~~~ Two Weeks Later~~~

 

Things were… sadly getting a little weird. I didn’t want them to get weird. I tried everything to keep things from getting weird. But no matter what, things were still… weird.

 

I mean, perhaps that was just my perception. Maybe Abby wasn’t getting weird vibes from me and I was incorrectly interpreting it so that she did.

 

Ever since I figured out I liked her, I just kinda started obsessing over it and pushing it deep inside me at the same time.

 

It would go something like:

 

Abby walked knocked on my door. When I opened it, I left just too much time looking at her and the way she seemed to always smile upon seeing me. But then she knew I was taking too long to open the door and her expression strained just a bit. I caught on that I’d been holding the door open and let her all the way in.

 

She’d sit down and we’d start playing a game of smash or something. Abby would giggle just a bit when she got a good hit in, and my heart would jump. When I lost before her and we played with coms, I wasn’t looking at the screen… I was looking at her.

 

She was my best friend. There was no one in the world I was closer to, physically or emotionally. She was right next to me. All I’d have to do would be to lean just a little and I could kiss her.

 

But… would she kiss me back?

 

And then I would go back to shunning my feelings.

 

The reason I was obsessing about my obsessing was that Abby had just sent me a message.

 

Abby: Everything okay with you? Like, is there something you need to talk about? ?

 

Up until then I had left her on read, which I knew was only making matters worse.

 

Zoe: I’m good ? sorry if I gave off weird vibes

Abby: no worries. You know I’m here for you ?

Zoe: I know ?

 

I should just tell her. I should just talk to her right? That’s the grown-up healthy thing to do right? Right?

 

But what if she didn’t reciprocate. I mean… it could ruin everything. But Abby’d confessed her feelings about me several times over and it hadn’t really done anything. But I also knew who I was and what I wanted, Abby clearly has some affinity for guys and would my confession throw a roadblock into her path of self-discovery?

 

Ugh…

 

Then I got another text.

 

Abby: hey, remember that game night idea you had a few weeks ago?

Zoe: …ya

Abby: would you maybe wanna do that?

Zoe: sure! that sounds awesome!

Abby: what if we also had some drinks?

 

Oh. There’d been a bit of fallout between the two of us on that particular subject. When she woke up to a bunch of snapchats from Jess and the girls, she’d been pretty bummed out that I’d dragged her home after the first bar. I told her that she was in no shape to stay out. She said she felt like she’d been railroaded. I admitted I was being a bit pushy and she copped to having surpassed her limits. We’d apologized, but not really made a game plan for how to deal with the topic of alcohol in the future. I had no clue if she’d even gone out since then.

 

So her bringing it up like this kinda got a bit under my skin.

 

Zoe: you really think we could successfully play a strategy game while drunk?

Abby: we wouldn’t have to get drunk Zo.

Abby: and tipsy exploding kittens would be fun anyways.

Abby: or like a Mario party drinking game

Zoe: …

Zoe: can you promise to go slow and control yourself?

Abby: yes, I promise

Zoe: …

Abby: pleaaaaase, it won’t be anywhere near as much fun if you aren’t there

Zoe: you’re just saying that because you want to play my games

Abby: …

Zoe: …

Zoe: fine.

Abby: YAY! ?

 

~~~ That Weekend ~~~

 

I knocked on Abby’s door. Her roommate was back with his family, so this was the optimal night and place to host a game night.

 

“Zoeeeeee!” Abby squealed as she opened the door for me. It sent an immediate shiver of repressed excitement through me. Shit I hated crushes.

 

“Hi…” I said, trailing off as I immediately spotted an asshole I didn’t anticipate being here: Shawn. I pulled Abby aside as I walked in. “What’s he doing here?”

 

“Shawn? He’s cool. I mentioned games and he seemed super interested… why do you ask?”

 

Blargh. I bet she didn’t even remember that he ditched taking care of her.

 

“Because. He—” I was about to give her a quick rendition when Shawn stood up and walked over.

 

“Hey! Zoe, I wanted to apologize to both of you for the last time I saw you. It probably looked like I said one thing and then skipped out.”

 

“That’s definitely what it looked like,” I agreed, which resulted in an elbow in my side from Abby.

 

“But I promise, there was some guy getting all up in Abby’s space and he wouldn’t leave until I basically dragged him away. When I got back, you two were gone.”

 

Hm… good cover story.

 

“Shawn, that’s so sweet. Thank you!” Abby said, buying it completely.

