Tejoka

This chapter turned out to be pretty long, one of the longest yet. It was a pain to write, but I hope you like it.

Kariva found me at the exit to the building, falling into step with me after a short greeting. I glanced at her, noting that she still wore the same dark robe as yesterday and the day before, and wondered if I should say something about her taking care of herself. But I decided it wouldn’t help, and just nodded at her as I continued on my way. We were heading to yet another meeting, which Kiyanu had called to discuss our next steps in regards to the conspirators.

The way from the lab to the main palace building passed quickly, though as we walked through one of the tree-lined paths, I couldn’t help but glance northwest, to the small, secluded garden in the upper reaches.

Kariva followed my gaze. “I can’t decide if your decision to write ‘Dalcarston’ on the gravestone was petty or considerate.”

I shrugged. “Maybe it’s both.” I wasn’t really sure myself, but it was the only thing I’d written on the gravestone. “I thought about adding something like ‘traitor’ — or ‘deadbeat dad’ — but that would just be unnecessary and maybe hurtful for Al.”

I couldn’t help but think back to the trial. It had been as fair as possible. We even got Carston the local version of a ‘public defense’ lawyer. To his credit, the man had done his best, but there wasn’t much he could do, with the weight of evidence against Carston. Mostly transcripts and recordings of him confessing. He was clearly guilty of high treason.

I’d hesitated, but in the end decided to attend, presided over the trial myself, and pronounced the verdict and sentence.

“It’s far better than most traitors get,” Kariva said. “But I know you’re doing it for Alaster, so he can go visit the grave, if he wants to, later.”

I nodded. The trial had been small, out of the public eye, with not many people in the room, since we didn’t want his betrayal to be public. All the right paperwork and such was done, though, and it was certainly a valid, legal ruling.

After the sentence was pronounced, they’d dragged him off into a side room. As I followed, I watched him struggle against his bonds, heavy shackles designed to drain his qi and restrict his freedom of movement. The two guards had pulled him along and pushed him onto the block. The sword used for the execution was a valuable artifact, made by a master smith and so sharp it could cut through even his qi enhanced body. Kariva had swung it herself. I didn’t know if that was just to make absolutely sure everything went correctly, or if she had anger of her own to work out because of his betrayal.

I shook my head as we reached the building and entered through the side entrance. It was the first time I’ve officially ordered someone’s death. It probably won’t be the last. Maybe that was why I’d wanted to make sure everything was in order.

“I’ve sent out Ming Li,” Kariva said, refocusing my attention on her. “He did stick around in the Empire, and was ready to take the job right away.” She frowned slightly. “He didn’t even haggle much, just said that he was happy to be of service to the Moon’s daughter.”

I raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment. I’d give him the benefit of the doubt on that point.

We reached the meeting room, and I greeted Kiyanu while waiting for the rest to arrive. As usual, there were generals Tsakan and Poteri, and a few other officers and officials. Tenira and Kajare had seats to either side of me. The large conference table in the well-appointed meeting room still left a few empty places, but that was normal, too.

Kiyanu rolled out a map and moved a few glowing markers of qi around. Not much changed. “This is our latest intelligence.”

I sighed, but didn’t join in as they started to discuss the recent changes and our options. The conspirators had scattered their forces, holding many different sites but without concentrating a large amount of troops in any one place. That made it hard to repeat our previous victory. And my innovations, which were still in development, would only be of limited use, too.

“The only real choice we have is to sweep over them one after the other,” Tenira said.

“At least the local forces can be of some help,” Kiyanu mused.

I hid a grimace. The local guards and garrisons of the army had, if they hadn’t been overwhelmed or switched sides, largely withdrawn from the areas. Especially in the regions that had been considered safe, and hadn’t had many troops stationed there. Not that I could blame them for deciding to retreat rather than commit to a fight they were doomed to lose.

“We managed to make contact with a few people in the local administrations,” Kariva added. “Although they tend to be watched carefully. The traitors still seem content to leave the local governments in place and handling the day-to-day administration.”

