Chapter 10: Christmas Present
“Well,” Reika-chan asked, reclining on my bed, “like, how sexy do you wanna be?”
My entire wardrobe lay splayed around the room, the aftermath of an explosion of linen. Christmas had come, and with it my date with Saya; I wanted to look good for her, and so here I was, fussing over my outfit choices. My childhood friend was important to me, and I wanted to get our date right. After the night I’d had with Reika-chan on Christmas Eve, I worried that this might be my only chance for Saya and I to deal with our feelings.
“I don’t want her to think I see her as just a dildo with nice legs,” I muttered, struggling to pick between two tops. “But like, yeah, it’s been a little while since the two of us, y’know, did stuff together. Maybe she wants to do it tonight.” Sighing in frustration, I dropped both garments onto my desk.
“No arguments there,” Reika-chan mused, idly picking over the bottoms strewn about on my bed. “I guess you should wear something classy, and then go wild on what’s underneath. Don’t you have any, like, cute panties or something?” She grinned mischievously. “I mean, other than the kitty-print ones.”
I did own a particularly salacious set of lingerie ⸺ but something told me that Saya wouldn’t want to see me dressed in something her sister had bought.
I’d been back and forth over the same limited options dozens of times, never closer to any kind of decision. Everything seemed to lack in some way, never quite reaching the level of what I thought Saya might like ⸺ the kind of clothes she deserved to see her girlfriend wearing.
“Maybe I’m just overthinking everything,” I mumbled, irritated with myself. “I’m not very practiced when it comes to dates.”
“Aww, c’mon,” Reika-chan said, looking to buoy my mood, “things went pretty well on our date, right?”
She had a look on her face like she was being genuine in her assessment, but I had my doubts.
“I broke down crying at one point,” I protested, glaring her down. “We argued a bunch of times, and you beat a guy so bad that he almost bled all over your coat.”
“Exactly,” she agreed, nodding enthusiastically. “It went great! Like, crazy-good, honestly.”
“I’m glad you have good memories of it,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “I don’t think Saya wants to trash some guy for me and then get fingered on a Ferris wheel.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” she argued half-seriously, a roguish playfulness glittering in her eyes. “I bet if you were the one asking, she might even let you peg her.”
My less-than-charitable stare only made her giggle, satisfying her near-constant urge to tease me. The melodious sound of her voice made her bad humor more tolerable; if I was honest with myself, Reika-chan’s beautiful laugh was one of the many things that made me want to fall for her. It was strangely calming, like listening to rain gently tap against the window.
“Look, Rucchan,” she said, stifling her cackling, “the important thing here is that Sayacchi just wants to do something with you. She probably doesn’t care what that ends up being, exactly ⸺ as long as it’s the two of you, together.”
She was being kind, of course, but I could hear the jealousy lurking on the back of her tongue. Regardless of how often she tried to cover up her feelings with a joke and a smile, I was getting pretty good at seeing past her defensive persona. I knew she was still thinking about my almost-confession, and the long moment we'd had together at the end of our date. She acted so nonchalant, but despite her assertions to the contrary, I was certain her patience had to be wearing thin. Still, I had to marvel at her self-control; Saya was her rival, and yet she was still providing me with serious advice. I wondered if she actually wanted the date to go well, even if it would make things harder for her.
Sighing in frustration, I plopped myself down onto the bed next to Reika-chan. I wished things could just be easy; my interpersonal life was still such an unnavigable maze, filled with conflicting desires ⸺ and no way to ensure I was making the right choices.
My gyaru crawled into my lap like a cat, laying her head down on my thighs. Strands of long blonde hair pooled on the bed around me, inviting my touch; it was impossible to resist, the vibrant scent of flower candy flirting with my senses. Petting her hair reflexively, I was surprised at how relaxing that small gesture could be. Maybe in her previous life, she really had been a cute little kitty ⸺ though obviously a trouble-making one, the kind that liked to knock things off shelves.
“Are you going to be okay tonight?” I asked, concerned for her well-being. “Y’know, like if I end up staying out with Saya.”
As much as I fretted over my date, I still cared about Reika-chan; I didn’t want her to have to suffer all on her own, not if her fear of the dark was anything like her fear of heights.
“I’ll tough it out,” she purred, nuzzling her face against my lap. “If things get really bad, I’ll just go over to your mom’s.”
“She … might not be there,” I winced, remembering the unpleasant scene at the amusement park.
There was a strong possibility that my mother might be out on her own date ⸺ or, perhaps even worse, Reika-chan’s father might be there as well.
“It’s whatever,” she sighed, waving away my insinuation. “If I get like, crazy-desperate, I’ll go cozy up with Kuroyama-sensei.” She glanced up at me, a lascivious grin on her face. “If I need some pillows to cry into, she’s got an ample-enough pair.”
“Don’t you have enough pillows of your own?” I smirked, poking the marshmallowy-soft volume of her chest.
There it was yet again, Reika-chan avoiding her problems, burying them under a lewd comment. Regretfully, I still hadn’t told her about Kuroyama-sensei’s story; as much as I wanted to help her regain her memory, it didn’t seem like my place to reveal something so personal. It might actually make me happier if she did go spend the night with the nurse, assuming the two could manage to be honest with each other long enough to resolve anything.
As though she could sense my fretful indecision, my gyaru smiled up at me, reaching out her hand; I took it in mine, resting it against the side of my face, finding solace in the comfort of her caress.
“You’re worried, aren’t you,” she said, her assertion more of a statement than a question. “About what to do with Sayacchi.”
“Of course I am,” I murmured, shoulders slumping. “How could I not be?”
Whatever the outcome of the date might be, I’d have to make a decision about how to answer Saya’s feelings. It felt like such a cruel choice, knowing that any answer I gave would necessarily hurt someone ⸺ and yet we didn’t have the luxury to just not choose. Pretending that their confessions had never happened would just force Reika-chan and Saya to bottle up their own feelings, or cause them to just give up under the weight of it and cut ties with me altogether.
Gently cupping the side of my face, Reika-chan turned my gaze towards her, drawing me out of my tortured introspection.
“I meant what I said, Rucchan,” she whispered in her beautiful baritone, as though her words were only for me, depriving even the rest of our room of their wonderful sound. “No matter what you decide to do, I still like you a lot. That won’t ever change.” Her smile was so warm and caring, suffused with the delicate scent of flower candy. “Whichever one of us you pick, I’ll be satisfied with your answer.”
It was a sweet sentiment, but it did little to lift the burden on my shoulders; if anything, it added to the weight of my troubles, the pressure of my circumstance pushing down on me even harder.
The edges of my vision blurred, frustrated tears building up in the corners of my eyes. “I don’t know what to do,” I mumbled, feeling horribly lost. “How am I supposed to make that choice? It feels so cruel, forcing one of you to be second-place in my heart.”
I didn’t want to lose either of my friends, and yet I also didn’t want to leave either of them behind. Was this my own fault ⸺ was this a product of my wish? I felt so stupid, having engineered a no-win situation all on my own.
Reika-chan’s touch was so considerate, so gentle, as she wiped the tears from my eyes.
“If you really, truly can’t decide,” she murmured, a pained smile on her face, “even after you see Saya, even after the end of the date, then I want you to promise me something.” She grinned: a liar’s mask, the tall girl relieving me of the weight of responsibility.
“Promise you what?” I asked sullenly, hating myself for how willingly I let her steal away my burden.
“Isn’t it obvious?” she laughed, a hollow sound devoid of any humor. “Promise me you’ll choose Sayacchi. I know how important she is to you ⸺ I’m not gonna make you lose your childhood friend over me.”
“I guess I could do that,” I sighed, too torn-up over the potential fallout to refute Reika-chan’s self-effacing argument. Feeling like a terrible coward, I nodded my assent.
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: hey
TallDrkBeauty: hey gorgeous
TallDrkBeauty: what’s the matter?
TallDrkBeauty: got the christmas blues?
EvningStar: something like that
EvningStar: I guess it’s just
EvningStar: a difficult time for me
EvningStar: this year
TallDrkBeauty: hahaha
TallDrkBeauty: so,
TallDrkBeauty: no date?
TallDrkBeauty: I’d tease you, but
TallDrkBeauty: I feel the same way, today
EvningStar: really?
EvningStar: I thought you knew
EvningStar: like every omega
TallDrkBeauty: and?
TallDrkBeauty: playing around
TallDrkBeauty: with a hookup
TallDrkBeauty: isn’t the same
TallDrkBeauty: as seeing my girlfriend
EvningStar: you have a girlfriend?!?
TallDrkBeauty: hahaha
TallDrkBeauty: is it that much
TallDrkBeauty: of a surprise?
EvningStar: I guess not, but
EvningStar: then why are you
EvningStar: even on here?
TallDrkBeauty: well, like I said
TallDrkBeauty: a sommelier
TallDrkBeauty: must ever drink wine,
TallDrkBeauty: no?
EvningStar: doesn’t she like
EvningStar: get jealous?
TallDrkBeauty: why would she?
TallDrkBeauty: It’s just rutting
TallDrkBeauty: and it’s not like
TallDrkBeauty: I can do it with her
EvningStar: ?
EvningStar: why not?
TallDrkBeauty: she doesn’t live
TallDrkBeauty: in marumaru
TallDrkBeauty: she’s overseas
EvningStar: oh
EvningStar: I’m sorry
TallDrkBeauty: it’s fine, hahaha
TallDrkBeauty: we’re working on it
EvningStar: I see
EvningStar: …
TallDrkBeauty: …
EvningStar: …
TallDrkBeauty: …
EvningStar: …
TallDrkBeauty: okay
TallDrkBeauty: be a good girl
TallDrkBeauty: and spit it out
EvningStar: so,
EvningStar: what’s she like?
EvningStar: is she nice?
TallDrkBeauty: HAHAHAHA
TallDrkBeauty: oh no
TallDrkBeauty: no no no
TallDrkBeauty: she’s terrible
TallDrkBeauty: the worst, honestly
TallDrkBeauty: kind of a loser, too
EvningStar: ????
EvningStar: then why date her???
TallDrkBeauty: because,
TallDrkBeauty: she’s -MY- loser
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: I guess that
EvningStar: makes sense
TallDrkBeauty: she’s not all bad
TallDrkBeauty: she’s tall, cute, funny,
TallDrkBeauty: endlessly charming,
TallDrkBeauty: and lots of fun
TallDrkBeauty: to fuck
EvningStar: huh
EvningStar: she sounds like somebody
EvningStar: that I know
TallDrkBeauty: hahaha
TallDrkBeauty: if that’s true
TallDrkBeauty: then why are you
TallDrkBeauty: talking to me?
EvningStar: …
TallDrkBeauty: why not
TallDrkBeauty: go after her?
EvningStar: …
TallDrkBeauty: alright,
TallDrkBeauty: I get it
TallDrkBeauty: “it’s complicated”
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: yeah
TallDrkBeauty: so, then
TallDrkBeauty: you want me
TallDrkBeauty: to take
TallDrkBeauty: your mind off her?
EvningStar: …
TallDrkBeauty: I’ve got time,
TallDrkBeauty: tonight
TallDrkBeauty: the trains might be
TallDrkBeauty: a little crowded
TallDrkBeauty: but I know
TallDrkBeauty: some nice hotels
EvningStar: it’s tempting, but
EvningStar: I’m kind of
EvningStar: doing a thing
EvningStar: today
TallDrkBeauty: ah, I see
TallDrkBeauty: office party?
EvningStar: something like that
TallDrkBeauty: hahaha
TallDrkBeauty: I understand
TallDrkBeauty: but,
TallDrkBeauty: it’s still christmas
EvningStar: … and?
TallDrkBeauty: nothing, really
TallDrkBeauty: I just thought you
TallDrkBeauty: might like
TallDrkBeauty: a gift exchange
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: (⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)
[TallDrkBeauty has sent an image. Click here to view.]
EvningStar: oh, wow
EvningStar: that’s
EvningStar: cute wrapping
TallDrkBeauty: hahaha
TallDrkBeauty: right~?
EvningStar: s-so
EvningStar: …
TallDrkBeauty: no pressure
[You have uploaded (1) file.]
TallDrkBeauty: hahaha
TallDrkBeauty: kind of a tease, huh?
EvningStar: you can see
EvningStar: more later
TallDrkBeauty: I’m looking
TallDrkBeauty: forward to it
TallDrkBeauty: ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
A Game of Life Decisions
“I’m so sorry,” Saya said sweetly, a chagrined look on her face, “I really did my best to stop her.”
It had been a long walk to the Ichikawa household. The snow from earlier in the week still lingered, the cold weather keeping it from melting completely, but we hadn’t had any more on top. To my estimation, it still counted as a “white Christmas”, even if only on a technicality.
After the cold trek, I’d been greeted at the door by Saya, my girlfriend clearly upset about something. I had assumed that we’d begin our date shortly afterwards, headed out to whatever she’d had planned, but it seemed like things had changed at the last minute.
