The dimmed lights of the bar made Dani feel cozy as she waited for food to arrive. She always felt a special type of safety whenever it was cold outside while simultaneously being nice and warm. Like watching a storm from the comfort of a sturdy house, or drinking hot tea on her sofa during a blizzard. So despite the howling wind outside, she couldn’t think of a more relaxing place to be than sitting at a booth with her two roommates while they drank and talked.

And what’s more, Elliot was there, along with a girl he had been seeing named Kelsey. A group of five in all, waiting for greasy, salty bar food to go with their drinks. The perfect winter day.

“It seems super scary at first, but it’s really not that bad.” Kelsey sipped from her straw, which she stirred around her glass.

Dani nodded and reached up to touch a spot by her eye that was bugging her, but stopped short when she remembered she was clad in makeup.

I’ve gotta get used to wearing this in public. God, but I really wanna rub my eye.

“Okay, yeah,” Dani responded, fighting off a facial twitch. “That’s good to know, actually. I was sorta nervous about the workload after not doing any schooling for so long.” She averted her gaze as she admitted her fears.

Kelsey looked over at Elliot who was absentmindedly playing with her hair, but didn’t mention it. “Oh yeah, don’t worry! Once you get used to it you’d do great, I’m sure.”

In the last week, Dani had come to a decision. That being, she wanted more than shifts at The Mug to pay her way through life. Dealing with coffee stains on her clothes and rude customers in her ear could only entertain her for so long.

“Alright, alright, enough nursing talk.” Elliot stood up and turned to Ryan. “Quick game before the food gets here? Twenty bucks?” He pointed to the pool table a dozen feet away that was currently unattended.

Ryan looked at the lonely pool cue leaning up against it and sighed. “Nah, sorry. Our food’ll be here any minute.”

Dani met his eyes and gave him a knowing smile from across the table. He had promised to stop gambling with Elliot, at least until he had some proper savings built up.

“Well, you’re no fun.” Elliot sat back down with an exaggerated frown. “Though it makes sense that you’d need the money to buy stuff for your new girlfriend.”

It was a few seconds before Dani realized he was referring to her. She blushed and once again had to focus on not touching her face. Being out as trans to her extended friend group was yet another thing she would have to get used to.

“More like I have to recover from the past year of you draining me.” Ryan elbowed Simon next to him. “And if this guy’s moving out, that means more rent to pay.”

“I still haven’t decided on anything yet!” Simon elbowed Ryan back as he brought a glass of water to his lips, opting out of his straw.

That’s right, should I be saving more money to deal with Simon leaving? Maybe starting schooling soon isn’t the best idea…

Her excitement from choosing nursing as a potential career path had overpowered any other thoughts of the future.

I only picked it like a week ago, I shouldn’t commit to anything for now. How can I say I want to be a nurse so soon? I’ll give it a few months. I’ll weigh more options.

“Hey, and I’ve been meaning to let both of you know,” Simon said, pointing to Ryan and Dani. “I knew it wouldn’t be a problem, but my mom confirmed that you can both join us for Christmas, if you want. I know it’s short notice…”

Dani took a deep breath. “That’s a really kind offer, and normally I’d love to see Daria again, but I think I’m going to take my brothers up on their idea. They said they’d back me up against my parents and, I don’t know, I want to give it a shot. I’m expecting it to end horribly, but I think if I’m not alone, then… Yeah.” She tapped her fingers on the thin paper napkin in her lap. “Though if it doesn’t go well, I’d appreciate your offer again next time. And thank you.”

“Wow, yeah.” Simon watched a waitress carry a tray of food past their table. “That would be great if you could repair things with your parents, even a little. Good luck.”

“Like I said, I’m not getting my hopes up, but seeing my brothers will be nice at least.” She hoped the conversation wasn’t getting too serious for Elliot and Kelsey, who were leaning away and talking amongst themselves. “And watching my brothers fight with my parents might be cathartic! Who knows.”

The three roommates chuckled, softening the mood that was teetering on the edge of uncomfortable.

“And while I’d love to see your grandma’s nice basement again,” Ryan said with a grin, mimicking Dani’s answer. “I actually agreed to meet up with Heather for Christmas. Figured it would be a good way to actually bond together as outcast cousins.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear it. Good luck to you both, then.” Simon looked relieved.

Dani wondered if he had been worried about dealing with the two of them being a couple on Christmas in front of him, before noticing his gaze was pointed behind her.

“Hey, there we go,” Ryan said, matching Simon’s stare.

Dani turned and saw a waiter with their food approaching.

Ah, right.

***

Christmas was on the green side of the spectrum that year, with only a light dusting of snow from an early morning flurry to hold up the holiday charm. Dani looked at her parents’ house, the house she had spent so many Christmases in before, and groaned at her own doubts creeping in.