 

“No worries, just wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings.” Shawn directed his gaze sternly at me. He knew Abby wasn’t the one who needed convincing. At least he was smart.

 

I sighed internally. There was no way to corroborate his story, but… up until he’d ditched, he’d seemed like a nice guy and he did feel pretty genuine. Blargh.

 

“Everything’s cool,” I said, just a tad dejected. “We’re square.”

 

Who the hell says, “we’re square”? Stupid Zoe.

 

I made my way all the way into Abby’s place and found a spot to sit. The beating in my chest that always came when I entered a party slowly began to abate. I sat back and casually watched the party unfold. Abby had been right. There was some minor drinking, but it was very controlled. A few beers were sipped on here or there, but nothing super extravagant.

 

There was a knock on the door, and it was opened to someone I’d not met before.

 

“Lindsey’s here!” Abby squealed, once again announcing the newcomer. When Jess, Macie, and Olivia (who had arrived before me) all reacted alongside Abby I assumed that newcomer Lindsey was in their same noob group.

 

Lindsey was kinda string-beany but still well-proportioned and had a cool blonde balayage going on.

 

“So, what’s the game?” she asked, looking around the room to try and find a seat. Oh boy, the only open seat was on the couch next to me. I gave newcomer Lindsey a small wave.

 

“I dunno, what’d you bring Zoe?” Abby asked me. Oh shit, I’d left the games all back at my place.

 

“Nothing… but I can go back and get whatever we want.”

 

“No rush, we can just do paranoia or something and then play be ear.”

 

Oh, great. Paranoia was not the game I particularly wanted to play right now. I mean, if something incriminating came up I could always just lie, but I wasn’t the best at hiding the truth.

 

“How do you play paranoia?” Lindsey asked me as she sat down next to me.

 

“You ask the person next to you a question. The answer has to be someone else in the room, so questions should be answerable like that. The person answering says the answer out loud and we flip a coin to see if the room gets to hear what the question was.”

 

“I see. So it’s a gossip game. Get people’s interest by saying their name and then either spill or don’t spill the tea depending on the coin flip.”

 

“Yeah, sounds like you’ve got it down great!” Well, she sure was sharp.

 

Shawn returned from grabbing a second beer into the chair next to me, which made me groan internally. Now we’d have to ask each other questions, and on top of the two of us being next to each other, Abby was on the other side of him. Something about that twisted my stomach.

 

“Okay, who’s going to start?” Abby asked.

 

“I can,” replied Lindsey. Oh. That means I’d be receiving the first question. Maybe I’d overestimated my judge of Lindsey’s character.

 

She looked to me and whispered, “Which person in this group is going to end up being a crazy cat lady?”

 

I giggled in relief. I figured she was going to go a little more hardcore and welcomed the more upbeat question.

 

“Can I say myself?” I asked the room at large.

 

“Boo!”

 

“That’s cheap.”

 

I sighed, slowly looking through the others in the room. Abby was allergic, so that was a no-go. I didn’t really know Shawn’s pet situation and didn’t want to bring any extra attention to him anyways. I feel like one of the noobs would qualify.

 

“The answer is Olivia.” My answer was met with a chorus of “ooos”. The coin was flipped, and it landed on heads, so I was forced to reveal the question.

 

“Lindsey asked me who would most likely turn out to be a crazy cat lady.” Everyone had a small laugh.

 

“It’s true,” replied Olivia. “I would make a purrrrrrfect cat lady.” That was met with even more laughs.

 

Eventually Shawn broke the laughter and moved the game on, “Alright Selina Kyle, Zoe’s gotta ask me a question.”

 

Shit. What was I going to ask him?

 

Nothing too mature or deep, cause truth be told I didn’t wanna know.

 

I leaned in and whispered, “Who would most likely die first in the hunger games?” Shawn gave a quick snark. Hopefully that meant I’d picked a good question. I could see him look at everyone as he thought it over.

 

“My answer… is John.” Another chorus of “ooos”. To be honest though, I hadn’t even realized John was here. I’d kind of forgotten about the existence of Jess’ non-Shawn roommates.

 

The coin flipped: tails.

 

“Awww. I bet it was who’s the prettiest person here,” John joked at Shawn and Shawn promptly returned it with a middle finger.

 

“Alright, you’re turn,” Abby said, nudging Shawn as she leaned in close. Her ear and face inches away from his mouth. She smiled wide and seemed deviously taken aback by Shawn’s question. Her smile widened as she laughed and whispered back to him. The two went back and forth for a moment.