“Thank the spirits for small mercies,” Gen muttered, and I couldn’t help but agree with the sentiment.

I glanced at the map again, out of habit since I’d memorized it already. Our soldiers were largely finished mopping up resistance in the east, but the west and south remained. There were large swathes of land controlled by the uprising, as well as a number of other cities and towns.

“We should take the territories held by the Zun first,” I decided. Those were close to the Zarian, so we needed to secure them. Plus, I had the feeling they were playing a leadership role.

The officers nodded, and a chorus of agreement swept across the room.

After that, the meeting wound down. There were still a lot of things to sort out, though we didn’t finalize any plans yet. It would take a bit before we could leave on this campaign, if you could call it that.

After the meeting, I lingered behind, hoping to talk to Kiyanu. But he seemed preoccupied, and was gone as soon as he finished exchanging a few words with General Poteri. I sighed and left the room as well.

Out in the corridor, I stopped, finally focusing on what my senses had been telling me. A familiar presence was approaching. I started walking down the corridor, glancing around. Except for Aston and a few guards, the others had left already. I could sense Tenira heading in the direction of the lab, where I was going to join her.

But first, I turned my attention to Yarani and gave her a quick kiss. “It’s good to see you. Were you looking for me?”

She shrugged. “I was just wandering, but when I sensed your presence, I decided to take a look.”

I nodded and swept my senses out again. Then I tugged on Yarani’s sleeve and pulled her to the room one door over, which was empty but had a sliding door onto a large balcony. From here, we got a good view over part of the palace, as well as the mountains to the west.

Yarani put an arm around my shoulder, so I put one around her hips and drew her closer. This was the first time we’d been alone together since we’d both returned, I realized. Well, Aston and the guards were there but giving us some space.

“I missed you,” I admitted.

Yarani turned a bit so I could see her smile. “Thanks, Inaris. I missed you, too.” After a moment, the smile left her and she tightened her grip a little. “I missed you a lot. It was hard to stay behind while you were in danger.”

“I get that. I didn’t like leaving you so close to Hajake, either.”

She sighed a little and melted into my side more. For a while, we just stayed there, holding each other close and enjoying the view.

Then we started talking about inconsequential things. I described what I’d done on that island and before the coup, while she talked about her time on the Earth Continent and the journey. I could tell she was skipping over the bits related to the war, just focusing on funny moments with Lei or the others, progress in cultivation, and her daily life. It was nice just talking to her, hearing her voice and knowing that we’d both made it out safely and were together again. Even that my marriage to Kajare or the war hadn’t changed things.

After a while, I reluctantly loosened my hold on her. “I should get going.” I glanced at the lab building, just in time to watch Tenira come inside from the test airstrip.

Yarani clearly followed my gaze and raised an eyebrow. “You know, you should talk to Tenira.”

I cocked my head, feeling something in my chest tighten just a little. “What?”

She gave me a wry smile, then slapped my arm lightly. “I’m serious. I’ve seen you two pining for each other long enough.”

I blushed and ducked my head. I didn’t know it was that obvious. Then again, Yarani is close to us, especially me. And she’d said ‘you two’ and ‘each other’, which a part of my mind wanted to focus on with laser intensity.

“You’re right,” I finally mumbled. “You’re alright with that?”

She shrugged. “I like Tenira. She’s been very nice to me, even when she didn’t have to. And she fits. If you’re going to have another consort, I couldn’t think of anyone better. Besides …” she hesitated, then shrugged. “Let’s just say I don’t think of her as competition.”

I smiled, turned around so I was holding her properly, and gave her another kiss. One that made her melt into me and gasp for breath when I released her.

“I’ll be going then.” I paused for a moment. “Thank you, Yarani.”

