It was the Wednesday night after the noobs had given me the fake. Upon further questioning, it had been Jess’s friend’s girlfriend’s ID who had been able to keep it after she turned 21 and got her sideways ID. She’d given it to Jess for practically free, so I didn’t feel super bad about not using it.

 

Abby and I were playing smash at my place, me upside down on the futon so that my legs were on the back of the futon and my head dangled off the seat, and her dropping Takis into my mouth.

 

“So like… what do you guys do at those group sessions if you don’t mind me asking?” I said while chewing and tilt attacking her off the map.

 

“Oh, just like normal therapy stuff I guess. Lots of reassurances that being a girl is okay, lots of positive feedback when we do new stuff old us wouldn’t have done. Stuff like that.”

 

“So they like push you into the girly stuff?” She smash attacked me into some spikes and my character hit the screen.

 

“I wouldn’t say they push us into anything. But yeah, they suggest stuff every once in a while.”

 

“Sounds nice.”

 

“Yeah, nobody in our group ever seems to have a problem anyways, but its nicest to just have a community.” She hit me with a charged blast and depleted my last stock. I held my mouth open for another Taki and she dangled it over my mouth before popping it into her own. “Ah ah ah! This is my prize for beating you,” she giggled as she loudly crunched my stolen snack.

 

I flipped her the bird and sat up.

 

“So… got any tests this week?” I asked, grabbing the bag of Takis out of her grasp.

 

“Nope. In fact… my Friday class was canceled.”

 

“Lit! Wanna bring the noobs over and play some board games or Mario Party? I always start at 1:25 on Fridays so I can go as late as we want.” As weird as my interactions with Abby’s newb friends were, I was really taking a shine to them. It was nice to have… friends. And I got that they were Abby’s friends before they were my friends and that I was sort of a semi/third-wheel friend to that group, but it was nice nonetheless.

 

“Since you bring it up…” Abby said, refusing to make eye contact. “We had sort of thought we might try out those new IDs on Thursday night.”

 

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Your first night DT (short for downtown) is gonna be on thirsty Thursday!?”

 

“What, we thought it’d be fun.”

 

“Okay, but with what money? Drinks are so expensive downtown.”

 

“Macie’s older brother is a senior and agreed to get us some stuff to pregame.”

 

I just gave her a long stare.

 

“So you’re really going through with this?”

 

She nodded. “Is that… a problem?”

 

No. I supposed it wasn’t. It wasn’t my place to stop her even if I disagreed with it. She was 19 for crying out loud, and it's not like I was dating her. I just felt like pre-transition Abby would have never done anything like this in a million years.

 

“The invite is always open for you to join, by the way.”

 

Of that, I was keenly aware. I weighed my options.

 

Reasons for going:

• Keep an eye on Abby and the noobs as a DD
• Spend time with Abby and the noobs instead of staying home by myself
• Maybe a super small chance of having some fun

 

Reasons for staying behind:

• Don’t run the risk of getting arrested
• I can try to put all the stress of Abby being DT completely out of my mind instead of being right there

 

I garbled at myself. The pros outweighed the cons. Fuck.

 

“Sure, what the hell.”

 

Her face lit up like a firecracker. She pulled me into a huge hug and squeezed the air out of me. That girl always had been an intense hugger.

