I walked out into the center aisle of the changing room. I didn’t want to. I mean, my body was fine. I knew it was fine. It wasn’t superb, or awful. I was just mediocre. But my body in something like this. Well, I wouldn’t have come out from my little cubicle stall if it weren’t for the unrelenting pesterings of the noobs I was escorting.
“Yaaaay!” they all cheered in unison.
My insides were rebelling. I smoothed out the front of the flowy flowery sundress that was at the top of the stack I’d been handed, desperately hoping that it would help me blend into the background.
“Zoe, that dress looks so great on you!” Macie said, beaming, “Not that you need a dress to look good. Or that you need to look good. Well, you always look good. You just don’t need to… you get.”
An awkward silence of understanding passed over the five of us.
“You look good!” Jess chimed back up to a resounding chorus of squeals. You’d thought I’d walked into a bachelorette party.
Macie started chanting, “Spin, spin, spin, spin!” Jess and Olivia chimed in to the chant. Abby just looked on and laughed at how clearly out of sorts I was. It was funny in a way. I was the vet, so I was supposed to be the one in their position and not the other way around.
“Alright, let’s not blow our wad just yet. Try on the red thing,” Abby said with a wink. I flashed her an appreciative smile at first, but then an anxious one when I remembered what the red thing looked like.
“Do I have to?” I tried to sound more annoyed than the actual fear emotion I was feeling. There was a reason I hid behind my boots and jeans and jackets. This prissy stuff just felt foreign to me.
Abby didn’t respond to my question with words, but with a resounding smile and a flash of her big doe eyes. I don’t know if she knew the effect those eyes had on me, but I sure did, and I hated her for it.
“Fiiiiiiiine.”
I walked back into the cubicle, stripped out of the flowery shmowery dress, and took a deep breath. Before grabbing the “red thing” off the hook, I caught a glimpse of my reflection. I was pale as shit, skinny, but without muscle, my black hair was kinda unkempt, and my eyes were just a bit sunken with perpetual bags underneath. Again, I was fine with that… but looking at the noobs outside and how the clothes they were trying on hugged their bodies so well and showed off everything they had to offer… lengthening their legs, giving the allusion to tits without showing them off. Thank god these noobs hadn’t discovered makeup yet, that was at least something I could wield over them.
I pulled myself out of the spiral and into “the red thing”. Then I started cursing Abby and everything she stood for because this somehow nailed me to a tee. It was a red knee-length dress with a black lace hem. The sleeves extended all the way to fingertips, but there was a cutout at the shoulders that exposed my upper arms. It covered a lot and was definitely feminine, but not blatantly so. Well, the shoulder cut-outs were a bit more than I would have picked out for myself. I sighed, knowing the reaction this would bring and stepped out into the aisle anyways.
I was met with resounding whoops. Except for Abby, she just had a very happy and satisfied smile which I returned with a shy one of my own.
The rest of the shopping went in a similar fashion, except that I was no longer on the hook for trying on mounts of clothing (after I went through Abby’s who pile that is). The noobs pooled together and bought me “the red thing”. I insisted I didn’t need it, but they protested, and I was stuck with it.
As we were driving away from the last store, the noobs with many bags in tow, I asked the question that had been on my mind for some time.
“If you don’t mind me asking… How come you guys… well, not guys, clearly… but, you all seem so ready and open to… girl stuff.”
“Well, we are now,” Macie responded matter of factly.
“Yeah, I know, but… isn’t it like a little fast? People struggle with gender issues for years before they can be frank with themselves the way you did from day one. You sure you aren’t rushing?”
All four noobs looked at me with blank expressions and blinked several times.
“It’s who we are,” Olivia piped up.
“And I’m all for that—” I responded, worried I’d crossed a line, “I just want to make sure you know… ya know?”
Jess, Macie, and Olivia all grew silent and moody, and I could tell that I had in fact crossed a line. I looked to Abby through my rear-view mirror and she just looked… I don’t know, disappointed?
The drive back was pretty much quiet after that.