“Onee-san put the idea in mom’s head,” she grumbled as she let me in. “She told our parents that she wanted to have a family Christmas thing, since she was here.”
“Did you tell them about our date?” I asked, carefully slipping off my shoes. Balancing precariously, I held onto the white box I’d brought with me, trying not to jostle it too much.
“Of course I did,” she whinged, helping me up onto the landing; it was only one step, but the way she’d held out her hand, almost reflexively, was too cute to ignore. “I thought mama would have my back, but they just said that you count as part of the family, too.” She ran a hand through her hair, fussing nervously as she looked away from me. “I’m sorry.”
On the one hand, it was slightly embarrassing to be considered an honorary Ichikawa ⸺ but on the other, I had gone on dates with both daughters. It was a fairly safe bet, at least at this point, that I would eventually end up in the family. Poor Reika-chan, I thought to myself, she really is the losing darkhorse.
“It’s alright,” I reassured my girlfriend, following her into the living room. “I’d love to hang out with your moms.”
To be perfectly honest, things were probably better this way. Having someone else around would limit some of the awkward moments alone together ⸺ and it being Saya’s parents was an excellent damper on my crazy-strong libido. Well, okay, it’s not like her mothers weren’t extremely attractive as well, but I felt like I could behave myself around them. Of course, the more I thought about it, the more their appealing qualities stood out; Saya’s mama was such a charismatic rogue, and her mom possessed an immensely-charming smile, that I could imagine why they’d fallen in love with each other. I mean, they were both gorgeous.
Yoru, I berated myself internally, stop thinking about how hot your girlfriend’s moms are.
The rest of the family was already in the living room, preparing for the impromptu Christmas party. It was a pleasant sight, at least for someone like me; my mom had always done her best, but Christmas at my home had always lacked some of the magic of a bigger family party. More people meant more hands, set to work on various tasks.
Saya’s mama was busy folding together paper garlands, arranging long, colorful chains. Runa-san, who was the tallest in the family, excitedly draped them around the room, hanging them along the walls and ceiling. She looked like she was having so much fun, that it was easy to forget that the entire event was just a clever plan to ruin her little sister’s date. Still, it was hard to be mad at her, when she looked so radiant, an expression of pure joy on her smiling face ⸺ that, and her backless sweater showcased her alluring shoulder muscles every time she reached up to hang another paper chain.
Forcing myself to stop ogling the other sister, I drew my eyes over the rest of the room, noticing Saya’s mom busying herself in the kitchenette. It wasn’t close to dinner time, and they were likely ordering takeout anyway (much as my own mom suggested), but I admired her dedication to being a generous host. She was fussing over a tasteful arrangement of snacks, little bites of appetizers that would pair wonderfully with the tea I smelled brewing.
My mother had taught me to be a polite guest, and I was happy to lean on her instruction. “Good afternoon, everyone,” I said, announcing my arrival. “Sorry for intruding; I hope I didn’t arrive too early.”
“Yoru-chan!” Saya’s mama smiled, glowing with delight. Abandoning her task, she sprang up to meet me. “I’m so happy you’re here. And, don’t mind the mess on the table ⸺ Runa and I are almost finished.”
Even having experienced it a hundred times, the warmth the Ichikawas showed me still stirred something in my chest, soothing the lonely creature I once was.
“I hope you don’t mind,” I smiled, offering the white box I’d brought with me, “but I brought some cake.”
I had intended it to be a gift for the family, certainly, but I didn’t think I’d be sticking around long enough to actually eat any of it. It was more of a thoughtful formality, a polite apology to Saya’s parents for allowing me to steal away their daughter for the night.
“You’re always such a sweet girl,” she smiled back, gingerly taking the cake from me. “This will make a perfect dessert.” She waved her hand at the table, welcoming inside. “Feel free to sit wherever you’d like, while I take this into the kitchen.”
Saya’s mom and I waved our hellos as I hesitantly stepped into the living room. It was a very nice gesture to include me in today’s festivities, but it worsened that sense of trepidation that had been building all morning. It would’ve been hard enough to work out my feelings with Saya on her own; adding her entire family to the mix made a tenuous situation even more difficult. Everything always overcomplicated itself ⸺ I could behave myself better this way, certainly, but I hadn’t thought about how much space we’d need to actually express our feelings.
More than that, I worried I wouldn’t be able to be alone in my head long enough to make a decision on which girl I wanted to continue dating.
As if on cue, Runa-san stalked across the room towards me, her greeting much more subdued than her mama’s. “Yoru-chan,” she hummed, clearly pleased to see me. “I’m so glad you could make it.”
Stepping into my space, she briefly returned us to that intimacy we’d shared in the hotel. It was a delicate, fleeting thing, the older girl merely fussing with my hair and clothing as she always did. I was thrilled to receive her attention, but I could feel Saya’s gaze behind me, aiming a threatening stare at her sister.
“It’s nice to see you too, Runa-san,” I mumbled, still unsure of what our relationship was to each other; erring on the side of caution, I’d decided to treat her as I always had, before our night together.
“Oh, you’re back to ‘Runa-san’?” Saya’s mama giggled from the kitchen, clearly enjoying herself. “I thought you were calling her something else these days.”
Turning pink all the way down to my shoulders, I wanted to flee the house as well as my shameful awkwardness ⸺ or, at least, to take shelter in Saya’s room. It was my own fault for being so careless around the rest of the family, but my understanding didn’t make the situation any less mortifying.
Saya hadn’t taken it well, either; I felt her glower worsen, a mumbled procession of complaints gathering behind me.
“It’s alright,” Runa-san murmured softly, ignoring her sister’s irritated grumbling. “I know how you get when you’re embarrassed ⸺ I’m intimately familiar with it, you could say.” A susurrous purring colored her quiet laugh, Runa-san entertaining herself with another one of her games. “Still, I’d like it if you treated me a little more casually.”
“I-I can try,” I mumbled, battling my conflicting emotions. Summoning every ounce of my courage, I smiled back at her, projecting a confidence I didn’t feel. “Thank you for taking care of me, Runa.”
Her grin only spread wider, showing the barest glint of her canines. Tenderly, she extended her hand, taking me by the chin. Our eyes locked together, my heart momentarily enraptured by the gleam of her amethyst irises. “Good girl,” she hummed, holding me steadily. Slowly, sweetly, she bent down to meet me; frustratingly, she avoided my lips, instead gracing my cheek with the awful compassion of her kiss.
“That’s enough,” Saya growled, fuming with barely-repressed anger. Sliding her arm over my shoulder, she drew me to her side, away from her sister. “Yoru is my girlfriend.” Her possessive hand gripped me tightly, as though she were protecting me from Runa.
The older girl’s knowing smirk refused to fade. “And?” she teased, reveling in both my embarrassment and her sister’s torment. “She’s still my lover, too.” The word dripped from her tongue, reminding me of the way she’d used it on me.
Standing so close to her, I could almost hear Saya’s teeth grinding together, incensed by her sister’s assertion. As annoyed as she was by Runa’s behavior, the older girl hadn’t exactly been incorrect. But, even then, she hadn’t contacted me after our date, preferring that I come to her, and not the other way around; her forwardness in front of Saya might have been purely combative, but it still wound me up, too.
“Girls,” Saya’s mama threatened, eyeing us from the kitchen. As involved as she was with helping her wife, it seemed like she was the one in charge of making sure their daughters behaved.
Saya’s mom offered us her own look of concern. “Let’s let Yoru-chan have a chance to get comfortable,” she said, backing up her spouse. “I don’t want you two overwhelming our guest.”
Refusing to release her hold, Saya walked me over to the kotatsu, glaring daggers at her sister the entire time. Animosity crackled in the air between them, a quiet storm forming over the table as the three of us sat down together. Flanking me like a pair of gyaru-goyles, the Ichikawa sisters sat on either side of me, creating an invisible tug-of-war.
After several tense minutes devoid of even small talk, Saya’s parents finally finished up in the kitchen. Saya’s mama cleared away the remnants of the decoration materials, before joining us along with her wife.
“We’re lucky your schedule was clear today,” Saya’s mom smiled at me, seeking to quiet the tension in the room. “After finals, I figured you’d want to spend the last few days of this year relaxing.” The sincerity in her smile was touching, but also enlightening; clearly, not everyone had been informed of Runa’s duplicity.
“I haven’t been over in a while,” I said, racking my brain for the best way to respond. I didn’t want to slight Saya by ignoring our date plans, but it would still be rude to start something in front of her parents ⸺ even if it was accidental, or perhaps justified. “I guess I was missing everyone’s company.”
“We’ve been missing you around here as well,” she giggled, fawning over me like I, too, was one of her children. “It’s nice to have an excuse to have everyone together.”
“Couldn’t we just have waited till New Year’s?” Saya whinged, her mumbling almost too quiet to hear.
She shifted in her seat, a nervous energy buzzing inside her. I felt bad for her, unable to think of a polite way out of this little get-together. At the very worst, we’d only have to be here until dinner, after which we’d have a chance to excuse ourselves ⸺ at least to her room, if nothing else.
I slipped my hand into hers beneath the tabletop, giving her a reassuring squeeze.
“We thought of that,” her mama replied, “but I assumed you kids would want to do your shrine visit together.” Her eyes drifted over to me, as if she was considering something. “It really seemed like Reika-chan was looking forward to it.”
I thought about all the long evenings during the sex ban, the hours that Reika-chan had spent somewhere else, putting some distance between us. Perhaps she’d enjoyed them with the Ichikawas, growing closer to Saya and her family.
“Does Reika-chan come here a lot?” I asked, wondering exactly how much my other paramour visited.
“She’s here all the time,” Runa snickered, happy to have a new topic she could use to annoy her sibling. “You’d think she was some kind of stray cat, the way she hangs out around Saya-chan.” There was a lascivious tone in her voice, as she leaned over to whisper conspiratorially. “She likes to put her paws all over my little sister.”
“Back off,” Saya snapped, snarling at her older sister, my tigress scrapping with my lioness over a piece of meat. It would be a cute metaphor, if only I wasn't the meal they were yanking back and forth.
“Girls,” Saya’s mama rumbled, having to stop their fighting for the second time this afternoon.
“I’m sorry, mama,” Runa said, the smile in her eyes telling me that she didn’t really mean her apology. “I guess I’m just a little excited that Yoru-chan is here. You know I can’t help it ⸺ she’s so cute, it’s dangerous.”
Their bickering would be endless, without some excuse to stop it. As the situation was partly my fault, I had to offer some kind of distraction, a way for the sisters to burn out their competitive energy.
“It might be nice to play a game,” I volunteered, searching my brain for anything that didn’t require teams, as that would just exacerbate the situation. “We could play Tycoon, if there’s a deck of cards around here.”
Saya’s mom grinned at me, pleased with my efforts to take responsibility. “That’s a lovely idea, Yoru-chan. I think we have a deck around the house somewhere, if I remember correctly.”
“I can probably find it,” Saya sighed, getting up from the table. “As long as Onee-san can keep her hands to herself while I’m gone,” she growled, resisting the urge to tear into her sister.
Runa controlled her expression well, hiding the depth of the mirth she found in making her sister miserable. As much as I thought she might actually enjoy my company, I had to wonder if she hadn’t played around with me just to rile-up Saya. Our time together in the hotel had seemed much-more meaningful than that, certainly, but the possibility of it all being a complicated game at my girlfriend’s expense did cheapen the thrill, somewhat.
“While she’s doing that,” Runa smiled, her fangs catching the light, “we have the perfect opportunity to exchange gifts, Yoru-chan.” Her eyes were focused on me, but I knew that she was ambiently aware of Saya’s scowl. “I’d hate to make my sister jealous, after all,” she lied as easily as she breathed.
“What gift?” Saya growled from just outside of the living room, holding off on her card hunt.
Her amethyst eyes glittering just as sharply as her canines, Runa produced a small, black box from her pocket. Slightly wider than it was long, it was covered in a soft, velvety material, like the kind of container they used at jewelry stores. I had expected an evil grin to accompany such an inflammatory container, the entire thing just a trick at Saya’s expense, but the older girl’s expression softened as she held it out to me, a hint of concern in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I said, hesitating. “I didn’t bring anything in return.” Squirming in my seat, I was distantly aware of the murderous aura radiating from the hallway.
“That’s alright,” Runa murmured, offering the present to me again. Her voice was as smooth as silk, wrapping around my heart. “Your presence is a gift enough for me.”
Burning a bright red, I mumbled a polite “Thank you,” her words hitting me hard, exciting my romantic sensibilities. Slowly, carefully, I accepted the box from her, my hands trembling with excitement and apprehension. It weighed almost nothing in my hands, and yet it had a gravity to it, like its contents would change something about my relationship with Runa.
Gingerly, I opened her gift, the top half of it swinging along hinges at the back. The contents rested on a field of black velvet, shining against the muted backdrop.
