Chatting for some time, Miyuki and Emily suddenly remembered Garret and Henrich.
"Oh yeah Miyuki, we haven't heard any sounds from their room in a while, do you want to go check on them?" Asked Emily, the curiosity obvious in her eyes, "I wonder if they managed to finish those 55 bottles of alcohol. It was 55 right, Miyuki?"
"Yeah it was 55, I don't even want to remember Emily..." Sighed Miyuki, resigned to her fate, "I know I can't stop you from checking on them, so let's put the children in their beds, and then we'll go check on them okay?"
"Hmm? What about Yuiko though?" Asked Emily, tilting her head in confusion, "Can I put her somewhere? I don't want her to see the state Henrich and Garret are in."
"I forgot to tell you earlier but I have a second bed in Erina's room that you can put Yuiko in. I kind of thought that it would be nice for Yuiko to have a bed in this house just in case, later on, she wants to stay here." Miyuki admitted while directing Emily up the stairs.
"That's a smart idea Miyuki! Maybe we could have sleepovers in the future! We could Suzuki, Erina, and Yuiko wear animal pajamas!" Emily exclaimed with a righteous expression while blood started running down her face.
"Calm down Emily! Yuiko is still in your arms!" Rebuked Miyuki seeing that Emily was starting to lose control of herself, "You need to control yourself! What if one of our coworkers saw you like this! Your reputation as mature and uptight would disappear instantly!"
"Oops, I didn't notice that my nose was bleeding." Confessed Emily while putting Yuiko down for a second to wipe her face, "Though you don't need to worry, I keep my at-work and not-at-work personalities separate! So there is no chance of me losing control at work!"
Raising an eyebrow at this bold statement, Miyuki questioned, "I don't know about that Emily, what if I showed you a picture of Erina sleeping while holding her favorite stuffed rabbit?"
"U-um I would stay strong and resist Miyuki!" Exclaimed Emily with a righteous expression on her face. Picking up Yuiko, Emily continued, "But if you have a picture of that, I NEED it! A-ahem for research purposes only of course!"
"Uh-huh," Nodded Miyuki, totally believing what Emily was saying, "but yeah, I'll DM you that picture later okay?"
"Thank you very much, Miyuki! You're my new idol!" Emily vowed while trying her best to bow with Yuiko still sleeping in her arms.
[AN: Wow that was long, I just started writing and it all just, flowed. Sorry if you don't like segments like these, but I like writing/reading them so here you are!]
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After laying Erina and Yuiko in their beds, and then coming back for Suzuki, Miyuki and Emily made their way towards where Henrich and Garret were drinking, a place dubbed the 'man-cave'.
Arriving at the 'man-cave of manliness', Miyuki let Emily do the honors of opening the door only to be greeted with a squalid sight.
"It reeks of alcohol in here! How much did they drink!" Complained Miyuki while scrunching up her nose due to the smell, "I am stepping over piles of bottles over here! If you're going to drink this much, at least open the window to let some air in!"
"Oh my, it does stink in here," agreed Emily, having just walked in behind Miyuki. Opening a window to let some air in, Emily added, "I'm glad I didn't bring Yuiko in here, I wouldn't want her seeing Henrich like this, even if she doesn't remember it."
Walking around the room looking for any remaining bottles that could be taken back to the cellar, Miyuki suddenly gasped, "Are you kidding me! Did they drink all but four bottles? Are they TRYING to cause problems for themselves or something?"
Laughing, Emily replied, "Ah no, I finished checking the rest and I found some more unopened bottles Miyuki."
Sighing in relief, Miyuki inquired, "How many did you find Emily?" While walking over to the table to set her 4 bottles down.
"Ahaha, I found a lot of bottles, Miyuki!" Emily emphasized while walking over to the table. Setting down her bottles, Emily struck a pose and confessed, "I found 3!! Amazing right?"
Her face morphing into a demon's, Miyuki bellowed, "THREE is NOT a lot Emily, and it isn't that amazing..." Before stopping and just sighing in resignation.
"Yeah, it isn't a lot... I think we should give an earful to our husbands, what do you think?" Asked Emily after getting the reaction she wanted out of Miyuki.
