“The command—ahh, uhhh…” Lucienne caught herself just in time. “I mean, Lady Camilla… don’t you think that she can be surprisingly irresponsible? Even though she was the one that picked you two up, she left you two with me.”

“Um, Lucy, that’s not us.”

“We’re over here.”

Sariel and Ariel both poked her in the ribs, causing Lucienne to jolt. Lucienne looked from the two dolls sitting at the head of her bed to the twins. “Yes, I know. But I wasn’t talking to you. I’m not complaining about the two of you at all.”

“You’re not fooling anyway,” Sariel said. “Who else did Miss Camilla pick up and leave with you other than us?”

“Are we a burden? Do you not like us?” Compared to Sariel’s indignant tone, Ariel looked and sounded like she was going to cry, with her words choking up in her throat and the corners of her eyes turning red.

Lucienne leaned over and hugged her faster than she could speak. “No no no, of course I like you. You two aren’t burdens. Really fun to be around, in fact.”

“S-so why are you talking like you’re complaining about us?” Ariel asked, sobbing a little. With each sob, Sariel poked Lucienne a little harder in the side.

The twins’ relationship with each other as well as Sariel’s protectiveness of Ariel never ceased to bring tears to Lucienne’s eyes. Even now, there were tears, mostly from Sariel’s stabbing. Lucienne dutifully held them in as she hugged Ariel a little tighter.

The twin’s interpretation of her words were never what she meant and now she struggled to find words to explain it. Lucienne was beginning to regret speaking at all, but there was no medicine for regrets. She made her bed and now she had to lay in it. She sighed.

“Actually, I’m more upset at Lady Camilla than anything, you know? It doesn’t seem like it because she’s a vampire and undead, but of everyone in our group, she’s the best at using holy magic.”

The twins gasped. “Really? She’s that good?”

“Well, I don’t call her commander for nothing. Or used to. She’s so irresponsible and even though she took you guys in, she’s not doing anything to help you.” Lucienne pinched the bridge of her nose. “Anyways, I think she said her affinity with holy magic took a hit when she turned into a zombie, but it’s still heads and shoulders above mine, and that’s why I’m a bit mad. I wish I was better.”

“Why?” Ariel asked.

Before Lucienne could answer, Sariel piped up like a novice would in a classroom. “Oh, I know. I think I know.”

Lucienne blinked. She didn’t expect Sariel to know, but then as she was about to ask Sariel, the girl turned quiet in an instant and put her hands over her mouth in a seal. “No wait…” she squeaked.

Lucienne rolled her eyes at her before she put back on her business face, all serious. “You’ve heard me say this many times before, but the two of you are talented casters. Lady Camilla should be the one teaching you, not me. I don’t think I’m qualified, considering that it hasn’t been long since I became a full templar.”

She sighed.

Although she was kind of tall, she wasn’t actually that old. The difference in age between herself and Lady Camilla was around the same as the difference between her and the twins. Experience was probably one of her biggest deficiencies, not to mention how she wasn’t the most stellar of students even as a trainee.

“That’s not true!”

“…yeah, it’s not…!”

Lucienne looked up as two small hands grasped hers. Ariel looked earnestly at her while Sariel was a lot less enthusiastic, but it was the gesture that counted. She smiled, though she didn’t take their words to heart.

“I think you’re qualified. We learned more in these past weeks than our whole lives before combined!”

“Well, that’s more attesting to your own talent and prior education, no?” Lucienne countered.

Ariel shook her head. “You’re also really good at teaching and explaining things we don’t get. You know, sometimes we go ask Miss Camilla, but she’s always so vague…”

Lucienne was speechless. These girls actually find her lessons helpful? Considering she just made everything up on the spot, it was actually impressive. She also tended to overexplain because sometimes she gets herself lost in the various instructions and steps.

“That’s…good…”

Faced with her strained, placating smile, Ariel looked deflated. As Lucienne went to comfort her, Sariel slipped in between them. With her fingers held stiff and straight, she chopped her hand down on Lucienne’s head. It didn’t hurt in the slightest.

