Part 18 - Questions, Confrontations, Shards, and Sensations

The next day at work, I tried to go about my day in the normal way. But I learned pretty quickly that wasn’t going to be the case. Everyone, even those who usually ignored me, wanted to know what was up with Nathan. Did I know him or something? I tried to shrug off the questions by saying I didn’t know, that I just met him for the first time at work the other day. Because it was a quiet day, the questions didn’t let up even as I tried to go about my work. My neck felt warm and I tried to keep from trembling.

Somehow, I made it through work and to the end of the day. I still felt whispers of gossip, but I was able to distract myself enough. I braced myself and gave a darting glance every few minutes as my shift was winding down. Eventually, finally, Nathan came in with a gray coat on. I didn’t jump up immediately, but I formulated the plan in my head. I would do my best to fix it.

What seemed like the best moment came when he made his way to the break room for something. I rose slowly and stretched like I was just making an average trip to the restroom. The break room was far enough away we could have a little bit of privacy. I cracked my neck and walked down the hallway.

He was putting some food in the small fridge when I found him. I cleared my throat and watched him glance at me.

“Listen. I…that…can we talk a minute?”

Slowly, he closed the fridge door. I clenched my hands. He looked at me then looked away. He walked around me and got some water out of the cooler in a cup.

I tried to continue, “I’m sorry about last time and before.”

He bumped the table when throwing his paper cup away. It gave a sudden screech.

With a low and level voice, his first words were, “I don’t understand any of this…”

I swallowed carefully and told him, “I want to help you understand.”

His eyes pierced at me with a calm, quiet glare. “Now? Right now? I thought you wanted to be left alone at work.”

I wasn’t used to these kinds of conversations. I hated them so much. But I tried to keep myself together as I continued, “It doesn’t have to be now but I…want to make this right. There’s someone I know who can help explain things.”

Frowning at me, he asked, “So you can’t explain it, or you don’t want to? And what’s there to explain, didn’t you make it perfectly clear I’m nuts and there’s nothing going on?”

I slipped back towards the wall. “I’m not good with this sort of thing. I messed up. I was upset. You’re not nuts.”

He shook his head and clenched his mouth. “So…you lied to me? Just straight up lied to me? What is going on?....You…ya know…whatever. I don’t care. I don’t. It’s too late.”

I tried to pick up on what he was feeling, but I was still terrible at that. I took a deep breath. “Yes. I lied. And I want to make it right.”

With his head down, he stormed around me, out of the room, and into the main office. Hesitantly, I followed him. He stood before the rest of the workers and glanced at me. He beckoned with an outstretched hand and said, “Alright. Start. Tell them.”

I blinked at him and stumbled for words. “What?”

His mouth was clenched as he said, “Tell them…what you said to me.”

I was on the spot before all of my coworkers. All work had ceased, and they were looking me in the eye with confusion and expectation. Perhaps someone else could’ve just stood there and said what I’d just told him in the other room. But those words were stuck to the back of my throat and I couldn’t speak. I shook my head, but he shook his as well. I could’ve argued, but I knew there was no budging.

I turned, not sure if I was going to flee to the restroom or somewhere else. Whatever it took to get him away from this room.

“No, you don’t…”

In that instant, I felt his hand settle on my shoulder. It wasn’t a rough grab, but I flinched and batted his hand away like a bug had landed on me. It all happened in the span of a sudden gasp. It was enough.

Clutching the nearest wall, I watched him change. Everyone else did too. The only upside was they weren’t staring at me. I could’ve crept away. I could’ve run. But I was too paralyzed for that. So, I just watched like the rest of them.

Nathan’s body dwindled away quicker and more noticeably than the others. He felt around at his pooling clothes with a gasp but didn’t have long to ponder them before they started to change as well. His top became a white blouse instead of a men’s shirt and a purple cartoon dragon appeared at the center of the blouse, holding a sapphire. I didn’t recognize what it was from.

The tie at his neck looked more like a bowtie but with a lacy, girly quality to it despite being a deep tone of blue. His shoes reduced to pale pink sandals with white trim. His black pants shrunk to his knee as a pair of dark stockings. He was left with a gray, pleated skirt that looked much too short to be professional, office wear.

It didn’t take much time for his attention to turn from his clothes to the simultaneous changes in his body. Subtle bumps showed at his chest. Her legs were slender, glossy, and downright tiny past the knee. She managed to keep her blond hair, but it got fuller and shaggier as a pair of shiny, blue ears sprouted on the sides near the top of her head. A moment later, a slim, satiny tail found its way under her skirt and behind her.

Despite my fear, I took a quiet moment to marvel at the changes and at the slight, cute catgirl who appeared before me now. I didn’t have long as Nathan grit her teeth, glared at me, and yelled, “What did you do to me?! The hell is this?!”

Everyone around seemed frozen in place as the new catgirl’s anger flared.

I tried, “It’s my touch. I’m sorry!”

“Turn me back right fucking now!” The harsh words came out like a hiss as she loomed over me despite her loss in height. I flailed at the wall and answered, “I can’t! I have no idea how!”

