POV Tobias
Why do I have to waking up at sunrise?
Ugh… I’ve been unable to sleep properly, I feel like I’ve forgotten something important…
Let's review the plot of the novel.
Today's the day Stanley should arrive.
He should come sometime early in the morning in the village. If everything happened like the novel, the adult basilisk would fight that monster again for a short period of time this morning. Being a lucky bastard… would Stanley happen to arrive at the mountain during that period of time and escape with the teleportation beacon, completely avoiding both monsters.
It's important to note that what happens in the First Zone (dubbed 'the tutorial') should be the same for everyone (save for butterfly effect type changes). I've forgotten the lore reason I gave for that though, some magic replication pocket space.
Stanley should find Rin food supply and proceeded to infuriate her by eating a large portion of her food without permission.
Rin would kicked him out of the village, he would leave in anger. Only to come back later that day with an enormous wolf monster in tow (which she would then have to kill for him). Effectively cementing his status as a worthless person in Rin’s mind. When Rin finally proceeded to save him by murdering the monster and she received her inheritance from it.
I cannot really imagine what I've forgotten…
Wait… Stanley is going to eat a large portion of the food supply.
Stanley... wouldn’t be idiotic to eat enough to eat random berries lying about filled with deadly poison, right?
Such as the berries I left next to my water?
Shit! He definitely is!
Finally realizing what I had been neglecting, I ran at full speed toward the food supply. Arriving there and saw Stanley talking with another man?
Who’s that? There shouldn’t be anyone in camp according to the storyline! That… is not good. It doesn’t seem like either of them have noticed me…
Walking closer obtain more information, I heard them speaking.
“… That doesn’t even make any sense?” Stanley argued with the unknown man.
The man seemed annoyed with Stanley, “It is poisonous… regardless I have warned you.” As I arrived closer I looked over the unknown mans face, he seemed to be around 24 years old.
The unknown man seemed to be Korean or Asian... Sorry, I can't tell the difference..
The unknown man turned toward me and stared back at me with a perplexed look on his face, “Who are you?”
I tensed up was slightly disturbed at how easily this unknown man managed to spot through my stealth ability so easily. I spoke up anyway though, “Tobias.”
Stanley seemed surprised at my sudden appearance, but I ignored him. I had something significantly more interesting and dangerous to keep myself occupied. Gazing at the unknown man while attempting to only project the curiosity (and not the intense tension I was feeling), so far he was the only thing different beside myself in this world.
“Who are you?” I probed.
He provided an equally brief response, “Hansoo.” Then strolled out of the village into the forest.
Hansoo? I relaxed slightly, at least everything hasn’t entirely derailed from the story.
Interesting though… In the story, Hansoo was only an average minor character who took almost a month to complete the 1st zone (still overpowered, but only enough to survive). This Hansoo seems to be… different than in the story. He instantly recognized that the berries were poisonous at a glance and proceeded to notice me, as though my ability didn’t exist.
If his ability hasn’t changed, both of those things should be impossible. Yet, it only provided him with increased reaction speed in the story.
Why is Hansoo so different?
Why did he arrive at the same time as Stanley?
Stanley and Rin are the same as the story. Did I accidentally change something?
That impossible… He should have just arrived from the 1st zone I couldn’t have changed anything.
POV Swap- Stanley
[Several minutes earlier...]
[After escaping from the dungeon, Stanley proceeded to eat as much food as possible from the delightful pile of food in front of him.]
I really don’t understand how that is going to help. Wouldn’t this simply anger whoever placed this food pile here?
Why the hell is my power so damn vague all the time. I know it will probably end up with a decent result. But… seriously? I cannot believe I got this crap…
Sure, I wanted a power to make me lucky... but, really?
<The Narrator: Subtly affects reality toward the luckiest result when you follow his words. [Rank 4, 1%]>
Sure, I got what I wanted... but, is that process like a genie’s wish? Only giving what you asked for to the letter? I guess I managed to survive that god awful starting zone with it. Maybe I should eat the most replaceable food.
Hmmm… they could probably get more berries, whoever made this probably won’t mind me eating it compared to the other food.
“Those are fully of deadly poison. I wouldn’t eat them.” Before I managed to eat any berries, I heard a warning from an unknown man behind me.
[Following Hansoo's advice, Stanley put down the deadly poisonous berries and proceeded to wait before Hansoo left to eat the other non-deadly poisonous foods.]
Quickly dropping the berries. Seriously, narrator… couldn’t you have mentioned that like five seconds earlier.
Slightly bitter at the narrator, I cursed to myself, “Why the hell would someone put poisonous berries with their normal food? That doesn’t even make any sense?”
Hansoo seemed slightly annoyed and blankly responded, “It is poisonous… Regardless, I've warned you.” Then he proceeded to stare at empty space with a slightly confused look. Before tersely asking, “Who are you?”
I was about to respond when another voice responded to his question. “Tobias.”
Noticing a 16-17 year old boy where Hansoo was staring.
When did he get there?
There is an extremely tense atmosphere… as though they might start fighting any second. Shit! I have to do something…
[Stanley stayed quiet and let the situation resolve itself.]
Or not… On second thought, probably best to avoid drawing attention to myself in between two people who probably came out of that dungeon with skill alone. I cannot even imagine how that's possible.
Tobias proceeded to question Hansoo on his name. After concisely replying Hansoo wandered off.
Tobias seemed deep in thought.
Staring at him while he simply thought, he eventually let out a bright smile and wandered off... completely forgetting about me.
