“I didn’t know it was your sister’s friend’s cousin’s friend.  I just didn’t want to get involved.  How can you hold me responsible for what happened?”

Tom was arguing with his girlfriend about a party he just left.  He stood at the crosswalk waiting for the light to change when his girlfriend called him.  She was mad that he had caused trouble again.  But this time, it wasn’t his fault.  Sure, she told him not to go to the party, but his bros called him so he went anyway.  

He had a few drinks, but he was far from drunk.  Tom did not pick up any girls, he just hung around his bros.  However, a friend of his tried to pick up a girl.  Then the girl’s alleged boyfriend interrupted them.  The girl claimed that the guy was a stalker, some pushing followed and then a fight ensued.   Tom’s friend was winning the fight until the stalker’s buddies jumped in.  It became a three versus one.  The tides turned quickly and his friend was getting pummeled.  He noticed that the girl was smiling.  Something was off, so he finally stepped in to stop the fight.  But before he knew it, someone punched him in the face.  He got angry and wiped them all out and then stomped each of their chests one last time for good measure.  

He bent down to pick up his friend and was hit from behind.  He reacted without thinking and punched the assailant in the face.  It was the girl that started it all, she had hit him with a chair.  He became slightly disoriented and realized that his head was bleeding.  He took his friend to the Uber driver and decided to walk home to sober up.

“OK. OK. I know your sister is trying to break us up.  Is she still really pissed that I dumped her for you? ...What do you mean I don’t understand?”

He was getting frustrated.  He hated fighting with her.  She had stuck together with him even if he was the asshole.  But that was him in the past and not him now.

“You don’t get it?  You want to break up?  Don’t say it unless you mean it.  You know I don’t do well with threats.  What?  Fine.  Let’s break up then.  Don’t regret it!”

He hung up on her.  He was pissed.  He did not do anything wrong, but she blamed him for it all.  She wanted him to admit his faults and take responsibility for his actions.  He did not see what he did wrong.  But maybe he did make a mistake.  He really did not want to break up with her.  He began to regret it.

“Hey asshole.”  a voice came from behind.

Tom turned and was tackled.  He fell into the middle of the crosswalk with the attackers.  Blows quickly exchanged until a bright light came racing towards them.  There was a loud honk followed by a woman’s scream.  He quickly grabbed the closest assailant and threw him away.  He stood up and picked up the other assailant then kicked him away.  He dove to the right and barely dodged the vehicle.

He heard it screech to a stop.  The driver looked at him and then quickly drove away.  He began to brush himself off and looked around at the assholes that jumped him.  They were still sprawled on the ground, likely unconscious.  He saved their asses, but his fate would be different.  Before he knew it, the headlights were upon him.  As he went to dodge it again, he felt someone kick him in the back and he flew towards the light.  The truck hit him and he blacked out.

 

He awoke when he heard an unrecognizable sound.  He opened his eyes and saw a white ceiling, but everything else was beyond his expectations.  There was no bed, no heartbeat machine and not even a room.  He was in a large expansive area filled with a gray sky.  He was outdoors, but he did not know where.  When he was finally able to focus his eyes, he realized that the white ceiling he recognized earlier were just the clouds above.

Where am I?

“Next.” called an unfamiliar voice.

Tom was lying down so he sat up.  He turned his head left and right, but saw nothing familiar.  However, there was a long line of people next to him.  Well at least some of them were people.  He noticed a few dogs and cats as well.

What the heck, a potted plant?

Something was strange and he knew it.  He knew that cats and dogs do not normally stand in line together in an orderly fashion.  He had been to a dog show so he understood that a well trained dog could pull it off, but not a cat?  Cats always did their own thing, so he did not think it was possible.  

This must be some weird dream.

“Next” 

Still confused he got up.  He needed to get some answers so he walked up to the closest person in line, a man in a ragged business suit.  The man’s glasses were broken and a little crooked. 

“Where are we?  What’s the line for?”

“Fuck off!” replied a disgruntled voice.

Tom was taken aback then he responded immediately.  

“Fuck you!”

His muscles instinctively tensed as his fists tightened.  He got ready.  But he immediately realized that his anger would not get him anywhere.  If it was not for his ongoing therapy sessions, things might have spiraled out of control like always.  He had to control his short temper.  It had ruined most of his life.  He walked away from the man.

Tom went to the end of the long line and stood there.  He soon realized nobody was talking and everyone looked grumpy.  Even the plant looked grumpy.  After what seemed like days of waiting he finally made it to the front of the line and found a desk.  Oddly there was no one there, just a cheap looking Android tablet.  It displayed a few options:  Reincarnation, Redemption, and Rest.

He wasn’t sure what each meant so he did not choose right away. He stood there looking at the screen until a voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Hurry up and choose.  You think I have all day?”

Tom turned to find that it was the potted plant behind him.  But before he could say anything it filled him in on the rules.

“First time right?  Did you realize we are in purgatory.  Yep that's right, that purgatory.  Well anyways.  This is how it works.  You are supposed to pick what fits your mood.  You pick reincarnation if you want a new life.  You pick redemption if you have regrets.  And lastly you pick Rest if you are done with it all.  I wouldn’t choose that one, I heard it’s a real dead end. Ha Ha Ha.”

The plant could not stop laughing as it wiggled.  Its movements looked gross to Tom, but since he was given free advice, he just let it go.

“What no laughs?  Rough crowd.  Can’t even make dead jokes.  Lame.  Anyways, be careful about reincarnation since it has this Buddha vibe to it.  You know karma and all.  Look at me, do you think I wanted to be a potted plant?  It did have a few perks however, I got to see some nakeds until the significant other threw me out the window.  But I digress.  You know the google results, so pick and choose.  Hurry up, the crowd is getting restless.”

