I got home and immediately called Kai. The phone went to voicemail, and I was beginning to lose it. "I don't care whatever your problem is... This is serious!" I thought. I called Sadie and she picked up.

"Hey, meet at my place as soon as you can."

"Is everything okay?" she asked, worried.

"I don't know, I'll explain when you get here."

"Amelia, I---"

"Just please do it!" I was almost screaming as I hung up and paced my room nervously until I heard a knock on the door several minutes later. I pulled Sadie inside and sat her down.

I told her what happened at the store, barely having finished recounting it before she was charged and ready for a fight.

"What do we do?" I asked desperately. I was too afraid to text Lily in case her dad saw and freaked out on her... or me. Sadie and I were getting nothing in the way of a response, which only had us more worried.

Sadie started talking out loud, "We'll go to the police. He threatened you, and you've got witnesses. We can--"

She was cut off by the sound of text on her phone. We both ran over to read it.

It read, "I'm fine, don't worry."

"That's IT!?" I thought, wanting to scream. Eventually we both talked it through and decided to wait through the next day and talk to Lily one on one. She headed home and I was left pacing nervously until my parents got home from work.

I had trouble sleeping but a few hours that night, and was up at the crack of dawn. I biked to school and let the feeling of the cold stinging wind wake me up even further. I was earlier than the others, so I sat and waited. Eventually Sadie walked in, and soon after so did Kai. He made eye contact with us for a short second and walked to the other side of the auditorium. I simply rolled my eyes, since I was simply done with his nonsense. Sadie however was riled up and stormed over to him.

I could hear bits and pieces of their one-sided conversation, "One of your best friends could be in danger and you're what? Ignoring us!?" I might have walked over and butted in, but Lily had finally walked into the auditorium. She looked normal and unhurt, but with a tired and sullen look on her face. I jumped up and walked over to her.

"Lily! Oh my god! Are you okay? What's going on?" I asked without taking a breath.

"I... we shouldn't be talking," she replied timidly.

"We-- Wait what!?" I was stunned.

"Don't text me, my dad has my phone."

"Lily, I'm worried about you--"

"Don't! I'm fine."

"Lily!" I nearly yelled, "What happened?"

She looked away, but I turned her back to me and she was on the verge of tears. I sat her down in one of the chairs.

"I... I told them about us, about me. I shouldn't have, but I was having to lie about anytime I was meeting with you. I just wanted them to..." she trailed off.

I held her tight, but she was keeping her emotions in check.

"Lily," I said softly, "We're here for you. We're going to protect you."

Then she caught my eyes and pushed me back. "No!"

I was too shocked to respond.

"I'm fine, everything is... I'll manage."

"Lily, he threatened me!"

"Then stay away," she said coldly.

"I love you," I said as I looked into her eyes puzzled and hurt, but meaning every word.

She looked down before uttering two of the most powerful words I'd heard to that point, "I don't."

"Are you...? Lily?"

Then she looked up at me with a strange look in her eye I'd never seen before.

"I'm done with you. Alright? This relationship is moving too slow for me, we used to be something, but now..." she said.

Any worry was starting to turn into anger, even though I knew better.

"Lily, I know what you're doing. This isn't going to wo--"

"It’s the truth, it’s too different now. You pushed me away when I was trying to comfort you about Megan. You're just not in this anymore."

My patience was running thin, "That's it huh? You're just gonna attack me?"

She met my eyes and stared me down. I knew what she was attempting to do, she had failed at getting me to drop it out of fear, so she was trying to play at my anger. And it was working.

"If that's how you want to end things, by all means go ahead. Get me so angry that I can't stand you and maybe your dad will leave me alone."

She knew I caught on, but she wasn't backing down.

"Amelia, you're just too disgusted with your own body for us to ever go anywhere."

"I wanted to take things slow, because I know how I work. I went too fast last time and I wanted to make things with you special and mean something... like it used to. Turns out you'd rather push me away."

The anger she'd been feeding me broke for a moment when she caught what I'd said.

"Last time? You mean since you've changed...?"

Now my anger was subsiding into shame.

"I... One of my friends at the facility. We were close. I thought you wouldn't accept me. I thought we were done, so the two of us... we..." I couldn't continue, and I certainly couldn't go on. If she wanted a reason to push me away, she now had a very legitimate one.

Real tears were streaming down her face, and were beginning to on mine.

"Leave me alone..." she said through sobs. I moved closer to comfort her, but she yelled back. "NOW!"

I got up, grabbed my bag, and marched to homeroom. As I was leaving the auditorium I turned back, and Lily was collapsed in her chair bawling. Sadie was running over giving me a look of confusion. I'd made my move, and I kept on walking.

I couldn't think straight for the rest of the day. I replayed our conversation over, and over, and over. The problem was there was too much truth underneath all of the twisted reasoning. I'd wanted to take things slow because of my experiences with Rachael. I did push her away when she tried to comfort me. I'd kept Rachael a secret. She knew me well enough to know that when pushed far enough, I'd always incriminate myself.

Fourth period ended, and I shuffled myself over to lunch. I knew I wasn't going to eat anything, but I waited through the line anyways. I sat down alone. Kai was off in a corner after he and Sadie had finished their argument, and Lily was across the room with Sadie. She had seen and heard everything that had happened. I knew that I'd overreacted, and that when push came to shove I'd let myself be the bad guy if it meant Sadie siding with Lily. If I couldn't keep her safe, somebody had too. For now, I just ate in silence until lunch ended.