Is this a bad idea? It is. It absolutely is. But I can’t back out now, can I? No, I could. I could drive away and tell Caleb and Noah my car stopped working. Though, they won’t believe it. I don’t want to trade the faith they have in me to avoid a tricky situation. And on top of all that…

Ryan coughed into his sleeve, jarring Dani from her tangle of thoughts. He was in the passenger’s seat next to her, still shivering from the walk he and Simon had taken from where they parked.

“Having second thoughts?” Simon asked from the back seat. He looked much less impacted by the cold. “It’s not a big deal if you changed your mind.”

While Dani had planned to visit her parents alone that day, her roommates had insisted on coming with her. Their plan was to wait around for ten minutes to make sure she didn’t need an emergency extraction, then head off to their own holiday plans. Simon’s car was parked a block away at a communal lot.

Of course, Dani had told them it was overkill. And, of course, they ignored her. She trusted her brothers, young and naive as they were, to prevent anything from going too far. Though if she was being honest with herself, she did feel a lot better about it knowing that the two of them would be nearby if it came to that.

I definitely can’t back out now that they’re here. God, they don’t tell you that having supportive people in your life means you end up doing scarier things.

“No,” Dani said, peeling her hands off the steering wheel. “I’m gonna do it. Thank you both for coming, though you really didn’t have to!”

“Well, it’s too early to do anything else, anyway.” Ryan yawned as he rubbed his ears to warm them.

Dani’s phone buzzed.

That must be Noah. Time to go in, then.

She double checked what she was already sure of. Noah had texted her that he and Caleb were ready. All she had to do was walk up to the door and knock.

Okay. Okay, yeah. Right. It’s easy. This will be… It’ll be good. Mom and Dad will probably be fussy, but my brothers will defend me. I can handle a few blunt comments if it means progress.

“They’re ready,” Dani whispered.

“Hey,” Ryan said. He planted a kiss on Dani’s cheek before she could respond, and did his best to hug her despite the car’s interior getting in the way. “It’s gonna be alright. We’re right outside. Worst case you come back out and we’ll get some breakfast and spend the day together.”

Dani nodded while she struggled to not cry. She had spent an extra long time on her makeup that morning, leaving no room for her parents to criticize her femininity. Tears would smudge up her hard work.

“Thank you. Both of you.” She turned and smiled at Simon, then returned Ryan a peck on his forehead. “Um, yeah. I’ll text you if I think it’s going well. Please don’t wait here too long. Oh, and remember to lock the doors when you leave. I don’t know why you guys parked so far away, you should have waited in your own car.”

“We thought stealth might matter.” Ryan said. “What if your parents looked outside and saw two extra cars in their driveway? They would–”

“Our bad,” Simon said. “Don’t worry about us, I’ll make sure your car is locked up. Just focus on making sure you’re okay, okay?”

“Right,” Ryan agreed.

Dani giggled at her two dumb roommates and opened her door. She knew every extra second she waited would make it harder to take that first step. With a silent wave, she walked up the sidewalk that led to her front door.

Mom will probably take it the hardest. Hopefully Dad will relax a little if I tell him about nursing school. If I can get him to chill out, maybe Mom will follow. I mean they have two other sons, they shouldn’t be that upset to exchange Danny for a daughter.

The walk was short, and not as icy as she was expecting. Before she knew it, Dani was staring at her old front door. She could hear her family inside, talking peacefully, like she wasn’t about to ruin the whole day for them.

I hope those two are prepared for how messy this could get. Caleb better not switch sides on me. He can be a pain sometimes.

She wanted to raise her hand and knock on the door, just as she had planned on with her brothers. That was the final step.

What if they hate me? What if Mom and Dad really want nothing to do with me? It’s been months, maybe they’ve accepted that I’m a lost cause. Maybe they don’t see me as their kid anymore…

Dani looked over her shoulder to her car. Ryan and Simon were talking, maybe even bickering by the looks of it.

They’ll be here. That’s what matters.

She waved to her car, which Simon noticed then pointed out to Ryan. Her two roommates waved back with smiles, and Dani felt the knots in her stomach dissolve. As long as those two were waiting for her, she felt safe. She just had to remember. Her new boyfriend, who had recently returned from a fight with his father all in the name of protecting her. Her oldest friend, who had always made her feel comfortable to be herself. They could be her family if all else failed. No, they were her family. Her parents would have to make a case for if they could join the exclusive club.

I’ll give them a chance. I’ll do this for the twins. But I won’t let them get to me.

She smiled back at her roommates and turned to the door again. With a steady hand, she knocked twice, ready to face what was on the other side.