Chapter 43 – Allons-y Lea and Me
It was morning, and we were alone in bed again. I was alone in bed. Lea was gone, except for the suggestion the sheets had been disturbed. The clock behind me showed a mere ten minutes before the regular time to get up. Because, of course. Too long to let any more calm settle in me and too short to try going back to sleep.
Better to just get up. I ran into Lea when I was finishing up with my morning routine. She gave me a quick hug and told me she’d made breakfast as thanks. I didn’t ask how she’d snuck in and out of my room. So long as my parents didn’t know.
I could tell they didn't from their morning body language. No undue focus on me. Morning platitudes and nothing more. They complimented Lea on providing breakfast. She again thanked them for their hospitality and apologized for imposing and all that. She asked me what I wanted.
I paused quietly and sighed before telling her, “Your call.”
She nodded and went to work on my food.
It was good. Far better than anything I could make, which was limited to runny eggs with too much margarine burnt into the skillet. She sat nearby, but with a respectful distance as we both ate. Mom was the first to leave for work.
Her only words to me, before heading to her car, were, “Remember what we talked about but have a good day.”
May have been the nicest thing she’d told me in recent memory. Lea’s clothes from the day before had been washed, no idea when. But they were clean, and she intended to wear them to school. Dad would be dropping us off.
Otherwise, the morning was mundanely routine. However, Lea being around added a spark and spice to things, which I could easily get used to. So often, I felt alone, even with two other people in the house, even with Gladis calmly watching shows nearby. I didn’t say anything, but it was easier to smile and get moving with Lea hustling around, like some of the energy, or whatever I’d sent her, reflected back on me.
Like I suddenly had a new, adopted sister my age who idolized me. Still, I couldn't shake a cold twinge of fear. I'd done so much to her in the last few hours. How much of it was genuine and how much of it was a fortunate side-effect of whatever this thing was?
I could imagine and fear her going through her day with the good feeling wearing off, like coming crashing down from a plateau of induced-euphoria. On the other side was my anxiety that it would never wear off and this was the new normal for her: A cuddling, perky sweet girl who felt at ease in her skin. Was that such a bad thing?
To keep these ideas from festering too long, I made sure everything was taken care of. I checked rooms I rarely went in. I adjusted the vacuum from earlier. I used a wet towel on dirty tiles. I arranged my books. I didn't have the proper time available for any of this, as I still had to get ready, but it filled my thoughts and moments.
No fancy clothes this time, but Lea still eagerly complimented my choices.
We left home a little earlier than usual. Dad checked on Lea in the back seat more than he usually checked on me. She sat beside me with her legs crossed and an airy smile on her face. Dad didn't say anything or didn't notice.
The traffic by the fence was especially heavy for a Friday. Even the delinquent smokers in front of the abandoned lot were in full force. Dad dropped us off right near the front with just a few words. We made better progress on foot than he did, till the jam cleared and he rolled through the side gate and into the mass of morning commuters.
Lingering at the edge of the parking lot, I looked at Lea and we shared a deep breath.
She gave a visible swallow but smiled at me and remarked, "Unto the breach...You have Gym first period, right?"
I gave a nod of confirmation. Lea had a Spanish class not too far from the edge of the field. She brushed her hair back and announced, "I would be orectic about delaying first period for as long as humanly possible."
After a lingering look at the sluggishly-trodden pavement, I concurred, "I wish I could be with you for first period but…aren't you close to Gena and Robert in that class?"
I remembered their names because I'd occasionally been an extra wheel when hanging around Wes before his class started. Gena was like a Mormon version of Natasha, even though she casually and creatively cursed and loved bombastic, violent movies. I was sure we would've gotten along if we shared any classes. Robert was probably the most unabashed nerd I've ever seen, who no one ever messed with. Mostly because he was built like a tank with pure, muscular arms. He'd drop plenty of references to stuff I'd seen a few times but would never mention aloud. And a few things I only understood vaguely, like Doctor Who (I remembered the movie on FOX a few years ago). He wanted to carry around a screwdriver and wear an extra-long, colorful scarf for Halloween.
Scuffing her feet, Lea didn't answer my question until we came to the second gate. "I suppose, but I haven't seen them since. I guess I'm worried that they...and everyone else... won't see me anymore. Or they'll think I'm someone else."
