Unlucy

This chapter has a lot of time skipping, and is also where I introduce narrator-consistent pronouns. I hope it isn't too confusing, but I made it consistent. Still, let me know if I need to change stuff to make more sense!

Danny stared at his computer. It’s ok. This will happen eventually, anyway. I just have to decide if I want to do it now or- He pressed enter, and Danny was no more. Dani would replace him. Or at least, within her online circle of friends. Simon, Ryan, her parents, basically anyone who she could expect to see her in person still wouldn’t know. Her trick of just hitting the damn button worked, though, and she was met with a swarm of support.

She knew that it wasn’t healthy to keep thinking of herself as “Danny: the dude with long hair who just happens to like taking estrogen pills,” and finally gathered the courage to talk with her internet posse about who she truly was. She was happy for a moment. The fear dissipated and the relief of knowing she could at least turn to them if all else failed made her feel safe.

***

The rest of May and the better part of June breezed past Simon. While schools were out for the season, he switched to helping run a summer camp a few miles away. This camp was also the reason for his current argument with Danny.

“Dude, we need another swim teacher!” Simon pleaded with his friend while they sat on the couch. A nature documentary played on the TV. “You love to swim, and if you don’t help, I’ll have to ask...other people.” He held his breath.

“Sorry, I just don’t think it would mesh well with my new schedule at The Mug.” Danny recently got a promotion at the coffee shop he worked at.

Simon rolled his eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh. “Oh you know that’s a poor excuse. They love you there, you could easily get a couple days off.”

“Okay, I’ll ask, but you should probably just ask Rachel to be safe.”

Simon winced at the mere mention of her. At the party last month, he made the mistake of having a couple drinks and giving in for a night. It was only a few minutes of a makeout session, but it was enough. After that night, she would inform everyone she knew, and every social media page, that the two were “an item.”

Simon tried to take his mind off of the mess he had yet to clean up. “Dan, seriously, is something wrong?”

Danny’s eyes drifted to the floor.

Simon continued, “you haven’t wanted to go to any of the pool parties or beach cookouts this year. I know you can be shy, but you’ve never missed out on this much stuff before.”

“I just...think that moving out has put my head in a weird space. I’m sure I’ll come around eventually.”

“If you say so.” Simon leaned back and prepared himself for a phone call he knew he would regret.

***

Alright, nobody should be able to see these. Dani pulled the hem of her shirt down, seeing if any sign of her growing breasts showed through. The sports bra she wore underneath did a good job at concealing them.

The fourth of July beach celebration was tonight, and she knew it would be impossible to bail on that. I just need to make an appearance. I’ll keep my shirt on and nobody will care that I skip out on night swimming. Simon had been getting more and more aggressive with his complaints. It was unlike him to be that pushy. And then after this, I can go the rest of the summer without an issue.

She was both grateful and disappointed that her breasts were so easy to hide. Three months of hormone therapy had finally started to show, but not as quickly as Dani had hoped. But this does make it easier to stay closeted. And patience has gotten me this far; I can’t give up on it now.

***

“Happy birthday, Ryan!” The crowded apartment cheered in unison.

Rachel squeezed Simon’s hand as the noise peaked. He tried to think of a way to justify this not being a date, but the writing was on the wall. After a summer of being co-workers, he just found it easier to give in to her advances. She’s nice, and smart, and cute, and I have no reason not to like her. Simon thought to himself. So why does this feel so...off?

“Believe it or not, at just twenty three years old, Ryan is the oldest one of us in the apartment.” Simon spoke up. He needed a distraction, and any conversation would do.

“Yet he acts like he’s in middle school” Danny said with a giggle.

Ryan let out a roaring, drunken laugh, followed by the rest of the party.

Danny’s laugh caught Simon’s attention. Has he always laughed like that? He tried to think back to all the jokes they’ve told each other over the years. He sounds so pure when he laughs, these days. Like he’s not holding back at all. Happier. But then why is he seeming more distant by the day?

Ryan had started to pour more shots for his guests. “Simon, you’re doing one with me. My birthday wish.” Simon waved to show he understood, but he was still thinking about Danny.

We haven’t even spent much time together this month, and next week the schools start back up. September was only a week away, and Simon would have to start working with students again. Of course, he had no problem with that. But it meant even less time to spend with his best friend. Are we even best friends anymore? Last time we were alone together was July, and I don’t think we talked about anything other than video games.

He focused on Danny, who was also downing a shot next to the birthday boy. He looks happy. Maybe I should just let him be. No sense in changing something that clearly works.

***

Dani heard a soft knock on her door. “What’s up?” She was focused on her computer.

Simon poked his head into her room. “Hey, I’m starting work again today, so I won’t be back until seven. Just thought you should know.”

“Um, okay, thanks. Good luck.” Dani wasn’t sure if she actually needed to know that, but at least Simon was still talking to her. After an awkward summer of her dodging the majority of his attempts to hang out, she was surprised he didn’t hate her.

“Yeah, hopefully I don’t have any outbursts from parents like last year.” Simon chuckled as he left her room.

I better not tell him that his stories of horrible parents are my guilty pleasure. Dani thought.

Dani’s focus returned to her computer, when she heard her door click again. Simon was back.

“Oh, and before I go, just thought you should know. You left some stuff in the bathroom.”

Fuck. Dani’s heart froze. The YouTube video she was watching seemed to slow down. Why did I even have them in the bathroom?! She remembered just a few minutes ago when she had taken her dose.

Right, I was out of water. As tiny as the pills were, she still couldn’t swallow them without water. So as she found herself with two pill bottles in her hands and an empty water bottle, she rushed to the bathroom for a secret refill. But somehow she forgot to take the pills back to her room.

Dani realized that she hadn’t said anything. “Uh, um, yeah, just some...I…” She rushed past her friend and to the bathroom, hoping her face wasn’t too red. With two quick swipes, the two bottles were hidden in the pouch of her hoodie. But she couldn’t face Simon yet.

I’ll have to wait him out. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub, as she figured her friend would have to leave for work sooner or later. And, she was correct. After only a few minutes she heard the door to the apartment open and close.

She stuck her head outside of the bathroom before leaving. Ryan sat on the couch with a game controller in his hands. He seemed focused. Phew. Dani reclaimed her seat at her desk, desperately trying to make an excuse for what Simon might have seen. Maybe he didn’t read the bottles. Or if he did, he might not know what they’re for! Just as she started to feel hope, her phone buzzed.

It was a text. From Simon.

It read:

“we need to talk when I get back”

Dani gulped.