I biked home again, losing myself in the wind as it stung my face. My mom sent me a text saying that she'd be home late, and Dad always came around nine, so I knew I'd have the place to myself that night. I changed and headed off to work.

After the previous day's events, Ross was keeping a close eye on me to make sure everything was okay. Naturally, he picked up on my mood and did everything in his power to keep my spirits up. He was quickly becoming the only friend I had. He kept throwing questions at me about movies he knew I liked and I knew he didn't. He tried to engage me by talking about everything. Eventually I gave in enough to appease him and get him off my back.

I wasn't sure how much he knew about me in actuality. If he knew what I'd said or done. If he even knew about my friends, or the fight with Sam. He knew just enough that I could pretend that the past few days simply didn't exist and lose myself in conversation.

The store was closing up, and while we were in the lockers I realized I'd biked over without a coat. By this time of the evening it was going to freezing.

"Damn..." I muttered to myself. Of course I'd said it just loud enough for Ross to hear.

"What's up?" he asked.

"It’s nothing..." I was dragged down by the events of the day, and something this small was bound to set me off, "I uh... I forgot a coat when I road over."

"No problem. Throw your bike in the back of my truck and I'll give you a ride. Complete with seat warmers."

Every part of me just wanted to be alone, but I wasn't about to bike back in that kind of cold.

"That'd be great," I said, reluctantly accepting his offer.

We walked out to his truck and I waiting while he moved my bike into the back. When he got in, he could see my teeth still chattering, so he took off his coat and wrapped it around my shoulders. I felt undeserving of the way he was treating me.

"Thanks," I said cold, but with a small smile.

We drove back mostly in silence. I was going down my own mental rabbit hole about the day I'd had and how Ross really was about my only friend left.

"Why have you always been so nice to me? Especially after my transition." I asked. My mental filter had left the building long ago.

"You're a good person. Why not? You're still a good person now? In my eyes, nothing's really changed," he answered as though it were a rhetorical question.

"I'm not as good as you think I might be..." I mumbled mostly to myself.

We pulled up to the far side of the road at my house and he stopped the car.

"You are a good person. Good luck trying to convince me otherwise."

Whether or not I agreed with him, it felt nice to have him stick up for me.

"Thanks. But not everyone would agree with you."

"Then screw everybody else. You're a smart, caring, beautiful girl. And people who think anything different can keep it to themselves or go through me."

I was on the verge of losing it. Every aspect of the past few days crushing in around me. Suddenly I felt like the biggest imposter possible. All the things I was wearing and the way I had been acting that had actually felt fun were just wrong. I was panicking and feeling like a fake, like I didn’t deserve to feel happy with myself like this. A tear ran down my cheek, and Ross leaned in to brush it away.

 

At that moment he was the only one who was still showing me kindness. Some small part of me thought that maybe what he said had some truth to it. I was desperate for him to be right. So desperate that I was willing to do something impulsive.

 

He was right there. His big brown eyes so close to mine and his hand still gently resting on my face.

 

Ross realized he was hovering long enough that the energy in the cab had changed.

"I'm sorry. That was out of line, I--"

I leaned in and kissed him before he could get out another word. Emotions and thoughts were running through my head. I knew that I shouldn't, but I was too weak to stop myself.

Ross returned my kiss, holding me and pulling the two of us closer together. If only for a few moments I wanted to forget. After a few minutes went by Ross pulled away. I didn't want to leave, because leaving would make this real and not something that had just happened in my head. He had a faint smile on his face, but which only twisted the guilt knife more. I needed to make sure I hadn't led him on.

"I... Today's been an intense day, and I think that this was a mistake."

I could see his smile quickly fading.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this, I... I'm sorry."

I got out of the car, but he kept the door from closing.

"Do you need me to get your bike out of the back?" he asked. I didn't deserve the kindness he was extending me.

I shook my head. "I got it. Thanks for the ride."

"I'll see you around," he said.

I got my bike on the ground as swiftly as I could. Then I peeled off his coat and tossed it through the window. I waved and he drove off. Now everything that I'd done felt real. I was beginning to notice a habit of me taking out my feelings for Lily on other people, and it was not a good one. Maybe the last friendship I'd had and I'd just thrown a wrench in it too. I turned around to walk across the street to my house, and I felt my stomach drop.

Sadie was standing there with her brow furrowed. I didn't know how long she'd been there, but I could guess long enough to have witnessed all she needed to see.

"What the fuck was that?" she yelled.

I was at a loss for words. I just stood in the cold, mouth open, entirely silent. I figured she'd come to see if I was okay. Guess it had backfired.

She just shook her head. "I can't believe you." I didn't blame her. She walked past me avoiding eye contact and trudged in the direction of her house. I didn't move a muscle, just standing there. The cold that at first was biting at me, had turned to numbness. I stood out there for probably fifteen minutes before walking in and sinking up against a wall. Everything came out at that moment. All my bottled up emotions, thoughts, feelings, fears... everything.

I'd ruined every relationship that I'd held close. I'd neglected Kai, keeping him at arm's length, and turning him away. I'd intentionally torn into Megan and Lily, letting my anger get the best of me. And I'd managed to somehow fuck up and alienate the two remaining people who might've cared for me, in one fell swoop. I thought about calling Rachael, but that would have only made things worse.

I felt like I did when they first told me about my condition. I just wanted to curl into a ball and let everything else happen around me... without me. Tears stopped flowing and I just felt empty.

End of Part 2