Looking at Her
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Finally, Dani thought as she turned off her alarm. I’m going to tell him. Someone else will finally know. Just don’t chicken out. 

She kicked off the sheets she had gotten tangled in throughout the night, and stepped in front of her full-body mirror in the corner. Her mouth twisted as she analyzed her starting point: an old t-shirt and some boxers. She still stuck to wearing her boy clothes around the house, even when sleeping, on the off chance that Simon or Ryan walked in.

Today, she noticed that her shirt was tented up over her breasts. Huh, cool. The way that her shirt was being warped to give her bland getup a hint of femininity made her appreciate the changes she was getting from hormones. God, I can’t wait to stop hiding my body from the world.

She began to search through her closet for an outfit. Her hands brushed past an assortment of t-shirts and hoodies, none of them calling to her. Do I really want another lazy outfit today? Dani didn’t have many “girl clothes,” yet. In fact, she only had a pair of jeans that were fitted for women. And today is a great chance to break them in! After a quick change in underwear, she squeezed into her new jeans. They were harder to get on than she anticipated, but they were nice and snug, now. Dani sighed with relief. She didn’t have the confidence to buy any clothes in person, yet, so these were ordered online, and she had no clue if they would even fit.

Hmm, not bad, actually! She thought as she did a quick spin in her mirror. Now which hoodie do I toss on? Her trip back to her closet was interrupted this time, as something caught her eye. It was the pair of boxes she had picked up from her parents earlier in the week. After her emotional ride home, she just left them lying on the floor of her room, unable to deal with the memories of home that waited inside. Now, however, she was well-rested and back to not caring what her parents thought. She opened the top box.

Inside was a collection of jackets and heavier shirts. Dani had them packed away for the summer, and had forgotten to bring them with her when she moved. Or rather, she remembered they were there, but had not anticipated how fast her relationship with her family would deteriorate.

Dani pulled out each piece of clothing, dissatisfied. She found an old shirt from when she was in her high school's chess club, which did bring back a few fun memories, but it wasn’t what she was looking for. Finally, at the bottom of the box, she found it. A green, hand-knit sweater.

 

It was always her favorite thing to wear. The moment her grandmother gave it to her for Christmas many years ago, she had worn it as often as she could get away with. Her parents would mock her for keeping it on well after the weather got warmer in the spring, but she learned to ignore them. This sweater was her main motive for picking up the boxes from her old house, and subjecting herself to her father’s ice cold demeanor.

Dani slipped into it, excited to see how it would look on her after months of hormones. The reason it had been so special to her, other than being the last gift from her loving grandmother, was the way it would make her body look, even before her medical transition began. Her already-narrow waist was tightly hugged by it, giving her hips some flare. It was as if it was made to make the wearer look feminine. When she was younger, strangers would “mistake” her as a girl when she wore it, another reason her parents didn’t like it. Although her long hair may have been doing most of the work.

Dani brushed some fuzz off of the stomach area, and stepped in front of the mirror. Wow. She thought. Her reflection showed an image she had only been able to wish for in the past. I’m finally looking at her...I’m finally looking at me.

The sweater seemed to amplify everything the estrogen had done over the past six months. Her breasts, while small, looked natural, and she loved them. Her waist, while still hindered by her wider ribcage, smoothed out and curved her frame, and she loved it. Even her shoulders, which she had always seen as her most masculine feature, looked rounded and soft, which she loved.

Dani was ignoring her face, which was covered in stubble that grew overnight, as well as her hair which looked more like a rat nest than something human. She grabbed her wide-toothed comb and began detangling. Starting at the ends of her hair, she slowly worked out the knots, giving herself an even more striking reflection. Her red locks against the emerald green material of her sweater held a perfect, almost unbelievable contrast. She knew that wearing this today would draw tons of eyes toward her, just due to the color disparity, alone.

And she knew she didn’t want that.

I can’t be drawing extra attention to myself. I’ll get anxious. I’ll make Simon uncomfortable. She somberly looked at her reflection again. And my chest. A sports bra will show through if I wear this, and that would suck. Dani pulled off the sweater, and stored it in her dresser. Soon, though. I’ll wear you soon.

She snatched a random hoodie from her closet and threw it on. Her reflection didn’t speak to her as much, but she was still satisfied. Besides, this was still one of the best days of her life. She finally saw the woman she wanted to be. The woman she was. And she couldn’t stop smiling. Huh. I might actually be able to do this.

 

A knock came from the door, along with a voice. “Hey, I’m thinking we could leave within the next half hour,” It was Simon. “The place you wanted to try stops serving breakfast at 10.”

“Yup!” Dani responded, “sounds good!” She grabbed her shaving kit and headed to the bathroom, still brandishing her smile.

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