 

~~~Thursday Night~~~

 

There was a knock on my door.

 

“Come in!” I shouted. It was a joke because the doors locked automatically so there was no way anyone without a key fob could get in. I rushed over to open the door and holy fucking shitballs Abby looked pretty.

 

She was wearing a knee-length blue floral dress with pink accents and I nearly melted of jealousy. It had a deep-v neckline and a slit on the right side that went fairly high. She had on some amazing little sneaker heels that just put everything in place.

 

Then I looked up at her face.

 

“Okay, I know I’m not that good a makeup teacher!”

 

How did learn to do such a good contour so fast? And her wings! I was in awe.

 

“You helped me so much! Don’t sell yourself short.” I rolled my eyes, deflecting the compliment as all good college kids do. “Your makeup looks much better than mine anyway.”

 

My makeup was punchier than hers, there’s a difference. In all honesty, I think it takes more skill to go properly subtle than to go punchy.

 

“Alright, let me put on ‘the red thing’ and we can go to wherever it is we’re going.”

 

“Jess’s apartment—I’m so excited!”

 

“Please promise me to take things slow okay. You don’t know your limits anymore.”

 

I walked into my bedroom and pulled the red thing off its hanger and slipped into it.

 

“Can you come zip me up?” I asked as I fumbled with the darn zipper.

 

Abby walked into the room and I got hit with how pretty she looked all over again. I pointed the zipper out to her and felt her smooth hands press on my back ever so slightly as she slid the zipper up. I wished I had skin that soft.

 

“Thanks,” I said, not turning to face her in hopes she couldn’t see my blush of jealousy.

 

I put on my boots, grabbed my phone and bag and we were on our way. Jess lived downtown and our apartment complex had a shuttle that drove to a nearby spot downtown every half hour, so we wouldn’t have to worry about driving or parking. Not that I intended on getting so drunk I couldn’t drive. I really didn’t intend on drinking at all as a matter of fact.

 

We arrived at Jess’s within a few minutes and Abby sent her a text to let us in. Another minute later the door pushed open to reveal an equally dolled up Jess and… you guessed it… another round of squeals.

 

“Holy shiiiit! You two look so great!”

 

“Speak for yourself.” The jealousy was back.

 

Jess showed us up to her apartment. It was about what you’d expect from a girl who recently transitioned and still lived with three other guys. I was sorta shocked that the three guys were joining us though.

 

They were pretty typical pseudo-fuck boys. I mean, they were nicer and cooler than actual fuckboys, but at first glance still gave you a strong impression that they were. Each of them rocked some chubbies, loafers, and a beer of differing variety.

 

“Zoe, these are my roommates: John, Kyle, and Shawn.” I gave a meager wave. I wasn’t here to make friends, just look after the ones I had. They all gave meager waves back. They looked me up and down, but quickly moved on to looking at other entities (namely Abby).

 

“So. What can I getcha?” Jess asked the two of us.

 

Abby looked hesitantly at me. “Shots?”

 

I sighed. “I mean, I’ll watch.”

 

“Come on, you don’t wanna partake at all.”

 

I sighed again. That wasn’t really why I was here. I was here to protect my friend from making bad decisions. But… that wasn’t the only reason that was put in the pro column. I was here to maybe have fun with friends, and at the moment that seemed dependent on alcohol. Fuck I hate peer pressure.

 

“Do you have anything less… less?”

 

Jess gave me a devilishly confident look and I worried I’d just opened up Pandora’s box. She reached into her fridge and pulled out a pinkish looking glass bottle. It looked like a mango something.

 

“Oooo! Who got iced?” said the one I think that was called John.

 

“Chill out, she’s easing in.”

 

“You can’t get drunk on just one of those.”

 

“That’s sort of the point, John.”

 

I was grateful for Jess coming to my defense. Maybe we were becoming better friends than I thought.

 

“Nurse this and tell me what you think when you’re done,” Jess said as she handed me the drink. I took a sip and was pleasantly surprised. I could hardly taste the alcohol at all through the mango flavor and the sweetness.

 

Abby was flashing me a tentative smile.

 

“I can tolerate this. And you said one won’t get me drunk?”

 

Jess shook her head. “Even post-transition, it still takes at least three for me to feel really tipsy.”

 

Then Jess turned around and shouted, “Shots!”

 

One of the boys groaned, “I’ve already had two.”

 

“Well, you’re going to do another. This is Abby’s first!”

 

That seemed to get their attention, and by proxy mine. I didn’t like the way these guys were looking at her.

 

The four girls and the three guys all knocked back a round of what smelled like turpentine, Abby and Olivia doing another round immediately after. Jess cracked open another two mango things and then we sat down for a moment.

 

I of course sat down next to Abby, but of course one of the guys sat down on her left (Shawn I think).

 

“Alright,” Jess asked, “What’s the move? Cheers to the governor? Piccolo? Never have I ever?”

 