 

“Hey, the answer is supposed to be public,” I chimed.

 

“Sorry,” Shawn said, a little red in the face, “We were having a brief discussion on the rules and what you could and couldn’t say.” I saw Abby nudge Shawn a bit after he said that, although it was so minute, I could have made it up.

 

“Okay,” Abby said finally, “My answer is Macie.”

 

The coin landed on heads.

 

“The question was, stolen from John actually… Who’s the prettiest one here.”

 

Every cheered and clapped at Macie being the choice while she blushed and did a small little curtsy. I eyed Shawn the whole time though. My brain went into over analysis mode as I tried to parse out why there had needed to be a rule discussion. I had a hunch, and my stomach dropped to think it was true.

 

Eventually we made it all the way around the room, so the order reversed.

 

It had made it all the way back to Abby asking Shawn. “Zoe” had been his answer and the coin was tails, so I was lost in thought about what he could have possibly answered me for.

 

Then he leaned into my ear and asked me a question, “Who here would you most want to kiss?”

 

PANIC MODE ACTIVATED. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. We’d made it almost the whole game without any super mature questions and this was when it got sprung.

 

I couldn’t answer truthfully. That would be too much. I could try and play it all off as a joke, right. I mean nobody would really care, all I had to do was pick someone. So, I picked the first person my eyes landed on.

 

“Lindsey.”

 

Oh shit. That was not a good call. But I’d already said it. Fuck. I picked the one girl who I’d never met before tonight and said I wanted to kiss her. What the fuck Zoe brain? You could have chosen anyone but her and Abby and been completely fine. Hell, Shawn would have been a better answer.

 

“Aaaaaand, that’s heads!” shouted Olivia.

 

Oh, kill me now.

 

“Shawn asked…” I took one of those big gulps you see in cartoons, “who I would most want to kiss.”

 

The room was shocked, but then burst into a playful laughter. I was mortified. I resisted the urge to look over at Lindsey’s reaction but then eventually felt to weird not looking since she was sitting directly next to me.

 

She was definitely a little pink in the face but was laughing along with the group.

 

“Good choice,” said a slightly intoxicated sounding Jess. “Word on the street is she’s a great kisser,” she said with a wink in Lindsey and I’s direction.

 

Then we both went bright red while the rest of the room laughed at us.

 

“Uh… anyways, enough of this game am I right? Let’s switch to something else,” I said, trying against hope to change the topic away from my blunder.

 

“Oooo!” Abby interjected deviously, “Let’s play murder in the dark!”

 

Everyone seemed to agree.

 

I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked over to see Lindsey lean in to talk to me quietly. Oh shit, I’d crossed a line. Panic mode hit full swing.

 

“I don’t go to game nights that often. What’s murder in the dark?” she asked.

 

CRISIS AVERTED! I was beyond relieved that it was about the game.

 

“Uhh, basically we draw cards and the red card is the murderer. We turn off all the lights and the murderer goes around dragging their finger across other peoples throats to ‘kill’ them. If you’re an innocent and you find a dead body, you yell ‘Murder in the dark’ and run to the nearest light switch. Then all the people still alive vote on who they think the murder is. If the majority votes correctly then they win. If not, another round starts with the remaining people left alive and whoever they voted is now dead. The murderer wins if the get it down to only one innocent left.”

 

She nodded. “Cool. Well, if I’m the murderer, I’ll be coming for you.”

 

“Oh! Sorry for answering you back there. I just picked whoever I looked at and—”

 

She giggled, “I was joking.”

 

“Oh.” I almost felt a drop of sweat trickle down my face I was so anxious.

 

“And too bad you just picked at random, if someone asked me I’d have probably picked you.”

 

Aaaaaand there she goes. Zoe is dead everyone. She died on this night of a heart attack. Well, a series of mini heart attacks that culminated in one big heart attack. May she always be remembered as a good friend but socially inept around the topic of crushes. Rest in peace.

 

Lindsey stood up to go get a drink and I finally remembered to breathe.

 

Abby then sat down in the spot Lindsey had been sitting. “Sooo… you and Lindsey seem to be getting along okay. You explaining the games to her and all… and admitting you’d kiss her.”

 

“What!? I… that was… I just… random cause you know… I mean…”

 

Abby just smirked. “Word on the street is Lindsey bats for her own team if you get what I mean. The only noob I’ve met who does, actually.”

 

Well that explains her… forwardness.

 

Then it dawned on me. “You aren’t trying to set us up… are you?”

