Melissa lifted an arm to her eyes, shielding herself from the sun as she moved through the door. In front of her, Lonna was already walking briskly down the street, with her head ducked and her eyes focused permanently in front of her. The walk seemed to scream “don’t get in my way.”
Melissa had questions, so she hurried to catch up, leaving Talith to lock up.
“Hey!” Melissa called out. “What’s the plan?”
“The plan is to get past the gate.” Lonna didn’t look back, but did raise her voice. “We’re going to clear up our misunderstanding with the guards.”
“You don’t need to speak that loudly?” Melissa replied, a little confused. “And what misunderstanding? Isn’t everything on the poster true?”
“The poster says that you’re a false heroine - you’re the true heroine. Which everyone will know soon enough!” Lonna shouted this last for everyone to hear.
Not that there was anyone in the streets around them, actually. For some reason, despite it being morning, the city around them seemed all but deserted.
“Uh... great plan!” Melissa started, “But maybe we can try a different one? Like a disguise! If I had your cloak, I’d be a lot less likely to be seen in -”
“- my cloak stays on me,” Lonna growled, with enough ferocity that Melissa stumbled back a step. Talith caught her in his warm, soft clay arms, and then released her.
“Careful there,” the Laspi warned. “That cloak was a gift from our mother.”
“Your mother?” Melissa looked between Lonna's diminutive green-cloaked figure and Talith's gigantic clay form, mentally running through everything that they’d ever said about each other. “You’re… siblings?”
“Adopted. Both of us.” Talith shrugged, before pulling his slit mouth into a smile. “The cloak isn’t magic, or made of special thread, or anything like that, if you’re wondering. It’s just a normal cloak. But our ma made it with love, and patched it every time it tore. I’ve rarely seen Lonna without it.”
“Lonna can hear you,” Lonna called, back, fists on her hips and a scowl on her lips. “Look. It’s just a cloak. Stop trying to make it seem important, and focus on the townsfolk who want to murder us and kidnap Melissa for the Queen's coin!”
Melissa paled, her legs suddenly like jelly. Despite that, she took a step away from Talith, and toward Lonna.
“That's why you're yelling?” Melissa asked, incredulous. “To warn them off?”
“For all the good it’ll do,” Lonna agreed, her golden eyes pivoting about.
Then Lonna raised her hand. “-Three, approaching.”
“So it can count!” The voice came from an alleyway to the right. It disgorged three people, none of them human.
The woman speaking was like a giant grey cat with a white muzzle, standing on two digitigrade legs. If she got on four legs, she would have seemed like just an oversized house pet; as she stood, though, she was nearly as tall as Melissa.
Next to the felinoid was a man with pale skin, golden eyes, and the lower body of a large green snake. He was long enough that he could have likely curled around Lonna three times before running out of tail.
Taking up the rear was a woman who looked, to Melissa, like an angel: a human torso and legs, blonde hair, a vapid smile on her face. She had swans wings stretching behind her back, twitching occasionally as if she were trying to fly. Despite that, her feet never left the ground.
“A feline Sapphi, a lamia, and a harpy.” Lonna listed them all off, in order, for Melissa’s sake. “What brings you three together?”
“Funny you should mention our roots, actually…” The cat laughed, and held a paw up to her mouth, just a moment too late to hide her disconcertingly fanged grin. “You see, we have a little bet going. About what you are.”
“Just tell us,” added the lamia, “and we’ll be glad to let you and your little heroine friend go on your way.”
“Uh-huh!” the harpy chirped next. “I think you’re a Chimera, by the way.”
“Nobody cares what you think, Harmony,” the Sapphi snapped, before turning with that predator's grin to Lonna. “I mean, I personally think you’re just a magic experiment gone wrong. That’s the real reason you’re always cloaked.”
She stepped forward, reaching for the green fabric. “Come on. You can tell me. I’ll win two Crowns!”
Lonna moved to slap the hand away from herself, but Talith stepped forward before she could. Moving with shocking speed he pinched the Sapphi’s wrist between his three thick fingers and lifted her into the air, causing her to cry out in pain. He swung her by the wrist and threw her into her two friends, knocking all three of them down.
“Nobody talks that way about my sister.” Talith’s voice rumbled with anger, and the three figures trembled as they found their footing again.
“T-This isn’t over,” the Sapphi warned, holding her limp wrist, and wincing in pain. “I-If you dare step foot in Ife again, we’ll be there! I promise you that!”
Talith only scowled in response. Harmony practically squeaked.
“Come on,” Lonna muttered, starting to skirt around her, now trembling, one time opponents. “These idiots aren’t worth wasting Breath on.”
Melissa stared, as Talith turned to follow Lonna past the group. She only hesitated for a second, though, before running to follow them both.
With this group, she thought, they just might make it through the gate.
***
Lonna was, to understate things, in a bad mood. The dawn was scant hours ago, but already the heroine had been made renegade, the city had turned against her, and three idiots decided to test her patience.