I felt my body practically brimming with tension as I left the balcony and made my way through the building. Once I was outside, I started jogging, putting some of the energy to use. I had to make an effort to keep my face calm and composed. I caught Aston hiding a smirk when I glanced at the guards following me. For a moment, I wished I could just send them away, but I knew that was a bad idea. Still, it didn’t help the emotions churning in my guts, or the way my heartbeat had sped up. This time, I was determined to get things right. Have a proper, grown-up, mature talk with Tenira. Right.

I hurried through the lab, looking around. People glanced up at my entrance, but returned their gaze to whatever they were working on when they realized I was just passing through. Several half-constructed prototypes stood on the workbenches, and a blast of heat surged from one of the containment rooms as someone opened a door. Farther off, I noticed the sounds of tapping keys, and pens scratching on paper came from all over the building. But I focused on sensing Tenira’s presence, and made my way to her. When I arrived at the door to her office, I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment to focus, then knocked.

“It’s open!” she called. “Something the matter, Inaris?”

I walking in and carefully closed the door behind me, then glanced at her room. It was in perfect order, as always, with neatly stacked books and folders, and a new computer in one corner. Tenira stood up from behind her desk as I entered.

“Hi,” I said, brushing a strand of hair behind my ears. “Not really. Just wanted to talk to you.”

Her eyes widened a little. “Right. I said we should talk, didn’t I? Of course.”

I smiled a little and stepped further into the room. “How have you been, Tenira? Settled back in okay?”

She leaned back against her desk and shrugged. “Well, you know things have been crazy. I’m coping. At least everyone in my family is alright. I’m more worried about you. Beyond that, it’s nice to get back to working here.”

“Yes, it is,” I agreed. “It’s nice to have you all back. Even if I wish Lei was here.”

“Right,” she smiled. “I miss the little oaf.”

I chuckled. Only Tenira would call him that, considering he was taller than both of us and not exactly stupid.

We both fell silent for a moment, and I felt like it was getting awkward.

“I’m glad you didn’t take things personally,” she finally said. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Of course not.” I shook my head. “I know I said nothing needs to change between us, and I intend to hold myself to that. But I have to admit I can’t help but thinking … well, my feelings for you aren’t going away. That’s why I thought we should at least clear the air between us.”

Tenira exhaled audibly. “Of course. I understand. I know I should be more open with you.”

I hesitated for a moment, then stepped closer and laid a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay. I think we both screwed things up a little. But we’ll work through this. I may be wrong, but I feel like there’s something between us. Something real. And we should address it.”

Tenira was silent for a moment, turning her gaze downward, before she nodded slightly. “You’re not wrong. I do feel strongly about you.”

I withdrew my hand, trying not to crowd her. “Can I ask you something? You don’t need to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Yes, of course.”

“I get the feeling that the problem — no, not the problem. I feel like your issue is with the idea of sleeping with me. Is that right?”

She stiffened, and I could hear her breathing pick up slightly. She had trouble meeting my eyes. But finally, she replied, “Yes. You’re right. That’s what this is all about, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know.” I regarded her thoughtfully, trying to read her reaction. “Is it because I’m a girl and you prefer men? I didn’t get that impression, to be honest. Or because of … prior experiences?”

“Somewhat, but not really,” she said more to her hands, clasped in front of her, than to me. “I did have a … ‘bad experience’ during my soul journey. One that’s certainly making this harder. But even without that …” She sighed and seemed to hunch further in. “It’s just me. Even in my old life. I remember it only vaguely, but I do recall emotional moments, so I know what happened. I did try to get physically intimate, like everyone. Everything should have worked, it just …”

“Didn’t do anything for you?” I suggested.

She glanced up, her beautiful green eyes finally meeting mine, and I saw sadness in them. “Exactly. I just don’t really understand why people want it. And with what happened — I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel like I can do it. Or like forcing it would do any good in the long run.”

I nodded and gave her what I hoped was a gentle smile. “I sort of suspected that. Some people just don’t need or want to have sex. On Earth, it’s called being asexual, or ace. Sounds like that may fit you.”