A thin, unadorned platinum band lay in the center of the box, a rose-gold necklace looped through it. Its meaning was obvious at first glance, of course, but it was entirely too difficult to believe. This would be such an expensive, elaborate set-up, especially if it was all just all to irritate her sister; the cost alone would make it such an unwieldy prank, hinting at the fact that maybe, instead, this was an honest declaration of affection ⸺ a real present, from one lover to another. And yet, at the same time, she had offered me this at a moment when she knew Saya would want to stick around to see it, so some part of it had to be aimed at her little sister as well.
Was this a joke? A challenge to Saya’s claim over me? Or, was it completely genuine, a true display of her affection?
“I … ⸺ I don’t know what to say,” I stammered, my mind reeling with the potential implications. Dumbly, I held the box in both hands, a dozen different emotions all jockeying for attention.
“Here,” she whispered, sidling around the table, sliding even closer to me; her body radiated a gentle warmth, carrying the light scent of citrus. “Let me put it on you.”
Gingerly, like it was an item of incomparable importance, she took the necklace from the box. Leaning into my space, she looped her arms around my neck, her fingers teasing my skin. We were so close, my heart hammering so loudly in my chest, my body paralyzed with indecision; did I like this unbearable closeness, or was I suffering it purely out of a desire to be polite?
Our gazes met, her shining violet irises subsuming my entire world. My heart leapt into my throat as I lost myself in their depth, shivering with a queer anticipation. I worked my jaw in small, idiot motions, unable to say anything; she was so gorgeous, and the way she looked at me with such tenderness and affection melted my insides, turning me into a little puddle of Yoru that wanted nothing more than to pool into the safety of her lap.
“There,” she breathed, as though her words were for my ears only. “Now, we match.”
She held up her right hand, displaying a similar band around her ring finger. It, too, lacked decoration, itself a simple platinum band ⸺ and yet, it was significantly thicker than my own, our matched accessories revealing a decidedly-romantic insight.
It was the counterpart to my thinner piece, the meaning impossible to miss. Runa wore a husband’s ring; its mate, the more feminine of the pair, hung from my neck, glistering in the light.
There was an explosion of rage in the hallway as Saya tore into the room, claws out.
Objectively, I understood that Saya had been enrolled in Judo Club for most of our time together at school, but I had never actually seen her employ those skills ⸺ save for the very brief ejection of Reika-chan in our dorm room. As surprised as I was to see her performance of them now, I was even-more stunned by the discovery that her sister had not been sitting idle, either.
Moving too quickly for me to keep up, the Ichikawa sisters collided in a flurry of limbs. I hadn’t thought that the demure Runa would be much of a match for her aggressive little sister, but she surprised me not just by holding her own, but also managing to push Saya back, forcing her out into the hallway. The girls slipped in and out of each other’s expert holds, aiming elbows and knees at even the briefest exposure of each other’s weaknesses. Baring their fangs as they grappled with each other, the two sisters seemed intent on causing each other actual harm; whatever Runa’s true intentions had been, the fact remained that she’d escalated her conflict with Saya to unprecedented levels.
Too bewildered to do anything but watch the violence playing out in front of me, I almost jumped out of my skin as I felt a hand close around my arm.
Bending over me, Saya’s mama tugged on my arm insistently, helping me up from the table.
“We need to have a talk, Yoru-chan,” she said sternly, indicating that I should follow her to the stairwell.
“But what about them?” I asked worriedly, pointing stupidly at the unfolding melee.
“Let their mom handle it,” she sighed, dragging me along behind her. “She’s got a stronger punch than I do.”
Her admission did little to soothe my concern. Meekly, I walked behind her, fretting over the sounds of combat behind me.
Saya’s mama and I stood together in the upstairs hallway, away from the fighting. It was much quieter up here, the bend in the stairwell shielding us from the furious snarling coming from my girlfriend and her sister.
Wringing my hands together nervously, I could feel her concerned stare on me, but I couldn’t meet her eyes. Shuffling back and forth on my feet, I braced for the incoming lecture.
“Yoru-chan,” she started, keeping her tone flat and even, “can you tell me what’s going on?”
I had expected a repressed anger in her voice, or perhaps a stressful irritation; I was shocked to find neither. I could remember very few scoldings that my father had given me, but they had always been so much more animated, almost on the verge of shouting. The incongruous comparison grated against my ingrained assumptions, baffling that awkward part of me that still clung to my old life.
“I don’t really know anything about what happened,” I mumbled, my eyes still downcast.
Folding her arms underneath her chest, Saya’s mama adopted a sterner posture; even still, there was no malice in her questions, despite their directness. “So you mean to tell me,” she began again, “that you have no idea why my youngest daughter has been flooding my living room with her marking pheromones since the moment you arrived, or why my eldest bought you a wedding ring for Christmas?”
“No ma’am,” I muttered. Withering under her parental glare, my cheeks burned with shame. “I don’t even know if we’re dating or not,” I blurted out, completely unprepared, “so of course I had no idea she’d get me something like that.”
I could feel the weight of the ring against my chest, warmed by my body heat. The gift had been totally unexpected, and even I could tell that it had crossed some kind of line ⸺ and yet, I was loathe to refuse it. Perhaps the best idea was to take it off immediately, to place it back in the box and return it to Runa, but I couldn’t work up the will to do so. This small platinum band represented something, an affirmation of a need that still crawled through my body, freezing everything it touched. It was like being asked to give up a life-preserver, even though my feet couldn’t touch the bottom of the murky water that swirled around me, a sickly metaphor for the loneliness that had soaked into my existence.
“Yoru-chan,” she sighed, her patient exasperation a mirror of my mother’s, “have you even asked my daughters how they feel about you?”
Her words hit me square in the chest. I had no good answer for her, of course, but my defensive nature asserted itself anyway.
“Yes,” I quipped, a little insulted; I thought better of my answer immediately, my sense of shame demanding I rectify my overconfident assertion. “I mean, kinda,” I hedged, my indignance faltering under her knowing look. “We’ve sort-of talked about it, a little bit.”
I had heard Saya’s confession after all, and I’d at least attempted to discover how Runa felt about me. It would be impossible to accuse me of lying, and yet I still felt guilty anyway.
“I know you’re still a little too immature to understand all of this,” she said, a pained smile on her face, “but surely you realize that the fight downstairs is your fault.”
It was a very blunt statement, obviously, but the ability to deliver difficult words without sweetening them was a rare talent, one that Saya’s mama had mastered.
“Of course I do,” I muttered, still feeling somewhat petulant, even though I knew the blame rested squarely on my shoulders. “It’s not like I haven’t tried to figure any of this out ⸺ I’m not doing it on purpose.”
“I know, sweetheart,” she said, her tone softening, “I’m sure you’re doing your best.” Moving closer to me, she set her hands on my shoulders; emboldened by their concerned touch, I could finally look up to meet her. “As thrilled as I would be to see one of my girls taking care of you, I can’t let you have both of them.”
It was such an obvious admonition, but my heart burned with a shameful reproach anyway. The neighborhood sentiment about my family wasn’t particularly kind, even if it had become old gossip at this point; meddling housewives loved to recount the tale of my two-timing father, expressing morose and overblown “pity” towards my mother. Lately, though, I’d been worried about the possibility of new rumors, ones that derided my upbringing, and how similar I might be to my unfaithful father. It wasn’t a total fantasy, either; ever since my mother had made the joke herself, I’d wondered if she hadn’t heard it from someone else’s lips, first.
“I didn’t make either of them come onto me,” I protested meekly, more frustrated with myself than I was the unfolding situation. “I’m not trying to string your daughters along ⸺ I’m not like my dad.”
Squeezing my shoulders affectionately, her tone was still strict, the dichotomy highlighting the concern she held for my wellbeing. “I’m not saying you are,” she assured me, “but you can’t just close your eyes and pretend you’re not involved. You have to choose one of them; you can’t force my girls to make that decision between themselves.”
“I know,” I sighed, my shame and irritation slithering around in my gut like a pile of snakes. “I know what I have to do, but I’m so scared of making the wrong choice.” Looking up at her, I searched her eyes, hoping to see the correct answer reflected in them. “I’m worried that I’ll do something stupid, and ruin everything.”
“Maybe it would help if you told me what’s going on between you and Runa,” she said, extending a metaphorical hand to me. “I already know what’s up with Saya ⸺ I’ve seen the little hearts she doodles around your name in her notebook ⸺ but I’m completely baffled as to why my eldest is proposing to you.”
“I don’t know that she is,” I mumbled, struggling to decide how to approach this sensitive topic. “I can’t tell if she’s serious, or if she’s just trying to prank me.”
There was still care in her strained smile, but I could tell that she was growing annoyed with my waffling.
“Let’s start at the beginning, then,” she decided, offering me a guiding hand. “Tell me everything that happened after Runa came home from university.”
It wasn’t a story I wanted to tell at all. Maybe Saya’s parents would be understanding, or at least charitable in their assessment of me, but I knew they’d feel compelled to relay anything I said to my mother. As much as I would like the extra support, I couldn’t let my mom hear about my past life; I had to stop that from happening at any cost.
“I was on my way back to the dorms, after dinner,” I started, inching my way through the sequence of events, “when Runa stopped me by the store, and started flirting with me.”
“I see,” she mused, following along.
“I didn’t believe she was serious about anything at first,” I continued, pushing past my awkward hesitation, “but I kept thinking about it for a long time.” I held my hands up, preemptively pushing back against the derision I was sure lurked in her thoughts. “Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t really planning to do anything about it ⸺ I mean, she’s going to college and everything. I knew how stupid it’d be to go along with her games.”
“And yet you did anyway,” she finished for me, a mixture of pity and consideration playing across her slight smile.
“I didn’t mean to,” I protested. “Things weren’t going well for a minute there, and I had hit a really rough patch with Saya and Reika-chan ⸺ and Runa just, like, pounced on that.” My explanation was starting to sound like a demonization of Runa’s character, but it was more or less still true. “She wasn’t being malicious, as far as I could tell, but she started saying all this stuff about me, about how she had a crush on me ⸺”
“She has a crush on you?” Saya’s mama repeated incredulously. “I’m sorry Yoru-chan, I don’t want to imply that you’re being untruthful ⸺ but I’ve seen the kind of girls my Runa goes after.” Pausing briefly, she fumbled around for the right words. “Runa likes older women; you’re much too young to catch her interest.”
“H-how do you know that?” I gawped, stumbling my way into what felt like a family secret.
She frowned, a complex mixture of emotions swirling in her eyes. “I’m sure you overheard some of the phone conversations about her … disciplinary problems,” she said, waving away my apprehension with her hand. “Don’t worry, I’m not upset about you listening in or anything like that.” The corners of her mouth dipped even further, a bitterness coloring her voice.
“I might have heard rumors about her serial flirting,” I agreed, owning up to my eavesdropping.
“What you probably didn’t know, then,” she continued, covering her distaste with a perplexing smile, “is what kind of girl she’d been chasing.” Pinching the bridge of her nose like she was trying to ward off a headache, she deliberated on whether to tell me any more; adorably-enough, her annoyed gesture reminded me a lot of Saya. “Every time Runa had been caught doing something slightly inappropriate on school grounds, it was always with one of her seniors ⸺ except, of course, for the one time it wasn’t.”
She didn’t need to elaborate any further; the stress she’d placed on “older women” told me exactly what I needed to know. My face flushed even pinker, now that I’d discovered what Runa and I had in common ⸺ though, to her credit, Runa had actually done something about her crush on a teacher. Still, there was a wrinkle in her mama’s explanation: hadn’t Runa told me that she was surprised she’d fallen for an older woman? Either she’d been lying about her almost-confession, or her complicated games ran even deeper than I suspected.
“All of that is a long way to say that I cannot fathom why Runa would pick you, Yoru-chan.” Saya’s mama regarded me with a stern expression, imparting the seriousness of her proclamation. “You’re a very sweet girl, but you’re not even close to her type.”
As cornered as I was, I could feel the nervous sweat building up on my body. It would take a miracle to wriggle out of this one.
“M-maybe I’m just really mature for my age?” I stammered, hoping for the best.
Her flat stare was less than pleased. “We both know that isn’t true,” she said reproachfully. Shoulders heaving with a resigned sigh, her melancholy smile excited the guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach. “I’m not trying to punish you, or get you in any kind of trouble. I’m trying to help, Yoru-chan. You can trust me.”
I was stuck. There was no way I could come up with a convincing half-truth ⸺ but I couldn’t risk telling her the whole truth, either. Once again, my inability to just commit to anything had trapped me in a host of avoidable problems.
“I want to,” I mumbled, looking away, shamefully avoiding her kind eyes, “but if I told you, I know you’d just tell my mom, too.”