“Stop being down on yourself, Lucy!”

“Huh?”

“You might not know, but according to my father, geniuses are the worst teachers.”

“That can’t be right,” Lucienne protested. “Just look at Lady Camilla; she’s perfect. There’s nothing she can’t do. That’s what they call a genius. She became a captain when she was around my age, and then became commander a while later because she’s just that good at everything.”

“Yeah yeah,” Sariel huffed, “we’ve heard it all before. So she can do all that…all that except explaining the basics of the Sunlight spells in terms we can understand, apparently.”

Although Lucienne tried to refute Sariel’s words, she realized she couldn’t find the right thing to say. 

Without waiting for her, Sariel continued. “Not just the Sunlight spell. Even Light. Since Ariel and I taught ourselves and from borrowed or sold books, we wanted to learn it from someone who could do the real thing. Our old version was always out.”

“You could do Light fine now, though?”

“I know, but that’s only after your help. Miss Camilla’s way of teaching seems to be just showing you the spell and telling you the intermediate steps but in really complicated terms. But your way is much better, since it goes from the basics and is built up to the real thing.”

Ariel peaked out from behind Sariel and nodded.

“Sari is right. We really do think that you’re a good teacher,” she said. “Huh, Lucy? Why are you crying?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Lucienne asked. “I’m not crying.” 

She sniffed, and then sniffed again. “Um…” she tried to say, only to realize that there was a lump in her throat that prevented her from talking. A small panic rose up in her as her mouth opened and closed in silence. 

What was happening to her? Her eyes itched, and when she wiped at them with her hand, the back came away wet. Something slid down her cheeks.

Ah, so that was crying. It’s been so long…

The last time she cried was in the early days of her trainee years, wasn’t it? Endurance, stability, and that included keeping emotional impulses under control. Those that failed to tame their emotions never went far, and through her persistence, Lucienne managed to tame her tears.

Even when she formally became a templar, those congratulations that she received had been, the ceremony taking place in a half-empty hall. How could she cry in a place like that, even in happiness?

As her shoulders shook, a shiver ran through her body from head to toe as Lucienne once again remembered what it was like to cry.

“There there, Lucy. Why are you crying?”

“I-I’m not crying. There’s something in my eye,” she said. She blinked to prove it, but it only made her eyes string more. Frustrated, she rubbed her eyes.

Endure, Lucienne told herself. Endure.

Keep your emotions under control; only then can you make the best decisions.

The saying from the Order echoed in Lucienne’s mind. She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself down, trying to keep her thoughts on anything other than her emotions and the triggers. But as she continued to sob silently, she realized that she had no idea what the trigger was. She didn’t know what it was, so she couldn’t keep her concentration away from it.

Why was she even crying?

Here she was, a grown up in her own right, being comforted by two little girls. If her old partners saw her like this, what would they say?

Ariel reached up and smoothed her hair, patting the top of her head. It felt good. What didn’t feel good was the way that Sariel whacked her back. Despite the pain, Lucienne still felt the affection that Sariel had toward her.

It didn’t feel bad, and she even found herself wishing that she could go on like this forever, basking in the affection of these two girls.

Affection. It was affection that she had been missing. 

The Order had no affection, and now she finally found it.

“Lucy?”

“…yes?” She wanted to die. It was so embarrassing being comforted like this, but Lucienne made no move to get Ariel off, or stop Sariel. At least Sariel stopped whacking away at full stretch and shifted to little circular massages on her back.

“Miss Camilla didn’t leave us with you to keep you busy or to keep us away from trouble. I think she believes in you that you can do what she asked well. That’s why, have more confidence in yourself, so you can teach us lots in the future!”

After a long time, Lucienne nodded. “I will.”

“That’s a promise then!” Ariel held out her hand and extended her pinky. With a smile Lucienne hooked her own pinky against it and shook it back and forth. But halfway through, a third pinking joined the fray, belonging to a certain fiercer one of the twins.