November 26, 2009

A flash of light illuminates the middle of a forest, parts of broken furniture spread all around me, Mary's dead body in my hands, the scream I released still echoing.

What I have done? How did I lose control? And why?

These and hundreds of others are the questions that repeat in my head, again and again, while tears keep straining my cheeks, falling on her cold body.

Pain wrecks my soul, hate for the monster I have become fills me, and so it does the rage against Lucifer, the one that could have said something to me, someone that months ago had known I will see people die under my eyes.

As these feelings keep harming my spirit, energy surges from my primal source of power and start soothing my damaged soul.

Only wishing for the pain to lessen, I finally break down the barrier containing my godly power, taking refuge in the soothing feeling the energy is providing me, hoping for a simpler brain to hold my mind, one that doesn't have to suffer from the aftermath of my actions.

As I use the primal energy my domain is providing my body starts to change, and soon the form of the man disappears, replaced by that of a wolf with a golden collar.

Feeling my human mind slowly turning into an animal one, my guilt starts dwindling, replaced by a more simple emotion.

As the complex ability of rational thought starts slipping out of my mind's faculties, I can only express my feelings with a long and sad sound.

"ARH-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

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Hunger... Hunt...

Prey... Feed...

Others... Not prey...

Similar... Not pack...

Not friends... Enemies...

Snarls... Growls...

Fight... Dominance...

They submit...Now pack...

Hunger... Hunt...

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Running in the woods...

Hunting for prey...

Leading the pack... 

Meeting others...

Fighting them...

Beating their alpha...

Impose dominance...

Keep moving...

Keep hunting...

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The pack moves and survives... Life is simple... 

Hunting preys and feeding the pack... No one can escape us...

I am the alpha, and the others submit... No one can fight me...

Something is wrong... Something is missing...

The pack is not enough...

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While we are roving in the woods I find a familiar scent...

We start following it and find a forest full of prey...

Something is calling me, drawing me in a direction, and I run toward it...

As the alpha, the pack follows me when I run, living off with what I kill for them...

We move in this forest, full of life, full of beasts, without other predators present, no one trying to stop us from claiming this land as ours...

The calling grows stronger every day, until, after several nights, I arrive in a clearing, a familiar one...

One with a cobbled road and two buildings...

As my human mind wakes, a though comes forth, I'm home.

At the same time, I start changing back, returning to my original body.

Memories of the last months start to resurface, but they are different than my normal ones, like watching a film, with no emotional weight, probably because a different brain does process feelings differently.

As I start unconsciously moving towards the building, a bark wakes me up from my trance, making me aware of the presence of the pack.

At the same time I became aware of the pack of wolves that followed me, I am finally awake, conscious of the events that caused my loss of control and its aftereffects.

The idea of having killed an innocent, slams against my mind, threatening to crack it again, but this time I am stronger, weeks of being a hunter and living in a primal way have hardened my soul, making me a lot more resistant to this kind of trauma.

Watching the pack that my animal self has amassed while wandering in the woods, I notice that my awareness of them is different from what it should be, the ability to understand them evident as I become fully aware of their thoughts.  

As I read their anxious expressions I realize that I can't abandon them, I can't give up on someone that depends on me, even if that someone is a member of a pack of wolves.

While I watch them I start communicating, through bark and growl, explaining to the pack that this is their new home and that they will always be under my protection.

When they accept my command something unexpected happens, they start turning into mist, slowly leaving the material plane, and moving toward myself, to enter my soul and transform into the hounds that will accompany my future hunts.

Knowledge starts entering into my mind, knowledge on how the magic of the Wild Hunt can turn mortal beings into ghosts of the hunts, eternally bound to its powers, or at least bounded till they decide to reincarnate again if they joined voluntarily, or until they pay for their crimes if they were forced to join.

As the flux of information stops, I find myself alone, ready to start living as a man once again, set on never repeat that night's sin in the future.

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March 6, 2010

It has been a week since my return home, a week since I regained my ability to think like a human.

I spent a good chunk of this week thinking, the feeling of guilt appearing like a splinter of pain, stuck into my heart, pulsating every couple of hours.

I have not used my Hunter's powers to enter the Wildlands or to summon someone from my court since I have returned, fearing their counseling, knowing that they will not judge me.

But I don't want their comprehension, they will tell me to forgive myself and to forget, that an immortal king will leave corpses behind while walking his path, and even if I know the truth in their words I don't wanna forgive myself.

At least not now, I am not ready to let this feeling go, the guilt forcing me to never forget, preventing that from happening again.

The sound of several cars driving on the cobbled street wakes me from my reverie, three black SUVs with an eagle symbol on the flank are what I can see parking before my house.

Luckily I have the habit of having my glamour on nowadays, I think as I open the glass door and step outside, greeting the men parking in my courtyard.

Several men dressed in suits leave the cars, all giving space to a thin middle-aged man, that step forward and identify himself while reaching out with his hand, "Hi, I am agent Phil Coulson, from S.H.I.E.L.D."