“I take it that something bad is supposed to happen if your mom finds out?” she asked, trying to find a way to peek behind my mask.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I think it would be pretty bad.” Trying to make myself look better in her eyes, I laid out everything else that wasn’t my one huge secret. “She knows I went on a date with Runa, though. I’m not hiding any of that from her.”
“That’s a start, I suppose,” she mumbled, turning away from me.
Pacing back and forth along the length of the hallway, Saya’s mama grappled with her own indecision. As a parent herself, I’m sure she felt obligated to share whatever she uncovered with my mother, but the more indulgent part of her seemed willing to allow me a degree of secrecy ⸺ even if it was currently causing her children to throw hands downstairs.
“Alright,” she finally allowed, “you don’t have to tell me. Or, at least, I won’t make you tell me right now.”
“Thank you,” I mumbled, my rueful acknowledgement barely louder than a whisper.
“But, in return,” she continued, shattering my brief sense of relief, “you have to tell my daughters how you really feel about them.”
“I will,” I promised, perhaps too hastily; after all, I still lacked confidence in my own appraisal.
“Tonight,” she intoned gravely, a harsh sincerity to the word. “I don’t want you to leave the house until you’ve been completely honest with both of them.”
“Oh,” I mewled, cringing inwardly. Despite her earlier assertion, I’d assumed all along that there would be some kind of punishment ⸺ but I never imagined it would be such a monumental task. “That … might be a little difficult.”
She frowned at me, nonplussed. “More difficult than confessing your ‘big secret’ to your mother?”
“I get your point,” I muttered, understanding the subtle threat. “I guess I’ll figure something out.”
Relaxing her posture, she dropped her scolding attitude. “I know it might be hard to believe, but I promise it’s for your own good,” she said, a mirror of every paternal admonishment I’d ever seen in dozens of manga and movies.
Shoulders slumped, I nodded along. “I understand,” I said, wondering how differently I might have turned out if my mother had someone like Saya’s mama around. “I promise I’ll tell them.”
“Good girl,” she smiled, her affable nature reasserting itself. “I know I can count on you. You might not be one of my kids ⸺ at least, not yet ⸺ but I care about you in the same way I do my daughters.”
Again, my new life surprised me with its stark contrast to my past. The Ichikawas had been nice to me in my old life, certainly, but I thought that the gradual ending of my relationship with Saya had merely been one link in a chain. Despite how much time I spent around Saya’s family, I hadn’t really considered them one of my regrets until this moment. It was strangely comforting to know that the lesbians next door had been looking after me, with a genuine concern for my future.
“Thank you for always supporting me,” I babbled, the familiar wet sting in my eyes announcing the beginnings of tears.
“Of course, sweetheart,” she said gently, offering me an encouraging smile.
My emotions breaking free from my control, I tried to express my sentiments in awkward, rambling strings of words. “It’s probably stupid to say this,” I stammered, forging on blindly, “and I’m not saying it just because you’re an alpha, but with my dad being gone and all ⸺ I’m really grateful to you for being, like, a father figure for me.”
Perplexed by my assertion, Saya’s mama stared blankly at me. “Huh?”
Dumbfounded, I returned her questioning look. “... Huh?”
“Yoru-chan …,” she started slowly, her smile stuck in a halfway translation into a grimace, “... I’m not an alpha.”
“... What?” I asked, stupidly. “But aren’t you like ⸺ I mean your wife .…” I trailed off, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world.
A sudden understanding passed over her face, her expression becoming an ironic grin. “Did you think that I dress more butch than her, because I’m the alpha in our pair?”
Staring down at my feet, I was too embarrassed to do anything but nod.
Resting her face in her palm, her ensuing sigh crushed what little self-esteem I still had. “Yoru-chan,” she said, in a voice like she was trying to push back a headache, “I don’t know how, or why, but I think you owe my daughters some kind of an apology.”
I nodded again, wishing I could melt into the floorboards. “Yes ma’am.”
Our brief jaunt upstairs had a practical purpose in addition to our talk. Saya’s mama had retrieved a popular board game from the hallway closet, carrying it down with us as we returned to the living room.
The mood in the atmosphere was still tense, naturally, but the open warfare between the Ichikawa sisters had (for now) subsided. Saya and Runa sat together now, on the other side of the kotatsu; it seemed their punishment would be exclusion from my immediate presence, which was probably a good thing. Given the distance between us now, it would be difficult for Runa to pull anymore stunts ⸺ but I was kind of miffed that I wouldn’t be sitting with my date.
Mom and Mama sat on either side of me, a wall between their daughters and myself. I had no idea how Mom managed to stop the melee, but she’d done so on her own; her expressly-femme appearance belied a martial skill I hadn’t known she’d possessed. Sinking into myself, I tried to push the stupid comments I’d made about Mama out of my head; clearly I had misjudged both of them, over-simplifying their characters based on appearances.
It was astonishing how easily I found new ways to make mistakes in my second life.
The house was mostly silent as we set up the board game, save for the occasional idle chatter between Mom and Mama, or directions on where to place items. All throughout the process, Saya’s eyes were glued to the ring that hung around my neck; Runa pretended not to notice, but a smug aura radiated from her.
“Yoru-chan,” Mom smiled, handing me one of the plastic containers that had come from the game box, “would you mind playing the banker for us?”
It wasn’t a particularly-demanding job, but it required that I shuffle around some fake paper “money” every now and then. Having a task might seem like a punishment, but it was likely she meant to help keep me out of my own thoughts, and focused on the game instead. It was a sweet gesture, especially in the wake of the earlier conflict, but it felt counter-productive; I had so much to think about before the night was over, and not a lot of time to do it in.
“Of course,” I replied, already feeling drained before the game even started.
The game spread out before us was one of those household classics: a fairly short decision-making strategy game, it involved moving along spaces and making various “life choices” about careers and college and family. The end-goal was to be the player with the most amount of money by the time the game was over. It seemed like a terrible way to measure one’s success across their life ⸺ but I supposed it was ridiculous to expect a nuanced examination of lifestyle choices inside an hour-long family game. I doled out all the starting money, as everyone else grabbed their game pieces and started to play.
The first few turns were fairly meaningless; the events of your early life had almost no impact on the end of the game, which seemed incongruous with my own actual life. Highschool was glossed-over in this iteration, but my second life already had dozens and dozens of important things that I needed to decide ⸺ things that would affect me deeply. My actions here in highschool would have a huge impact on my relationships, and yet the first meaningful choice in the game was whether or not to go to college.
“It’s gotta be college every time,” Saya stated like it was a concrete mathematical proof. Her eyes slid over to me, a melancholy smile on her lips. “I want to make sure I can get a good career, so I can support a family.”
“In the game, right?” Mama teased.
“And in real life as well, I hope,” Mom added after her.
Even though it had been Saya’s assertion, everyone still turned their appraising looks towards me, completely bereft of any subtlety.
“College is probably a good idea,” I muttered, feeling on-the-spot, “but I don’t know about having a family.”
There were mechanical benefits to having children, certainly, but they were so luck-based that they didn’t feel like a worthwhile investment. It cost a lot of the game’s resources per kid, after all, and the goal was to ensure that you reached old age with a lot of money ⸺ children were a detriment.
“It seems like it would be pretty lonely without a family,” Saya mumbled petulantly, looking a little depressed by my answer.
“Maybe,” I allowed, wondering whether or not we were still talking about the game, “but having children is a huge responsibility.” Clutching my game tokens in my hands, I fought off a familiar feeling of panic welling in my chest. “I don’t know if I’m comfortable making that kind of commitment, especially so early-on.”
“That makes sense for you,” Saya whinged, drawing her event card. “I know how hard it is to get you to make a choice on anything.”
From her tone, I could tell that she hadn’t really meant anything by her comment, but I still winced anyway. Regardless of it was an accurate assessment of my character or not, it still hurt my feelings.
“Rather than worrying about a family,” Runa purred, a vicious quality to her smile, “I want to make sure my high-paying career takes care of my wife.” Her amethyst eyes were dead-set on me, the unmistakable target of her entendre. “Having a cute pet waiting obediently at home just makes you want to spoil her, doesn’t it? For being such a good girl.”
The honey dripping off her tongue made me squirm in my seat, my body reflexively remembering the ways she’d touched me, and the ecstasy of letting her have control. Even looking away from her, I could tell her smile reached all the way to her eyes; Runa understood exactly what she’d done to me just now, her comment implying that she could trigger that feeling again whenever she liked.
“We’re still talking about our strategies for winning, of course,” Mama laughed, a tone in her voice that made it sound more like a warning, and less like an amused remark.
After glaring at each of her daughters in turn, she glanced over at me, a questioning look on her face. The meaning of her flat look was readily apparent, and I smiled nervously in return, struggling to wordlessly indicate that I hadn’t forgotten about my promise.
“What about you, Yoru-chan?” Mom asked, an attentive encouragement in her soft soprano. “Are you thinking far enough ahead to plan for marriage, or other important things like buying a house?”
“I’m just trying to survive one turn at a time,” I replied meekly, feeling overwhelmed.
“That’s all anyone can ask for,” she giggled, amused by my answer. Unlike the rest of the family, I knew she wasn’t just yanking my chain or trying to make me feel guilty; her comments were meant to reassure me, to remind me that she was cheering me on. “Just do your best, Yoru-chan.”
Play continued in sequence, decision after decision piling up. Everyone else looked like they were having a good time, but my anxieties still weighed on me, stirring restlessly in the back of my mind.
The game was over far too quickly, with predictable results. Runa, of course, had won; it was a forgone conclusion in anything competitive, her skill at manipulation proving more than capable of surpassing any kind of luck-based mechanic. In reality, we’d all known we were fighting over second place all along.
Unsurprisingly, I’d come in dead-last.
I had been assaulted by bad draw after bad draw, forced to choose between undesirable outcomes at every turn. Hoping to minimize my losses, I gave up on anything optional that could cost me extra points: a house, a marriage, a career change. Despite saving myself in the short-term, I ended with far too few points in retirement, gaining none of the benefits of having played a better life.
“I wish we could’ve just played cards,” I grumbled to myself. I still would’ve lost at that too, of course ⸺ but metaphorically-speaking, it wouldn’t have hurt as much.
Annoyed and irritated with myself, and still no closer to telling Runa or Saya how I truly felt, I escaped to the bathroom. Buying myself some time would only prolong the inevitable, but I hoped that having some time to think might help.
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: hey
TallDrkBeauty: twice in one day?
TallDrkBeauty: I feel so special~
TallDrkBeauty: did the office party
TallDrkBeauty: go well?
EvningStar: kinda, maybe
EvningStar: not really
TallDrkBeauty: did you drink
TallDrkBeauty: too much?
EvningStar: ????
EvningStar: it’s barely dinner time
TallDrkBeauty: hey,
TallDrkBeauty: some of us
TallDrkBeauty: start earlier than others
EvningStar: speak for yourself
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: it’s nothing to do
EvningStar: with any of that
TallDrkBeauty: no need to be
TallDrkBeauty: so defensive
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: I’m sorry
TallDrkBeauty: don’t worry about it
TallDrkBeauty: still,
TallDrkBeauty: I’m curious
TallDrkBeauty: what’s got you all
TallDrkBeauty: riled up?
EvningStar: I don’t know
EvningStar: if I should say
TallDrkBeauty: and yet,
TallDrkBeauty: you texted me anyway
EvningStar: …
TallDrkBeauty: c’mon
TallDrkBeauty: I told you
TallDrkBeauty: that I like
TallDrkBeauty: helping people, so
TallDrkBeauty: let me help you
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: okay.
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: are things
EvningStar: -serious-
EvningStar: with your girlfriend?
TallDrkBeauty: well,
TallDrkBeauty: -I’m- serious
TallDrkBeauty: about her and I
TallDrkBeauty: some days, though
TallDrkBeauty: I wonder if she
TallDrkBeauty: is serious about us
EvningStar: that sounds
EvningStar: really tough
TallDrkBeauty: love is
TallDrkBeauty: -always- tough
TallDrkBeauty: that’s what makes it
TallDrkBeauty: so rewarding
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: I guess so
TallDrkBeauty: is that what
TallDrkBeauty: this is about?
TallDrkBeauty: love advice?
EvningStar: is that bad
EvningStar: if it is?
TallDrkBeauty: not at all
TallDrkBeauty: it’s just funny
TallDrkBeauty: to me
TallDrkBeauty: I spend a lot
TallDrkBeauty: of my work time
TallDrkBeauty: giving romantic advice
EvningStar: where -do- you work?
TallDrkBeauty: public services
EvningStar: ah
EvningStar: sorry for prying
TallDrkBeauty: no worries
TallDrkBeauty: let’s just go ahead
TallDrkBeauty: and get into
TallDrkBeauty: your problem
EvningStar: have you ever
EvningStar: been in a position
EvningStar: where you have to
EvningStar: choose between two girls,
EvningStar: when you might love both?
