I opened my eyes again, startled by the sudden noise. Light flooded my eyes, but in contrast to the world of fire it lacked something, seeming dark. I needed time to adjust to it. Meanwhile the noise turned louder and louder. Voices. Human voices.

“Decided to send me to the other sinners, did you?”

“It’s your choice to come here. And if fast-food is a sin than god shall strike me down, I can’t live without it.”

I turned to the voice. Finally my eyes started to adjust, letting me see the silhouette of a man.

“You’re really in hell for eating fast-food?”

“Wouldn’t exactly call this store hell. I mean it is called the Devil’s Kitchen but you know it’s just a name?”

I began to see my dialogue partner, a man in his forties, well-build with brown, unkempt hair and a short beard.

“Don’t you also have a burger in hand?” He pointed in front of me. Only now I realized that I sat down at a small table, burger in hand and a few fries on a plate.

“What the? That’s new. The devil’s temptation?”

He started to cough, chocking on his on meal. I patted him on the back till he stopped, downing his drink and exhaling sharply.

“Fucking kid, don’t try your jokes on someone that eats. Nearly died there.”

“You can’t die, you’re already in hell.”

“Hahaha, stop it seriously.” He stretched out his hand. “At least you’ve got your heart in the right place. Name’s Jack.”

I grabbed his hand, shaking it. “I’m…” Then I stopped in my movement, stupefied. What was my name again? It’s been years since I introduced myself to someone. If you don’t count the last meeting with my brother then I didn’t even speak to other people in years. Human people at least.

“You okay?” He looked at me awkwardly, as I just stopped mid-sentence.

“Sorry, forgot my own name.” I pondered for a moment. “Just call me Agni.”

“Okay, I bite. It’s gotta be another joke, but go on.”

“The god of fire? Part of the Vedic religion.” I stated, matter of fact.

He looked at me credulously. “And what does a Vedic god do in hell?”

“First tried the eternal burning part. But it got dull. Started to sleep to find myself with a burger in hand.” I took a bite out of my burger. “And what a burger indeed. Tastes nothing like demon meat, guess demons aren’t cannibals after all.”

He started to laugh again. “Damn, tell me where you go for your shows.”

“Don’t do shows, spectators would get burned too.”

“Don’t be like that man, you’ve gotta…”

A shrill scream resounded, stopping him mid-sentence. We looked into the room, where a goblin stood. Okay woman, I understand that these things are nasty, but you don’t have to scream like that.

“Wait a minute.”

I halted my conversation with Jack and stood up. I didn’t had a good conversation for a long time, didn’t want to end it so quickly. Well, looking at that thing I can understand that woman. It’s just gross, smelling worse than most creatures, ugly, yellow stained teeth, most times with bits of flesh stuck inside, and carrying a weapon but no clothes, showing its ‘great’ piece to the world, ready to pounce and rape anything. Not something you want to see when you eat something.

The goblin turned to me, as I made my way to him. Why is everyone backing away from it like this? It’s not like it is dangerous. I passed the last table, standing before the goblin. It looked at me wearily.

“You want to go first? Or should I just end it?”

At my provocation it sprang at me, swinging a knife already stained with blood. Seems like he already killed someone. Can you kill someone in hell?

My pondering made me step aside to late as the knife cut into my shirt, grazing my skin.

I’m not burning anymore? I felt a sting in my chest as blood started to trickle out of it. Good thing the afterlife got me some clothes, I burnt anything away after transforming. Not like anybody could have made out any distinctive features with all the flames, but it would have seriously been a problem if I stood here naked now.

Well, I should focus on the goblin now. It had its try so now it’s my turn. I turned to it, seeing it look wearily at me. I hold my arm in its direction. The weakest spell should be enough. “[Fireball].” Nothing happened, let’s try again. “[Fireball].” Still nothing. Fuck, even the goblin starts to grin now. It’s like I’m trying to help a smoker light his cigarette only to notice that the gas in my zippo has run out. It just turns into a useless piece of metal. Even the goblin starts to underestimate now, attacking me again. I’ll show you the power of an empty zippo!

I grabbed its arm, twisting it and dragging it forward, placing my leg in its way and making it fall face forward on the ground. I stepped on its back, but it still struggled.

Did hell make me weaker? Strength is not my primary attribute but I still invested some points into it, it just got necessary on later levels.

Now, what to do. Don’t want to touch it to break its neck. I still want to eat after this. The knife? I looked around. Not here, maybe fell under something. Let’s just use this.

I grabbed a chair, swinging it at the goblin again and again, until it stopped to struggle.

Finally, I seriously grew weak again.

Now, let’s get back to that burger. I turned around to the desk, but stopped in my movement.

If I’m already here…

I walked to the counter. Behind it was a guy, standing there in a red shirt with a pair of small plastic horns on top of his head. Some kind of rule down here? Or maybe to please the demons higher up?

“Hey, can I get something else too?”

The guy flinched as I talked to him. Did I do something wrong? Is it forbidden to kill demons in hell?

“Hey, if it was a problem to kill that goblin then say it’s my fault, don’t want to make problems for you.”

He stood still, shaking all over his body.

“Listen, just give me some more food and I’ll get out of here. Got some recommendations?”

“D, Dear customer, i, it’s not a p, problem. A, as for recommendations…”

Seriously. What is wrong with the service in hell? Can’t even recommend something. Ahh, there’s a window to the kitchen.

“Hey cook, what do you recommend for dinner!?”

I waited, but there was no answer.

“Damn it, I’ll just…”

I stopped, staring into the air in front of me, or better the floating message board.

“This fucking piece of…”

“Hiiiiii.” The man fall on the ground.

Let’s just forget it and eat the burger. Don’t want to think about this shit. I turned around back to my table. Jack sat there, staring at me silently. As I sat down he slowly turned to me, cautiously.

“What the hell was that man?”

“Sorry, didn’t know it’s forbidden to kill them in here.” Seems like I really made some trouble for the people down here.

“That’s not what I meant!” He started to shout, pointing at the corpse of the goblin. “What is that thing?”

“It’s a goblinum barbarum, otherwise known as a common Goblin.”

He stared at me, mouth gaping open.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a goblin before?”

He shook his head. Now it was my turn to be stunned. Sure, they mostly didn’t get far after the awakened started to appear and hunt the monster, but there were guys like this one that just appeared midtown. And even if he never saw them in real there was so much tv-coverage until it stopped working.

“Just how early did you die? Do you at least know about the system?”

“What do you mean ‘how early’, I’m still alive and kicking. But I never heard anything about the system.”

“How could you…” As I spoke the television changed programs, showing a news reporter. Below her stood the line ‘national-disaster warning’.

“Attention, we interrupt the current program for a world-wide warning. Monsters have started to appear all over and attack humans. For your own safety please go to the next catastrophe shelter and stay there until further notice. I repeat, …”

Just what is happening here? I wasn’t disturbed by the sudden announcement. It was just like any other day in the earlier years. Still over television and not over sirens, but that didn’t matter. It was another thing which was visible in the tv.

“May, 2020?”