Agreeing, Miyuki added, "Yeah, that sounds great!"
After finding out that there were only 7 bottles left out of 55, Miyuki woke up Garret by kicking him in the downstairs area lightly before bringing him to their shared bedroom where she began chewing him out like there was no tomorrow.
Emily, on the other hand, sat on Henrich’s stomach before headbutting him on the nose and beginning to yell at him until he became deaf.
Yelling at Garret for quite a while, Miyuki decided to let him off 'early' before leaving to join Emily to make dinner.
Meeting up with Henrich, Garret joined him for a session of silent pondering about life. Sitting next to each other, they reached a new level of enlightenment of how scary their wives could be...
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"Hi Emily, how are you? I feel like I've lost 10 pounds just now!" Beamed Miyuki, meeting back up with Emily with an exuberant expression on her face.
"I also feel great, thanks for asking Miyuki! But it does feel like I've just lost 10 pounds, how strange..." Replied Emily with an equally exuberant expression on her face.
Walking down to the kitchen together, Miyuki and Emily began making a wide variety of dishes for the special occasion.
"We should make a lot, to celebrate the first meeting between Erina and Yuiko!" Miyuki suggested while getting some ingredients from the refrigerator.
"Yeah!" Emily responded while beginning to heat the stove, "We'll make a feast okay?"
"Yeah! I feel like I could make a mountain of food right now after letting all that stress out of my system!" Added Miyuki while high fiving Emily and beginning to cook a feast of unprecedented size, and variety.
Slapstick physical comedy can work well in comics and other visual mediums, but not so much in written works, so I'd suggest avoiding it. Another pitfall I'm starting to notice you leaning towards by now is the same mistake many American sitcoms fall into, in which the husbands are meek, bumbling oafs that never seem to do anything right and are always taking sh*t from their wives, whether they deserve it or not. This is a tired trope by now, and also results in one-dimensional gag characters, which readers won't care about and might even start to dislike, depending on how much their presence tends to derail things.
The slice-of-life segment between the two women was fairly nice, even if some may consider it filler... right up until their shrewish responses to their husbands drinking each other under the table. Were these arranged/political marriages? Do these women hold no affection for their husbands at all? Similarly, do the men care at all about their wives respecting them, or are they just going through the motions? These aren't pleasant questions for a reader to be asking, but the events will prompt them, in the back of the mind if nowhere else. Again, this is partly because slapstick doesn't typically work well in written medium.
Or maybe I'm just a very serious sausage who can't see the humor in these things.
Thanks for the feedback! Though since these chapters are being reposted, you probably won't see these changes until maybe chapter 20 something. But, I will keep your feedback in mind!
What did I just read?
I dunno... filler? fluff?
you probably spent a bit too much time on toddler years tbh. you'll probably notice that most novels don't focus on the toddler years unless the mc is a reincarnated person or some kind of genius that can act and think for themself. baby moments are cute but not when the mc is said baby. 7 chapters in and there's no world building, we know nothing about the mc's personality (because their too young to have one really), you did good portraying the parents' personalities i guess but i'm assuming the story isn't really supposed to be about them. just something to keep in mind if you start another similar story. world-building especially, we don't really have anything to invest in the story right now aside from cute mc and wacky parents. we don't even know what the parent's jobs are just that they're government workers. don't know the political situation, what use magic even has in this world (combat, technological advancement, medical, sport, etc.). all i'm trying to say is you gotta mix a bit more world building in-between the fluff. just simple things could do it, like mentioning a stove run off magic, or either of the two moms complaining about their work and what they have to do usually. you had some pretty good places to mix that in but kept the fluff going in favor.
hope i didn't come off too harsh. wouldn't bother if i didn't actually like the story so far. just a few tips that might help in the future.
Thanks for the feedback~
The beginning of this book definitely could have been better, and I have gotten a lot of feed back throughout the chapters so it does get better as you keep reading I think... also yeah... the book is like 50 percent fluff..
Typo
just in case, later on, she wants to stay here. -> just in case, IF later on she wantS to stay here.
P.S. Great novel so far