TallDrkBeauty: of course
TallDrkBeauty: I get around, so
TallDrkBeauty: situations crop up
EvningStar: how do you choose
EvningStar: which one is best?
TallDrkBeauty: is picking both
TallDrkBeauty: not an option?
EvningStar: I don’t think so
EvningStar: they kind of
EvningStar: hate each other
EvningStar: … hypothetically
TallDrkBeauty: … hypothetically
EvningStar: yes
EvningStar: hypothetically
TallDrkBeauty: well,
TallDrkBeauty: -hypothetically-
TallDrkBeauty: which one
TallDrkBeauty: loves you the most?
EvningStar: I don’t know
EvningStar: how to tell
TallDrkBeauty: in that case
TallDrkBeauty: just pick the one
TallDrkBeauty: with a better career
EvningStar: isn’t that kind of
EvningStar: cutthroat?
TallDrkBeauty: you have to have
TallDrkBeauty: -some- criteria
TallDrkBeauty: might as well
TallDrkBeauty: start with what’s
TallDrkBeauty: advantageous
EvningStar: there has to be
EvningStar: better criteria
EvningStar: right?
TallDrkBeauty: if economic safety
TallDrkBeauty: isn’t as important
TallDrkBeauty: to you
TallDrkBeauty: then you should
TallDrkBeauty: think about which girl
TallDrkBeauty: is more
TallDrkBeauty: socially-acceptable
TallDrkBeauty: as a partner
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: yeah
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: I guess that
EvningStar: would give me
EvningStar: an answer
TallDrkBeauty: but not a
TallDrkBeauty: convincing one,
TallDrkBeauty: it sounds like
EvningStar: it feels awful
EvningStar: to make a choice
EvningStar: just because
EvningStar: you’re not -allowed-
EvningStar: to love one of them
TallDrkBeauty: … yeah
TallDrkBeauty: I know what
TallDrkBeauty: you mean
EvningStar: so, you’ve been
EvningStar: in that position?
TallDrkBeauty: I’m kinda
TallDrkBeauty: still in
TallDrkBeauty: that position
EvningStar: is it okay
EvningStar: if you tell me?
TallDrkBeauty: …
TallDrkBeauty: sure
TallDrkBeauty: why not
TallDrkBeauty: it’s not like
TallDrkBeauty: an OL
TallDrkBeauty: can cause problems
TallDrkBeauty: for me
EvningStar: not when your
EvningStar: girlfriend is overseas
TallDrkBeauty: yeah
TallDrkBeauty: and you don’t know
TallDrkBeauty: anyone at my job
EvningStar: that’s true
EvningStar: even if I did,
EvningStar: I wouldn’t do anything
EvningStar: to cause problems
TallDrkBeauty: yeah, alright
TallDrkBeauty: I’ll trust you
EvningStar: thank you
EvningStar: I won't betray you
TallDrkBeauty: yeah, yeah
TallDrkBeauty: well,
TallDrkBeauty: I have my girlfriend
TallDrkBeauty: but there used to be
TallDrkBeauty: this kid I knew
TallDrkBeauty: like, maybe a decade
TallDrkBeauty: younger than me
TallDrkBeauty: I was close with
TallDrkBeauty: her family
TallDrkBeauty: and she used to
TallDrkBeauty: tell me all the time
TallDrkBeauty: that she wanted
TallDrkBeauty: to marry me
TallDrkBeauty: when she grew up
TallDrkBeauty: and have kids together
TallDrkBeauty: …
TallDrkBeauty: that kind of stuff
EvningStar: that sounds
EvningStar: extremely cute
EvningStar: adorable, even
TallDrkBeauty: yeah, she was
EvningStar: so,
EvningStar: what happened?
TallDrkBeauty: what do you think?
TallDrkBeauty: she was a kid
TallDrkBeauty: she was cute, but
TallDrkBeauty: still just a kid
TallDrkBeauty: and besides
TallDrkBeauty: I assumed that
TallDrkBeauty: she’d get over
TallDrkBeauty: her crush on me
TallDrkBeauty: when she got older
EvningStar: and?
EvningStar: don’t leave me
EvningStar: in suspense
TallDrkBeauty: …
TallDrkBeauty: she grew up
TallDrkBeauty: …
TallDrkBeauty: and now she’s
TallDrkBeauty: absolutely gorgeous
EvningStar: and does she
EvningStar: still want
EvningStar: to have your kids?
TallDrkBeauty: …
TallDrkBeauty: maybe
TallDrkBeauty: who knows?
TallDrkBeauty: it wouldn’t be
TallDrkBeauty: proper of me
TallDrkBeauty: to even ask
EvningStar: yeah
EvningStar: I guess not
TallDrkBeauty: yeah
TallDrkBeauty: I’m surprised
TallDrkBeauty: that you’re so
TallDrkBeauty: chill about this
EvningStar: about what
EvningStar: age gaps?
TallDrkBeauty: well, yeah
EvningStar: if she’s an adult now,
EvningStar: then 10 years
EvningStar: isn’t a big difference
TallDrkBeauty: I suppose not
EvningStar: I couldn’t judge you
EvningStar: on that anyway
EvningStar: since I once had
EvningStar: a crush on someone
EvningStar: twice my age
TallDrkBeauty: a highschool teacher?
EvningStar: how’d you know?
TallDrkBeauty: easy guess
EvningStar: yeah
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: so?
EvningStar: what are you
EvningStar: going to do?
TallDrkBeauty: nothing
TallDrkBeauty: I have a girlfriend
TallDrkBeauty: already
TallDrkBeauty: and I don’t
TallDrkBeauty: want to cause
TallDrkBeauty: a scandal
TallDrkBeauty: not just for me, but
TallDrkBeauty: mostly for her sake
EvningStar: it sounds like you
EvningStar: care about her a lot
TallDrkBeauty: I do
TallDrkBeauty: I really do
TallDrkBeauty: if she came to me
TallDrkBeauty: and asked me
TallDrkBeauty: to be with her
TallDrkBeauty: I don’t know
TallDrkBeauty: what I would do
EvningStar: so
EvningStar: is that your answer?
EvningStar: make the
EvningStar: socially-acceptable choice?
TallDrkBeauty: we’re adults
TallDrkBeauty: that’s what’s expected
TallDrkBeauty: I’m all for
TallDrkBeauty: doomed love
TallDrkBeauty: but sometimes
TallDrkBeauty: you have to make
TallDrkBeauty: the best choice for
TallDrkBeauty: -everyone-
TallDrkBeauty: not just
TallDrkBeauty: the two of you
EvningStar: …
EvningStar: yeah
TallDrkBeauty: does that help
TallDrkBeauty: solve your problem?
TallDrkBeauty: hypothetically
EvningStar: yeah
EvningStar: or at least
EvningStar: half of it
EvingStar: hypothetically
TallDrkBeauty: if you need help
TallDrkBeauty: with the other half
TallDrkBeauty: I’ll always be here
EvningStar: thank you
EvningStar: I really owe you one
TallDrkBeauty: don’t mention it
TallDrkBeauty: Merry Christmas, gorgeous
Dinner was a Christmas staple: freshly-delivered, crispy fried chicken. The Ichikawas must have been big eaters ⸺ or least, Saya and Runa were ⸺ and so a massive order had been piled up on the table, encouraging a take-what-you-want free-for-all. Deliciously-fragrant steam drifted up from our meal, making my mouth water.
Of course, it wasn’t particularly high on my list of favorite seasonal treats, but the fried foods had the curious effect of reminding me of my other romantic partner. Something about seeing such an enormous dinner made me imagine Reika-chan, and how many calories she could put away in one sitting. With her size, it made sense that her nutritional requirements far outweighed my own, but there was a weird kind of charm in watching someone enjoy such large portions.
It was such a bizarre thought to have, but it wasn’t as if Reika-chan was only on my mind because of last night. Even before our date together, she’d been slowly working her way into my heart, taking up more and more of my thoughts. Everything she did was either extremely charming or incredibly frustrating, but after the Ferris wheel ride I could understand the latter emotion much better.
Annoyingly enough, my tall gyaru got on my nerves so easily because I was so enamored with her. It was that playground-bullying desire, where the only way you understood how to deal with your crush was to provoke a reaction out of her, either for good or ill. Our hot-and-cold relationship reminded me of that “I hate you so much that I love you” style of anime, where an overly-protesting female lead bickered endlessly with her clueless-but-sometimes-cool love interest. As irritating as that back-and-forth could be, it was at least real, an aggravating proof of our affection.
Ultimately, that was the problem. I knew Reika-chan cared about me, and I knew Saya did as well; there was no uncertainty there, no obtuse questions or complicated games.
Maybe what I really valued was the willingness to be upfront with me. Reika-chan’s elaborate ploy to showcase her weaknesses had worked, her sincerity evident in her ability to be vulnerable with me, to show her unguarded side.
I knew what I had to do, but it weighed heavily on my heart anyway.
I caught Runa as the dregs of the meal were being cleared away, dragging her along with me, headed upstairs.
It was a strange feeling, holding her hand like this, being the one to lead her for a change. She was curiously obedient, willing to follow behind me without asking any questions. This docility was an unexpected trait, a behavior she’d never exhibited; the closest our relationship had come to this had been in the hotel, when I’d cried out the ghost of my nightmare, bleeding tears of black water against her chest.
The memory of our time together was still fresh in my mind, playing and replaying endlessly. The older girl had been a perfect husband, caring and considerate, happily entertaining my selfishness. She’d wrung her own enjoyment from my body, certainly, but everything in that still-too-short date had been for my sake, for my edification. For a short time, she’d treated me to a perfect facsimile of love, tireless in its recreation; the ring she’d gifted me was the next step along that path, our play-acted marriage proceeding in an almost storybook fashion.
Runa had reached a deep part of me, a frightened little creature that had begged for her comforting hands. As much as I’d loved the passion of our roleplay, the rough way she’d treated me ⸺ the marks she’d left on my skin ⸺ the part that I missed the most was simply her affirmation of care, her consistency in seeking my consent. Any of the things she’d done to me, the way she’d used me, would be horrifically exciting to describe to someone else, and yet the part of her that I missed the most was her quiet compassion.
I loved the sex, obviously, but what stuck in my mind wasn’t how I lusted after her.
Stealing a glance as we rounded the corner of the stairwell together, I was thrilled to find my heart leaping in my chest at the sight of her. My older girl was such a vision, a perfect model of that exaggerated femininity that I found so appealing. Her subtle makeup was naturally flawless, and her backless sweater highlighted all the parts of her that she thought I might want to see ⸺ and, of course, the same could be said of her form-fitting pants as well. It was impossible to deny my attraction to her, at least on a carnal level, but it wasn’t the only part of her that I found enticing.
The floorboards groaned quietly as I drew her down the hallway, my lover patiently padding behind me. Dozens of emotions battled each other inside me as I clasped my fingers around the ring dangling from my neck, clutching it tightly. I wanted to believe that this gift had been real, an honest admission; I desperately wanted it to be proof that I should take her into Saya’s room, and profess my feelings through the marks I’d leave on her skin. And yet, if I was honest with myself, I knew it wasn’t that simple.
Having led her far enough down the hallway that I felt confident no one could hear us, I finally turned to face her.
Runa’s face was an unreadable mask, emotion absent from it entirely. Projecting an aura of endless patience, I could tell she was willing to hear me out, but she wouldn’t let her own feelings slip until I’d given her mine.
I wanted so badly to embrace her, to feel her hands on me, to hear her call my name. How was I supposed to put that desire into words?
“Runa,” I tried, her name catching in my throat, “I have something important to tell you.”
Inwardly my heart screamed, terrified of the seriousness of the moment. I hate this, I whispered to myself, fighting myself over my own decision. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. The bitter feeling looped endlessly as I wrung my hands together around the ring she’d given me, too scared to move forward.
Calmly, tenderly, she took my hands in her own. They were warmer than mine, pleasantly-so, as though her consideration radiated from her skin, expressing our desire for touch. Their quiet strength reaffirmed our shared need to simply exist in each other’s presence.
That’s what made this so monumentally difficult.
“It’s alright, Darling,” she murmured, the slight furrow to her brow matching the concern in her eyes. “I’m here for you.”
Taking a deep breath, I let it out in a prolonged sigh, willing my hands and heart to be still; both yet trembled anyway, in defiance of my conviction. My throat felt dry, my hands ice-cold; I wanted to run away, and yet paradoxically she was the woman I wanted to seek shelter in.
“Runa,” I started again, holding the gaze of her gorgeous violet eyes, “I’m sorry that it’s taken me such a long time to say this, but I’m ready to tell you how I feel about you ⸺ about us.”
Searching her face for even a hint of a reaction, I found none; it wasn’t an unexpected outcome, not with how closely she guarded her feelings. It was likely she wouldn’t give away even the barest hint until I had finished my own confession, her desire for control asserting itself so strongly.
And that, too, was one of the things I loved about her, as vexing as it was. I admired that kind of inner strength.