Word of the stooges fate must have taken wing, though, or else no one else in the city was the same flavor of foolish enough to face a magi, a laspi, and a mighty-seeming heroine all at the same time.
It didn't much matter. Lonna and company had made it to the gates with due haste. That should have put her in a good mood.
It didn’t.
Because standing in front of the gates were the two faces she wanted to see least: Maxwell and Eddison, the night guardsmen.
“Isn’t it a bit early for you two?” Lonna asked, staring them down.
The two pummeled their shiny new breastplates with freshly gauntleted fists. Both parts of their new kit of wisely-forged iron. They even had new helms, though they hadn't closed their visors.
This was clearly Lonna's invitation to punch them right in their smug faces.
“Still want to set us on fire?” asked Edison.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Lonna replied, voice dry. “I mean. Think of all the extra funds it must have taken for them to get armor sized for a sprite.”
“Cut the horseshit,” snarled Maxwell. “We both know Magi are defenseless against iron! Your magic won’t work on us, like this.”
“Will it stop me from knocking your heads together like the rocks they're full of?” Talith asked, striding toward them.
Lonna held out a hand to stop him. “You go work the winch for the gate," she ordered. "I’m in just a bad enough mood to deal with these two myself.”
“Are you sure?” Talith asked, voice dropping low. His eyes darted to Melissa, just now coming to a stop behind them, and still looking over the scene. “Your heroine doesn’t seem to like violence. It might be better to put it all on me.”
“She’ll see how I fight eventually, anyway,” Lonna muttered, glad that her dark cheeks wouldn’t show much red. “Just take care of the gate.”
Talith shrugged, and moved toward the wheel that would lift the iron gate. The soldiers in turn pointed their spears at him, preparing to attack the Laspi, but he paid them no mind as he began to turn the wheel.
“Melissa?” Lonna called. “Go on ahead.”
“Are you sure? They look like they’re about to stab Talith…”
“He can take it,” Lonna promised. “Body of clay - Lapsi are hard to kill. Just get through the gate.”
Now Edison had spun toward Melissa. His lack of experience was obvious; he clearly didn’t know which target to prioritize.
Maxwell really was going toward Talith, though. At least until Lonna exhaled a plume of fire toward his back - heating the armor, and causing smoke to rise, likely from the padded gambeson sparking. If she kept up the fire too long, he’d burst into flames…
But Lonna wasn’t cruel enough to do that, tempting as the thought was.
She only needed him to turn around.
The second Maxwell turned toward Lonna, Talith spun the wheel rapidly, moving the gate up far enough that all of them could duck under it. Then the Lapsi bent the wheel in on itself, securing it as they moved toward the gate.
“Come on!” Lonna urged, running toward the gate at full speed. She waited until Talith and Melissa were under, both of them ducking almost in half to get under it, before lowering her head to pass through herself.
Then she blew a kiss toward the rope that burned neatly through it.
A moment after she got through the gate crashed closed and Lonna grinned, showing her fangs. “That should buy us a few minutes. Now come, the stables are this way…”
Without hesitation, Lonna made her way toward the stables used by the gate guards. A young man stood guard in front of them - maybe fifteen at the oldest, with only the spear, maille, pauldrons, and brown cloth pants that were a guards' usual kit. Lonna gave him only a cursory glance before delivering her ultimatum.
“Be elsewhere. Go back to your family, if you’ve got one.”
The man hesitated, gripping his spear. Lonna could tell from the twitch in his eyes clear as windows that he didn’t want to hurt her.
She could also see Talith narrowing his eye sockets, though. He was half a second away from pulling back and fist and sending the boy to a medic.
Lonna grabbed hold of the spear shaft and muttered a spell under her Breath that ignited the dry wood. The weapon splintered in two.
The boy squeaked in surprise and broke, running. Lonna, for her part, threw the blunt half of the splintered spear-shaft to Melissa.
“Hold onto this,” she ordered. “It might come handy in a fight.”
“R-Right…” For some reason, Melissa looked pale and frightened; she really didn’t have a stomach for violence, it seemed like.
If she was really the heroine she'd learn while keeping that gentleness. The road they were walking was going to be soaked in blood before it was done.
“I’ll saddle up two horses,” Lonna told the group, for now. “Talith, you set the others free, and look for a riding drake. Melissa… Please tell me you can ride?”
“My class trip went on a field trip to ride some horses in middle school?”
“I didn’t understand half those words, but good enough!” Lonna grinned. “Doing better than I expected at this point,” she said, sincerely.
Talith was already bringing out the horses. Most of them would be sent to roam the countryside, while Lonna and Melissa would take one each. For Talith, however, they’d need something bigger.
“Did they not have drakes in the stable?” Lonna asked, uncertain how to proceed. Talith could move fairly fast, but without a mount...
“It’s in the back,” Talith responded, stilling Lonna’s fears. “I’ll get it next.”
