Lily and I talked late into the night, but eventually, she said goodnight and drove back home. I was unbelievably happy to have her back in my life. All my worries and fears about coming home were fading bit by bit. 

1:00 arrived and I biked over to Sadie's house. I was the only one of the three of us who had neglected to get their driver's license. Everything I really needed to do was always within a mile of my house, so I never really saw the point.

Lily and I packed into Sadie's old Honda and we headed for the mall. I was naturally slightly panicked at the idea of going shopping like this. When I'd gone with Sarah and Rachael we had all been, give or take, in the same situation. This was going to be very different.

We parked and began making our way through the stores. Sadie was of course exuding energy and very full-steam-ahead when it came to picking things out for me. I had unfortunately admitted to my recent clothing purge/void and Sadie made it her personal mission that the void be filled.

Lily was the perfect counter to Sadie's over-enthusiasm, constantly reigning her back until a happier medium was struck. Of course, that didn't mean they weren't having the time of their lives making fun of me as I showcased almost every item. It was especially awkward when we were in the Victoria’s Secret and I had my girlfriend explaining bra sizing to me in intricate detail. It was even more awkward when she gave me a quick look at my chest and then handed me some appropriately sized bras off the shelf, some of which looked especially lacy.

We started winding down and I went through everything they had talked me into getting. Most of it was reasonable: a few shirts that were tailored a little bit better, some more jeans, and some leggings. I found out that while guy me had never been much of a hat person, I looked really good in a beanie and walked away with a solid variety of hats. I had made it clear dresses were out of the question, but that didn't stop them from trying their best to work around it. I ended up with three skirts, all much shorter than I would have liked.

I had found that shoe shopping was one of the aspects of feminine clothing that I could actually get behind. There was lots of wiggle room when it came to boots and sneaker-like things. Olivia’s words popped into my head. Something about girls having a larger gender box. I did, however, make sure to steer clear of anything with a pronounced heel or open toe.

There were only a few more things that Sadie and Lily had thought up for the occasion. I didn't know which I detested more. Sadie walked the three of us over to a nail salon and I had my first experience getting my nails done. What I was never going to show was how much I had enjoyed it. It was like a massage and I admitted through gritted teeth that it did, perhaps, feel nice to look... well, a tad bit pretty. The final act of the day was going through the makeup department that separated us from Sadie's car.

We wound down the aisles of foundation, concealer, eye shadow, eyeliner, liquid eyeliner, pencil eyeliner, lipstick, lip gloss, matte lipstick, perfume, bronzer, highlighter, contour brushes, fine brushes, and flat brushes. It was enough to make a person insane! I felt like a canvas as Sadie and Lily buzzed around trying things on my skin, seeing what matched, what brought out my eyes, or my cheeks. It might have been enjoyable if it weren't so thoroughly overwhelming.

After what was legitimately hours, we finally made it out the door and back in the car. We drove back to Sadie's house and unloaded.

Sadie had told Kai to meet at her house as well and the four of them headed right into things as though nothing had changed. Sadie had a fire pit in her backyard and we roasted some hotdogs and marshmallows. The four of us hung out and I told a particularly embarrassing story about Sadie's fear of roller coasters. Of course, as all conversations nowadays, the topic of my transition was inevitably brought up.

"So, Isaac," said Lily, "I don't want to impose, but have you thought about a new name?"

I nodded, "I've actually given a lot of thought to it, but nothing ever seems to feel quite right."

Kai dramatically put down the cup of lemonade he was drinking and declared, "Alright team! Your mission should you chose to accept it: find the perfect name!" That gave everyone a good laugh, but it was still a bit of touchy subject and nobody wanted to start out.

Sadie piped up, "So what are you looking for? Or like, what have you decided against? That might help give us a better idea of what you're going for."

It made sense. "Well... I don't know. I don't want anything that's really frilly or fancy-shmancy, but nothing run of the mill either."

Sadie agreed, "So Kim and Agatha are off the table, got it."

Just the idea of either of those names made me shiver, especially the latter.

"What about Jennifer?" Kai suggested.

"Ehh, that feels like someone my parents' age," I replied.

"Well then what about Hannah? That's a young name," Sadie wondered.

"Ehh, it feels close. But a little too.... common."

I could tell everyone was really racking their brains to come up with a suitable answer. It was nice that everyone was trying so hard.

Lily broke a smile, "What about Arya?"

"Like on Game of Thrones?" I asked back, quizzically.

"Yeah! She's a badass who breaks the rules, especially gender norms."

I let out a good laugh, "I dunno. That could work, but would it be weird?"

Everyone gave me shrugs and smiles. Then it hit me.

"What about Amelia? It's close enough to Arya, but a little less Westerosi."

Sadie let out a giggle, "I thought you didn't want one that was too common. Isn't Amelia like in the top ten of all white girl names?"

Lily chimed back in, "I like it. And when we want to annoy you we can shorten it to something like Amy or Lia."

I rolled my eyes. It seemed only fitting that I pick a name that could easily be used against me by my friends. "Was this it?" I thought. Amelia felt... it felt right.

"I've come to a decision," I announced, "Henceforth thoust shalt address me as... Amelia." I said jokingly, but seriously enough.

Sadie bowed and said back, "All bow for her highness, Amelia." Then Kai and Lily joined her in their deep over-the-top bow.

I giggled, "You may rise my loyal subjects." Then all of us resigned to laughing. It felt quite odd to have finally settled. When Sarah and Rachael had picked theirs, it had felt so natural and perfectly suited. It was weird to think of myself with a different name. I knew that Isaac certainly didn't feel right anymore, and this new name... my new name was a culmination of yet again of how far I'd come.

Most of the things recently had been reminding me of how similar I was to my old self. Picking a name had done something different. It had hammered home that I was something new, and while I was very similar to the person I was before, it was okay that I wasn't a carbon copy on the pink sheet instead of the yellow one.

"Amelia," I whispered to myself. The more I said it, the more it felt right. Once we had solved the mystery of my naming, the conversation moved back onto other things and we chatted until the fire simmered out and we headed back to our homes.