“We haven’t spent a lot of time together,” I said, fighting to keep my tone even, to proceed along this path, “but that night at the hotel was enough to convince me of something important.” A bemused smile crept over my features, but I felt no joy. A tortured hesitation seized me, my confession delaying itself with unnecessary rambling. “It’s funny ⸺ I really do believe in ‘love at first sight’, but now that it’s happened to me I can’t stop, like, second-guessing everything.”
I didn’t want to have to do this today ⸺ I didn’t want to ever have this conversation. Frustrated tears formed in my eyes, threatening to fall; sniffling, I did my best to contain them, even as my emotions shuddered loudly in my chest.
Cautiously, tenderly, she reached out to me, her hand rising to cup my cheek, steadying me. Runa’s delicate caress exacerbated my horrible resentment, even as she wiped away my tears. Foolishly, stupidly, I leaned into her touch; I rested my hand on her own, nuzzling my face against her palm. I never wanted it to end.
“I’m so mad at myself for not realizing how I felt, and for not being able to deal with it now.” My vision blurring slightly, I pushed back against my tears, choking down the lump in my throat. “I know I look so stupid, crying in front of you like this ⸺ but I need you to hear me out. I need you to accept my decision.”
The moment stretched out between us, as we stared into each other’s eyes. It was the kind of intimacy I longed for, an explicit affection that she was always willing to share with me ⸺ but only in private. When we were together, she committed herself to me, indulging me in whatever I wanted, and with an intoxicating sincerity; but when others were around, everything became a game to her, a calculated amusement that existed purely for its own obstinance.
“After that night together,” I mewled, my tears beginning to fall, “I fell in love with you ⸺ I fell in love with my husband.” Shivering, I choked on my words, the sentiments I wanted to impart all jumbling together. “The devotion you showed me, your constant care, was everything I’ve ever wanted. I still want it. I want that passion, that tenderness, that loyalty. I want my loving husband.” I was sobbing now, my hands shaking in her grasp. My heart broke inside me. “I want you.”
It was a laughable assertion, a naive understanding of love. My desire for her was truly foolish, an impractical endeavor at best, but I had been completely ensnared by her amorous affection. I’d fallen for her, and fallen hard. My heart cried out in longing for her, yearning for that fantasy of our presumed marriage. That twisted, hopeless creature that I had become still craved every part of her, and the safety of being held in her arms.
But that’s all it was, wasn’t it? An ephemeral delusion, a play-acted romance; it was a love that could be put on and taken off like a coat, a simple contrivance of convenience.
“If any of that had been real, I would abandon everything else for you. I would gladly become whatever wife you wanted me to be.” I smiled at her through the stinging wet, the comforting scent of citrus obscuring the edges of my vision. Four tiny words mashed together in my mouth, my terrified selfishness struggling to hold them in. Saying them would change everything ⸺ and yet, tragically, nothing would change at all.
Tears streaming down my face, I offered her my heart with both hands.
“I love you, Runa.”
It was the truest assertion of my entire being, the concentrated distillate of my feelings for her, for the husband that she had been to me.
I reveled in the taste of those beautiful words in my mouth, wrapped in a sweet citrus glaze. Even as I craved more of it, more of her, my affection still turned to bitter ash on my tongue, a harsh reality settling in. Gasping pathetically, I forced myself to take a breath, to continue my arduous task.
“But, even though I love you, I’m not blind. Our night together, that fantasy we shared … ⸺ it wasn’t real, was it?” I asked, jagged cracks creaking through my core. Gripping her slender fingers with the pitiful strength I had left, I let my lovestruck gaze ignite, becoming a demanding stare.
A playful smile drew up the corners of her beautiful mouth, a knowing smirk overtaking her serious expression. Her mischievous grin spread wider and wider, the confident face of a magician who had successfully bedazzled her audience.
“None of it was,” she smiled, her grip relaxing, our fingers parting. “It was never real. Everything we had together was just a game that I tricked you into playing.”
A well-practiced sincerity ran through her words, imparting the weight of truth. Everything about her reinforced the veracity of her statement: her posture, her even tone, her wicked smile. It was an artless admission, the authenticity of which was impossible to refute.
It shattered my fragile heart, breaking it into a hundred small pieces.
“I knew it,” I laughed, a wretched cackling rattling in my chest. Finally, I’d been able to give someone my confession, to hear her own feelings in return, and there was no solace in it at all. Everything, every part of me, ached. “You were just toying with me, to get to Saya.”
Runa’s smile dipped slightly, a barely-noticeable change in her demeanor. “It’s the same for you, isn’t it?” There was a queer tone in her voice, a bitterness lurking on her tongue. “You must be relieved to wrap everything up so neatly, so you can go confess to my sister.”
Even through my blurred vision, I could see that the smug smirk that she’d plastered across her face still had a crack in it, a tiny break that didn’t touch her eyes. Everything about her projected a calm confidence, a willingness to let things end ⸺ and yet it didn’t match the hesitation reflected in those polished amethyst surfaces, the only place she couldn’t fully hide her feelings.
I couldn’t take this. Where would the game end?
Stepping into her space, I scrunched the fabric of her top in my hands, like I had to hold onto her or she’d disappear. Grinding my hands together in anger and frustration, I looked up at her, a demanding tone dancing in my voice.
“If you love me back,” I growled petulantly, “then just tell me.” Pressing my forehead against her chest, I writhed against her, sad and scared and irritable all at once. “You know I’m terrible at games, Runa. I can’t play them anymore.” I snuggled my face against her, longing for her arms to wrap around me, to tell me this was all a bad dream, to comfort me the way she had in our apartment. “I wish you would just tell me how you feel ⸺ I wish you wouldn’t lie to me.”
Gingerly, her hands grasped my shoulders, holding me steady. Slowly, agonizingly, she moved away from me, returning us to a proper distance, collapsing the intimacy that could’ve existed between a happily-married couple. This gap between us hurt more than anything I’d ever felt.
Releasing me, she placed a hand on my chest, pressing the platinum band against my skin.
“I would never lie to my wife,” she smiled, a wounded look still playing across her eyes.
Implicitly, I understood the rules; she’d taught them to me over the course of a single night, etching them into my flesh. She would give me anything I wanted, in the way I wanted it ⸺ but only as long as I played her game.
Cruelly, I’d learned that I wasn’t an exception, that I wasn’t anymore special than any of her other dates. Like everything else in this household, Runa would never willingly share me with her sister. I was just one more object to fight over.
“I hate you,” I sniffled, yearning for her touch. “Do you like me, or not?”
Caressing my face with the back of her hand, her implacable smile refused to divulge any of her secrets.
“I always mean everything I tell you,” she insisted, her voice never wavering.
This had been pointless from the start. I’d approached her as the wrong Yoru, stupidly trying to keep my promise to Mama. Runa had already answered my feelings ⸺ or at least, she’d told me when she would be willing to answer. Play house with me again, she’d said, and I’ll tell you what you want to know.
It was such a ridiculous dance, an improbable procession of masks and complicated moves, designed to shield our scars from each other. I didn’t know what had happened to Runa to twist her heart so terribly, but I understood what it felt like. Perhaps that’s why she held such a fondness for the old Yoru, feeling a kinship in our weaknesses.
“Okay,” I sighed, everything inside of me slithering out in one excruciating breath. “I understand.” Numbly, my hands went for the necklace, fumbling for the ring. “Should I give this back to you, then?”
She shook her head, waves of golden silk tossing against her shoulders. “That was a present to my wife,” she explained, smiling wanly. “I’d prefer if she kept it.”
It was such an infuriating demand, but one I couldn’t bring myself to deny. I’d spent so much of my energy on my confession, that I had nothing left to fight against my indecision ⸺ and she knew that. No matter what we were to each other, I was still wrapped around her finger.
“After tonight, I might never be her again,” I cautioned, offering her a pleading look. “Are you sure you’re alright with that?” Even in my rebellion, I still wanted to fall into her arms.
“Of course,” she said, her eyes glistening with the same longing that I felt. “She waited for me for thirty-seven years; I don’t mind taking my own turn.”
I couldn’t stand the growing silence between us, or the way it pushed us apart.
“I really do love you, Runa,” I murmured, clenching my hands into impotent fists.
“I know,” she smiled down at me. “After all, I’m the one who told you that you would.”
“I remember.” Summoning a contentment that I didn’t feel, I returned her smile. “And I hate you just as much.”
Her bemused grin never faltered. “I know that, too.”
Taking her hand in mine, I walked her back towards the stairs with an unhurried stride. We both treasured this moment, stretching it out as long as we could ⸺ together.
Kiss Me, Kiss Me ⸺ Say You’ll Never Leave Me
As we came downstairs, we discovered the living room was mostly as we’d left it. Mom and Mama were in the kitchen, opening a bottle of wine, signaling the approaching end of our get-together. It was already dark out, of course, the evening having proceeded on without us, leaving little time for any kind of “date” activities. I’m sure Saya wanted to leave anyway, to salvage whatever we had left.
She was sitting alone at the kotatsu with an annoyed look on her face, texting on her phone. Likely, she was talking to Reika-chan, complaining about her sister and how much of our date she was taking up. Her eyes lifted as she heard us enter the room, a worried look on her face.
“Finally,” she growled, fixing Runa with an angry stare. “Any longer and I was going to go up there and drag you down myself.”
“Are you sure?” Runa chuckled, unimpressed with her little sister’s posturing. “You might have walked in on something you wouldn’t want to see.”
Ignoring the salacious purr in Runa’s teasing comment, I sat down at the table again, almost collapsing onto it. I was so drained after our conversation, and I worried I wouldn’t be able to keep up with Saya for the rest of our date; I felt bad even using that word, since we had barely done anything together since I’d gotten here.
“I’m sure,” Saya scoffed, her retort lacking conviction. Doubtlessly there was some part of her that worried I had just taken Runa upstairs for some … alone time.
“Do you two have to fight?” I moaned, slumping forward onto the table, resting my head on my arms. “Can’t we just have a minute where you aren’t at each other’s throats?”
To my surprise, both sisters looked slightly ashamed at my comment. I had maybe expected some conciliation from Saya, but Runa’s willingness to play nice came as a shock. Perhaps their consideration lay in my castigation; idly I wondered if I had chastised them more when we were younger, whether they might fight a little less now.
Once again, I proved to be the source of my own problems.
Still sniffling, I laid my head on my folded arms, in want of a softer pillow. It was impossible to hide the fact that I’d been crying, from the scratchiness in my voice to the redness of my eyes. Saya noticed it immediately, shooting a glare in her sister’s direction.
“Are you alright, Yoru?” she asked, an obvious concern in her voice.
“I’m fine,” I lied, letting my frustration escape in a repressed sigh. “I just had something I needed to give to Runa.”
Saya might have been worried about me, but her eyes were still on the necklace. The fact that I hadn’t returned it clearly grated on her nerves, but she swallowed her indignation anyway. Grumbling in frustration, she propped herself up on one arm, drumming her fingers on the table.
“It’s alright, really,” I said, setting my hand on hers, calming her restlessness. “We weren’t really doing anything.”
“It’s true,” Runa agreed, deciding to be charitable; she sat down on the other side of Saya, distancing herself from me. “She turned me down, if you really want to know.”
Saya did her best to hide her smile, respecting my wishes not to start anymore fights. Her sister’s assertion had improved her mood considerably, my gyaru practically crowing with delight. Still, Christmas Day had almost run out, wasting our date.
“Do you want to get out of here?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. “I know there’s not a lot of time left, but I could take you somewhere ⸺ get a dessert, maybe.”
It was a cute offer, but the only kinds of places that would still be open didn’t really cater to highschool students.
“If it’s dessert you want,” Mama called from the kitchen, already half a bottle in, “we still have Yoru-chan’s cake.”
“I know how much you’ve been dying to eat that,” Mom giggled along with her, revealing herself as something of a lightweight.
Saya’s blush was extremely adorable, her mom’s crass comment hitting a nerve. At the very least, it confirmed what Reika-chan had told me earlier: my girlfriend probably did want to do that together, and it made me wonder if we shouldn’t find somewhere to stay the night.
“I wouldn’t mind a taste of Yoru-chan’s cake,” Runa smiled, the truce with her sister having lasted almost a full minute ⸺ exactly as I’d asked, and not a second longer. “I’m particularly fond of the cream filling.”
“If anyone’s going to be eating Yoru’s cake, it’s me,” Saya growled, her pink color steadily deepening.
The wine had to be getting to their parents, with all the snickering they were doing. Their rowdy behavior explained some of their daughters’ habits, at least; I wondered if I was going to have to be careful with alcohol around Saya in the future.
“Please don’t fight,” I whined, still coming down from the emotional moment upstairs. “I have enough cake for both of you.”
I hadn’t meant anything lascivious, and yet my comment elicited howling laughter from our audience.
Fuming, Saya stormed off to the kitchen, grinding her teeth and growling under her breath.