Tenira’s eyes widened, and she seemed to forget to feel defensive, finally straightening up. “Really?”

“Yes.” I shrugged. “It’s a thing.” I suspected that she might feel like there was something wrong with her, so the best thing I could do was just be casually accepting and show that there wasn’t. I’d do my best, at least.

“Well, to be honest, that’s not what I expected you to say, Nari.” She laughed a little. “I didn’t think you’d be so unfazed.”

“Why?” I raised an eyebrow. “Tenira, most girls aren’t attracted to other girls. I’m not what they’d consider normal, and I wouldn’t call anyone else weird. Besides, your feelings are just as valid as anyone’s. It’s a matter of respect, isn’t it?”

“I suppose.” Her expression turned serious, and her eyes darkened again. “So, you understand why I can’t be with you?”

“Honestly, no.”

I recognized the shock and confusion in her eyes. “What? I thought …”

“Tenira.” I took a step closer again and touched her hand. “I think you misunderstand my intentions. Maybe I didn’t express my feelings clearly enough.” I took a deep breath, and couldn’t have looked away from her eyes if I’d wanted to. “I don’t just want your body, I want to be with you. I want to see you smile. I want to make you laugh. I want to give you a hug when you need one. I want to maybe cuddle with you if you’ll allow it.”

Her eyes widened, and she searched my face. “You mean that?”

“Yes,” I said with emphasis. “I don’t care if we don’t have sex. Well, no, of course I care, but I don’t mind. I would really like to sleep with you, but not if you don’t want to. I’d rather be with you than not, even if we never do more than hold hands. Far rather. I mean that.”

I watched a number of emotions flash across her face. She bit her lip, but was silent for a while, clearly thinking through everything. My heart galloped against my ribcage as I waited, clenching my fists, but I didn’t move.

Finally, she settled on a smile, and reached out to twine her hands with mine. “I’d love that.”

I felt like the weight of a building was suddenly lifted off my shoulders. A matching grin marched across my face, and I had to control the impulse to kiss her. She wants to be with me!

After a moment, Tenira shook her head, groaning softly. “Now I feel like an idiot.”

“They say better late than never,” I teased her. “But many people only think about relationships in terms of sex. I’ll take a wild guess that the culture of where you came from in your soul journey wasn’t like mine. I’m just glad you still want to be with me.” I hesitated. “You do want to be with me?” Suddenly, I needed to hear her say it.

Tenira smirked. “Yes, Nari, I want to be with you.”

“I’m really happy to hear that.”

Hesitantly, she moved closer, initiating a loose hug. “Me too.”

I tugged her a little closer and half-closed my eyes, breathing in her scent. She smelled like sunlight on a clear summer day, like sparks and a hint of ink and a flower I couldn’t name, but which might be my new favorite. I listened to her heartbeat, thudding reassuringly so close to me. Because I finally could, I reached out a hand to brush a strand of her hair away from her face, softly brushing her cheek. She smiled and moved into the touch a little.

“Say,” I began, hesitantly. “Would you like it if I kissed you?”

Tenira seemed to consider it for a moment, then smiled faintly. “Why don’t we find out?”

She didn’t have to tell me twice. I moved in slowly, cupped her face with my right hand, then kissed her. The touch of her lips sent a jolt through me, but it was a soft kiss. Romantic, not sexual.

After I withdrew, Tenira’s cheeks were a little flushed, and she smiled at me. “I suppose that’s alright. We can do that again.”

Right now, I didn’t care about anything else. That moment could have lasted forever.

Tejoka

All's well that ends well. Right? I apologize for dragging this subplot out for so long. I'd originally meant to have this talk before the coup, but it didn't work out that way, and then it took some time until Inaris and Tenira were actually back in the same place. Of course, their relationship will still feature in the story going forward.

This is the first time I'm writing an asexual character, and I've tried to handle the topic respectfully. But feel free to tell me if you think I've screwed it up, or the whole thing was too cringeworthy.