Out of curiosity he looked beyond the plant.  And sure enough a few cats and dogs looked pissed.  The people on the other hand remained silent.

He knew what to choose, Tom turned and selected Redemption.

The world swirled and when he came too he was sitting in a car.  No it wasn’t a car, it was a truck.  And a weird truck at that.   Dice were hanging on the rearview mirror, but showed silver skulls instead of the usual dots.  The gear shift had a silver skull on it as well.  The odometer was strange as well, it only showed 227 miles on it but the truck did not look new at all.  There were no keys to be found, but it did have an engine ignition button.  So he pressed it.  And the radio sounded.

“Redemption is not an easy thing to do.  You must repent.  And you must repent honestly.  To do that, you must find yourself and redeem yourself.”

Redemption?  Redeem yourself?

“How do I do that?” Tom asked.

“It’s a truck dumbass.  How else do you do that?  You’ve watched enough anime.  Don’t be stupid, go redeem.”

Why does this voice sound familiar?

With the engine rumbling he grabbed the steering wheel and stepped on the gas.  He began to drive and soon recognized the familiar buildings.  It was near the same crosswalk where he was attacked.

He stopped at a light and saw a familiar boy standing at the corner of the crosswalk.  Part of his head was covered in dried blood.  He was yelling into his phone, but stopped.  His unsteady feet seemed to impede his thoughts.  He grabbed his head and was suddenly tackled from someone hiding in the shadows.  A second assailant soon followed and a fight broke out in the middle of the crosswalk.

The truck suddenly moved forward on its own.  Tom didn’t know what to do.  The truck drove straight at the boy and then he recognized the face.  It was his.

What the fuck!

The boy dodged and avoided the truck.  Tom looked out the window to make sure he, the boy, was safe.  But the radio spoke up once more.

“Redemption must be paid.  You know what to do.  Only after redemption can you continue with your journey.”

Damn it!

He knew what he had to do.  He was stuck in a shitty cliché.  A truck, his soul, the replay of his life and the endless talk of redemption.

He drove the truck off and turned it around.  Then he stepped on the gas and went full speed at his target.  He wasn’t thrilled at all, he hated what he was doing.  He did not understand what any of this had to do with redemption.  He even hated the author who came up with this unimaginative storyline.  

Crash!  The accident happened.

In the next moment, he was back in a truck.  He recognized the dice, the gear shift and the crappy interior.  Then he noticed something else that he missed before.  There was an air freshener shaped like a potted plant that sat on the air conditioning vent.  It triggered a déjà vu moment and he recalled a familiar voice.

Damn plant.

He saw the odometer and figured out what he had to do.  It read 226.  One less than before.  He started the engine and begrudgingly drove toward his shitty fate.  One time, he even had to be the person that kicked himself in the back when the assailants hesitated.  Like a sad clone of Groundhog Day, each time he repeated his demise something was different.

“Congratulations!  You have qualified to become the Angel of Death!  You now have a job for life.  HaHaHa.  Get it?  Get it?  Death for life.  HaHaHa.”

Tom was not amused.

“What about my redemption?”

“Who cares about that?  I can now retire.  You don’t know how long I’ve been at this job.  I used to drive chariots!  Chariots I tell you!  At least you can do this job in modern times.  You get a truck.  Let me tell you, watching a horse's ass all day sucks and their dung smells.  Don’t get me started.”

Tom did not care nor did he want to know anymore about this damn plant.  What he wanted to know was if the life he knew was really over or not.

“So what's next?  I drive around collecting souls?  Is that how this works?”

“Yep spot on.  You are now the collector of souls.  The grim reaper.   You get to redeem those folks who gave it up to do something about their lives.  Some did good, some did bad.  But all have to pay in the end and get redeemed when the time comes.”

Tom had guessed how this would work out.  It was nothing new to him.  He read a lot of books in order to stay out of trouble.  His counselor recommended zen-like self esteem books, but he found those boring.  However after he found a science fiction fantasy book about a reincarnated gamer that turned into a goblin he got hooked on that genre.  After that, he learned to love reading.  It became his event free escape.

He realized that he had no choice about the matter of his new job.  So he accepted it.  He sure as hell did not want to reincarnate as a plant.

“So what do I call you?”

“Alfred.  HaHaHaHa.   Just kidding, just call me senior.  I can’t be called Death anymore since it’s your job now.”

Though he accepted the job.  He still felt uncomfortable.  So Alfred continued.

“Hey don’t worry about it, this job has some perks.  You will find out in time.  But do note, you do get a nice office in the afterlife and this position is considered pretty high in our society.  Plus the truck doesn’t require any gas.  It’s eco friendly.  Hahahaha.”

He was surprised that the job came with an office.  He was sure he would have to sit in the truck all day.  But he still had a lingering attachment to his old life, so he asked the question that was on his mind.

“Is there any way that I can get back to my old life?  I will still do the job.”

“Hey kid you worry too much.  Of course there is, you just need to wake up.  By the way, you ended up with a brain hemorrhage when you got hit in the head.  You actually died at the crosswalk after you talked to your girlfriend.  You are a lucky kid.  If I wasn’t nearby you would be dead for sure.  I saved your ass.  I like people like you who honestly  try to redeem themselves.  It reminds me of myself.  Plus, you think you’re too young to die right?”

“What?”  he was confused.

 

The alarm sounded and he slammed the snooze button again.  Tom finally woke up.  He had the weirdest dream last night.  He turned and looked at the time.  It read 9:07 am.  He was late for class.  He got out of bed and put on a change of clothes, fixed his hair, grabbed his backpack and left the dorm room.  In his rush he did not notice the new visitor that sat on his desk.  

As it bathed in retirement, the potted plant enjoyed the early morning sunlight.