Taking advantage of her absence, I leaned across the table, hissing at Runa. “Do you have to be so contentious?” I asked, feeling guilty about how I imagined Saya’s night was going.
“I’m being perfectly reasonable,” Runa returned in an even tone, mischief glittering in her eyes. “Many girls are interested in your cake, Yoru-chan.”
I could feel Saya’s glare from across the room, as surrounded as she was by her parents’ cackling. She didn’t linger in the kitchen at all, grabbing everything we needed as fast as she could.
She returned with a stack of small plates and cutlery, almost slamming them down onto the tabletop, the dessert box following soon after. Saya dropped down next to me, her blush even worse than before, the pink color highlighting her adorable grimace.
“Well,” Runa grinned, barely suppressing a giggle as Saya fiddled with the serving tools, “how do you want to split her?”
“Maybe you two should take turns,” Mom called from the kitchen, while Mama laughed just as loudly as she tried to shush her wife.
Saya unfolded the box, revealing the Christmas cake I’d brought with me. It was a simple dessert, but a classic one: two layers of soft sponge cake supported a delicious cream filling, itself chock-full of sliced strawberries. The two of us were as red as the whole strawberries that garnished the upper layer, embarrassed as we were by the merciless teasing.
“We’re not taking turns,” my girlfriend mumbled, angling the serving knife to portion out roughly-equal slices.
“So you’re okay with going at the same time?” Runa smiled, venting her emotional frustration by steadily driving her sister’s irritation up the wall. “I’m not sure Yoru-chan could handle that.”
The lewd insinuation hadn’t ever crossed my mind, not really, but now that Runa had put it out there I couldn’t stop picturing it in graphic detail. The two sisters were both incredibly gifted, but I hadn’t experienced anything other than decidedly-vanilla pursuits. If they tried it now, I’m sure I’d either choke or be split in half ⸺ which, to be honest, wasn’t much of a deterrent.
“It’s not big enough to share between the two of you like that,” I mumbled, too embarrassed to look up from the table.
“What are you talking about?” Saya growled in exasperation. “There’s easily enough here for both Runa and me. Your cake is pretty big, if I’m being honest.”
Huddling under the kotatsu blanket, I wanted to die of shame.
Runa vibrated in her seat, thrilled at the chance to tease me. “Stop rushing, Saya,” she chided, eyeing me lasciviously even as she commented on her sister’s cuts. “Be more careful when you slide it in ⸺ you don’t want to accidentally tear anything.”
Saya’s glower was particularly fierce, incensed by her sister’s indecent comments. “I know what I’m doing,” she hissed. “I’ve done this dozens of times.”
Despite the relative normalcy of the dessert, I found myself blushing as Saya set a slice in front of me. The heated comments only excited me in an obscene way, making me painfully aware of how my thighs rubbed together.
Runa had already cut into her slice, piercing it with the end of her fork. Unhurried, she slowly slid the bite between her lips, staring at me the entire time. She relished the taste, a delighted moan escaping her mouth.
“So good,” she purred, offering me a lecherous smile.
A strange pressure had built up, a tense atmosphere hanging between the three of us. It made me feel so nervous, the simple act of enjoying a piece of cake taking on an entirely new meaning. My hands refused to work properly, my movements weirdly halting as I tried to take a bite. It was a good cake, but swallowing it felt dirty, somehow.
My frazzled mood only worsened as I caught Saya staring at me, concentrating intently on my face. I turned slightly, wanting to look away, when she reached out a hand. I almost jumped as she took me by the chin, holding me steady.
“Are you doing alright?” she asked, genuinely concerned. “You’ve gotten it all over your face.”
Humiliated, I sat still as she wiped the corners of my mouth with her finger, cleaning the cream off of me. A flustered squeak tore itself out of me as she slid the sticky digit into her mouth, sucking my mess from her finger.
“There’s no need to act so nervous, Yoru-chan,” Runa hummed, enjoying my torment. “If you can’t handle it all at once, it’s okay to slow down.”
The task only became more arduous as it progressed, my fumbling movements taking on a new life under the lewd context. Thankfully, the supply of innuendo seemed to have exhausted itself as I worked through my dessert, with no new entendres making an appearance. Everything seemed fine until the last bite, which carried the soul of the cake: the whole strawberry that perched atop it.
Sighing with relief, I aimed my fork to spear this last indulgence.
Runa was blindingly quick, her long arm reaching across the table before I could understand what was happening. The tines of her fork sank into my strawberry, stealing it away from me in one smooth motion. The way she smiled at me as she pressed it between her soft lips reminded me of how she’d described my pheromones, her thieving gesture taking on a new light.
Stunned, I could only sit and stare as the berry disappeared, the essential bite lost to me. Annoyingly, I could feel the petulant pout forming on my face, irritated with myself that I could let something like that affect me.
Leaving me no time to even process what had happened, Saya lunged at Runa, tackling her to the ground. Snarling, she climbed on top of her sister, holding her down by the weight of her body on the older girl’s hips. I gasped as she took Runa by the shoulders, pinning her. This sight alone was something to behold in my addled state, but what happened next threatened to drive me over the edge.
Bending down, Saya’s lips met her sister’s, forcing them open with her tongue. My eyes grew wider and wider as the moment stretched on, glued to the exciting scene in front of me. I had experienced the dexterousness of that particular appendage once before, but I never imagined my girlfriend would employ it for something like that.
A moment later, she rose up in triumph, her mouth dripping with a mix of saliva and berry juice. Crowing in victory, she reversed her cowgirl position, leaning across the table towards me. Cresting the length of it, she took me gently by the collar, pulling me in for an astonishing kiss. The mashed remains of my strawberry passed between us, thrilling me with its sugary taste.
Feeling like I was going to explode, I squirmed in my seat, excited and mortified in equal measure. As Runa sat up, her sister still in her lap, I could tell that she knew exactly what I was thinking.
“Saya,” I squeaked, my voice cracking under a nervous energy, “we need to leave.”
“Sure?” she agreed, failing to understand my tone as she awkwardly dismounted her sister. “Let me go get some stuff, and then we can go.”
“No,” I insisted, a queer fire burning inside me, “we need to leave right now.”
I couldn’t survive another minute, not after what I’d seen ⸺ I needed Saya to fulfill her duties as my girlfriend, as soon as possible.
I was champing at the bit as we left the house, Saya barely able to put her coat on before I started yanking on her arm, begging her to follow me.
The need inside me burned so hot that it felt like it was going to scald me if I opened my mouth, my breath leaving a trail of steaming clouds in the cold night air. Nervously glancing down the road in front of the Ichikawa residence, my mind played a quick game of locational calculus.
Saya’s room was obviously out: I couldn’t survive having to come back downstairs and see her family after we finished. Likewise, my own room was a no-go, as I didn’t want to have to explain to my mother why I was in such a hurry to get upstairs. A hotel or the dorms were all at least a twenty-minute walk away, which was much, much too long of a time to have to wait.
My hormone-addled brain did its best, homing in on the closest structure that could be considered “private” ⸺ y’know, as long as you didn’t think too hard about the criteria.
There was a cute little park about a block down from our houses, where Saya and I had often gone to play when we were younger. It held many pleasant childhood memories for me, which filled me with a sense of shame and regret as I contemplated exactly what I wanted to do.
Hauling Saya after me, we jogged down the street and crossed into the park proper. Calling it a “park” was slightly generous, obviously, as it was more of a playground with a little walking path through some greenery, but the important thing was that it was large enough to warrant having a public bathroom.
“Couldn’t you have just used the one in the house?” she asked, clearly bewildered by my choice in venue. “It’s cold out here.”
“It’s not that,” I whined, gritting my teeth as I led her to the simple concrete structure.
Still not understanding, she stopped at the door, holding me back as I tried to usher us both inside.
“Do you really need me to go with you?” she asked, looking slightly embarrassed. “It’s the middle of the night, so I don’t think anyone else will be in there.”
“I said it’s not that,” I insisted, stamping my foot in irritation. “I need your help.” I did my best to communicate my desire with the raising of my pleading eyebrows, but my girlfriend still wasn’t catching on.
Growling in frustration, I pulled her into the bathroom with me. It was exactly as you’d expect: several identical stalls, sitting across from a long counter that housed a handful of wash basins. The fluorescent lighting was slightly garish after having come from outside, but it wasn’t like I particularly cared about having any lights on for this.
“Yoru,” Saya complained, finally stopping me, “can you just tell me what’s going on?”
Staring up at her with a needy expression on my face, I took a moment to really look at her, to drink in her beautiful form. She was the same as she’d ever been, save for the gentle blue undercolor to her gorgeous dark hair, but her piercing eyes and delicate lips enticed me in a way that I hadn’t quite understood during my first life. It’s not like she towered over me, not in the way Reika-chan did, but the difference in our height stoked that fire inside me; her hands, too, were larger than mine, filled with a strength that easily outpaced my own.
An anxious hum running through my body, I was mewling like a kitten as I took her hand in my own. I pressed against her, laying my head on her chest as I erased the gap between us, our bodies tight together. Wordlessly, I lifted my skirt, jamming her hand down past the band of the warm leggings I’d worn underneath.
“I need you,” I whined, chewing on my lip as her fingers slid into my panties, mashing against the dripping wet between my legs.
“This is a hell of a start to our date,” she smiled, a bemused smirk on her face. There was no hesitation as she pushed her hand further and further, her fingers rubbing against me; now that she’d understood my intention, she was eager to satisfy my desire. “What got you so revved-up all of a sudden?”
I had to be pink all the way down to my shoulders. There was no way I was going to be able to answer that question, not while she was looking at me with those gorgeous jade eyes.
“Y’know,” I mumbled, squeezing her hand with my thighs, desperately wishing she’d rub me a little harder. “The thing with the strawberry.”
Aggravatingly, Saya did little more than just tease me, cupping my pussy in her hand. “What about it?” she asked, completely ignorant of what had happened. “Is a little kiss enough to get you off these days?”
“If I say ‘yes’,” I growled, frustrated with her agonizingly-slow pace, “will you give me one?”
“Maybe,” she laughed, just out of my reach. Contenting herself with prolonging my torture, she wrapped her arm around my shoulder, holding me close as she did everything but finger me. “I’d feel more inclined to give you what you want, if you gave me a real answer to my question.”
My breath hitching in my throat, I grinded against her palm, seeking release. “It’s too embarrassing,” I muttered, struggling to get past more than a handful of syllables between each sharp intake of breath. “I don’t want you to think th-that, I’m s-some kind of pervert.”
“I already know you are,” she smiled, savoring my erotic misery. “Not that I mind any ⸺ I dyed my hair for your bimbo fetish and everything, after all.”
“It’s n-not a fetish,” I mewled, scrunching up the lapels of her coat in my trembling fists. I could accept that gyarus were my type, if I was forced to, but I was sure it wasn’t a fetish.
Allowing me a gentle smile, she bent down to kiss my cheek; her lips were annoyingly-soft, and so warm against my skin. “Just tell me what turned you on,” she whispered in my ear, enjoying the shiver it sent up my back, “and then I’ll take care of you.”
Gripping her coat tightly, I felt like I had to hold myself up by my arms, my legs starting to shake as my girlfriend toyed with me. “It’s really, really embarrassing,” I whined, pleading with her. “P-please, please just help me finish.”
“No,” she said confidently, her slight smile so infuriatingly-attractive. As much as I hated being denied, her assertion of control really hit me hard, exciting that prey part of me; annoyingly, I didn’t need any help getting more turned-on, her comments only making everything so much worse. “Be a good girl and answer me,” she purred, my tigress flexing her dominance.
She had to know how difficult it was to talk, even as she pet my drooling lips. “Everyone was t-teasing me,” I mumbled, fighting to keep the pathetic mewling out of my voice, “a-about you and Runa, like, double-teaming m-me.”
“Is that what they were doing?” Saya muttered, finally her turn to blush.
“Th-they said y-you should take turns with Runa, ‘cause I’m n-not big enough to fit both of you,” I stammered, the words of my erotic fantasy dribbling from my mouth in a heedless procession; now that I’d started, I couldn’t make myself stop. “Y-you said you wanted to do it at the s-same time, and m-make it fit.”
Curiously, the longer my sordid tale went on, the more I could feel something poking me in the stomach; the sensation was strangely familiar, but with my mind swimming in all manner of salacious scenes involving Saya and her sister, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
“A-and then you were riding her, and pinning her down, a-and shoving your tongue in her m-mouth,” I rambled on, shamefully getting off on my own retelling of the scenario I’d imagined. “I kept thinking about h-having both of you inside me ⸺”
“I get it,” she mumbled, cutting me off. She wore a pained look on her face, a surprisingly-cute contrast to her crimson blush.
Shifting awkwardly, she pushed me away from her, eliciting a surprised squeak of protest. I wanted to be near her, to feel her body against mine; I chased her, stepping into her space, tugging insistently on her clothes.