~~~ Three Weeks Later ~~~
After the post-shopping incident things went back to normal, or new normal rather. Abby and I hung out a lot as we always had, there were just a few subtle differences.
We’d always just fallen asleep in our individual apartments after hanging out. Abby lived in the apartment down the hall, so it was easy enough to walk back to one’s own apartment. I’d always been fine if she did happen to sleepover at my place, but I tried to keep the frequency low in case he got any ideas in her head that I was sending her signals. Fuckin men, no matter how many times you tell them you’re gay, it never seems to fully sink in.
But since Abby’s transition, it had been no holds bar. We both just cared less if I fell asleep on her couch, or she fell asleep on my futon, or we both passed out strewn across her bed. Neither of our roommates seemed to care, they were already familiar with our friendship anyways. And, if anything, I wanted to keep Abby company cause her (very male) roommate sometimes gave off weird vibes post-transition.
As we got looser about sleeping over, we got equally loose about staying 100% clothed.
“We both got what we got,” Abby had said when she changed shirts in front of me after spilling a bottle of ketchup all over herself. I mean, I’d not seen everything, but I’d certainly seen more of Abby post-transition than I ever saw of her before.
Every time I did see her out of the corner of my eye, it sparked that now-familiar jealousy. She was just… so pretty. I almost got obsessive over it every once in a while. She’d just strike a very mundane pose and I’d get lost in how her hair hit her shoulders or how her grin scrunched her new nose and highlighted her sparse freckles. I tried to keep it internal though. I didn’t want her to realize how the jealousy was hitting me.
I was munching on some fast food and scrolling through my phone when I got a text from Abby.
Abby: hey, can I ask a favor?
Zoe: shoot!
Abby: Jess and I were wondering if you could give us noobs a little in-person makeup tutorial…
Zoe: oh, ok.
Zoe: when?
Abby: whenever works for you, oh powerful vet who will teach us her ways
Zoe: you know you don’t NEED makeup… right?
Abby: we know, we just think it’ll be fun
I looked down at the pile of crumbs in my lap and wiped the remaining grease off my fingers.
Zoe: gimme an hour to clean up, ok?
Abby: 🤩 you’re the best
Zoe: i’m aware 😅
An hour later I’d brushed the crumbs off myself and set up a little makeup studio in my bathroom. A knock on my door and Jess and Abby were watching carefully in wait while I went over some basic makeup stuff.
“So, I don’t tend to really do a lot of the flashy fancy contour stuff you might see on YouTube, but I can give it a go if you’d like. Although to be honest, you’re probably better off with YouTube as a teacher.”
Abby and Jess pshaw’d my protests and so I began demonstrating a typical smokey eye.
“What kind of occasion are you wanting to do stuff for?” I asked, realizing that while I tended to hit the eye makeup pretty hard on a regular basis, not everyone else is willing to put in the effort.
Jess and Abby looked at each other and shared a secretive smile before looking back at me.
“Oh… well… Jess might’ve gotten a couple of the noobs some fakes, so we thought…”
I snorted in laughter.
“So you want a downtown look?” I asked, taking the brush away from my eye and looking at the two devil children in front of me.
“Come on, we both know loads of people who do it and never get caught. The bars are all super easy to get into, especially now that we have these,” Abby said, cupping her breasts in her hands and setting off super jealousy bells in my brain.
“Uh huh…” I said, putting on my best disapproving mom voice. I audibly sighed. “I mean… do what you want, just be safe okay.”
Jess made a small cough sound and looked at Abby with that same secretive expression. “Well, you know the best way to make sure we were being safe…” Jess started.
“Would be to join us…” Abby said as she held up a black hair female ID with a date that would’ve made the girl in the picture over 21. I was taken aback. “Surprise,” Abby said as she and Jess did jazz hands around the ID.
Internally I was almost shaking at the thought of going downtown. What if we got arrested? What if one of these girls drank too much and I spent the night taking care of them? Actually… I’d rather be there for that.
I took the ID and placed it in my pocket. “I’ll think about it.”
Another eruption of squeals followed suit, which was something I had already become accustomed to.
“Now… where were we?” I asked as I brought the brush back up to my eye.