“Cheers to the governor!” Macie requested with glee.

 

The game was explained, and we started going around. For those of you who’ve never played, you go around in a circle, counting up to 21. The catch is that the numbers 7 and 14 are switched, so when the person before you say “6” you say “14” and vice versa. If the group gets all the way to 21 without anyone messing up, you all shout cheers to the governor and take a drink. The person who it ended up on then gets to make a new rule.

 

Our first round was successful, and a new rule was added for number 19. On our second round, we had made it all the way to 19, but Jess forgetfully failed to follow the new rule and was forced to drink. The next go-around made it all the way, added a new rule, and we were again treated to a round of cheers to the governor.

 

Abby was the one to fail on the next go around, taking a large gulp from her bottle. The game continued until people were finishing their drinks. I, I guess being the only not total idiot, had followed along just fine and only drank when the whole group made it to 21 (which after the first few rounds never really happened).

 

People got up for new drinks and then we sat down to continue, and I noticed Shawn was sitting much closer to Abby once he returned from the kitchen.

 

“Can we switch to never have I ever?” I asked, fearful that people were getting too drunk too fast and that maybe a different game would slow everyone down. The group seemed open to the idea.

 

“Your idea Zoe, so you go first.”

 

Oh shit. I had no clue what to start with. Then I smirked. Everyone was tipsy enough that this might just land well.

 

“Okay. Never have I ever been a guy.”

 

Everyone in the room laughed, all but me having at one point been able to claim that as truth. Then they all took a swig from the drinks. Oh shit, I had forgotten getting someone meant they had to drink. I’d never really played it as a drinking before.

 

Abby was next, “Never have I ever only been one gender.”

 

The three guys and I all drank. I guess that was good payback.

 

Next was Shawn. “Never have I ever been a girl.” We all rolled our eyes as the bit was getting old, but drank nonetheless. “What? Now everyone’s even.”

 

Next was Jess, “Never have I ever kissed a boy.” The room was pretty still until all the guys looked at Shawn who had a big grin on his face as he took another drink. From the way his friends were reacting, I figured it was a single occurrence and perhaps not indicative of his sexuality, but I couldn’t be sure.

 

We went around until I had finished my bottle. I hadn’t bothered to get a second, but Abby hopped right up to get me one without so much as a word.

 

Shawn took the momentary gap between us as a moment to lean in towards me. “I’m Shawn by the way.” He stuck his hand out for me to shake. I shook. “Jess says you’re pretty cool. And super nice, teaching her all that new stuff.”

 

“Oh, I don’t really teach them anything. They’ve learned almost all of it on their own.”

 

“Tell me about!” he said with a laugh, “I walked in from school one day and Jess was cooking a freaking three-course meal for herself. Before her transition, she could barely even properly make ramen.”

 

I laughed, but that seemed weird. Come to think of it, Abby had picked up some stuff post-transition that had seemed fairly unrelated and odd given who she was before.

 

My train of thought was interrupted by Abby sitting back down and replacing my empty bottle with a full one. Then I realized we’d gone around the room and were already back to me.

 

“Never have I ever… seriously liked a guy before.” The lesbian stuff was always good fodder for something like this. Then, part of me realized there was a possibility of not getting anyone out with the question, meaning I’d have to drink. I was even more shocked when Jess, Macie, and Shawn all took drinks.

 

Well that confirmed what I’d wondered about Shawn but brought up a whole host of questions about Jess and Macie. I looked at the other girls in the room, and both seemed to be blushing a bit, but hadn’t drunk. I’d never really thought about how this all would affect the noobs’ sexualities.

 

Were Jess and Macie both gay before their transition? I guess if Jess was roommates with Shawn, who was at the very least bi, meant that it wasn’t an impossibility. But Macie too? And why were Olivia and Abby blushing so much?

 

I suddenly felt very distanced from my best friend. Why hadn’t she talked about any of this with me? I mean, I get that she didn’t really bring up a lot of the stuff around her transition but…

 

I mean, she’d had a crush on me forever before her transition. For some reason, my heart sunk at the thought she might not. I didn’t like that feeling.

 

So, I took a big drink.

 

“Woah! You know you don’t drink on your own question Zoe?” Abby said, worried.

 

“What?” I asked, still feeling the burn of the carbonation. “Oh, ya, I just figured I needed to catch up is all.”

 

“Speaking of which,” Jess cut in, “What does everyone think about one more shot and then heading downtown?” The plan seemed agreeable to everyone in the room. The guys all finished their beers with a grimace and walked over for their final shot.

 