Well, she was someone else. In a way. She was Lea. I think. I pointed this out. She nodded but still gave a little grimace as she said, "Well, it's like...I feel more certain of myself just relaxing with you on the couch. I am Lea. I am me. And I may have changed, but I feel good and I'm so thankful for the sleepover last night but, at the same time, it's like...I am so not looking forward to class."
I could relate with respect to the last couple of days I'd been having, if that could possibly compare.
It was only once we’d passed the outermost ring of classrooms that it occurred to me Lea didn’t have her backpack. I should’ve realized it sooner. I had old ones I didn’t use any more. And the little office had pencils, pens, and notebooks. That still left out her regular textbooks but, considering her condition, I doubted any of her teachers would make a fuss, especially on a Friday.
I pointed this out to Lea. She rubbed her right shoulder. Wes often balanced his backpack on that side. He’d list to the left to keep it from sliding off. I wondered if Lea would do the same thing.
She brushed her thick hair back and said, “No biggie. I guess. No biggie to me anyway.”
We took the long way around the periphery of campus. Lea asked about my favorite books, pointing out several she remembered from my shelf. All ones I hadn’t gotten around to reading then or now. I brought up a few I knew better. She watched me, listened, and walked close with my steps.
In what felt like record time, we were at the entrance to the girl’s lockers. Lea glanced in the direction of her Spanish class but her eyes returned to me.
For what felt like the umpteenth time, I asked her, “You alright?”
She gave a slight, quick nod before adjusting her clothes. The basketball courts were already busy with a group of guys playing a pick-up game. They sweated despite the chill of the morning. One had his jacket off with his muscular arms flexing to guard a shot. I noticed Lea’s gaze shifted to them as well.
The ball clattered through the worn, metal netting around the hoop and the guys laughed and joked around. In warmer times, I’d seen them throw around with just shorts on. The one with his jacket off dunked and lingered beside the net. He noticed us watching.
I received a look, but his attention was on Lea. Her head was turned away, but I could tell she had a smile on her face. She hid her hands behind her and shuffled her feet. The guy wore a confident expression and dribbled the ball a few times before sending it back across the court.
On the other end, he went up harder and higher than before, pushing himself to the basket to make a challenging layup. Eventually, Lea’s attention turned from him, back to me. Her cheeks seemed a little flush but it was a cold morning.
I reiterated my question from a minute ago, and she bit at her lip before answering, “That…was different.”
“Different?” I pressed her. I had a pretty good hunch what she meant though.
She still wasn’t sure what to do with her hands. She giggled but didn’t look back at the boys. Her voice quieted. “I’m sure there’s a cool, lengthy word out there for it, but a lot of my words just sublimated away from my head.”
It wasn’t a singular word but I offered, with whispered discretion, “New appreciation of boys?”
She answered with a shrug and her own question. “Is that weird?”
Considering the last week, that question needed clarification. Was it weird that my ex-boyfriend was now a cute girl who felt something for boys? Did ‘weird’ even matter anymore?
For Lea, I had to be more certain in my answer though. I offered, “I don’t think so. I mean, as you said, you’re you…or whatever. Whatever comes naturally…whatever feels right…this is you.”
Only, this wasn’t who she’d been before this week. Wes didn’t stand on the blacktop and appreciate fit guys. He never would have been considered cute or pretty. And the guys certainly wouldn’t have responded. Most of the time…
Lea brushed back her hair and sighed. “I know. I suppose. I mean…I am me…but there’s a lot of new stuff and no owner’s guide for anything. No maintenance and care book either. Although I did get a few pointers the other day. But I didn’t want to think about all that back then. I wanted to scream and cry and just hide away till it all vanished…me along with it.”
I gave a little spasm of a wince and Lea quickly apologized before continuing, “Now, I kinda need to give it more thought. I mean…like you said, we could maybe still find a way that I can be…a guy. I can handle that in my head but there’s a lot of stuff to figure out. I’ve got square one though. So, that’s something.”
Desperately, I promised her I would help. No matter if that meant dramatically fighting my weirdo rays to turn her back into Wes or simply accepting what had been done and offering what guidance I could.
She smiled and reached for my hand with her warm, pliable fingers. We stood shoulder to shoulder and appreciated the game across the blacktop. All too soon, the warning bell sounded.
We stayed as long as we could before finally exchanging a quick hug and fond wishes for the day ahead. We agreed to meet up after each class, time permitting.
And then, without any further excuses, we parted.
Art by Alexis Rillera/Anirhapsodist
It's good that Kenzie and Lea are now back to being friends.