She reached out for me and, with every shard of a nightmare in me, I reached back and felt her grab me. I waited with the sickest feelings in my stomach. I wanted to close my eyes. She fought in my grip. I expected that fight to die down. It didn’t. My eyes widened. She hadn’t changed.

Nathan stood there with the same fire and yelled, “Let go of me and turn me back now!”

I let go of her quickly and stared down at my hands. Same hands. Why hadn’t it happened the same way as before? Nathan shoved me despite her weakness and gave me the same order. No change in her. I had no idea what to say or do. The eyes of everyone in the office turned on me. I could see the boss stomping over from the other room with loud words and darting eyes.

I did the only thing in my head right then. I ran. I dashed. I wasn’t a runner, but neither was Nathan right then. She flailed at me. I didn’t listen to what she was saying. I just ran.

I ran through the double doors. I ran as my heart felt like it was going to explode. I ran as I couldn’t breathe. I ran past the bus stop and into a residential area across a road. I ran as cars swerved around me and honked wildly. I ran as everything burned, especially my stomach. I ran till I came to a grove of trees and bent over to throw up. Only then, in a tangle of branches, did I collapse beside the wet spot I’d made and cry into my hands.

Truly, my life was over. There was no way. Nothing I could do. This was just too big for whatever the world did to keep people from freaking out about catgirls. It was too big because of Nathan. I could only imagine the worst right on my tail.

Somehow, I staggered to my feet through blurry vision and cut across an empty lot. I had to go the long way. I had to keep going. I expected police sirens right behind me. I expected the worst. Every sound. Every rumble of a car had me on edge. I’d well and truly fucked it all up.

I was quivering and stunned when I came up to my apartment. I could barely breathe with a burning rasp all through my lungs. I staggered to my door. At least I had my key. I might’ve left something at the office, but I had no idea of what right then. I just knew I couldn’t go back.

I locked the door behind me and slid the bolt I never used and the chain as well. I put everything against the door and held closed all the drapes. I locked off every glimmer of light and made my way to the bathroom.

Standing before the mirror, I could see my puffy eyes. I could see that fat fucking face which was only memorable for looking like a shit version of someone else. I gripped the basin with pain and burning in my stomach but nothing more to give. Yelling, I swung my hand at the mirror and cracked it with little shards raining down in the sink and a web of cracks spreading throughout. My knuckles were split and bleeding over my fingers. I didn’t give a shit.

I slid down the wall of my bathroom and hid my face. I didn’t want to move. I wanted to stay there forever till all the pain dried up and so did I, till I was a husk less than dust which vanished with the next rustle of air. Nothing. Gone. I didn’t want to exist anymore.

I lost track of time, but darkness began to creep in. I heard a loud knock on the door. I thought I recognized the voice. Could’ve been Allison. Could’ve been the police. Could’ve been anyone but I wasn’t answering. I pressed my hands over my ears. I wanted them to go away. I didn’t care. I didn’t care at all.

I just wanted to sleep, let it all go, and never wake up. Nothing…nothing at all.

But there was still pain and fear looming all around me. I wasn’t asleep, but I still had nightmares. I could see the other girls finding out what I’d done, how I’d treated Nathan, and not told them anything.

I could see Allison’s face curled in disgust. I could see her yelling at me just like Nathan. I could see the others joining in. Some with little words and some with bigger ones. Some with words of shock and fear and some with words of anger and hatred. I could see Alexis tearing up her sketches. I could see Ashley moving further away. I could feel Mira’s sharp and biting words. Complete disappointment. I could see Steve shaking her head and turning back every nice thing she’d ever said. I could sense their embraces turning to fists and punches.

I felt them all scowling at me. I felt them all upset. I felt everything disintegrating. The club gone. All the smiles gone. All the hopes gone. The nightmare loomed clearer and clearer in my thoughts. It was all gone. I’d ruined it all as I should’ve expected I would do. This was how I was. How could I expect anything better?

In the consuming darkness, I looked up and felt like I wasn’t in my bathroom anymore. The walls were further back. All light was gone. I was in a black space, like a large, cold closet with the walls too far to be seen. But something was moving. I could feel it.

It was hungry. It had the smell of choking dust. It swarmed like insects biting and draining me from the inside. I would have my wish. They would consume me and there would be nothing left. At least, I would have peace.

Then, in the darkness, I heard a strong, bold, familiar voice shout, “You leave her alone or I’ll blast you all with my pen!”

Like a beacon of radiance, there stood Gloria’s friend with her pen held high. One stern, intense look was all it took for the blackness to recede, swallowing itself and fading to a fair, warming light that melted all the cold away.

My tears dried up. The pain and hurt faded. I felt a strange calm I couldn’t understand as she sat beside me with a warm, peaceful smile and said, “There we go. Isn’t that better?”

I felt a shiver of sensation, like numb limbs returning to feeling. I marveled at the strange girl next to me and asked, “What’s happening?”

She rubbed my shoulder and said, “It’s okay. Look up. Look around you.”

I blinked and, with a tickle of nervousness, carefully did what she asked. I was no longer in my bathroom nor was I in the dark place or the light place anymore. I was in…Gloria’s apartment and I was sitting on her couch.

“What?” My voice sounded strange to me in more ways than one.

“Maybe look down too”, she added.