I'm alone in front of the giant pile of food... again.
[Stanley proceeded to eat as much food as possible from the delightful pile of food in front of him, excluding the poisonous berries that were clearly not in the pile.]
Sighing slightly at the sarcasm of The Narrator, I began following its instructions. The Narrator hasn’t led me wrong before.
Stuffing my face full of food whilst thinking about Tobias and Hansoo.
I wonder why the atmosphere got so tense when they met each other. Hansoo seemed friendly enough when he was talking to me.
POV Swap – Rin
Rin wasn’t sure what to think when Tobias woke her and informed her that he'd seen two other people by their food pile.
More people? How is that possible? Are even more people coming?
Far more importantly did they bring their own food?
She didn’t really mind sharing with Tobias considering he brought some of his own. More importantly, he was useful and friendly. With more people though, they might not be able to survive another few days with the amount of food left.
When Rin arrived at the food pile she was mortified to discover it mostly empty. Days worth of food, gone with a man 17-18 years old standing over the near empty pile who had the look of a puppy who had been caught doing something wrong.
“Moron!” She shouted as anger clouded her mind. Does this idiot even know what he has done! That was potentially weeks worth of food for a single person if rationing was done correctly. It had taken forever to bring that food here!
She calmed down slightly as she realized she could simply reload and stop him, she would have to not sleep the night before it is still possible. Annoying, yes! Unsalvageable, no.
For now, simply kick this idiot out and talk to Tobias about possible plans to salvage the situation besides reloading.
At this point, it had completely slipped her mind that Tobias said he'd seen two people instead of one.
Calmly, she informed the boy of his fate, “Leave and never return here…” before collecting the remainder of the food and slipping off to inform and discuss with Tobias. Noting as she walks that if she reloads she will have to find another excuse to kick that idiot out of the village again.
POV Swap – Tobias
Yikes… Rin is absolutely terrifying when angry…
I stood back, watching as Stanley grimly walk out of the village like a prisoner on death row would walk toward their executioner (I.E very… very… slowly...). Slight deviation from the novel, he should've gotten upset at Rin and argued with her (then again Rin is apparently absolutely terrifying at times and I don’t blame him).
Speaking of Rin, where is she carrying that? Oh… seems to be toward the house she claimed in the center of the village (perks of arriving first). Yea… makes sense to move her remaining food after getting a large portion of the food was stolen. Probably for the best.
Still, it's not all bad. My bag is full of supplies, which includes some food. Hopefully, everything goes according to the plot and Stanley will be bringing back Rin’s inheritance manual later today.
Please follow my example and give a brief salute for Stanley’s brave sacrifice of Rin’s opinion of him in exchange for improving Rin’s strength.
Well done, solider… Well done… Your sacrifice will be remembered… (Public Service Announcement: My lawyer informs me that I am legally required to inform everyone that it will most certainly not be remembered…)
I think I’m probably going to wait for Rin to calm down before talking to her.
I should kill several more monsters to quickly improve my ability and inheritance.
There should also be various temples hidden around this stage as well that provide valuable artifacts and relics left over for survivors... Although, I wouldn't know the exact places to find them.
“TOBIAS… WHERE ARE YOU?” I heard Rin roar from her house. Whelp… so much for waiting till she calms down…
You should stop changing POVs so much. It confuses the reader, breaks pace, imersion, becoming overall annoying.
Check out if people are quitting after your started doing it, since I'm really thinking about dropping right now even though I was liking the story and characters.
If you really want to do POV changes, use one per chapter at most and avoid repeating the same scene with different POVs unless it's necessary for the plot. If the goal is only knowing the internal thoughts of the characters, try Third Person Ominiscient, it works better than so many POV changes with first person.
Okay, thank you for the feedback. I'll keep that in mind going forward.
I always planned on rewriting the beginning chapters considering how much I've improved over the course of writing this story. Yet, I never considering this as a potential problem.
I spend hours to write even one chapter, thus the POV changes, to me, seem slow. Even if, to a reader, they are incredibly quick to the point of creating whiplash. I imagine I would probably come to the same conclusion of it switching far too much if I was a reader.
When I have alot of extra time in the future, I'll go back and change it to try and limit the number of POV changes per chapter.
Personally, I'm unlikely to directly switch over to 3rd person. I enjoy writing in 1st person. That's why I choose to write in that style to begin with.
I'll probably write more to extend the length of POVs into an entire chapters worth of material. I'm sure that I'll be able to do something to solve the problem (although that will probably take a long... long while). Honestly, I'm incredibly busy at the moment and I'm barely able to make the chapter quota.
While quick edits would be fine, I don't want to stop to rewrite the beginning until the entire book is finished because I'm afraid that I'll lose the motivation to continue and the novel will forever enter the 'rewrite' phase. (as a reader, the word that I dread the most is 'Rewrite'. The vast majority of the time, I found that 'rewrites' ended up with the author dropping the book after edited a couple of chapters.)
I really do appreciate the feedback though. Thanks!
@SleepingFox No problem. I also prefer writing in first person, so I understand you. My advice is in case you want to publish the novel later, for webnovel purposes it's fine. If you ever want to get more knowledge about POVs check a class by Brandon Sanderson on youtube, it really helped me: https://youtu.be/7Js_mUwRMJM
I like the Stanley Parable reference
I bet the reason the side character changed is because Stanley’s power saw the future (that there would be poisonous berries) and interfered to change the character’s fate so he would arrive faster to warn Stanley about the berries
nice.