“Good. Be quick. Melissa - while he’s doing that, I need you to gather up all the equipment you can find. Riding crops, saddles, bridles, everything.”
Melissa, clearly confused but eager for something to do, began to prepare.
Lonna nodded in approval. “Once we get our own rides secured? We’ll burn the rest of their gear. That, plus the missing horses, will buy us some time without riders on our trail.”
Melissa nodded, throwing a saddle and some bridles on the ground before going back inside for more.
This time, however, she stopped, and took a hasty step back into the light. It didn’t take much to see why: Talith was walking one of the riding drakes out.
It was a huge beast, about a dozen feet long and half that across. It had thick muscles, covered by hard green scales. It’s feet had vicious black talons. Even its snout was covered in small spines.
Children were known to cry when they first saw a drake - but the beasts were quite gentle, and bred for size and strength only so that they could carry Laspi without effort or complaint.
“Don’t worry,” Lonna said, heart soaring. “With this girl on our side, and the guard’s gear burnt, there’s no way they can stop us. Mount Drogone - yon we go!”
Oh dang, adventure awaits!
I was a big fan of gendered and I gotta say. This version is even better!
I wanna say more but my thoughts are all scattered. Just. Thanks! For being rad and for your good good stories.
@DerbyGhost I'm glad to have you as a reader. <3 I hope you'll continue to read and enjoy!
I consider this to be the first draft of the final version - there's some stuff I want to go back and edit, when it's all done, and some things I need to rework (like. How did Melissa never see the *castle* in the city?) But. All that can wait until I finally, actually, finish the book. <3
"The Lonna raised her hand" -> Lonna? Unless she's thinking about herself in third person
"was a man with skin, golden eyes, and the lower body of a large green snake" -> missing adjective before skin? Tanned? Pale? Green?
"like an angel; a human torso and legs, blonde hair, a vapid smile on her face." -> angel: a human torso and legs, blonde hair, and a vapid smile on her face.
But she had swans wings -> swan wings/swan-like wings? Also possibly "However, iInstead of arms she had..."
"Clearly Lonna's invitation to punch them right in their smug faces." -> maybe "This was clearly an invitation for Lonna to punch them..."
"She’ll see how I fight, eventually, anyway," -> maybe "She'll see how I fight eventually," ?
" that burned neatly through it. " -> maybe "burned through it neatly" or "neatly burned through it"?
"A moment after she got through, the gate crashed closed, and Lonna grinned fangs" -> remove commas; maybe "and Lonna grinned wide enough to show her fangs"? or "and Lonna grinned menacingly/grimly/widely"?
"Lonna gave him only " -> maybe "Lonna only gave him..."
" in surprise, and broke, running." -> maybe "in surprise and broke, running away"
"If she was really the heroine, she'd learn, while keeping that gentleness." -> maybe "If she was really the heroine she'd learn it while still keeping that gentleness."
"on the ground, before going" -> remove comma
"dozen feet long, and half that across" -> remove comma
Did Lonna toss Melissa the half of the spear that has the sharp head, or the half that has the blunt end?
Nice to see Lonna doesn't kill random people on a whim or for getting in her way
Thank you for all the proofreading - before I put up any changes, would you like me to credit you in author's notes?
@PrincessKay If you don't mind, it would be nice.
Is there any particular planned length for this series? Do you know where you want it to go and roughly how long? Or is it a series where you have a rough idea of where it will go but aren't sure how long it will take (like the ones that stretch into hundreds or thousands of chapters)?
@FallingLeaf I'll be honest - in my outline, I thought I'd be further ahead by this chapter.
This is meant to eventually be compiled into volumes. I have the first volume roughly planned out, with more detailed planning for a ways forward (not too far, because my plans keep subtly changing, but far enough to keep me anchored.)
@PrincessKay So it's intended to be a longer story? Neat, something to look forward too over time then
@FallingLeaf Oh yes! Please look forward to chapters for a long time to come. <3
Hello, I'm Renee, also known as "embarrassed I didn't catch all of these." Thank you very much for doing this proofreading - I'm mostly editing for tone and symbolism and sometimes I miss really embarrassing typos.
@PrincessKay Which is why when we use those hours you're about to save up Doing The Thing we should have a serious talk about story architecture and Eight Reel Structure - to avoid this story from sprawling as long as it could, to it's detriment.
@Renee_Bianca Don't feel too bad, content editing for tone and phrasing has a different focus than editing for technical grammar, syntax, tenses and such. I know I've missed some things looking through my work in the past when focusing on phrasing, tone, word choice and those kinds of things and missing stuff that should have been obvious like a wrong word being used-too instead of to, etc. (edit- in an ironic self demonstrating example-I had to fix this very sentence!-I had "using" instead of "used" ). You've consistently done a really good job on the other chapters, so you can just use this as a reminder to keep the technical side of things in mind while editing