 

It was Abby’s turn to get red in the face. “Uh… maybe a little.”

 

“Abbigail! You tricky little…” What did this mean? Did she know I was crushing on her and tried to find a replacement? Was she just trying to play matchmaker?

 

“Come on Zo. You’ve been so good taking care of me so I wanted to return the favor a little and Lindsey’s super cool and is gay, so… Put them together and what have you got?” she said, quietly singing the little bit at the end.

 

I took another cartoon gulp. “Well, a little heads up would be nice next time.”

 

“Okay everyone!” Shawn said getting the room’s attention, “Time to draw cards.”

 

Abby stood up, gave me a wink and walked over to get her card.

 

I took a very deep couple of breaths and walked over to retrieve my own. I was innocent.

 

“Alright,” said Shawn, “Game begins… now!” He turned off the last of the lights and we started. I ran to the bathroom and stood inside the shower, hoping the murderer wouldn’t find me.

 

Everything was going according to plan until I heard footsteps approaching the bathroom. They paused just outside and then slowly the footsteps came onto the tiled floor of the bathroom. My heart beating that extra bit faster because even though I knew this was a pretend game with my friends sometimes my mind got the better of me and made the immersion a little too good.

 

The footsteps inched closer and closer until the were right in front of me. I slowly moved my hands over my mouth and heart hoping to stop the sounds of either from being heard by the mystery person.

 

Then I felt a hand brush past my own. They receded very quickly.

 

“Shit!” the mystery person said in a scared whisper. A moment passed and she said, “I guess if you were the murderer you would have killed me.”

 

I let out a sigh of relief.

 

“I guess I could say the same for you, whoever you are.”

 

“It’s Lindsey,” she replied.

 

“Cool. Zoe.”

 

Then I felt a finger across my neck.

 

“A double cross!?” I whispered shocked. I slumped down to the ground like you were supposed once you “died”. The I felt Lindsey’s breath as she leaned down over me.

 

“Told you I’d come for you first,” she whispered slowly into my ear. I was so impossibly happy that it was pitch dark and she couldn’t see how much I was blushing.

 

Lindsey left me with a small snarky giggle and then the footsteps retreated away from the bathroom.

 

My heart continued to pound, but this time I didn’t think it was from immersion fear.

 

About a minute went by before Olivia crawled her way into the bathroom and asked if I was dead. I replied in the affirmative and she yelled, “Murder in the dark!” It took her a moment to find the light switch, but she did.

 

The group all walked back into the living room. I sat on what was dubbed the “dead couch”, while the group voted on who they thought the murderer was.

 

Given that it was Lindsey’s first time playing and the fact that at the time of discovery she was at the opposite end of the apartment none of the blame was on her. Eventually it was Shawn who was voted upon, sending him to share the dead couch with me as another round started.

 

When he sat down I just gave him an eyebrow raise that meant “sucks you got picked but don’t expect me to have a conversation with you”. Or at least, I hoped it did. We didn’t talk once the round started, regardless and I scooted to the opposite end of the couch to make that clear.

 

I did however hear some voices coming from his direction. He was whisper chatting with someone. Then I heard rustling. Maybe someone was trying to hide underneath him to avoid getting murdered? I’d seen it done before.

 

I lost myself in thought for the next few minutes. The darkness and quiet left me with nothing else to do but think.

 

Lindsey was gay… and unless I was mistaken, flirting with me. I mean, at least I thought so. It could have just been a bit though. Just cause there’s two gay people in a room doesn’t mean they’re inherently attracted to each other. That’s something that heteros often forget. But… in this case, would they be wrong? I mean… I’d just come to terms with my feelings for Abby. I didn’t want or need anything else on my plate. I was still trying to find the right time to tell Abby about things, and didn’t really want the complication of anything else.

 

But Lindsey was pretty. Quite pretty. And from what I could gather, she was thoughtful. I appreciated that. Not often do I find people who care to listen and think before responding. But she was so new, this was so new, even if I did feel a tiny something how did I know it wasn’t just a this evening thing and not a real thing?

 

Ughh, I hated feelings.

 

“Murder in the dark!” someone called, and the lights flickered on.

 

“So it was definitely Lindsey,” Jess said, “I was in the room when she killed John and—Oh!”

 

My brow furrowed and I followed Jess’s gaze to see what it was that interrupted her.

 

I turned slowly to my right only to see Abby straddling Shawn, his hand up the back of her shirt, the two of them full-on making out.