I didn’t want to join in on the shots… but looked down at my mango drink and started to feel a resurgence of that sinking feeling. So, while everyone was taking a shot, I downed the rest of my bottle.

 

We made our way down the hallway and out the door. Jess and two of the guys were already walking a bit off-kilter, and even though I’d just downed a whole bottle, I switched into mom mode.

 

We made our way to a bar practically next door to Jess’s place that played a bunch of 90s music. The guys went first since they were more likely to get turned away with their fakes, but once they got in the girls followed. I had a miniature panic attack when I handed the bouncer my fake, but he looked at it for a half a second and handed it back. It took me a second to get over myself and realize that meant I could go in.

 

The bar was loud and had a few strobe lights that quickly started giving me a soft headache. The floor was packed with college kids at varying degrees of drunk. John and Kyle went to the bar and ordered another drink because I guess they just needed to have a drink in their hands, while the rest of us made our way to the center of the dancefloor.

 

I Want It That Way started playing and we all started jumping along. Everyone was letting go and it was quite nice. Although it probably had something to do with that second bottle all hitting at me once.

 

We stayed on the dance floor for some time. Of course, something had to happen to bring us out of the moment.

 

Abby was really getting into the jumping and I could tell the alcohol was hitting her as well and on one of her landings, she just hit her ankle a little sideways. My reaction speed was too slow to do anything about it, but as it turned out I didn’t have to. Shawn had already scooped her up before she’d even hit the floor.

 

He started ferrying her over to one of the chairs at the bar, and I rushed over to pick her up by the other side of her arm.

 

“Abby! Are you okay?” I was worried. If she got hurt like this enough to go to the hospital, we could all get in trouble. I later learned that we would’ve had medical immunity but didn’t know it at the time. Check your local laws kids. Safety first.

 

Abby looked at me and nodded with a dopey smile. Damn, she was further gone than I realized.

 

“Can she get a water?” I asked the bartender who served one up real quick. Abby picked it up, but didn’t have the motor function to bring it all the way to her mouth, and spilled the cup all over herself.

 

“Shit,” I said, hoping it hadn’t splashed too much. “Can you watch her while I get some paper towels from the bathroom?” I asked Shawn. He gave me a nod.

 

I stood in line for the bathroom for a minute or two before I was finally able to get in and swipe a few paper towels. When I got back, I was shocked and then immediately pissed.

 

Shawn was nowhere in sight and Abby had a decidedly not water drink in her hand (which she seemed to be sipping poorly, but functionally).

 

I stalked over to Abby ready to give Shawn a piece of my mind if he was close enough. He wasn’t. So instead I patted her down to try and dry her off at the same time I yanked her drink away from her.

 

“We’re going to the shuttle,” I told her.

 

“Whaat? Why? This is our first bar!”

 

“You’re too drunk to be out here right now.”

 

“Aresss you sssure?”

 

I took a deep breath. This is what I was here for.

 

“Yes girl, I’m quite sure. Come on, let’s get you going.”

 

I put her arm around me, made a motion to Jess that we were leaving, and walked her out of the bar. If I ever saw Shawn again, I was going to have words with him. I didn’t really blame Jess and them; they were as far gone as Abby most likely.

 

We stumbled to the shuttle pickup spot, I flashed my key fob to the driver and we headed home. Abby was pretty out of it during the drive back.

 

It didn’t take long for the driver to drop us off and then make our way back to my apartment. I lived on the first floor, so rather than trying to get Abby up the stairs to her place I decided we’d both just crash at mine.

 

She collapsed on my bed the second I stopped supporting her weight.

 

“Mmmrgh…” she mumbled.

 

“Abby, I’ve got some comfier clothes if you want to change?”

 

She nodded meekly and began pulling her dress off. I helped her out of it and into some shorts and an oversized t-shirt, trying to wipe off her makeup at the same time.

 

I got her all cleaned up when she just collapsed onto the pillow. She was sideways, so I didn’t worry as much about her asphyxiating if she threw up, and I had a large pot next to the bed in case she had the wherewithal to aim.

 

She looked so peaceful. Her hair dusting over her eyes. The shirt riding a bit up on her back from where she’d scooted her position. Her light freckles showing up better in the orangey light of my bedroom. She was just so perfect. I got hit with another wave of jealousy. But then my heart sunk even more.

 

I realized it wasn’t jealousy I’d been feeling. I cursed myself for being so stupid. This was a rookie lesbian mistake. I wasn’t jealous because I wanted to be her… I wanted her.

 

I had a crush on Abby.

 

A big one.

 

Shit.

 

Then she moved a bit. “Hey Zoe…”

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Guyzzz are cute.”

 

Shit.