“Griffin! I’m bored! There's nothing to do up on this god forsaken mountain!”
While I was resting in the main chamber of my domain, the human cub raised an obnoxious cry.
“If you find yourself lacking in stimulation, then why don’t you entertain yourself by working on one of those infernal scripts of yours?”
This human cub’s expertise in magical circuitry seemingly knows no bounds. The drafts she writes are so complex even I cannot decipher their meaning nor purpose. Recently however, they’ve all had the same outcome. Violent combustion. They always explode just as I’m about to drift off to sleep as well.
“I’ve hit a snag and I need to do something else or my head’s gonna explode!”
“Much like your scripts? If you don’t want to do that, then why don’t you go fetch me some game? I am a little famished.”
She has yet to pay this week’s “tax” afterall.
“Hunt for yourself you lazy fuck bird! I’ve been up on this mountain for god knows how long and THERE’S NOTHING TO FUCKING DO! How can you just sit up here year after year and not go insane?!”
I’ve heard that human children typically had foul mouths, but this is the first time I’ve been called a “lazy fuck bird”.
“Be quiet you brazenly obnoxious twat. I’m trying to rest.”
I recently had the displeasure of running into young dragon in the forests below, and was forced to fight a needlessly annoying battle. The dragon wasn’t a danger to my life nor did it even manage to injure me, it's just that killing dragons is always unneededly physical with their magic distortion waves and whatnot.
“I’m so fuuuuuuucking bored.”
The cub was waltzing around in front of me. I ignored her.
When I brought the dragon’s corpse back to my domain, the human cub was overjoyed. She pleaded me to allow her even the smallest fraction of it’s blood, and when I inevitably gave in to her endless begging, she took much more than she asked for. The human cub had plundered many flasks from my horde, and she filled every single one with the dragon’s blood. I raised my doubts as to why she would want so much, blood spoils after all, she said that she had carved runes into the flasks and that they would keep the blood fresh.
“Griiiiffiiiin! There's gotta be something you do for fun around here right?”
Whenever I feel bored I typically search for a mate. I think this human cub is too young to partake in such an activity, so I continued to ignore her.
I had never heard of “runes” before, so when I inquired further, I regretted it immensely. She droned on and on about how runes are defined by how they function off of ambient magic and how limited they are because of it and how great she is because she made a mana refiner small enough to allow the runes she wrote to function off of the smallest fraction of magic energy and how with her runes the dragon’s blood would stay fresh for a decade if the runes never failed.
I’m falling asleep just remembering the one sided conversation.
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
“GRIFFIN! I HAVE AN IDEA TO PASS THE TIME!”
This blasted cub was now slamming her head against my beak.
In any case, the annoyingly physical battle wore on me. I would compare it to the human cub doing any amount of labor.
“Cub, if your idea involves shutting that useless mouth of yours, then I think it's a great one that requires immediate execution. I am tired. Leave me alone.”
“NO! I’ve just remembered a card game I had a lot of fun with in my past- er, earlier in my childhood!”
This cub stutters in the strangest places sometimes.
“I’ll go make the cards!”
The cub ran off to her chamber with haste I have never seen from her before.
Casting a glance at her skittering figure, I’m reminded of something my mother told me about raising young -which after I had spent a week with this infernal creature I decided against- and how they need varied types of stimulation early on so that they would become more intelligent later in life. I can’t really say her daily routine is the most varied one I’d ever seen…
I swear to the gods, if there is an afterlife I’m sending Terry to the next one when I pass on.
…
…
…
“So you understand the rules right?”
“Do I look like I need to be told again?”
The human cub wanted me to play a game she called UNO. I had never heard of this game before so when I reluctantly agreed to play with her, I had to ask her to explain how it worked.
“Let's just get this over with.”
Due to how small the human cub and her cards were, I employed a little trick with my magic and made a pair of hands out of ice to hold them. We’ll ignore the fact that I would have had to do this even if the cards were big enough for me, as I do not possess thumbs.
[]
“Red 3!”
“Skip.”
“Wha-!”
“Skip again.”
“WHA-!”
“Another skip.”
“ARE YOU CHEATI-?!”
“Red 6. Uno.”
“DRAW 2! HOW ABOUT THAT?!”
“Draw 2. I win.”
“WHAT THE FUCK!”
[]
“Blue 7!”
“Green 7.”
“Green 2!”
“I have no green cards or 2’s. I shall draw from the deck.”
“Ha!”
…
…
…
“Hey, if you keep drawing cards we won’t have any left…”
“I’m aware, I just have not gotten any Greens or 2’s.”
…
…
…
“HOLY SHIT STOP DRAWING AND PLAY A CARD!”
“I haven’t drawn a card I can play yet, be prepared to make another set.”
“I’LL RUN OUT OF PAPER AT THIS RATE!”
…
…
…
“I have drawn a wild card. I shall play it and set the color to Blue.”
“FINALLY! Blue 6!”
“Blue 9.”
“Green N-”
“Do you want to die?”
“...Red 9.”
“Much better. Red 3”
[]
“Yellow 4!”
“Blue 4.”
“Draw 2!”
“Draw 2. Draw four cards.”
“NO! Draw 2! Draw six!”
“Draw 2. Eight.”
“DRAW 4! TWELVE!”
“Draw 2. Fourteen.”
“ANOTHER DRAW FOUR! EIGHTEEN!”
“Wild Draw 4. I set the color to Red. Draw twentytwo cards.”
“GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!”
[]
“Red 3. Uno. I have a Yellow 6.”
“Wha-? Why would you tell me what card you have- WAIT A SECOND! YOU’RE A DIRTY LIAR AREN’T YOU!”
“How rude of you, calling me a liar.”
“No no no no, I know your con! You say you have a Yellow 6 so that I’ll put down a different color or number! You don’t have a Yellow 6 at all! So how about this? Yellow 3!”
“Yellow 6. I win.”
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I QUIT!”
The human cub threw a small tanrtum and stomped back to her chamber to brood.
As it turns out, I had more fun with this game than I was expecting.
