuji checked in on me over the phone... but I never realized that Mari attempted to get him to visit me in my time of need. As Mari recounted the past from her perspective, I was drawn in by the stories she... never told me, likely to keep me happy.

"The day you were released from the hospital and begged me to stay with you, Ayumi... I knew nobody else in this cold world would protect you. I already hurt Madoka-san, and she wouldn't forgive me if she woke up without you too."

She rubbed her eyes as her hiccups escaped.

"Yes, I should have told you my feelings for Madoka-san. But I considered what would happen back then too. You might have understood that I had feelings for your daughter and maybe even accepted it... then killed yourself after, Ayumi."

Her voice strained as she was brought back to that day.

"... "

Her words were like needles, piercing my heart.

I couldn't deny that Mari's rejection at that time... might have led me to try again when all the eyes were off me. My world was spiraling out of control at that time. Madoka was gone, and I felt as if I was trapped in an endless ditch, slowly isolating myself from the world. If Mari had also left me...

Then I might not have been here today...

"I... I think I see what you... mean."

I hated confessing this... but something in me told me it was probably for the best. A piece of me was slowly opening up and forcing me to witness all the... not so pleasant sides of myself. Mari clenched her fist, trying her best to stay strong as she pushed out those closed emotions.

"I considered so much and decided that even if Madoka-san woke up and hated me, the one person she who was irreplaceable to her would still be alive."

Mari calmed her mind with a deep sigh and finally told me what was going through her heart.

"I wanted Madoka-san to wake up, know her mother was safe, and eventually move on from what we had. I told her my feelings back then, but we never were in a relationship, Ayumi. I-I asked Madoka to wait, grow, and see if she still had those feelings."

I was frozen, unable to move and talk back. So instead, I listened...

"So, when she fell into her coma, you begged me to stay with you... Regardless of my feelings, I decided I couldn't be with Madoka anymore. I ruined that by causing her coma and hurting you both."

 

 

"I knew from that day forward what I had to do to make sure Madoka would be happy one day... even if it was without me, Ayumi."

In tears, Mari finally put her feelings out for me to see.

"It's hard for me to put my feelings out there and trust people, Ayumi. And because of that, I twisted everything, trying to weave and work everyone into what I thought would be... right. But now I realize that was wrong... and I'm changing."

Mari bit down on her teeth, trying her best to confess the feelings she always had bottled up inside. I could tell her mind was racing as she tried to articulate her actions. Mari was ready to show me the truth of her heart.

"Promise me, if I confess everything to you... that you will do the same afterward, Ayumi."

Mari pleaded.

"B-because I've been holding this in for two years, and it's time I tell the truth. I-I want to put into words everything that I was trying to do and why it was never going to work. But only if you promise me... that you'd tell me all your secrets too. That way we can decide what to do after this?"

 

 

As we stood alone in this cold home, Mari begged me to open my heart to her... like she was doing. Reluctantly, I nodded.

"Okay... I'll listen, Mari."

I promised.

"Alright."

Calmly, Mari composed herself and revealed the lies she weaved. We both sat down on the sofa. My heart was open for the first time in a long time. Mari was vulnerable, and this must have terrified her. But she was pushing on regardless. Mari... was changing.

Mari was ready to confess everything she did for her sleeping princess.