My blush deepened as I brushed against what she’d been trying to hide, the hard length of it jabbing me in the stomach. A happy, stupid smile on my face, I let go of her lapel with one hand, sliding it down her body, seizing hold of her throbbing bulge.
“Yoru,” she hissed, her body growing rigid as I squeezed her through her pants.
“What?” I asked dumbly, smiling up at her with my ridiculous grin, drunk on pheromones and fantasies. “Don’t you wanna stick it in me?”
“Not while I’m thinking about my sister,” she groaned, pulling her hand out of my clothes. Taking me by the wrists, she lifted my hands off of her, putting a slight distance between us.
Pushing me back until my ass collided with the counter, she finally released her grip. She surprised me as she knelt in front of me, resting her knees on the tiled floor.
“W-what are you doing?” I squeaked, staring down at her as she put her hands on my thighs.
“I thought you wanted a kiss?” she purred salaciously, tucking her fingers into the waistband of my leggings.
With surprising ease, she slid my bottoms down my thighs, leaving only my skirt to cover my modesty. Offering me a lewd look, she put her head under my skirt, her hands gently pulling my legs a little further apart. I gasped in delight, shocked by the passion of her first kiss, her tongue accepting the work her fingers had left. It felt like the weight of my body rested on her mouth, her strong hands holding me by my hips.
Hissing a tortured litany, I ran my fingers through her hair, rewarding her efforts with halting pets. I had assumed that my girlfriend was only as practiced as I was, her “apology” in her bedroom having been both of our first times ⸺ but it seemed I’d misjudged her. Reika-chan’s handiwork was obvious, my other gyaru clearly having instructed Saya in this thrilling technique.
“Saya,” I moaned, taking handfuls of her hair in my fists, “I-I can’t take anymore.” A pleasant shiver radiated through me, my legs trembling so strongly that I wasn’t sure I could stay standing, my body giving out under my girlfriend’s vigorous assault.
Frustratingly, she continued on anyway, heedless of my warning. Unable to hold out any longer, I felt myself collapse, the tremor in my legs evolving into a full-body shudder.
Effortlessly, Saya caught me before I could fall, holding me back against the counter. Smiling devilishly, she rose from her knees, grinning at me all the while. Unable to decide if I wanted to kiss her or slap her, I simply glared at her, throwing my arms around her waist, leaning on her as I came down.
“Feel any better?” she asked, wiping her face with the back of her hand, displaying that same lack of tact as the first time.
“I hate you,” I mumbled affectionately, resting on her chest, supported by her arms. “You can’t understand a maiden’s heart at all.”
“Do you really still count as a ‘maiden’?” she giggled, pressing in close against me, her hands wandering my back.
I nodded, nuzzling my face against the warmth of her. “Until my wedding night,” I assured her.
“Well,” she murmured, a comforting softness in her voice, “I’ll do my best to get you there.”
We sat on the swings together, a mirror of the hundreds of times we’d done this as kids. The metal creaked in the chill breeze, oscillating between a low groan and a higher whine; the rhythm was eminently familiar, engraved in my memory in the same way as the theme song for a favorite show.
Rocking back and forth on my heels, I fidgeted nervously, warming my hands on a can of vending-machine coffee.
“Do you not like soup, or something?” Saya asked, eyeing my choice of Extra-Strong Dark Coffee. “It just seems like that’d be way too bitter to drink.”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled, taking the occasional sip, “I guess it’s just the kind of taste you get used to, once you’ve had it a ton.”
Catching her staring at me out of the corner of my eye, I turned to face her; she was gazing at me intently, like there was some hidden secret she was trying to ascertain through careful observation. Her eyes were so intense that it brought my blush back in force.
“When?” she asked, a note of concern coloring her smooth tenor. “I’ve never seen you drink coffee. You’ve always got like, I don’t know ⸺ apple juice, or strawberry milk, or something.”
“Yeah, when other people buy stuff for me, sure,” I agreed, my suppressed giggle turning into a strained smile. “But whenever I’m working late ⸺ which is all the time, mind you ⸺ I get like, three or four of these.”
The corners of her mouth turned down in a slight grimace, my girlfriend glowering at me like I had been replaced with a stranger.
“Yoru,” she started apprehensively, “you shouldn’t have so much caffeine when you’re studying.” Brows furrowing, her grimace became a proper frown. “I’ve gotta talk to Reika-chan about not letting you buy coffee at night.”
“No, not studying,” I said, a bewildered expression on my face. “When I’m working ⸺ like at my job, I mean.”
It was such a strange conversation to be having, like Saya was choosing to misunderstand me on purpose. Clearly she was trying to be protective of me, asserting her imagined omega-alpha dynamic, but it grated on me that she wasn’t paying attention.
“The school doesn’t allow part-time work,” she said, an incredulous look on her face. “You could get in trouble if any of the teachers found out.”
“No, my office job,” I huffed, growing tired of this annoying little game. “I’ve worked there for like fifteen years.”
The mood between my girlfriend and I had become tense, like the two of us were competing over different, nonsensical bit jokes. I tamped down on my growing frustration, already feeling bad about how little “date” there’d been in our date so far.
Saya’s gaze fell to her lap, like her drink was truly interesting and she had to examine every inch of it. A growing silence stretched out between us, accompanied by the metallic scraping of the swings. Several uncomfortable moments passed, the sudden atmosphere too difficult to break.
“I guess I just keep forgetting,” Saya sighed at last. “I want to believe you’re the same Yoru I’ve always known, the girl next door that I grew up with … ⸺ but you’re not, are you? Not really.”
“Saya,” I said, concern rising in my chest, “it’s not like that. I’ve been the same person our whole lives.”
“Yeah, I guess,” she replied, smiling wanly. She turned back to me, a pained look in her eyes. “But you’ve lived an entire life without me, too.”
It was a fact that was impossible to deny. For the second time tonight, I’d been the wrong Yoru, my irritating duality causing problems in my personal life.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, not exactly sure of the reason why I felt compelled to apologize.
“Don’t be,” she replied in a small voice, like she was a thousand miles away from me. “I’ve been laboring under the delusion that I understand who you are, what you’re like ⸺ but Reika-chan should’ve woken me up.”
That moment in our dorm had been difficult for everyone; it was the first time I had a hint to what was going on, how my new life was unfolding. I’d been shocked to learn that Saya had been pursuing me the entire time, but I hadn’t really stopped to think about what that realization had been like for her.
“I’m not, like, that different,” I tried, hoping to soothe her worries. “From my perspective, things are more or less the same as my first time through.”
“I know that’s not true,” she protested, a sad smile on her lips. “I’m your best friend, Yoru. I can tell what’s different.”
Fixing her with a skeptical look, I tried to be at least somewhat sympathetic in my disbelief. “There’s no way you can know something like that,” I chuffed.
“Absolutely I can,” she asserted with a confidence I found unwarranted. “It’s honestly fairly easy to tell, the more I think about it.”
“Try me,” I scoffed, shaking my head.
It was implausible at best that she’d be able to notice any inconsistencies. It was like trying to solve a completely blank jigsaw puzzle, with no image on the pieces to reference. Even the cleverest person couldn’t win at a spot-the-difference game when they could only see one image.
“There’s dozens of things,” she answered, swaying back and forth on her swing. “You come over to the house more often this time around, and you spend a lot more time in my room, listening to music with me.” Holding out a hand, she enumerated her discoveries, ticking them off on her fingers. “I know you’ve never snuck into my room at night in your last life ⸺ and you never made me anything on Valentine’s, either.”
My mouth hung open, a look of disbelief plastered across my face. She’d been so accurate, piecing together several incongruities like she’d experienced them alongside me.
“How … ⸺ how did you know?” I asked, completely stunned. It wasn’t an exhaustive list, but none of her guesses were off the mark.
“I don’t need to know anything about your life,” she sighed, her shoulders slumping like she’d been defeated, despite surmising everything correctly. “All of those things are the little moments that stick out in my head, the memories of being together with you that I really cherish. It’s easy to tell what’s different just by thinking about myself, and the way you make me feel.” She looked at me with that same half-smile that I’d seen countless times on Reika-chan’s face, whenever the taller gyaru saw through to something I’d missed. “They’re not just random guesses: they’re all the reasons why I fell in love with you, Yoru.”
It was a painful admission, for both of us. Her reasoning was so simple to understand, the differences between both lives revealing themselves through a particularly awful acknowledgement: Saya had never confessed her feelings to the old me.
“Oh,” I squeaked stupidly, feeling so small and pathetic.
This was supposed to be my chance to sort out my feelings for Saya, to answer the confession she’d given me ⸺ and yet I’d already cheapened her love, staining it in pure carelessness.
“Ah, I really hate this,” she laughed, staring up at the uncaring sky. “After meeting Reika-chan, I knew I was the only one in love. Right? Like, seeing her on top of you, the things you said ⸺ I thought I understood what that meant.” Closing her eyes, she screwed them shut, damming her tears. “I was so sure that you were just ignorant of your feelings for me, because, like, why else would you have treated me so lovingly?”
“Saya ….” I tried, my words trailing off before they even began. How was I supposed to refute her claims? Everything she’d said was the truth.
“I feel so stupid.” Her voice sounded so hollow, unable to hold back anymore; the first drops finally fell from her eyes, staining her cheeks. “I’ve been letting you use me this whole time. It’s not that you didn’t love me back ⸺ you didn’t care about me at all.”
She let her gaze fall to mine, a bitter smile on her face. “I’m just your insurance policy, is that it? You fed me all those lines so that I would go along with your script, and play my role: the loyal childhood friend, who will happily sacrifice herself to ensure you never end up alone.”
There was no warmth between us anymore, our closeness stolen away by the chill of the evening. I wanted to push back against her words, to tell her that I still cared, that I didn’t want to lose her ⸺ but didn’t that just confirm her accusations? I was so scared that she’d leave me, and I was terrified that I’d have nothing without her; I’d said those same words to myself over and over, never stopping to imagine what it would be like for her.
“To think that I wasted all that money on hair dye and new clothes, when I was never going to win against Reika-chan in the first place.” Her pathetic grin made me want to hold her, to tell her that she was wrong, that I had an answer for everything, that I wasn’t like that ⸺ but I knew it would only hurt her more. “I’m sure you even love my sister more than me, since you’re still wearing her fucking ring.”
Gripped by a horrible panic, I felt frozen to my seat, unable to move. “Saya,” I mumbled, my traitorous tears a mockery of her own, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she sighed, standing up from the swingset. “It’s my own fault for getting my hopes up, and dragging you into this ‘girlfriends’ game. I should’ve just accepted that you won’t love me back.”
I wanted to take her hand, to stop her from leaving. The gulf between us stretched wider and wider, swallowing everything: our friendship, our affection, and Saya’s one-sided love.
Turning her back to me, she wiped her face on her sleeve. “I’ll text Reika-chan, and tell her to come get you.”
Numb all the way down to my core, I watched her walk away, her broad back growing smaller and smaller as she left me.
Once more, I was alone with my regrets.
very much torn between enjoying the Total Reika Victory, and Yoru being a dumb bit*h who can't defend herself enough to even save Saya's heart... Was kinda rooting for the thrupple ngl (we still got time I guess?).
It feels kinda thematic, Runa is in love with Yoru the 30-something, Saya is in love with Yoru the teen, Reika is in love with both as she is also both.
...but then, why do I feel like Saya's being uncharitable here? That Yoru didn't just want her as a back up, that she was trying to make up for the damage to their friendship caused by her relentless pursuit of their english teacher in the first go? Yoru is a mess of guilt, repressed lesbianism, and regret. She's too stupid to think of Saya as a back up girl.
amazing sh*t
merch idea: getting t-shirts made with "TOTAL REIKA VICTORY" on them
As disappointed as I am in Yoru's complete and utter inability to be honest with herself and make a godamn decision, I was still expecting this. She clearly never paid much mind to Saya in either life and never felt very strongly about her. Pretty obvious when you track how often she thought about Reika/Runa and how she spent her time with Saya.
This was a tragedy all along, but just for Saya lol.
Man, good chapter. It had ME stressed out, let alone Yoru.
That said... is it weird that I'm kinda still rooting for Runa? Like yes I know why it won't work between them, but also as twisted as it is there's just something so romantic about their relationship. I guess I really am just a sucker for "doomed toxic yuri" in the end.
Runa is one of my favorite love-interests! I'm glad you see The Vision
@valtarra Runa is easily my favorite as well. It feels like she is the one who first stopped treating Yoru like some type of prize to be won in a game of tug of war.
I had fooled myself into thinking this was going to be a chill chapter....
Sayaaaaa
Edit! Also, YORU, you are at a cute family christmas party next door and you didn't invite your own hot MOM to the festivities? You are grounded young lady.
oh no that’s not how it was supposed to go at all
My heart
Yoru pls girl
Yoru please... Get it together!