Of course, the kid is going to want more, after all, what child can resist a sauce filled savory hot pocket, but I have to say no as I don't want the kid to get any bad dietary habits. "Sorry but that's going to have to a big no, anyways can you pull some more clothes out of a mirror or are we going to have to go shopping?"

  Alice gives me a bit of an odd look, tilting her head expressing clear confusion. "What do you mean daddy?" I go ahead and ignore the daddy part of her statement and try to respond, thankfully being interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. "Coming!" I stand up and get Alice off my lap, moving to the door with her in hand, happy that I don't have to spend the next half hour trying to explain something I don't know. The door is made of fine polished wood painted a creamy white, the handle is made of shining brass. I look through the center peephole and see nothing, leading me to assume it's my buddy Attie pulling a prank on me.

  "Come on in ya a...em I...just come on it." I was about to curse but because Alice is here I have to censor myself. Anyways, I open the door and find a strange-looking person? It's about a head shorter than me, wearing a tattered hooded gold-lined robe covered in crosses and strange symbols made of plants. Under its hood is a wooden mask covered in what appears to be shining silver spell circles.

<Good morning master, my name is Bás I will be working as your and Alice's guard.>

  I go ahead and slam the door shut ignoring the collection of floating words in front of it, looking right at Alice with a look of what the hell is that cloak wearing demon in front of my fucking house? She moves behind me, slightly shivering, showing that I should probably run like hell. Unfortunately, before I can even move I hear the sound of something sizzling and creaking, suddenly my mind freezes. A small palm-sized patch of purple begins to appear on my door, the paint dries and withers revealing an ever-expanding rot.

  A small bandage wrapped hand pears through the center of the purple rot, slowly an arm begins to come through, then shoulder, then finally the upper body of a bandaged woman appears, strange markings and shining dots lining her body. Suddenly she falls forward, landing face-first on my precious floor. After twitching for a few seconds she stands up rot appearing where her hands and head touched, her cloak covering her body once again. After tapping her feet against the ground, she begins to write in the air.

<I'm sorry for the damages master, I will pay whatever is necessary.>

    She begins to frantically search her body, trying her hardest to find something. Sure she's cute and all with her well-balanced body and short stature but my fucking front door has become a pile of wilted paint chips and dried up wood my precious floor covered in rot where she fell so she needs to get the hell out before she fucks up more of my precious house. "Out you home-wrecking as....damn it just get out, then we'll talk." She stops searching and walks out what used to be the front door through the hole she created, the sound of chains and leather rubbing against each other suddenly appearing and disappearing. I go ahead and follow her picking up and cradling Alice in my arms, using the doorknob knocking anything that isn't the frame to the ground.

<Hello master, my name is Bás a fairy-human mix. My father is a high ranking Dullahan with the greatest Crom blood and my mother currently runs a restaurant in Edinburgh. I was sent here to protect you and my future queen.>

  After she finishes writing a collection of black letters float in front of her, completely unaffected by the wind they continue to sit still until I finish reading. While she was writing I managed to get a glimpse of her hand once again. Unlike before she's wearing thick brown leather gloves, completely covering her bandaged wrapped hands.

  "...fix my damn door and my floor then do whatever the hell you want, just stay the hell out of my house." I worked way to damn hard to get out of the U.S. and get me a nice house in a small portside town and refuse to let this demon fuck up my precious house. While I'm thinking Alice walks to that damn demon.

  "Did mommy send you?" She lightly tugs at the demons cloak, clearly nervous as she can't quite look up at her face. The demon reaches her left arm out towards Alice's head. I panic and run to the kid grabbing her and moving away from the demon since I don't know what'll happen if her hands touch the kid.

"Back off!"

<Master I can assure you all is fine. I have several seals and well as golden wraps weakening my touch. I would like to speak but alas my voice may cause some pain.>

  She gets off the driveway and steps on the grass moving to one of my precious apple trees and hugging it, moving back after a few seconds, offering me her hand. After thinking for a few seconds I go ahead and shake it since if she wanted me dead she would have killed me before I even opened the door. "Alright, well I guess you can come into the house but if anything breaks your living in the streets, you understand?"

<Yes master>

  We head inside the house, both of us taking a seat against the walls in the central hall in front of the shambles that used to be my front door. We just awkwardly stare at each other trying to figure what the hell to say. Should I tell her to fix my door? Should I ask her to tell me what exactly would be after me? What does she mean by guard? Am I going to have to let her live with me?

  "So umm how's your head?" If I remember right Dullahans are a type of fairy representing death and a part of the disaster side. They're known for riding wagons made of skin and bone with their smiling head in their arms, calling out people's names when its time to die.

  She removes her hood, revealing her head and neck. She's wearing a wooden mask covered in shining silver magic circles, every other part from the back of her head all the way to what I think is her collar bone is covered in skin-colored bandages. On her small neck is a collection of stone collars carved like bones, small spikes shaped like crescents piercing the middle of her neck.

  <I believe it is attached. Why do you ask?>

"Ah, sorry."

<It is fine. If possible I would like to confirm some things with you, is that acceptable?>

"Go ahead."

<Your name is Alex Mandela a caucasian male originally from the united states of America. Your height is six feet three inches, your weight is two hundred and thirteen pounds and your blood type is O positive. You currently work as an author of a successful horror series and your cash flow is high. Is this correct?>

  It takes me a bit to read the small paragraph floating in front of her. After reading all I can really say is, what the hell. I can kind of understand her knowing where I live, I mean Alice popped out of my bathroom mirror, and I can accept that she known my name, but the hell does she know my height and weight. The only info I've ever given about myself in my work is just my name....Fuck it I'm sure it's just Bibi giving away my personal information...wait has Bibi been watching me?

  As I'm thinking I feel something poke my hip. I look to my side and see Alice trying to get my attention. "Daddy can I sleep on you?" I'm sitting with my back against the wall and my legs straight out so I guess she can't quite get comfy considering how thick my legs are. I go ahead and pick her up crossing my legs and straightening my back, placing Alice in the little seat I made with my legs.

<You seem to be adjusting well.>

"Yeah, I have quite a bit of experience with kids. That and this whole fairy thing doesn't really faze me since most of my existence is not caring."

<You really are quite strange but then again you are the author of boar head apocalypse>

  I really should have come up with a better name huh. When I was in my early twenties I started writing online, my first attempt being a story called pig head apocalypse. The basic idea is that once a day every day everybody on earth will suddenly have boar heads, flights will fall as the pilot's mental state will go into chaos, anyone driving will crash, all old people will die. Their bodies are human but they have boar heads for a few minutes a day. The Mc of the story is to slowly go insane as the world crumbles into absolute chaos as everybody's body slowly becomes more and more inhuman. After a while, I ended up getting enough support to make some real money and officially serialize it. After that, I worked on it for a few years and eventually started writing other horror or thriller stories.

"If you fix my door and floor I can go ahead and give you an autograph."

<Thank you for the offer but I must humbly reject as there is nothing I can do about the door.>

"So if you could do something about the door you would take the autograph?"

She suddenly goes stiff, the silver circles on her mask shining several times brighter in an instant.

<Maybe.>

.....Okay then.